Before I Wake

I was broken, that much I was sure of. This aching in my chest hadn't ceased, seeming to only grow more painful as the minutes ticked by. I felt lost, like a child. What have I done?

It was the question I had been repeating over and over again for hours, with no answer ever becoming clear. I let out a shaky sigh, running a hand through my knotted hair, trying in vain once more to release the knots, only to be met with pain. I threw my gaze toward the dark sky, feeling the tears run down my face once more. How could this have happened? I was sitting on the cold concrete in the front of the bar, my legs sprawled out in front of me, my clothes completely wrinkled and disheveled from the previous night.

I grabbed my head, trying to ease the pounding that was resonating inside of my skull. I closed my eyes in pain, feeling dizzy. "I'm such a fucking idiot," I mumbled, being met with silence. I sat waiting for Chelsea, having no control as my thoughts went through last night over and over again, as though my memories were stuck on repeat.

I finally found my way into the bar after spending what felt like an eternity searching for a parking spot. The place was packed, cars in every crevice of the parking lot and pooling into the street. I rushed through the masses of people, eager not to miss any more of Zack and the band, trying my best not to trip over my own two feet.

I squeezed my way in-between two people at the bar, mumbling a few polite excuses before focusing my gaze toward center stage, a smile making its way onto my face as I caught sight of Zack, a large grin adorning his face. I felt that flutter deep within me as his gaze traveled over the crowd, his eyes in search of something. His hazel eyes connected with mine and I sent him a wave, causing a Cheshire grin to light his face.

The lights dimmed and the crowd went wild, signaling the start of the concert. I let out a scream, eager to see the boys go all out. I watched them with wild eyes, my heart pounding.

"Could I get a rum and coke?" I smiled at the bartender after some time, silently persuading him. He sent me a questionable look, clearly knowing I was underage. "You're not 21." He stated, his voice light. I sent him a dazzling smile, leaning on the bar as the boys began to play.

"You see that kid on stage over there, the one with the bass?" I asked, pointing my thumb in his direction. The bartender nodded, clearly amused. "He's my best friend and I'm in love with him. Give me some liquid courage, yeah?" I smirked, reaching into my pocket to retrieve my cell phone, pulling up proof of Zack and I's friendship. He let out a laugh and shook his head, grinning. "Sure thing," He smiled, preparing my drink.

Should celebrate somehow, but, I never thought that would work. I let out a laugh, turning my attention back to the stage, eager to see the boys perform. The bartender slipped me my drink and I took hold of it with a firm hand, downing a large portion. I must have made an amusing face, because the man behind the bar let out a laugh before making his way to help other customers. "It's been a while!" I laughed, weakly defending myself. I haven't had a drink in months due to this cancer.

The concert had been over for some time before I saw any sign of the boys. They made their way out from behind stage and I had assumed they would be doing a bit of signing with their newest fans, so, I patiently waited at the bar, nursing what I believed to be my third drink. I was feeling good, bobbing my head to the bar music and watching the boys with glazed eyes.

"Zack is so fucking hot, I would get him in bed so fast." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, agitation creeping into my veins. "Oh, I totally agree." A high pitched voice rang in my ears. I let out a scoff without even realizing it and turned my head find out where the annoying voices were coming from, being met with two, clearly fake blondes, their blouses so slow, one wrong move would send what's stashed underneath, flying out. They were both glaring at me, their eyes holding frustration.

"And I suppose you think that you could get into bed with him?" The blonde in blue seethed, her companion in red drawing her eyes up and down my body, a scowl adorning her face.
I let out a laugh, drawing the straw from my glass to my lips, the rum having swam through my body long enough to give me a boost of confidence. They narrowed their eyes in annoyance, clearly awaiting an answer.

"I've already been around that block and I can do it anytime I like," I snatched my phone from my pocket, pulling up the evidence for the second time that night. I smirked as I watched their reactions, clearly awestruck. "Now," I snipped. "If you like to say any more about my boyfriend and how fantastic he is in bed, I'll kick your twiggy asses." I smiled my biggest, fakest smile, getting up from my stool at the bar, careful not to fall flat on my face.

"What a lying bitch, like he would ever get with someone as ugly as you." One of them snarled, clearly disappointed. I rolled my eyes at them, no longer amused by them, turning on my heel to make my way toward the boys. Instead, I ran face first into a warm chest, bouncing back from the impact.

"Watch where you're fucking going," I mumbled, rubbing my now throbbing nose. A deep rumble echoed in my ears, sending my cheeks ablaze. I looked up from underneath my lashes, already knowing who the owner of the voice was.

"I see someone has been hitting the bottle," Zack grinned down at me, grabbing my arm lightly and capturing me in a warm embrace. I felt hot all over, whether it was due to the alcohol or Zack, I wasn't sure. I would probably go with the latter as I felt my face heat up even more as he placed a soft kiss on my head, pulling back from our embrace.

