Before I Wake

You know that moment when everything collapses around you? Where your entire world stops and all that force slaps you in the face? That moment when you truly feel alone and there isn't anyone to turn to? What do you do in a moment such as that? Cry? Scream? I wasn't sure, so, I did the only thing that came to mind.

I ran.

I stumbled my way out of Chelsea's car, blurry eyed and dazed, not headed in any true direction. Honestly, at that moment, I didn't care in the least. I just needed to get away, as far as my feet could take me.

I thrust myself forward as quickly as I could, tripping over my own feet as the tears rolled down my face, distorting my vision. I forced myself to run, to get from this place as fast as humanly possible. I stopped and reached downward, salty droplets hitting the concrete as I snatched my heels and threw them off, not caring where they landed.

I let out a choked sob as I ran, thrusting my hands over my mouth as I continued to run, trying my best to quell the emotions that were bubbling to the surface. My once, beautiful and soft hair now stuck to the trails of salt left on my face and was nothing but a knotted disaster, whipping around me as I flew past buildings and trees alike.

To say I looked completely mental would be an understatement; barefoot, half-drunk, and on the verge of sobbing, I was coming apart at the seams. I was running at a speed I never thought possible, so, it was no surprise that I never saw the roots snaking their way through the concrete of the sidewalk, eager to snare whoever was unfortunate enough to be in their path. I happened to be that person.

One moment I was sprinting as though my life depended on it and the next, I was in the air, on my way to a collision with ground below me, with absolutely no option of slamming on the brakes.

"Fuck!" I screeched, flying face first toward the pavement. Luckily, my body still had some form of reaction and I felt myself thrust my hands out in front of me, landing hard and painfully onto the sidewalk, followed by the noise of something tearing.

Pain rippled through me and I immediately felt my hands blaze, causing me to scowl and take notice of the wounds that now adorned my palms. I scrambled into a sitting position and brought my knees to my chest, grimacing as my eyes caught site of my now bloody knee and the new tear that said wound was presenting itself out of.

I felt the last of my strength drain out of me and I dropped my head to my knees, unable to have the will power to even hold it up anymore. It was in that moment that I felt something truly break inside of me. In a single night, I had been as high as the moon, only to have a massive black-hole come and destroy the beauty that I once held. I had never felt so low.

The tears fell at an alarming pace and I did nothing to stop them. I didn't care anymore, honestly. The sobs racked my body and I dug my nails painfully into my bloody palms, willing to distract myself from the inner turmoil I was battling.

Every emotion, everything I hated, all my pain, I felt it bubble deep down inside me and seep to the surface, like a volcano getting ready to show its power. In an instant, I let out a glass-shattering scream, so full of raw emotion, it scared not only myself, but those who had heard it, I was certain.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I sobbed, the tears never have stopped. I tried to will myself to my feet, placing my palms to the floor, but, it was as though my feet were glued in place and the pain that radiated through my hands made me second-guess that moving had ever been an option.

I let out a small gasp as I remembered I had access to my cell phone and I immediately began to dig through my pockets, eager to find the device. I snatched the device from my back pocket, surprised the thing was still intact.

"Shit," I mumbled, taking notice of the little amount of battery left in the device, clearly not enough for a phone call. I flicked my fingers across the device, trying to make the most out of what little time I had with the thing.

"Send," I whispered, watching as the small envelope made its way across the screen, sending its contents through what I assumed was cyber space and then promptly dying, being met with only a black screen. I let out a frustrated sigh, hoping that my message reached its host.

Waiting was not something I wanted to do right now, especially with how rampant my mind was at the moment. But, with no choice but to surrender, I placed my head on my knees, closing my eyes painfully, trying to keep my thoughts at bay, to no avail.

I felt his lips on mine. His hands traveling my body. The words I had so desperately been waiting to hear, spilling from his lips. The sound of the bottle hitting the floor. The anger. The pain. The rage. Everything being completely ripped away.

"Fuck this," I hissed.

I was exhausted and I felt all of the previous night and this morning hit me full force, causing my body to sag into the concrete. A small sigh escaped my lips as I scrunched my eyes tighter, forcing the memories to retreat, my wall succeeding for the time.

I listened to the noises around me; the trees whispering in the wind, the flapping of a bird's wings, tires rolling over gravel, my name being called.

Wait, what?

I opened one eye to see if I had just been hearing things, only to catch a figure through my curtain of hair standing outside of their car, watching me with careful eyes. In that moment, I wanted to cry, to run into his arms.

As if reading my mind, I watched as he opened his arms, indicating that he wanted my presence to fill the void. I felt my body move on its own, scrambling to feel the warmth and love of another human being. The tears began even before I was off the ground, rolling down my face once more.

I thrust myself into his arms, feeling the heat radiate off of his body and encircle me, warming my heart for the first time in hours. The sobs couldn't be stopped and I felt his grip tighten, pulling me into his expensive jacket, easing the tight vice around my heart.

"Hi, dad," I bawled, tears staining his shoulder. My voice rocked with pain, causing me to sob even harder, despising how weak and pathetic I was feeling. My grip tightened and I ignored the pain, just wanting to be held.

"Hey, baby," He whispered, stroking my hair softly.

And the silence surrounded me once more.