Dirty Little Secret

I scrolled through my phones calendar, counting the weeks until I would be leaving this place, hopefully for good. I couldn't help myself but to feel sad, the week that I leave, Tate would be arriving back home for an unknown amount of days until he has to go back. I wanted to be here when he got back, just to make sure that he was in one piece that that he was okay. Once I left the sleepy town of Naples I would never talk to him again, just like many of the other people that live here.

My thoughts were interrupted by Allie's number flashing onto my screen.

"Hello?" I said trying to sound chipper.

"Come get frozen yogurt with us. We want to hear all about what happened prom night," Allie said, I heard Courtney talking in the background.

"You never give up do you?" Allie and Courtney had asked repeatedly about what happened between Tate and me.

"Never in a million years. Get dressed and meet us at Annie's in like thirty minutes," Allie said before hanging up on me.

I sit up from bed; this was the first time I went out since graduation, a full two weeks ago. It was going to be good for me to get out of the house. It was be good for me to stop dwelling on what I can't change. I wasn't going to see Tate again and it was time to face the facts, I was ready to move on, now I just needed to act like it.

I showered quickly, pulling my wet hair into a ballerina bun at the top of my head. I slipped into a light and airy dress, it was really too hot to be wearing pants.

By a quarter to three I was parallel parking in front of a small little shop in the middle of town at was always popular during the summer months. Allie and Courtney were already inside at the yogurt bar, dispenses different flavors into bright green cups.

"Look who decided to show up, fifteen minutes late!" Courtney joked.

"I needed to shower and shave. I hadn't been out of the house in a while," I explained, grabbing a cup of my own.

I decided on strawberry and banana yogurt then went to fill the rest of my cup with delicious chocolates and bits of real fruits. The girls and I found a table outside after we all paid. I immediately filled my mouth with the cold yogurt so I couldn't answer any of their questions.

"So, why are you all depressed?" Allie asked after chewing and swallowing a gummy bear.

"I'm not depressed."

"Liar. This is the first time you've done anything with us since graduation, and that isn't from lack of trying. We call you like every day."

"I've been busy."

"Liar. You just said you haven't been out of your house in a while. Is this about Tate?" Courtney asked seriously.

I roll my eyes. It didn't take long for them to bring his name up. "No."

"Allie, I think Cori's nose is getting bigger. What do you think?" Courtney said comparing me to Pinocchio.

"I think you're right. It's growing every time she talks. She must be lying," Allie agreed.

"You guys are assholes," I frown.

"We're just worried about you. You're always so strong and independent. It's weird to see this side of you."

"Fine, I'm over him but sometimes it's hard not to think about him. I want to see him before I leave just to make sure he's okay but he doesn't get back from boot camp until after I have to leave."

"You know the best way to get over someone?" Allie smiled devilishly.

"What's the best way?"

"To have a random hook-up. And do you know where the best place to meet someone to have a random hook-up?"

"Your phone book?" I joked.

"No, the club!"

Courtney squealed. Ever since they turned eighteen they loved going to the club. I wasn't eighteen yet, and wouldn't be for a month.

"Yes! I just got off my period so I'm good to go!" Courtney said taking her last bite of frozen yogurt with a huge smile on her face.

"You've already had your period?" I ask suddenly.

"Yeah, you haven't?"

"No," I saw suddenly. "But I just got back on birth control so it's probably going to come soon," I say quickly once I see their faces.

I stop listening to the night they are planning. They haven't counted in the fact that I wouldn't be attending due to my age but I didn't want to anyways, not anymore at least. I took out my phone and went straight to my calendar to start counting weeks. I frowned at my calendar, the dates weren't adding up.

"So what do you say Cori, are you in?" Courtney asked, breaking me from my concentration.

"What? Oh, sorry I can't. I'm only seventeen remember?" Light bulbs went off and they both frowned.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. That's sucks. Do you know anyone that can make a fake ID in like an hour?" Allie asked dumbly.

I furrowed my eye brows at her. "No, sorry."

"It's whatever. We can do something else."

"It's fine, I actually have to do something tonight. Call me tomorrow with all the juicy details."

I throw my bright green cup into an outside garbage can before unlocking my car and driving off. I pull into a drug store and immediately head to the aisle where pregnancy tests are being held. I didn't know which one to get or what I needed, so I grabbed one of each and made my way to the check out after stopping to get add a gallon of iced tea to my armful of tests.

"Debit or credit?" A boy with long greasy hair asked as I handed him my card once he finished scanning the last test.

"Debit please," I punch in my code then scribble my name on the credit card scanner. I grabbed my bag and the jug and rushed out the door.

Without thinking I drove to Tate's house. I didn't have anywhere else to go or anyone to confide in that could help me. I didn't even know if anyone would be home but I'd wait if they weren't.

I knocked on the back screen door and waited a few seconds before Liz came walking into the kitchen from the study.

