Status: Complete.
Anywhere but Here
Bruised And Scarred
“Watch where you’re going, Gaskarth!”
The guy who just shouted at him was somebody he’d never spoken to or even seen in his life. “Sorry,” he muttered after tearing his eyes from the ground, where he’d been focusing his gaze to avoid 1) people’s stares, 2) the sunlight, and 3) the possibility of seeing Jack and Zack. “Um, how’d you know my name?”
He chuckled and handed him a flyer. Alex’s face was on it, along with Alex Gaskarth is gay! Wow, not only was Lisa immature, but she worked quickly. “She’s been passing these out all morning.” He tilted his head to the side. “Two questions.”
Alex sighed, knowing what was coming. “Yes, it’s true. And, uh, I’m kind of interested in somebody right now.”
He was met with a funny look. “Um, I was gonna ask why you’re wearing the sunglasses and if you think Lisa would go out with me.”
Alex blushed. Yeah, that wasn’t what he was expecting. Whoops. “Oh. Uh, anyways. Just forget I said that. I’m a little hungover at the moment. That’s why I’m wearing the sunglasses. Don’t fuck up your only real friendship, because then you’ll end up doing shots all by yourself. And when you do shots all by yourself, you don’t have somebody there to say ‘hey, I think maybe you’ve had enough’ so you keep drinking.” He’d spent the majority of the previous night drinking. Drinking alone in an empty dorm room was not the way he’d pictured his college career going. No, naïve high school Alex had always imagined that the late nights of drinking would be spent with Jack.
But that’s where the naivety comes in. He’d just assumed they’d still be best friends, had skipped over the part where he was an asshole. He’d just recently come to terms with what a dick he was in high school, and it was too late to do anything about that. But if he explained the whole story, the guy in front of him would probably run screaming in the opposite direction.
“Duly noted. Now what about the other? Think she would?” The light in his eyes said it clearly: this guy was a freshman. Not just that, but a freshman who had never gotten laid before.
Alex put both hands on his shoulders and, through his sunglasses, looked him dead in the eye. “What was your name again?” he asked, knowing he’d never said it.
“Austin.”
“Well, Austin, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. Lisa is what you’d call easy. I’m sure she’d at least sleep with you. But be warned: she’s also clingy as fuck.” There. That advice was his good deed for the day/week.
Austin grinned widely and walked off, a spring in his step. God help his soul if he actually tried to win over Lisa; she’d destroy him. He was too lively and happy and she would ruin every trace of his happiness.
Keeping his head down, he started walking again. He might actually be early for class, a first for him. (But come on, who actually gets to class on time in college?)
“You think you’re so funny, don’t you?”
He winced at the voice and looked up to find Jack waving a piece of paper furiously. “Huh?”
“You. You and your little girlfriend think this is some big joke, don’t you?”
“We broke up,” Alex said hollowly.
Jack faltered. “You what?”
“We broke up. Last night. I told her I cheated on her—didn’t say with who, don’t worry—and she threw a few books at me and we broke up. It was mutual,” he added, trying to smile.
“Well then, I’m, uh, sorry about that, I guess.” He didn’t sound sorry. But he also didn’t sound thrilled at the idea of Alex being single again. He sounded like he didn’t give a damn.
“I…Jack, can I talk to you? Please.” Alex knew he sounded pretty pathetic and desperate, but…well, fuck, he needed his best friend right now.
“I don’t think so. Don’t want people getting the wrong idea.”
Something in Alex snapped and he felt his anger rising. “Would you stop throwing that back in my face?”
“What?” Jack asked innocently.
“You know what! Every chance you get, you remind me that when I was seventeen, I was a fucking asshole and said that I didn’t want people to get the wrong idea about us. It’s immature and it—”
“Oh, I’m the immature one?” Jack retorted. “At least I’m not trying to hide who I am.”
“Jack, for the love of god, how many times do I have to tell you this: I was stupid. I was immature. That was two years ago! I’ve actually grown up since then. But you’re still holding on to that one thing that I said and you keep using it against me.”
“Because it hurt. It still hurts. Alex, I loved you more than anybody, and you just quit caring about me one day because of what other people might have thought. I didn’t mean enough to you to put up with rumors—which, by the way, were true! You just tossed me to the side and then started making out with every girl in the state. Then you act like everything between us is fucking normal. And THEN when we get to college, you immediately date the easiest girl at the school. And here I was, still pining after what I couldn’t have because that would give people the wrong idea and I just kept wondering what was wrong with me, when all of those sluts were good enough for you.” He sucked in a quick breath at the end of his speech, avoiding eye contact and looking at the dead grass beneath their feet.
People were starting to stare at them from a distance, just standing there half-shouting at each other on the middle of their college campus.
“I don’t know how many ways I can say this: I’m sorry. I was an idiot. But you’ve gotta let go of that, Jack, because I’ve changed, and I’m really, really trying to at least be friends again. I fucking miss you.”
Through gritted teeth, Jack said, “I don’t miss you.” He glanced over Alex’s shoulder. “My boyfriend’s waiting for me over there. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea about us. Later.” And then he was walking back into Zack’s arms, leaving Alex fuming and ready to burst into tears.
Fuck classes. He’d catch up later. He couldn’t deal with this, not today. So he headed back to the dorm and got ready to get wasted.
Alone.
Again.
This was turning into a habit and it wasn’t good.
Three shots, a beer, a long nap, and a few more shots later, and it was ten pm and Alex was hit with one of those ideas that seems great when you’re drunk. And that’s how he found himself standing outside Jack’s dorm.
