Folie a Deux

To say that Gerard was careful with me would be an understatement. Gerard, from the moment we admitted our mutual attraction, treated me like I could shatter at any moment.

Not that I minded. It was probably true- I was new to this. I wasn't at good at being with a boy in a relationship, I wasn't good at relationships, period. I was still sorting out my own emotions, so dealing with someone else's wasn't exactly on the top of my list right now.

What had made me admit that I liked him, I still can't figure out. I don't know when it happened, either. I'd never seen Gerard as a romantic interest, but I'd also never put him off limits to myself in that way. Gerard to me had never been just a friend, but I had never quite allowed myself to look at him as something more, either.

Until now.

We sat in silence for a moment, both of us thinking about our conversation.

"So," Gerard said. "I guess..."

"I guess... We're..."

"Um."

We blinked at each other and then both laughed for a few moments, breaking the tension.

"We're at an agreement here?" Gerard asked quietly.

"Agreement?"

"That we're, uh... How do people put it nowadays? 'An item?'"

I laughed.

"Yeah, I think that's what people are calling it."

"So..."

"I guess we're... Together?"

Gerard smiled that small, half-smile that made me smile, too. "Yeah, there's a good word to describe us. 'Together.'"

His hand squeezed mine.

"What do you want to tell your mom?" I asked. "I mean, I'm over here everyday, anyways, so..."

He shrugged. "Let's not say anything. If she figures it out, she figures it out."

"And Mikey...?"

"Same for him."

I nodded. "I don't... I don't think I want to tell my mom. Not yet. Not now."

"Okay, that's fine. I understand... This is just beginning, we have all the time in the world."

We both went quiet again. Gerard leaned towards me, pressing his lips quickly to my cheek.

I felt the blush rise up in my cheeks. "Gerard..."

He grinned. "Are you going to blush every time I do that?"

"Probably."

"Then expect it to happen a lot more often."

He did it again, lips lingering just a second too long.

Just then Gerard's mom called from the kitchen, distracting us both. "Boys!" she yelled. "Food is ready!"

We stood up and made our way to the door, fingers still twined together.

We ate dinner like that, too, our fingers laced beneath the table. Every few minutes Gerard would send me a look that reminded me that it was all okay.

I just squeezed his fingers and smiled.

I was scared, but I wanted this. I really did. The more I thought about Gerard and our friendship the less weird a relationship with him seemed.

---

After dinner, we went out and sat behind Gerard's house, setting a blanket over the grass. Gerard sat up against the house, legs stretched out, and I laid out on the blanket, resting my head near his hip.

"The ground is very uncomfortable," I observed, picking at the blue plaid blanket beneath me.

"Then don't lay on it, dumb-ass," Gerard chuckled, playing with a few strands of my hair, twisting them gently around his fingers.

I flicked him in the leg. "But I want to lay down, and the ground is the only place to do that."

He rolled his eyes. "Frank, come here."

"But-"

"Frank."

"But I want to lay down!"

He laughed. "There's another way to lay down if you just shut up and think."

I closed my mouth, sighing. "Okay. I'm thinking. My options are... The ground... And..."

"What else is in a four feet radius of you?"

I glanced around, turning back to him, arching my eyebrows. "All I see here are you, me, and this blanket."

"Okay, and you've already ruled out the blanket..."

I rolled my eyes, sitting up. "If you wanted me to move closer to you, you could have just asked."

I sighed, standing on my knees and turning myself around before settling back down in his lap.

He grinned, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned my head on his chest, stretching my legs out, somehow making myself comfortable even with our legs all tangled up.

"That wouldn't have been half as fun," he breathed, nose touching my ear. His fingers brushed down the side of my face, tracing the lines of my jaw.

I shivered. Human contact was unfamiliar, but nice. "I wish we had started this whole 'togetherness' thing a long time ago. You're an incredibly good natural heater." He laughed, resting his chin on top of my head. His arms were looped around my waist, and I smiled up at him. "You're an incredibly comfortable seat, too."

All he said was "Mmph."

