Does it Matter?

I laughed as John pushed me on the bed and climbed on top of me grinning
“If we don’t get down stairs your parents will leave without us” I told him smiling, he grinned still and started kissing my neck
“Fine by me, you look so sexy” he whispered in my ear I bite my lip trying to stop smiling
“Well not fine by me, I actually like to go to weddings, unlike you” I told him running my hand through his short blondish brown hair
“The only wedding I’ll love to go to is…ours” he said I looked at him closely figuring out if he was lying or not
“Really?” I asked unsure he nodded
“Yes…I want to marry you some day” John told me looking in my eyes. I blinked twice. Was he telling me the truth? Or was it another lie from him? I nodded and smiled
”I can’t wait for that day babe” I told him he pecked my lips
“Come on” he said as he stood up pulling me with him
Once in the car with his parents his mom started talking to me, she would always talk to me when we were in the car, but today she had good news she told me she got me a job at a café shop. I have wanted to work there for a long time now but every time I would go fill out the application there wouldn’t be no open spots. I was very excited to start working there; it was my favorite café shop. They had the best blue berry muffins and they were huge. The shop it’s self was just cute. They had round tables which were see through glass the chairs where soft and comfy and a deep purple. The curtains were a deep purple too, you would think it was very dark in there…But no! It’s bright and warm and their aprons were a bright purple with bright baby blue writing that says “Cookie’s Café Shop” I knew I was going to have fun there. . .
After the wedding I was tired, it was long but beautiful. The bride at a long princess dress and I was jealous of it. She had her dress newly made, just the way she wanted it. The dress was a one of a kind, just like I always dreamt about for my wedding dress. As a child I always knew what I wanted in life. I wanted to get through high school, go to college to be veterinarians assistant, get married, build my own house and have beautiful children…Though these days I didn’t know if any of that will actually happen anymore. But hey! A girl can dream, right? I mean what girl doesn’t dream of her “perfect” life? I was more than ready for bed, l was tired I did a lot of dancing. I know I had a lot of fun. John looked like he was having a lot of fun, though I didn’t know if he was just having fun because of all the hot girls dancing in short dresses or if he was just enjoying the wedding itself. I didn’t care as long as he is beside me every night cuddling. Once we all got home it was late. Well not too late but it was late enough to go to bed, so I went into mine and John’s room and changed into a pair of pajama shorts and an over sized t-shirt. John came in and stripped to nothing but his boxers and jumped in bed spreading out I pouted. He took up all the space
“You can lay on top of me baby” he said I smiled a little and shut the light off and climbed on top of John and he pulled the blankets over our bodies, we laid there cuddled against each for a while, I didn’t know why I couldn’t fall asleep. I sighed as John’s arms tightened around me
“What’s wrong babe?” He asked softly
“Can’t sleep” I told him he ran his hands down my lower back and on too my butt he grabbed it tightly and whispered in my ear
“Can you stay quiet tonight?” John asked me and licked the bottom of my ear I moaned quietly as he grabbed my ass again grinding his hips against mine
“Yees” I told him grinning, he smirk and pulled the blanket over our head and we started to get dirty under the sheets.
It’s been a week or two since the wedding and in those two weeks it has been a little stressful. I started at Cookie’s Café Shop, I would go there every day after school and work till 8 at night then I would go home and John would always have something to argue about with me. I didn’t know what his problem was, but I was pretty damn tired of it. It doesn’t help that people around school are spreading rumors. One was that John was cheating on me with two other girls. Another one was that there’s some girl pregnant with his child. I know it’s not true. It can’t be. He’s been with me nonstop for the past two weeks so where would he have time to go be a man whore? I was so happy this was my last year of high school because I needed to get away from every person in that school. I walk in the house and John greeted me with a kiss.
