Anywhere but Here

Yes.

His girlfriend.

She was pretty and all, or so all the straight guys said. Just…not Alex’s type. Not in the slightest. When they started college, Alex had been so determined to push down the thought of being gay. He could force it away, right? Or at the very least send it to the back of his mind, until it wasn’t true.

So he found Lisa, clingy and needy Lisa, who didn’t even begin to suspect that she was merely a beard. They started dating a week into the first semester of their freshman year of college.

Alex didn’t miss the way Jack looked like the breath had been punched out of him when he’d casually told him in passing, “So did ya hear? I’m with Lisa now.” Rude? Yeah. Uncalled for? Yeah. Did he know why he said it? No.

“That’s…good, I guess,” Jack had said before abruptly exiting the dining hall without eating anything and leaving Alex with an empty feeling that he couldn’t place.

They’d always planned on attending the same college, ever since they were little. Why should a break-up stop that? They were still best friends, after all. So, naturally, they did end up going to the same college. So what if they were exes? They were friends first and it would. not. be. awkward.

But then, when they were at Alex’s house with their laptops out, applying online for housing, Alex had sarcastically asked, “So who are you gonna request for a room mate?”

Jack hadn’t looked up, just quietly replied, “No one.” His voice was hollow, displaying no hint of sarcasm.

Alex still took it that way. “You’re funny. C’mon, we’re gonna be room mates, right? Just like we always said!” He’d already typed Jack Barakat in for his request, but (obviously) both had to ask for it.

“There were a lot of things we ‘always said,’ Alex,” he whispered, eyes on the screen.

“But Jacky!” He reverted back to using the nickname. How could he seriously not want to room with him? “We’re not gonna know anybody there. You’d have to room with someone you don’t even know.”

“Yeah. I know. We can meet new people that way. There won’t be any rumors or anything. Don’t want anybody getting the wrong idea about us, y’know?”

That was the first time since they’d broken up that Jack had thrown Alex’s words back at him, and it hurt worse than he would’ve thought. Not that he didn’t deserve it, of course, but Jack hadn’t said much of anything about their last date, and the way his voice cracked a little when he quoted Alex was almost as bad as the fact that he’d said it at all. So Alex went back and erased Jack’s name, clicking the box next to no preference.

Later that night, after Jack went home—they rarely spent the night at each other’s houses anymore—Alex found himself curled up in bed, sobbing. Their friendship was dissolving right in front of his eyes and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. It was his fault. Jack didn’t even want to room with him.

So they’d started college, and Alex and Lisa got together instantly. Whenever he and Jack ran into each other at the library or at a restaurant or just in passing on campus—they’d somehow managed to only have one class together, and didn’t live in the same building (he had to wonder if Jack had had his dad, who was good friends with both the dean and the university president, call in a favor…or maybe it was just bad luck)—they didn’t talk about relationships. They didn’t talk about much of anything. They’d gone from best friends to dating to best friends to good friends to okay friends to acquaintances who happened to have attended the same high school and it wasn’t long until they would be perfect strangers. That was Alex’s biggest fear.

But then one day, Jack caught sight of Alex and ran towards him, face lit up with joy. He was talking a mile a minute. “So my room mate Zack—who’s super hot, by the way—just told me he’s gay. Isn’t that great? Now I might actually have a chance with him! He plays bass and has wicked tattoos and I bet you two would get along, besides him obsessively working out a lot.”

Alex was taken aback. He’d never even considered the fact that one day, Jack was bound to move on and take up an interest in someone else. The thought hadn’t crossed his mind once. He had every right to like someone else, but damn it…Alex hated that he did.

And a couple weeks after that, Alex saw Jack hand in hand with a guy who he assumed was Zack. Even from a distance, he could see that Jack looked, well, he looked fucking happy. He was looking at Zack in almost the same way he used to look at Alex.

Now, it was their sophomore year of college. Alex and Lisa were still together, and Jack and Zack were as well. The only difference was that Jack was happy in his relationship, while Alex wanted out of his.

He and Lisa got to the party, which was in one of the frat houses, and he started scanning the room for an escape plan. Anybody that he sort of recognized would do, because these people were already drunk enough that they’d think he was an old friend and not just some guy from one of their classes last year.

“Oh my god!” Lisa suddenly squealed, abandoning him—thank god—for a timid-looking girl in the corner. “I haven’t seen you in forever!” She grabbed the girl, who was also screaming—so much for timid—by the arm. “We have to catch up, oh my god. I have so much to tell you.” As they passed Alex, she said, “I’m just going to go ahead and leave. You don’t mind, do you?”

“Not at all.” She didn’t seem to notice how much he really meant that. He preferred it, actually.

Almost as soon as she left, Alex saw none other than Jack, sitting by himself on the floor at the end of the hall. Grabbing a couple beers, Alex headed for him. “Hey Jack!” Alex said excitedly, offering him a beer.

Jack had already had a bit to drink—okay, more than a bit—but he accepted it, patting the floor next to him, an invitation that Alex gladly took him up on.

One hour and a few beers later, Jack leaned in and kissed Alex sloppily. Alex wasn’t quite as drunk as the brunette, but he ignored the tiny voice of his conscience that was reminding him that he should mention the fact that, wait a sec, they’re both in relationships right now. Instead, he kissed back hungrily. The kiss wasn’t anywhere near romantic, just lust-filled with a lot of teeth. At least one, if not both of them would have bruised lips in the morning.

Alex pulled away and panted in Jack’s ear, “Please take me anywhere but here.”

They got to their feet and found an unoccupied room, shutting the door behind them. Right here and right now, when he was wedged between Jack and a wall, every thought of Lisa disappeared. It was just the two of them, like old times.

He hadn’t been this happy in years.