From the angle I was at, I saw his eyelashes flutter as he closed his eyes.

"So," I said, suddenly realizing an important tidbit of information. "Every time I've changed in front of you..."

He smirked a little, chest vibrating as he chuckled. "So, we've seen each other in our boxers, whatever. We're even."

"But I didn't know you liked me, that's-!"

"Don't forget that you liked me, too, Frank."

I glared up at him playfully. "I feel violated."

"Oh, that's not violation..." I flinched slightly as he spoke, his fingers sliding across my stomach, brushing the top of my jeans. "You would have known it if I violated you."

"Gerard," I said, my voice squeaking slightly as his fingers came too close to the fabric of my jeans again. "Don't do that."

He chuckled again, resting his hand on my stomach. "I won't. I like you Frank, but not quite that much yet."

I felt my cheeks heat up. "Same..." The idea of anything beyond just hugging and touching with Gerard made me instantly uneasy. I was a boy, he was a boy. It wasn't natural for me. I wasn't used to this...

We fell into silence, the only sounds for a few minutes the sound of his breathing and the chirping of the birds from the trees in his backyard.

"This is nice," I breathed, watching the cold air catch my breath and paint it silver, swirling it away in a frosty gust of wind.

"Yeah."

I sighed, closing my eyes and letting his body heat warm me. "Gerard?"

"Yes?"

I shifted until I could see his face. "Why are we... I mean... Just, why do you think we're so comfortable with this? We just started the whole 'togetherness' thing, so..."

He shrugged, looking at me. "I'm not sure. I suppose it's because we were already so comfortable, so... I mean, if you want, we can slow down, or, um..."

"No, no, that's not the problem..." I felt my cheeks get warm. "I- uh, I don't mind physical contact, I was just wondering."

"Oh."

He tilted his head slightly to the side, smiling, one side of his smile reaching higher than the other. "You're blushing again."

"I am not-"

"You are, though," he laughed. "It's okay. You're cute when you blush." He reached over, touching my hair and smoothing it down. I was probably red at this point. He laughed, fingers skimming down my face, down my neck, dripping off of my shoulder.

It was just one touch, but it sent my head reeling

"You know, since we're together and everything... Maybe we should go on a date, or something," he suggested.

"A date?"

He nodded, still smiling. "Yeah. Tomorrow's Christmas, but I think there's this little place downtown that will still be open... We should go out for lunch."

I nodded, too. "Okay."

There was a short pause.

"So, when you said you don't mind physical contact..."

I rolled my eyes. "I obviously have my limitations, Gerard-"

"As do I."

"-but I'm not going to object to most things."

He reached out, skimming his fingers down my face again. "That's good. I'm not good at reading emotions but I'm good at reading bodies, Frank. The closer we are the better."

The way he said my name made me shiver.

---

Our first date basically consisted of sitting in Gerard's bedroom. It had started snowing and Mama Way refused to let us out in 'such disastrous conditions.'

"You boys can create your own fun, can't you?"

Gerard just nodded, grinning and pulling me with him back towards his room.

"You look a little too happy after just finding out that our first date was canceled," I observed gloomily.

The second we were in his room, he shut the door and spun to face me.

"So," he said. "What do people do on first dates?"

I blinked at him. Why was he asking about this...? "They eat, talk..."

He stood in front of me, reaching for my jacket. I let him slip it off of me, his fingers brushing down my arms.

"You're almost right."

"Then what do people do on first dates?"

He smiled, putting his hands on my shoulders.

"The eat, they talk, they touch. Just little touches, but touches all the same..."

"Okay..."

"First dates are nothing but tongue and touch and sound," he said. "So if we want to make up for a missed first date..."

I blinked at him. "Um... I don't follow."

He laughed, eyes lighting up. "Ah, your ignorance is so beautiful, Frank! If we want to make up for a missed first date, all we have to do is talk and touch and eat."

I rolled my eyes. "What are you suggesting?"

"Well, since you refuse to go home for Christmas, our dinner won't be ready for another few hours, so until then, we talk and touch."