The guy who just shouted at him was somebody he’d never spoken to or even seen in his life. “Sorry,” he muttered after tearing his eyes from the ground, where he’d been focusing his gaze to avoid 1) people’s stares, 2) the sunlight, and 3) the possibility of seeing Jack and Zack. “Um, how’d you know my name?”
He chuckled and handed him a flyer. Alex’s face was on it, along with Alex Gaskarth is gay! Wow, not only was Lisa immature, but she worked quickly. “She’s been passing these out all morning.” He tilted his head to the side. “Two questions.”
Alex sighed, knowing what was coming. “Yes, it’s true. And, uh, I’m kind of interested in somebody right now.”
He was met with a funny look. “Um, I was gonna ask why you’re wearing the sunglasses and if you think Lisa would go out with me.”
Alex blushed. Yeah, that wasn’t what he was expecting. Whoops. “Oh. Uh, anyways. Just forget I said that. I’m a little hungover at the moment. That’s why I’m wearing the sunglasses. Don’t fuck up your only real friendship, because then you’ll end up doing shots all by yourself. And when you do shots all by yourself, you don’t have somebody there to say ‘hey, I think maybe you’ve had enough’ so you keep drinking.” He’d spent the majority of the previous night drinking. Drinking alone in an empty dorm room was not the way he’d pictured his college career going. No, naïve high school Alex had always imagined that the late nights of drinking would be spent with Jack.
But that’s where the naivety comes in. He’d just assumed they’d still be best friends, had skipped over the part where he was an asshole. He’d just recently come to terms with what a dick he was in high school, and it was too late to do anything about that. But if he explained the whole story, the guy in front of him would probably run screaming in the opposite direction.
“Duly noted. Now what about the other? Think she would?” The light in his eyes said it clearly: this guy was a freshman. Not just that, but a freshman who had never gotten laid before.
Alex put both hands on his shoulders and, through his sunglasses, looked him dead in the eye. “What was your name again?” he asked, knowing he’d never said it.
“Austin.”
“Well, Austin, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. Lisa is what you’d call easy. I’m sure she’d at least sleep with you. But be warned: she’s also clingy as fuck.” There. That advice was his good deed for the day/week.
Austin grinned widely and walked off, a spring in his step. God help his soul if he actually tried to win over Lisa; she’d destroy him. He was too lively and happy and she would ruin every trace of his happiness.
Keeping his head down, he started walking again. He might actually be early for class, a first for him. (But come on, who actually gets to class on time in college?)
“You think you’re so funny, don’t you?”
He winced at the voice and looked up to find Jack waving a piece of paper furiously. “Huh?”
“You. You and your little girlfriend think this is some big joke, don’t you?”
“We broke up,” Alex said hollowly.
Jack faltered. “You what?”
“We broke up. Last night. I told her I cheated on her—didn’t say with who, don’t worry—and she threw a few books at me and we broke up. It was mutual,” he added, trying to smile.
“Well then, I’m, uh, sorry about that, I guess.” He didn’t sound sorry. But he also didn’t sound thrilled at the idea of Alex being single again. He sounded like he didn’t give a damn.
“I…Jack, can I talk to you? Please.” Alex knew he sounded pretty pathetic and desperate, but…well, fuck, he needed his best friend right now.
“I don’t think so. Don’t want people getting the wrong idea.”
Something in Alex snapped and he felt his anger rising. “Would you stop throwing that back in my face?”
“What?” Jack asked innocently.
“You know what! Every chance you get, you remind me that when I was seventeen, I was a fucking asshole and said that I didn’t want people to get the wrong idea about us. It’s immature and it—”
“Oh, I’m the immature one?” Jack retorted. “At least I’m not trying to hide who I am.”
“Jack, for the love of god, how many times do I have to tell you this: I was stupid. I was immature. That was two years ago! I’ve actually grown up since then. But you’re still holding on to that one thing that I said and you keep using it against me.”
“Because it hurt. It still hurts. Alex, I loved you more than anybody, and you just quit caring about me one day because of what other people might have thought. I didn’t mean enough to you to put up with rumors—which, by the way, were true! You just tossed me to the side and then started making out with every girl in the state. Then you act like everything between us is fucking normal. And THEN when we get to college, you immediately date the easiest girl at the school. And here I was, still pining after what I couldn’t have because that would give people the wrong idea and I just kept wondering what was wrong with me, when all of those sluts were good enough for you.” He sucked in a quick breath at the end of his speech, avoiding eye contact and looking at the dead grass beneath their feet.
People were starting to stare at them from a distance, just standing there half-shouting at each other on the middle of their college campus.
“I don’t know how many ways I can say this: I’m sorry. I was an idiot. But you’ve gotta let go of that, Jack, because I’ve changed, and I’m really, really trying to at least be friends again. I fucking miss you.”
Through gritted teeth, Jack said, “I don’t miss you.” He glanced over Alex’s shoulder. “My boyfriend’s waiting for me over there. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea about us. Later.” And then he was walking back into Zack’s arms, leaving Alex fuming and ready to burst into tears.
Fuck classes. He’d catch up later. He couldn’t deal with this, not today. So he headed back to the dorm and got ready to get wasted.
Alone.
Again.
This was turning into a habit and it wasn’t good.
Three shots, a beer, a long nap, and a few more shots later, and it was ten pm and Alex was hit with one of those ideas that seems great when you’re drunk. And that’s how he found himself standing outside Jack’s dorm.
♠ ♠ ♠
:)