Everything Has Changed

“Do you want to go closer, or do you want to stay here?” Lindsay asked me. I shrugged, because I had no more idea than she did. I looked over and saw Liza, who seemed to freeze when she realized who I was. After a moment she waved, and I returned it, before seeing Brett – it had been him – come up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist, kissing her cheek. I turned back to my family then, trying not to freak out. The crowd got insanely loud as a guitar riff could be heard, and the people started crowding in. Suddenly she was on stage, and singing.

“Loving him was like
Driving a new Maserati down a dead end street
Faster than the wind, passionate as sin,
Ending so suddenly.
Loving him was like
Trying to change your mind once you’re already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn so bright
Just before they lose it all”

She raised her guitar and asked the crowd to sing along, which they all did eagerly as the chorus started. I’d never heard this song before, but it was like her voice had me glued in place and frozen.

“Losing him was blue like I’d never known,
Missing him was dark grey all alone,
Forgetting him is like,
Trying to know somebody you never met.
But loving him was red,”

I knew exactly what she meant by that. I’d never been much for metaphors and all of that shit, but I understood exactly what the song was trying to say. Red, intense, bright, and vivid; more than you’re ready to handle. It was like the two of us in a nutshell.

I jumped when there was a hand on my shoulder, and saw Eric looking concerned. I just nodded before turning my head back to the stage to watch her, everybody around us screaming and cheering when she finished the song.

“Sudbury! Thanks so much for having us back – we missed you!” she announced, laughing at the cheers and odd responses she got from the crowd of several hundred people. She sipped from her water bottle before setting it back down beside the base of her microphone stand.

“I figured I would start the show off with a little Taylor Swift; I really love her last album, and I’m so excited for the new one to come out! These guys all make fun of me but I really do love her music. I swear she stalks me and writes about my life,” she joked, and I felt my throat go dry. Did that song remind her of me?

“So, how about one of my songs?” more insane cheers from the crowd, and even Tanya and Lindsay were having trouble containing their excitement, much to our amusement.

“All right! This is Fire and Gasoline!” she announced, the crowd going wild, Tanya and Lindsay cheering and soon Marc and Eric followed them as they seemed to melt into the large crowd. Heather put a hand on my arm, understanding that this was hard, and Jordan just stood there quietly as she began to play. The song made me grin, because even though she was playing her guitar I knew she could just as easily be dancing around the stage.

“’Cause baby we’re like fire, and gasoline. I’m no good for you, and you’re no good for me. The most dangerous combination that I’ve ever seen, baby; we’re like fire… and gasoline,” everybody here knew the words to the chorus if not the whole song, which also blew my mind. Why she hadn’t shared all of this with me I had no idea – it was obvious that she loved singing and performing.

“We’re like a time bomb, tick-ticking away. Way too dangerous, but we can’t seem to walk away!” even Jordan looked impressed at the high note she hit and held, while the guitar solo started behind her and the crowd screamed.

From that song she went right into the next one, another upbeat one Heather told me was called ‘Driving’. Apparently she knew Cheyenne’s music too, just not as obsessively as Lindsay and Tanya. She only knew songs from the first EP – she didn’t really follow the YouTube videos that Cheyenne had or any of the new stuff.

“You guys are awesome!” Cheyenne grinned, absolutely glowing with the crowd’s eager response. It must be like having the hometown crowd cheering you on at a game, the same excitement was in her eyes that I felt whenever that happened.

“So, do you guys want to hear a brand new song? Like, never-before played live?” she asked, and the response was obvious. “I wrote this song back in February, and it’s pretty important to me. It isn’t on the new album, mainly because… well it’s kind of like a little piece of me, and I wasn’t quite sure I was ready to let go of it yet, let alone have to share it. But I really want to, so if you’ll let me, I’d really like to do that,” the shy smile on her face said it all, that she was nervous as hell but determined. I couldn’t believe that I could know her so well and at the same time feel like I didn’t know a damn thing about her anymore. She put a capo on the neck of her guitar and made herself comfortable on the stool that a stagehand had brought out, adjusting her mic and letting out a nervous giggle.

“Sorry, this is pretty nerve wracking,” she admitted, before taking a deep breath and starting to play.

“You hear of getting butterflies,
Whenever he walks past
Of love at first sight,
But can that really last?

I just wish I knew
If this is happening too soon

How do you know
When you’re falling too soon?
Do you let go?
Or hold on in hopes
That he’s the one
That this is love
But what do you do
When you’re scared of falling
Too soon?”