He disgarded his jacket on the floor next to mine and took my hand, pulling me over to his bed. We both removed our shoes before sitting down.

"How, exactly, do people touch on first dates?"

Gerard shrugged. "They brush ankles, they touch hands, maybe arms. I've seen it a hundred times- it's all flirting and seeing how much you can get away with."

"But we do all of that stuff anyways."

"Which is why I'm proposing for something else."

My eyebrows went up slightly. "Oh, are you, now?"

"Yep."

"Okay, what are you suggesting?"

He grinned. "What do people do at the end of first dates, Frank?"

I felt my cheeks get warm. "They kiss."

He laughed. "Yes, but that't not what I'm talking about. I just mean talking."

We looked at each other for a few seconds, and my mind got stuck on kissing.

Did I want to kiss Gerard?

I'd never kissed a boy before. The only kiss I'd ever had was with the only girlfriend I'd ever had, nearly a year ago.

My fingers still shook at the though of even being with a boy, but kissing sent my whole brain into a frenzy. As much as I was attracted to Gerard, I was also extremely scared.

I decided against it. I didn't want to kiss. Not now, not anytime soon. Eventually, though, I guess I would have to.

"So, talking?"

I nodded, smiling, and we talked.

We talked and talked, we talked for hours, until our dinner was done.

We talked about a lot of things. I told him about the things that my mom had been recently yelling at me for, from never being home to my recent decision to buy skinny jeans.

"What's wrong with skinny jeans? Half of what I own are skinny jeans," Gerard frowned.

I shrugged, rolling my eyes. "It's my mom, Gerard. She doesn't even like the way I cut my hair, I'm pretty positive that no matter what I do she's going to call me worthless for it."

He sighed, ruffling my hair with his hand. "If it helps, I like your hair." His fingers brushed my knee, the fabric of the pair of jeans that belonged to him. "And I haven't exactly seen you in skinny jeans that fit before, but you wear mine pretty damn well."

I laughed. "Well, thanks, Gerard."

We moved on from the topic, just talking about various things.

A few hours later and we had completely changed our seating arrangement- Gerard was laying diagonally on his bed, and I was laying at a strange angle, too, my head on his chest. He was running his fingers through my hair as I talked, nodding every few seconds and putting in his opinion or a suggestion of some sort. It was nice having someone to talk to- normally when I speak, no one listens.

"Frank," he said suddenly, making me pause.

"Yeah...?"

His eyes closed and he sighed, making my head move slightly.

"Can we be quiet for a few minutes? It's not that I don't like talking, it's just that my head hurts..."

"Oh, no, it's fine. I understand."

He smiled, nodding.

I scooted myself up on the bed, laying next to him. He stayed on his back, one hand on his stomach and the other holding mine, and I curled up next to him, pressing my forehead against his shoulder.

I don't remember how long we laid there, but I fell asleep.

---

"Frank."

Someone's fingers brushed my arms, making me sigh.

"Wake up," Gerard urged.

I shifted around. "But-"

"Frank, dinner is ready..."

I sighed again, forcing my eyes open. He looked tired, too. I was guessing his mom had just woken him up. He sat on the edge of his bed, hair ruffled, shirt wrinkled. He didn't bother to fix either of them.

"Come on," he whined slightly. "I'm hungry."

I chuckled a bit, but tried not to be rude. "I like hearing you say that."

He raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because you don't eat enough."

He rolled his eyes, taking my wrist and pulling until I sat up.

"Come on, Frankie..."

"Frankie?"

He smiled. "Yes."

I rolled my eyes, shuffling off of the bed and yawning. "That was a nice nap."

He grinned. "Fix your hair, you look like an idiot."

"Fix yours, too."

He just laughed, but did as I said and smoothed his hair out, watching me smooth mine.

"Ready?"

I reached over, straighting his shirt out, and he just chuckled a bit. I nodded, admiring my own work. "Okay, let's go. What did your mom make?"

"Well, I know she made ham..."

I wrinkled my nose.

"And she also made something for you, Frank, don't worry."

