Anywhere but Here

Jack rolled over to his side, expecting to look across the room and see his boyfriend laying in the other bed. But there wasn’t another bed, because it wasn’t his room. Instead, there was someone next to him. And that someone was Alex.

Oh god.

What the hell happened last night?

He tried to process it from the few clues he could find without moving too much. His head was pounding and the light peeking through the curtain made it worse. So he had a hangover. He’d definitely been drinking last night. How much, though? Well, enough that he woke up next to Alex. So…a lot.

There were fresh-looking stains on the sheets. Stains that looked remarkably like…

Wait, were those his boxers by the door? He lifted the comforter and realized that he wasn’t wearing anything. Well, this was bad. All signs seemed to be pointing to…

No. Surely they didn’t. Even in his drunken state, he had to know better than to do that. Right? Yeah. Yeah. He knew better. He and Alex just fell asleep next to each other. Naked. That’s all. ‘Cause there was just no possible way that he would’ve done that. He and Alex were a thing of the past.

Alex slowly opened his eyes, squinting until he was adjusted to the light. Then he broke out into a huge grin. “Morning!” he crowed, a little too loudly.

Jack just stared at him.

“Great night,” he said happily. “Should’ve remembered that from high school,” he added, winking at Jack.

“What?” No. They didn’t. It wasn’t possible. Jack had standards, damn it!

“Don’t you remember?” He rolled his eyes and stood up, stretching. He didn’t have any clothes on either.

While Alex lazily started putting clothes back on, Jack thought really hard, and he vaguely remembered making out with him…and then losing clothes…and yeah, this was starting to feel painfully familiar. “So…we did?”

“Of course. You can’t resist me. I mean, you’re the one that initiated it, but—”

“I what?!” Jack yelped, jumping up before looking down bashfully. Not like Alex hadn’t seen him naked before, but this was different. He quickly grabbed his boxers and slid them on, so he wasn’t completely exposed.

“Yeah. You kissed me first,” Alex reminded him.

“I…you know what? We both need to sober up, but we’ve got some shit to talk about.” It was a Saturday. No class to worry about. “Two hours. I’m gonna go get some coffee, and we’re meeting—”

“In my dorm?” Alex suggested, well, suggestively.

“Ugh…fine.” There was less of a chance of someone overhearing if they did it there. And by ‘did it,’ he meant had their conversation, obviously.

After putting on his clothes, Jack went back to his dorm where his loving boyfriend was laying in bed with a book. “Hey babe,” he said with a smile when he walked in. “How was the party?”

He didn’t say anything, just gave a thumbs-down as a response.

“Then why’d you stay the whole night?”

“Too drunk to walk home,” he mumbled, grabbing a pair of jeans.

“You could’ve called me. I would’ve picked you up.”

He sighed. There wasn’t a good excuse for why he didn’t come back. And he wouldn’t even think of telling Zack the truth. “Uh, listen, I’m gonna meet up with Alex in a while. Is that okay?”

“Okay? I think it’s great. I’m so glad you two are starting to get to be close again.” He hopped off his bed and walked over to Jack, planting a kiss on his cheek. “Just don’t let him steal you away from me. I love you.”

“You too,” he said, not making eye contact with his unsuspecting boyfriend.

And Jack left, feeling guilty, but knowing he would never, ever let it happen again. He was going to explain to Alex that while last night was probably fun in the moment, it was a mistake and that they weren’t going to make it a habit.

——

Alex’s room mate Rian was, as usual, nowhere to be found. He seldom set foot in their dorm, for whatever reason. But today, instead of feeling a little lonely, Alex was very glad. He and Jack would have privacy to discuss things. He wasn’t naïve enough to believe that they’d get back together just like that, but he was feeling pretty damn optimistic about the whole thing.

When Jack knocked, he let him in immediately, grinning broadly. “So whatcha wanna talk about?” he asked casually, flopping onto his bed.

Jack sat on Rian’s bed, which hadn’t been slept in in days. “Well, Alex, there’s really no easy way to say this, so I guess I’ll just say it: last night was a mistake.”

Okay, that’s not exactly what he was expecting from this conversation. Instead of saying something mature, he retorted, “You didn’t seem to feel that way last night.” Not his finest moment.

“I was drunk!” Jack exclaimed, frustration flaring. But it was more towards himself. He couldn’t deny that, yeah, he still kind of had feelings for Alex. He’d never quit. But that was then and this was now and he had a boyfriend, for fuck’s sake. “And why does it matter to you anyway? You’re with Lisa.”

“But I still want you,” he whispered.

Jack laughed humorlessly. “Things have changed. You changed me, and it wasn’t for the better. What makes you think that I’ll drop everything and try again with you just because you get drunk and horny and think you want me.”

Alex noticed something. Jack was right, things had changed. Jack had changed since high school. He was colder, harder. Like he was made of ice. He didn’t use to be that way. He used to be so caring and kind. Had Alex really done that to him?

Of course he had. He didn’t even have to ask himself that.

Still, he pushed his luck. “Could we give it a shot?”

“Um, no. First off, that’s just ridiculous and I don’t know why you would even ask that. Secondly, I like my boyfriend very much.”

LIKE?!

They’d been together for—what? A year?—long enough that Jack should definitely be able to say the word love by now. In the past, Jack had been more than willing to express his love for Alex, and he knew Jack gladly would have shouted it out to the world if Alex had given him the chance and hadn’t insisted on keeping it a secret. And now he was with a guy who held his hand in public and wasn’t afraid to tell everyone he was gay, and Jack would only say he liked him? Wait…did he not love Zack?

“And,” he continued as if Alex wasn’t having an epiphany. “I’m sure you like or love or whatever your girlfriend.”

“I don’t,” he said to himself, quietly enough that Jack didn’t hear him. Not to sound egotistical or anything, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was the reason that Jack wouldn’t use the L-word. Because Alex had gone from saying I love you to basically saying I’m ashamed to be seen with you just like that. Who was to say that someone else wouldn’t do the exact same thing? And maybe that’s why he didn’t love Zack.

“Look, last night was fun. But it was also a mistake, L…Alex.” He almost called him Lex. Now was not the time for nicknames. “I’m with Zack. You’re with Lisa. End of discussion. I’ll see you around.” And then he pushed himself up and left without giving Alex the chance to respond.

Alex felt physically sick. He felt like his heart was breaking. He knew this was all his fault. If he hadn’t been an idiot in high school, they wouldn’t be in this situation at all. But Jack wasn’t even being delicate with him at all. It was like his heart had turned to stone.

Jack was on his way back to his dorm, where his room mate/boyfriend/better friend than Alex was. And Alex? Well, Alex was in his room alone. No girlfriend—she hadn’t even called. Not that he cared, really. No boyfriend. No best friend. Not even his room mate. Alex had nobody. He had nothing.

Nothing but silence.