“Hungry?” he asked I shook my head
“Not really” I told him, he frowned
“Cathy you haven’t been eating dinner, what’s wrong?” he asked
“Nothing I guess, I don’t know I just don’t feel hungry anymore” I said looking down
“Are you sure?” he asked with a little worry in his voice
“Yeah I’m just tired”
“Oh well how bout we take a shower and then cuddle in bed? I was gonna shower when I got home but I know you love when we shower together so I waited” John said
“Sure” I said truth was I was starving. I’m hungry all the time. But I won’t eat. I always had trouble with my weight so when I kept getting notes in my locker everyday a couple times a day saying how fat I was and John won’t stay with me if I get any fatter, I decided to stop eating. Those notes…They hurt they really got to me. It doesn’t help I never been comfortable with my body, ever. So when I started getting those notes I would hurry up and put them in my purse before anyone would see them, if John seen them…I don’t know what I would do. I don’t know how he would react. I quickly undressed and stepped into the shower before I can see my naked body. John didn’t notice he already turned the water on just how I like it. Nice and hot but not hot to the point it burns really bad, just hot. He stepped in and my eyes started from his face and worked their way down his body, I just didn’t know how someone like him, with a great body love someone like me. In my eyes I wasn’t worth shit. But John…He’s worth the world. I snapped outta my daze when John wrapped his arms around me pulling me close to him and moves us under the hot water. When our bodies were wet enough we grabbed the soap and started washing each other’s bodies
“You’re beautiful Cath” he said
“N- thank you babe” I knew he caught what I was going to say he creased my cheek softly and I leaned into his touch
“I love you” I told him
“I love you too Cathy” He said before giving me a kiss, I kissed him back and he held me close, not letting go. I felt bad; he just wanted to be able to feel my skin against his again. When I started getting those notes in my locker I wouldn’t let John touch me. I didn’t feel good about myself and I felt as if he only touched me to make me feel good about my body. Plus why should John, a hot popular guy touch a fat short ugly unpopular girl? We have been together for over a year and he never once made me feel ugly. It’s just the people around us that do the damage to me. Though, he doesn’t notice much because he’s always in his own little world, he can be very selfish when he wants…
“Cathy!” John said I jumped a little and looked at him
“What?” I asked
“You’re zoning out on me…again” he said in annoyed voice. Oh great now he’s annoyed and will probably yell at me and call me ugly or stupid.
“Sorry baby...” I said softly
“What’s on your mind?” he asked. Crap! What do I say? Will he believe a lie?
“My family” I said quickly, he frowned
“You miss them huh?” he asked I nodded
“So much” I said as my voice cracked, it wasn’t a lie. I did miss them. I was stupid and ran away with John; it was stupid to just run without giving my family a good enough reason to.
“We can go visit them baby, it’s no problem.” He said I shook my head and we stayed silent until we were all clean and our shower was over. After we threw pajamas on I climbed in the bed and John came back with popcorn…
“Why?” he asked in the middle of our movie
“Why what?” I asked him
“Why don’t you want to go see your family?” he asked I sighed softly.
“I’m really not in the mood to talk about that right now” I told him not taking my eyes off the screen he groaned
“You’re not in the mood for anything anymore, Cathy!” I jumped at his high voice full of rage, when he was mad it always scared
“Sor-” I started
“Just shut up” John said cutting me off. I froze, I didn’t feel my heart beating and I felt VERY unwanted. I wanted to cry. He never told me to shut up like that before. I watched as he got out of bed and got dressed grabbing his keys
“I’ll be back, don’t wait up.” He said rudely and stormed out of our room. I let a few tears fall I turned the TV off and turned the fan on low for a little fresh air and laid in the middle of the bed facing the wall. I waited three hours but John never came home yet. Was I in the wrong right now or was John? I fell asleep at 11:30 at night without him by my side. I do not know what time I felt him climb back in bed nor did I care but when he tried to wrap his arm around me and pull me close I moved farther away from him. It was pretty clear what he was doing while he was gone. I can smell HER. She always had the same smell. I just didn’t know her name…yet. Every time he left he would come back hours later smelling like some girl. Honestly I didn’t know what to do. How would I confront him? How would I make it back to Ohio? I had an idea of what I had to do, though it’s gonna take a while. I didn’t want to leave John but his cheating is pushing me away and he didn’t even know. Should I stay or should I go? I woke up before John did so I quickly got out of bed and went down stairs and ate breakfast. A half hour later he came down rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he got a glass of water as I was wiping off the table.
“Were you crying last night?” He asked me
“No.” I gave him a short answer
“Your pillow was wet when I came in Cath” he said crossing his arms
“Stop acting like you care Jonathan.” I said
“I do care don’t even say that Cathy” he raised his voice
“Just. Shut. Up.” I snapped at him he stared at me like I just slapped him in the face with a catfish. I rolled my eyes and walked past him. I was not going to sit inside this house will him all day. It’s time to call some friends…