---

After dinner, the four of us- Mama Way, Mikey, Gerard, and I- sat in the living room, close to the family's large, excessively decorated Christmas tree.

Everyone opened gifts and I watched the family with a smile on my face. I didn't mind not being home for Christmas- I knew what my mom had gotten me. Clothes and some books that I'd never heard of and didn't want to read. Nothing really mattered beyond the gifts. We never ate in the same room- we couldn't stand each other for that long. It was the same every year.

Mama Way and Mikey sat in chairs, and Gerard and I sat on the couch, using each other as furniture. One minute Gerard's feet were in my lap, the next minute I had stood up to get something and then sat back down in his. We stayed like that for a while, but after a few minutes, Gerard decided to randomly flop to the side, dragging me with him, and we laid like that, his chest pressed against my back, for about half an hour. After that, we were both stretched out on our backs over the couch, my head on his chest, and then we were laughing and pushing as Gerard tried to sit on me, claiming that he wouldn't squash me, even though I was almost positive that he would. Eventually I ended up pushing him to the side, forcing him to sit next to me instead of on top of me. To make up for it, he decided to continuously touch me, whether it was his hand on my leg or my arm, or even going as to so far as to randomly lay down with his head in my lap.

By the end of the night, all of the family's gifts had been open, Gerard and I had successfully sat in every physically possible position, Gerard had triumphantly sat on me for a total of five minutes before I decided that I couldn't breath, and I ended up sitting in his lap again.

"So," I announced suddenly, twisting to look at Gerard. "I got you something..."

Gerard grinned, looping his arms around me. "That's good because I got you something, too."

I laughed. "Okay, that works..."

I looked as Mama Way. "I gave it to you yesterday, right...?"

"Oh, and can you grab Frank's, too?" Gerard asked.

She nodded, and disappeared into the kitchen.

Gerard gave me a look, raising an eyebrow. "Kitchen pantry, top shelf?"

I stared at him. "How did you-"

"That's where I put yours, too."

I rolled my eyes, flicking his shoulder. "Don't steal my gift hiding spots."

He just laughed, wrapping his arms around me a bit tighter, lips brushing my ear.

It was strange being like this in front of Gerard's family, but he didn't set limitations and they didn't seem to mind. We touched and talked, just like he had said earlier.

Mama Way came back into the room holding two gifts- one which I recognized, the other which I assumed was for me.

She handed them to us and then we traded, sending each other glances from the corner of our eyes so we wouldn't miss a second of each other's reactions.

Gerard's face broke out in a grin as he opened his, looking up at me. I'd gotten him a scarf- it wasn't much, I know, but it was what I could afford and what he had been complaining about lacking for weeks. It was stripped, black and gray, so it more or less matched everything he owned.

He threw his arms around me, pressing his face into my shoulder. "Thank you," he grinned. "Really, it's perfect."

I just smiled, hugging him back slightly. "You're welcome," I said, soft, feeling myself get warm. I was blushing and I knew everyone in the room could see it.

He planted a discreet kiss on the back of my shoulder, a private little thank you that his family couldn't see, smiling up at me in a way that made me feel immensely happy.

I finished unwrapping mine, feeling a grin break out across my face. He'd gotten me two things- two small things, but two things all the same.

One was a black guitar pick, on a chain. I picked it up, studying it. There were tiny red letters on it, ones that sent another blush rising in my cheeks. It was just our initials, nothing more, mine on one side and his on the other, but it was by far the cutest thing anyone had ever done for me.

"I did that last night," he said, keeping his voice quiet, smiling timidly. "It was a last minute decision."

I just grinned, holding it by the chain for a second before I decided to put it around my neck. I picked up the other thing he had given me, a pair of black gloves.

"Is this your way of telling me to stop complaining about my hands being cold?"

He laughed. "Maybe."

I just grinned, hugging him. "You're the best, Gerard," I said. I brushed my lips against his shoulder, timidly. "Thank you."

He just smiled.

"Merry Christmas, Gerard," I whispered, burying me face in his shoulder.

"Merry Christmas, Frank."