"Hey, babe," I voiced a little louder than needed before placing a kiss on his cheek, smirking as I noticed the two blondes glaring at us. He looked at me in confusion, clearly not understanding. I let out a small giggle, latching on to his arm and turning toward the two girls, Zack finally caught on and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me close.

"These more fans, beautiful?" He asked, smirking as the two looked at him, hurt written on their face. The girl in blue crossed her arms, a snarl forming on her face. "You're not seriously dating that, right?" Her voice filled with venom as she nodded her head toward me. I let out a scoff, not believing that these girls were seriously trying to start something with me.

I was about to reply, but, Zack beat me to it. "Excuse me?" He scoffed, taking a step toward them. Their faces filled with alarm, clearly not expecting to me scolded by Zack Merrick, bassist of All Time Low, tonight. "I would watch your damn mouth. Alaine is more beautiful of a person, inside and out, then the two of you will ever be. So, get the hell out of here and go find some guy that actually cares, though, I doubt you'll have much luck."

My jaw dropped, completely astonished. I looked at him in surprise, his face grave and agitation creeping into his features. The two blondes were speechless, their jaws slack, just as mine was. I snapped mine shut, smirking in victory as they turned on their heels and made their departure.

I grinned up at Zack, finding his eyes already looking down on me, shining brightly. "That was brilliant!" I laughed, making my way back to the bar. He let out a small chuckle, joining me as I sat back down at the bar, ordering another rum and coke. "Make that two," Zack added as the bartender walked away, before locking his gaze with mine.

"You were great tonight," I praised, taking a sip of my drink, feeling warm. A small smile adorned his face as he nodded, taking a large gulp of his drink, finishing most of it as he ordered another. The night continued in this manner until both Zack and I were off our rollers, laughing and giggling like children.

"We are headed out, you two gonna be set?" Alex, one of Zack's bandmates, asked us, a grin present on his face. I could only nod, afraid that if I continued, my head would surely topple off. I reached for me phone, sending Chelsea a quick text, hoping my words were coming out coherently. I heard Zack respond, though, I don't quite remember what it was that he had said. I sent the boys a wave, grinning like a maniac.

"You're cute," Zack smiled after the boys left, his eyes glazed. I let out a giggle, my body warm all over. "No," I smiled, shoving him lightly, earning a chuckle. "You're much cuter." Zack seemed lost for a moment, his thoughts clouding his mind. I looked at him in amusement, he was incredibly cute when he was thinking.

"You're pretty hot when you have you're thinking cap on, Merrick." I flirted, positioning my body to face him on the stool. He snapped out of whatever thoughts had hold of him, grinning at me brightly. "You're pretty shameless for someone who only wants to be friends." He mumbled, searching his pockets for his phone. I felt myself scowl, my mood becoming sour.

"Clearly the rum is making you a grump," I mumbled back, finishing off my drink. The room was fuzzy and I felt like I would fall off my stool at any moment. I grasped the bar tightly, laying my head down on the cool counter, relishing in its relief. "Stupid, Zack." I whispered, my head feeling heavy.

I heard him scoff, earning a look of disapproval from myself. He was punching numbers into his cell before he brought it up to his ear, ushering a taxi to pick us up. I felt myself smile, glad to know he was acting so responsible. "So responsible!" I yelled, startling him. He sent me a glare, but said nothing, our previous giggles and laughter now having subsided.

We were silent as the taxi arrived, slipping into the back without a word, only Zack letting the driver know where we were headed before throwing himself back against the seat, his arms crossed against his chest. I let out a sigh, my gaze drifting out the window, my eyes becoming heavy.

The taxi pulled up in front of Zack's house and we exited it silently. I made my way up the driveway and awaited near the front door, just wanting to get into bed. "Way to ruin the night," I mumbled to myself, scolding Zack as I watched him pay our driver. Things had been going so well. Zack made his way inside after unlocking the door, brushing past me without a word. My anger was building and if I was being honest, I was a very horrible person to deal with when drunk and angry. I just wanted to yell at him for not realizing why I was holding back. How could he be so stupid?

I slipped my heels off after making my way inside tossing my clutch on the table near the couch and relishing the feeling of the carpet underneath my toes. I ran my fingers through my hair, tossing myself onto the couch, not bothering to raid Zack's drawers for clothes to sleep in. I didn't have to as Zack entered the living room and tossed me a large shirt and sweats, his face grave.

I let out a sigh, making my way past him and into the bathroom, eager to get out of my tight jeans and top. I gave myself a quick once over after changing, wiping some smeared make up off and making my way back into the living room, being met with Zack standing with his arms crossed, staring at me in distaste.

