Anywhere but Here

Alex had kept his promise.

It had been a month to the day—not that Jack was keeping track or anything—since Alex had left his dorm and said he’d only come back if Jack wanted him to, and Jack hadn’t seen him at all, not once. He seemed to be going out of his way to avoid Jack. They hadn’t crossed paths or accidentally bumped into each other. His ears involuntarily perked up every time he heard the name Alex, but it was never Gaskarth. It was like Alex had simply disappeared.

And he hated it. Alex’s sudden absence from his life was taking its toll on Jack; his grades were slipping because he was constantly preoccupied. His relationship with Zack was strained because his mind was elsewhere, wondering if Alex was okay. His sleep cycle was fucked up from either not being able to sleep or having short, choppy, unfulfilling dreams about—wait for it—Alex.

God damn it. Of every promise he’d ever made, why was this the one Alex actually kept?

“Not that you care or anything,” Zack said, his voice uncharacteristically snippy. “But I’m going out with some friends tonight.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jack mumbled, not looking away from the window. He’d been staring outside for the past hour, hoping to catch a glimpse of Alex somewhere, just to see his face once. It was obsessive, but he’d been doing it a lot lately. Damn Alex for doing this to him.

“It means that I have a life outside of my unobservant, uncaring, unfeeling, detached, cold asshole of a boyfriend, believe it or not,” he replied harshly.

Jack turned to face him at that. “I meant the first part…but, but I guess you explained that bit too.”

Zack sighed and sat down on Jack’s bed, not missing the way Jack shrank away just slightly. “What’s up with you lately?”

“Just…some stuff,” he explained vaguely.

Zack instantly jumped to conclusions. “It’s that Alex kid, isn’t it? You start getting to be friends with him again and you turn into this miserable mess. I knew he was—”

“Hey!” Jack snapped. “Don’t, don’t say anything…just go easy on Lex. He’s a decent person.” His hand found its way to his mouth when he realized that, yeah, he definitely just referred to his ex by his nickname in front of his current boyfriend. Awesome.

“Oh, so he’s ‘Lex’ now, is he?” Zack got to his feet, his expression a mixture of a glare and pity and sadness. “Yeah, I’m heading out. I’m assuming you’ll probably be right where I left you when I get back, but on the off-chance that you actually move before then, don’t bother waiting up for me.” He left, slamming the door halfheartedly.

Jack felt bad, because deep down—actually, not that deep down—he knew he was being an awful boyfriend, but he just wasn’t into it. He couldn’t force himself to be all happy with Zack when he was missing the fuck out of Alex. And Zack was so sweet, and here he was just stringing him along because he didn’t want to be lonely.

Oh, wait, he was lonely as fuck.

Zack wasn’t what he wanted. He never had been, not really. He’d convinced himself that he wanted Zack because he had to move on or else he’d spend the rest of his life dwelling on how he wished things had panned out. But here he was, with a great guy—just not great for him—and he still. Wanted. Alex.

He had to get out, or he was going to drown in his thoughts. So he slowly stood and started on a walk.

It must have been a big party day, because there were drunk people everywhere. Yeah, it was college, but it was excessive even taking that into account. He saw a girl laying on the sidewalk, her shirt slid up too much for it to have been an accident. He couldn’t help but lean down to read her tattoo.

Save your heart for someone that’s worth dying for.

He shook his head and continued walking because he was—god damn it—starting to think again. Was Zack worth dying for?

Don’t get him wrong, Zack was an awesome room mate and he’d really enjoyed his company when they first started college and he would probably make a great just-a-friend, but would Jack die for him?

Probably not.

Shit, now that he’d actually let that thought infiltrate his head, he was feeling even more guilty. Shouldn’t somebody always think that their significant other was worth dying for? And Jack probably wouldn’t even brave a needle if Zack needed a blood transfusion. But if Alex needed anything…

He was pulled from his thoughts—which was probably a good thing, considering where his thoughts were headed—when he spotted that familiar mess of blonde hair stumbling awkwardly in the street.

Jack grinned and waved, trying to get his attention, because screw keeping his distance and fuck all of his bitterness. Alex didn’t notice him. But, Jack realized, he also didn’t notice that there was a car rapidly approaching him.

And so Jack did the only sensible thing.

As the car was nearing Alex, he dove into the street, pushing him out of the way, narrowly avoiding getting hit himself. They toppled to the ground together. The driver blared their horn at him. Jack flipped them off in response, then turned to Alex, who was halfway pinned underneath him.

The shock of what just happened seemed to have sobered him up. “What…just happened?”

“You’re a drunk idiot, that’s what happened,” Jack teased, standing up and offering him a hand. He opened his mouth to say God damn it you asshole, I’ve missed you and I hate you for making me miss you so damn much, but Alex started speaking first.

“Jack. You could’ve died.” He looked genuinely shocked that he’d willingly shoved Alex out of the way, risking his own life in the process. The car had barely squeezed by without hitting him, and he didn’t know why the hell Jack cared enough to do that for him, when he hadn’t made any effort to contact him for the past month.

Jack smiled and looked him in the eye as he said, “Totally worth it.”