Dirty Little Secret

I held the phone closer to my ear, I would only get thirty minutes to explain to Tate how I didn't plan any of this and that I was sorry and that if he didn't want to be a part of the baby's life and if you didn't want me living in the same house as him, it was fine.

"I didn't get pregnant on purpose, if that's what you're thinking," I say after a long silence.

"No, I wasn't thinking that."

"And it's not Eric's, or anyone else's, I say quickly before he has the chance to ask.

"I wasn't thinking that either," Tate tells me softly.

"Oh. Well what are you thinking?"

"You know, it's a lot to process at the moment so I'll just talk to you next week when I've gotten my head wrapped around everything."

"Okay," I say in a small voice. It wasn't what I was expecting. I wasn't expecting Tate to be thrilled but I wasn't expecting him not to give a reaction.

We say our goodbyes and I hand the phone back to his mom so he could say goodbye to her too. Once the phone was hung up, Liz turned to me with a small smile.

"I think you've had a long day. Why don't I run you a bath in my bathtub?"

As the hot water pruned my body, I thought back at to what happened today. Everything happened so fast that it was all becoming a blur in my head. There was no way I could go to Princeton now, I'd settle for a college around here. I'd get to a job so I could stop living off my dad's money and eventually make it on my own. To make money now, I'd sell some of my things that I didn't need, certainly that would provide me with a few months of rent.

**

My dad came through and got me an appointment for Dr. Rodriguez for Friday. Liz had wanted to take off work to go with me but I wouldn't allow it, she was already doing too much for me.

Come Friday morning I was sitting in a small waiting room with my purse sitting on my lap. I looked around, all of the women here were older than me. I felt like I was being judged for being a teen, pregnant and alone. I held my head high though when the nurse called my name and took me back into a small room.

Before the ultrasound could begin I had to do many things; give urine, and all of my vitals were taken before I had to strip from my shorts and lay on the table with a sheet over my lap. The process was the same as it was on Wednesday. An ultrasound technician came in and I went through another embarrassing process of having the transvaginal ultrasound, I couldn't wait until I was far enough along for the regular ultrasounds.

Soon I could hear the heartbeat and see the small, round blob on the screen. It was my baby.

"The baby's size is normal for the end of your seventh week. Can you see the little flutter? That's the heartbeat, and everything looks good there. Your baby is also developing the kidneys during this week."

"Wow, already?" I was amazed that such a little thing was already forming organs.

"Just wait until the next couple weeks," she smiled. "I'll get Dr. Rodriguez for you so he can answer some questions.

Dr. Rodriguez was an older gentleman, nearing retirement. It made me feel better that he'd done this hundreds of times, my baby was going to be in good hands. I sat up on the cushioned doctor’s office bed, now fully dressed as the doctor knocked on the door then strolled in with my charts in his hand.

"I haven't seen you since you were first born, and I'm sure you don't remember that," He joked, his once black hair was now mostly grey. I smiled and shook his hand as he took a seat in his chair. "So your father called me and told me that you were pregnant and he demanded the best, loving father."

"You can say that," I mutter, Dr. Rodriguez gave me a friendly smile.

"So you have some questions for me I'm sure."

"Yes, how did I get pregnant? I was on the pill."

"Well were you taking it every day at the same time?"

"I was but I went off of it for a few months then get back on it like five days before conceiving."

"It was probably because it wasn't in your system and your body was still processing, when you use contraception such as the pill it's important that you maintain a constant schedule so unplanned pregnancies won't happen."

"And this was definitely not planned."

"So I just want to talk to you about some things. First we'll talk about eating habits."

Dr. Rodriguez went through a list of many things that I should stay away from. It included many of the things I loved; sushi and many types of fish. He then went on to ask if I smoked or did drugs or was around who did those things, I shook my head no and the questioning process continued.

"I want to talk about mental health. I think that it important to have a support system while pregnant especially since you are still a teenager and this was unplanned. How did your parents take this?"

"My mom kicked me out and disowned me. She said she'd take me back if I got an abortion. My dad supports me but from a distant, he set this up, so it's more support than I thought. It's the father’s family who supports me."

"Then let’s talk about the father and his family then. Why don't you tell me a bit about them?"

"Well, Tate and I aren't together and he's in boot camp right now at Parris Island, and he's still processing the whole thing. I live with his parents though, Liz and Steve. They are really supportive; they've stepped into the parenting role for me."

"That's good that they are supporting you, when you get home make sure you talk to them and start planning for the future. Make sure everyone, even Tate, is on board and on the same page."

"I will."

"Okay, it was nice talking to you and if you have any questions make sure you write them down so you'll be ready to ask them the next time you come in."

"Thank you, Doctor."

I schedule another appointment with the lady at the front desk before returning home. Now all I had to do was tell Allie, Courtney, Aliyah and Sophia. I figured I'd tell them all at once and I'd do it in a public and crowded place so they couldn't go crazy.

I called each of them and had them meet me for a late lunch. Soon we were all sitting in a small diner looking through the menus.

"Can I have an avocado burger on a whole wheat bun and instead of fries can I fresh fruit?" I asked the waiter after everyone else ordered.

"Yes ma'am."

"Okay first you order water, now you are replacing fries with fresh fruit? Who the hell are you?" Courtney asked.

"Well I'm just trying to eat healthy."

"Burgers aren't that healthy," Allie told me.

"I can't just quit cold turkey, baby steps."

"So why did you ask us all to hang out?" Sophia asked after taking a sip of her Coke.

"I can't ask my best friends to lunch without having a reason?"

"No. You never are the one to make the plans, or invite people anywhere. What's up?" Courtney said.

"Well I thought it was time to tell everyone what happened between Tate and I and I only wanted to say it once."

"Oh goodie. Tate hasn't even called since the voicemail he left," Aliyah told us.

"Okay so everyone knows that he joined the marines and he's there right now, right?" Everyone nodded and I continued. "Well before he told me, we ended up having sex."

"Oh my god! Why didn't you tell us?" Sophia demanded.

"It's none of your guys business, that's why."

"Anyways, the main reason I brought everyone here is because it was unprotected sex and now I'm pregnant," I say quickly, all in one breath.

Everyone was speechless, which was surprising. All four girls sat still, their eyes bugged out and glued to mine. Courtney was the first to say something.

"You're what?"

"I'm almost eight weeks pregnant and I am keeping the baby. My mom kicked me out so I am living at Tate's house for now."

"When did you find out?" Allie asked.

"When we hung out Wednesday, Courtney said that she was off her period and I'm always a week before her so that's what I ran off to do."

"What did Tate say? He knows right?" Aliyah asked.

"Yeah I told him that night, but he didn't have a reaction."

"What do you mean?" Sophia's eyebrows furrowed.

"Well he just said it was a lot to process and he'd talk to me later. I mean, it’s not the reaction I was looking for but it could have been worse. I'm just upset that I couldn't tell him in person and that I had to do it on the phone."

"What did his parents say?" Aliyah questioned again.

"They are really supportive, you know how they are. They still love me even after everything that has happened and still want me apart of their family even if Tate wants nothing to do with this baby."

"Give it time, he'll come around," she said again.

"Well, we still love you even though you're knocked up," Allie smiled.

I was glad that my friends were supportive; I knew that they would be. It wasn't them that gave me the queasy feeling in my stomach; it was Tate. I desperately wanted to know what was going through his head but I wouldn't find out until the next time he calls.