Jordan turned to stare at me, and I knew my expression must mirror his. I knew what he was about to ask but hoped he would keep his mouth shut, because I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I didn’t want to hope that she’d written this song about me because if she didn’t it would kill me. She played a neat little guitar part, before starting the second verse, most of the shake of nerves gone now.

“With him it seems to fall in place
Without having to speak
When even just being with him
Can make your knees go weak

I just wish I knew
If this is happening
Too soon?”

Another chorus and then the bridge, which made me almost one hundred percent sure she’d written it about me. Not to be an egotistical prick or anything, but it just resonated too closely to exactly what had happened with us to not be about us.

“How long is enough time
For feelings to grow this strong?
Can anybody tell me please?
Because I don’t want to face the heartache,
If I’m wrong,”

Heather rubbed my arm softly, knowing I was thisclose to losing it right now. If she was feeling like this why wouldn’t she have talked to me? Let me fly out there and we could get it all on the table and out in the open and not have to wonder about each other like this.

“Jesus… Jared has a song written about him,” Jordan stated, and Heather rolled her eyes at him.

“No shit Sherlock; way to get with the program,” she shot back, and he just shook his head, still having trouble wrapping his head around the thought.

“Thank you,” Cheyenne was quiet, and so was the crowd moments before erupting into volume levels I didn’t know were possible for a group this size. Soon a smile was gracing her face, and I couldn’t help but smile as well, seeing the relief in her eyes as the song went over so well.

“This one is called ‘You’ll Never Know’ – sing along if you know it!” she told the crowd, who did as they were told. It really reminded me of a Taylor Swift song, and Heather nodded.

“That’s why she’s getting attention as the Canadian Taylor Swift Jared – she’s kind of becoming a big deal,” she repeated the information Lindsay had shared with us earlier.

After that was another original, one she called ‘Stronger Than That’, and then one I’d actually heard before. It had played during the dance at Jordan and Heather’s wedding, and it was one of the three songs my brother actually danced to. I didn’t miss the way Heather teared up and leaned into her husband as he wrapped his arms tight around her and kissed the top of her head.

“I want to know what it’d be like
To have someone to hold every night
Who knew just what to say to make
Everything all right

To have and to hold
Through troubles unknown
That’s what I want

I want, someone to love me like that
Care about the things you can’t see
When I cry he’ll wipe the tears
From my cheeks
He’ll know when I’m not okay
Understand what my words can’t say
He’s who I can say ‘I love you’ to
And never wanna take it back
I want someone to love, me like that”

I’m not big on mushy songs, but this one was beautiful. The fact that she seemed to get lost in the lyrics of the song added to that, and as it was starting to get dark out the lights on the stage made her eyes sparkle even more than they usually did. She continued on with the second verse and final chorus, and by the end Jordan and Heather were swaying along, Heather singing quietly to herself.

“What about a goofy song? So I don’t bore any of you to tears. I wrote this a couple of years ago pretty much as a joke, but it’s kind of grown on me. If you follow my YouTube or Facebook you’ve probably heard it. This is Every Time I Hear A Taylor Swift Love Song!” she announced, and Heather laughed. Obviously she’d heard this one before.

It was a cute little song that used a bunch of plays on Taylor’s song lyrics to tell the story of the verse, with the chorus talking about how every time she heard one of Taylor’s songs it made her want to fall in love and do crazy things, even if it was all wrong. It made me laugh, and it really was a good song.

“While we’re on the topic… any of y’all up for another Taylor song?” she asked, getting enthusiastic cheers. Her original music was kind of the same genre, so I could see where the overlap of fan-base and the comparisons were coming from.

The music started, and again I didn’t know the song, but the lyrics and her voice sent shivers down my spine.

“I bet, this time of night you’re still up
I bet, you’re tired from a hard, long week
I bet, you’re sitting in your chair by the window
Looking out at the city
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that
Every time I don’t
I almost do
I almost do…”

I started to get choked up, and then the unthinkable happened. Her brown eyes met mine and it was as if she froze. There were no lyrics at the time, which was good because I was afraid she might have choked on the words if there had been. I wished I could do something, say something, but I didn’t know what to do; her eyes watered slightly and she tore her gaze from me, picking up with her guitar playing. When she started the second verse, however, her eyes found mine immediately, and it felt like she was singing to me.

“I bet, you think I either moved on or hate you
‘Cause each time you reach out there’s no reply
I bet, it never ever occurred to you
That I can’t say hello to you
And risk another goodbye

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that
Every time I don’t
I almost do
I almost do…

We made quite a mess babe
And maybe we’re better off this way
I confess baby
In my dreams you’re touching my face
And asking me if I want to try this
With you

And I almost do…”