I let out a grumble, shifting from foot to foot, not wanting to deal with whatever it was that he was going to say. "What, Zack?" I mumbled, not looking at him. "I don't get it," He whispered harshly, causing me to scowl. He took a step toward me and I tried my best to keep my brave face on, not wanting to crack under his gaze. I sent him a questioning look, urging him to continue.

"We have been friends for as long as I can remember," He mumbled, no longer looking at me. I nodded, not understanding where he was going with this. "I don't know how I can it more fucking obvious, Alaine. I mean, really." He scoffed, catching my gaze once more.

"What the fuck are you talking about? You're drunk, Zack." I whispered harshly, trying to get past him, only to be met with his hand around my arm, stopping me in my tracks. He grabbed both of my arms, forcing me to look at him. I kept my gaze low, knowing full well the only thing I would want to do is reach up and kiss him.

"You're beyond infuriating and most of the time you drive me insane," I let out a scoff, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "What the hell is your point?" I mumbled, trying in vain to remove myself from his grasp, not wanting to feel the warm it was creating any longer. He let out an aggravated grunt, throwing his hands into the air. I would have been amused had the frustration and concern not been present on his face.

"I don't know Alaine! I mean, I practically tell you I'm fucking in love with you and your only response is that you, 'don't want to make things complicated'." He mocked, using air quotes. My heart was pounding, I could not believe he just said that. Was I really that drunk? "I mean, how the hell am I supposed to react when you continue to flirt and shit? You're driving me up the fucking wall." He mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Am I really that drunk that I am imagining the words I've wanted to hear are finally coming out of your mouth? Or am I dreaming again, because, that would really fucking suck." I voiced my previous thoughts, looking at him in astonishment. He let out a light laugh, making his way toward me.

"I love you," He whispered, placing his hand on my face, a lit smile on his face. "Uh, what?" I responded. What the fuck? What an intelligent thing to say, Alaine. I mean really, what are-

My thoughts were interrupted as I felt his lips press against mine. I was frozen momentarily, not believing that Zack was actually kissing me. He pulled away all too soon, a look of hurt spread across his face. "Shit, I thought you felt the same," He mumbled, looking crushed. "I didn't mean to just kiss you like-" I let out a laugh before pressing my lips against his once more, surprising him.

He responded immediately, grasping my waist and bringing me closer, igniting a fire within me. I snaked my arms around his neck, eagerly trying to bring him closer. His lips were just I had dreamed they would be, soft and passionate. People talk about first kisses being like fireworks and such, but, this kiss was only heat. It consumed me from the inside out and it never felt so good to be burned.

I heard him moan as he pressed me against the wall, trying to get himself as close to me as he could. I smiled into the kiss, biting his lip softly. "Fuck," He breathed, pressing his head against mine. I could only nod, breathless. He kissed me softly, sending butterflies into my stomach once more. "I love you, Alaine. I always have." He whispered, kissing me once more. I let out a light laugh, still in shock. I was so lucky. "I love you too, Zack." I smiled before kissing him once more.

Things escalated as he thrust me toward the couch, his lips never leaving mine. I felt myself bump into the table, sending a giggle to fly out of my mouth. Zack sent me a smile before bringing his gaze toward the floor, his eyes clouding with confusion. I sent him a questioning look as he released himself from my grasp and bent toward the ground. I followed him with my gaze, my eyes widening in horror as I realized what he was doing.

"Don't touch those," I snapped, bending down to level with Zack. Scattered across the floor were my pain pills, their tiny capsules mocking me as Zack scooped some up into his hand, grabbing the bottle they called home and reading the information located on its label. I went to reach for it, but he was too quick, skittering out of my reach just in time.

"What the fuck?" He snarled, tossing the bottle to the ground. His gaze caught mine and what I saw inside of them terrified me. He was angry, that much was certain. My heart broke as he scrambled up from the floor, eager to get as far away from me as possible. "When were you going to tell me, huh?" He growled, looking at me with hatred. "You think I don't know what this shit is? I've had family members die before, Alaine." He was furious.

"Zack, I-" He silenced me with his glare. Never in my life had I ever seen him so angry. How is it that I could be the first to do so? I reached for him, only to have him shun me. "Get out." He snarled, his eyes watering. I felt my chest tighten as my eyes began to water uncontrollably. "Zack, please-" I tried once more, only to be met with his arm tight around mine, snatching my things as he guided me toward the front door.

"Get the fuck out and don't come back." He snarled, tossing my shoes and purse out the door. He pushed me lightly through the frame of the door, causing me to stumble. I was met with the sound of the door slamming in my face, causing me to crumble to my knees. Zack caused me to feel on fire, but this burn? This was the most painful of all.