"Cori, what are you doing here?" She asked as she slid the door open and let me in. "Are you okay? Tell me what's wrong," She said once she saw my troubled face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go."

"It's fine, you can always come here. You are always welcomed here. What's in the bag?" Liz asked looking into the bag I just got from the drugstore.

I held open the bag and let her pier inside. She gave no indications into what she was thinking. "Okay, when was your last period?"

"The beginning of last month but I wasn't on the pill then but I was when Tate and I were together after prom, so I don't understand why I'm so late," I began to cry.

"It's okay. I'm on my lunch break right now so we'll just take one of these and if it's negative we have nothing to worry about but if it's positive you're going to come back to work with me to have a blood test done to make sure."

"And if that's positive?" I ask with my lip beginning to quiver.

"We'll answer that question when we get there."

I didn't need to drink the tea; I already had an abundance of nervous pee held up. Once I was done I set the test on the counter and walked into the living room where Liz was waiting for me. She stood and immediately took me into her arms. Her hugs were like Tate's warm, inviting, safe. She held me on the couch until the three minutes was up.

"I can't look at it," I tell her quickly.

"Yes you can, come on, everything will be okay."

I shake my head and more tears fall as Liz guides me off the couch and back into the bathroom located in the hallways next to the study. I pick up the test and see that my hands are visibly shaking. I also see the little eight letter word in electronic writing; pregnant.

I begin to hyperventilate but Liz quickly calms me down. She wouldn't let me drive myself to the hospital where she works but instead drives me herself. With one hand on the wheel she keeps the other clasped tightly in mine.

I small prick of the needle and a test tube of blood later, Liz and I are forced to play the waiting game again. Somehow I knew what the test results would be though. I knew it would come back pregnant.

"Well Miss. Page, you are pregnant," a nurse with light honey hair and tired eyes said with a warm smile. I held back my emotions and waited for her to continue speaking. "If you want we can have you get an ultrasound so you can see how far along you are exactly."

I nodded my head weakly and the nurse left the room again after telling me to change into the hospital gown. Once I finished dressing I pulled back the curtains, I scooted back on the table. I turned to Liz; she had a sweet smile on her face but didn't say anything. She didn't need to; I already knew what she was thinking.

"I can't have this baby. I can't raise it on my own; I'm not even eighteen yet."

"You're not alone," Liz said simply.

"Tate wants nothing to do with me. He made it clear the night all this happened. How did it even happen? I was on the pill," I didn't understand.

"Don't make any decisions. Just promise me you talk to Tate before you decide on anything."

I nod my head and an older man can in with a machine. Liz smiled and stood to shake his hand. They must know each other.

"Liz, it's so nice to see you. This must be Cori, hi I'm Dr. Gravers," I shook his cold hand timidly. "Normally I don't take patients without it being an emergency or they have an appointment or even use the ultrasound, I let the techs do it but when I saw Liz's name on the paper, I thought what the hell."

I gave a small smile from the table I was sitting on as Dr. Gravers rolled the large piece of equipment around to one side of the table. Liz stood near my head, I stuck out my hand for her to grab and she took it gently in hers, holding tightly.

"We'll have to do a transvaginal ultrasound so I'm going to need you to spread your legs for me," The doctor said. I covered my eyes with my other hand, embarrassed for what is about to happen.

I feel a cold and weird sensation but it doesn't hurt. I look at the video footage as the wand moves oddly around in me.

"There we go, can you see the baby there?" He points to the screen at the speck on the monitor.

"It looks like a bean," I tell him.

"You're exactly right. The baby is about the size of a kidney bean or a blueberry even. And do you hear that noise? It's the baby's heartbeat. It's very strong, that's a very good thing. You're right around seven weeks pregnant so that would put your due date around the beginning of February."

"Seven weeks? How could I not have known?"

"You weren't noticing the signs or symptoms, you were thinking about other things and you aren't showing yet. It's easy to not know that you're pregnant until it's obvious. The important thing now is that you take steps to make sure this baby is as healthy as can be once delivered."

"And if I don't want to have this baby?"

"There are options that you can consider. I'll give you some brochures on everything and I encourage you to really think about every option."

"Okay, I will."

Liz took me back to her house, she told me that she had to go back to work but would be back shortly and that she wants to me to be here when she gets back. I didn't say anything; I simply nodded my head and watched her leave.

I found myself venturing into Tate's room. Everything looked the same. I lay down on the side of the bed that Tate always slept on and pulled the brochures out of my purse to read. I didn't know what to do but I'm glad that Liz was here to hold my hand. Maybe if Tate didn't want to be a part of this child's life, Liz would still help me. I didn't want him to think that I did this on purpose, I didn't. I didn't plan for this, I planned for Princeton and getting the hell away from here. I stopped reading and instinctively put my hand over my belly. I knew one thing; Tate's crazy grandmother was right. I did end up pregnant.