Now a Memory

It was raining. The wind was blowing hard on me. Only the pouring rain, the occasional sound of crickets, and a few passing by cars could be heard this time of night. I stood alone as I stared down at the ground. I gripped the bouquet of flowers in my hand tighter. Then I remembered that time. That time when I thought I could finally be happy. Yet I thought wrong.

Along with the swaying of trees around as another gale of wind passed, my mind was sucked back to an incident that took place years ago.

“Aaron!” My best friend called as she ran to my direction. “You said you wanted to talk to me?”

She stopped abruptly in front of me. That was when I started stammering. “Err…yeah. Actually, I was just wondering if…um. Ah… Gah.” Wow. Way to go stupid Aaron, I thought to myself irritably. I took a deep breath and tried to start again. “What I mean is I wanted to ask if you’re free. Um…This Sunday.”

Right after finally letting out those words, I suddenly found my shoes rather interesting. I carefully avoided her eyes as I silently waited for her response. The wait felt like years but was actually just mere seconds. My heart was pounding hard on my chest. I could almost hear it. What is she thinking? Goddamn it. My palms were sweaty and my knees were badly trembling. Don’t notice it. I prayed silently.

Then I heard a laugh from her. “Wait. Are you asking me out?”

“NO!” I yelled. Wait, what? “I mean, yes. That means yes. Yes, I am.”

Great. I suddenly had the urge to run and hide. Maybe bang my head on a door once or twice first. I mean, how embarrassing was that?

“Sure!” At that word, my mind went completely blank. What did she just say? I tried to recall her response, but my mind was an utter mess. Raising my gaze from the ground, I sneaked a peak at her face. She was smiling. I take that as a yes then.

****

What’s taking her so long? I thought as I sat on a bench, waiting eagerly for her. My eyes scanned the perimeter of the park. She’s nowhere to be seen. All I saw were kids running around, a few stalls, benches, a number of shady trees, a handful of joggers, and more benches.

A few seconds ticked by. Yet it mattered less to me. I was just feeling happy to be here. Waiting for the girl I like. ‘I’m going on a date with her,’ I whispered mentally to myself. A stupid grin was plastered on my face. I just couldn’t seem to be able to get rid of it. Throughout the whole time here, my heart felt like it was trying to do a few mini-jumping jacks. ‘I’m going on a date with her,’ I repeated to myself again. This time, with more emphasis on the word “date” and “her.” Damn. I felt like a giddy high school girl. Ugh. Gross.

Still, I couldn’t help feeling ecstatic. It was my first time to ask someone on a date for it was also the first time I fell in love.

My roaming eyes fell upon a girl across the street. That’s her. Finally! The plastered grin on my face just about stretched even wider as I stared at her. I just hoped that with this look, I don’t look like a madman to her. “Sarah!” I called.

Her head snapped towards my direction. Seeing her smile made me catch my breath. I was stunned. Dazzled, even. I stared in awe at her with my mouth gaping open while she began to cross the street. I was in a daze at the thought of spending an entire day with a girl like her. More specifically, I was in a daze at the thought of being with her. My mind was miles away. Moreover, I never would have expected the thing that happened next.

Time slowed down. I snapped out of my baffled thoughts when I noticed a truck lost its control while Sarah was just crossing halfway the street. A silent scream escaped my mouth. Shit! I broke out into a run in attempt to reach her. But she was still far. Much too far for me to reach in time. I exerted all my effort into pushing my legs to move faster. Nothing changed. My face was a mask of horror as I saw her notice the truck too. She went frozen on her spot, but she desperately stretched out her arms to me. Tears flowed freely across her cheeks. “Aaron!”

I forced a final step towards her. My arm outstretched as far as it could to reach her. However, I was late. Too late.

The next thing I found myself doing, was staring at Sarah’s broken figure. I was petrified at the sight of all the blood from her spattered across the pavement. Her eyes were still open. Her lips were agape mid-scream. My heart seemed to stop beating. There was a building hollow feeling inside me. Then almost all at once, everything came crashing down on me. Hard. I fell on my knees, grabbed her lifeless body, and held it against mine. My entire body shook as I cried for my best friend’s name. My first love’s name… Sarah.

I was hauled back to reality when I noticed I was already shivering from the cold. I was dripping wet. I stared blankly at the gravestone in my feet. I knelt down and gently placed the flowers in front of her name. I traced the engraving with my fingertips. Sarah Miles, it read. A tear escaped my eye as an image of her flashed on my mind. Her face as she screamed my name. For my help. Which I was not able to give. Now she’s dead. Because of me. She is gone and now a memory.