Before I Wake

I released a heavy sigh, my shoulders slumping with exhaustion as we stopped rehearsal, again. My mind had been a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions these past few weeks and it was no surprise that I could barely make it through one day, let alone a number of hours practicing in my garage with the band. I had messed up the rift to, Memories That Fade Like Photographs, a fitting song for my mood, for the fifth time and the band was beginning to get fed up with my shit.

"I'm sorry, guys," I began, my hands threading through my dark hair, a habit I had picked up recently. "I just, I can't focus." I mumbled, moving my hands from my hair to my face, dragging them across its surface. Though they were all clearly agitated, they seem to understand, sending me quick nods of understanding.

"Let's take a break," Alex suggested, stepping away from the microphone and back into the house.

I nodded, not really paying any attention as everyone set their instruments down and made their way back inside, minus Rian, he sauntered his way over toward me, a look of sympathy etched across his face as he place himself next to me on the sofa.

"You look like shit, man," His tone light. I let out a sigh, closing my eyes briefly, knowing he meant well. I rarely ate or showered, and making it to practice was getting more and more difficult each day and half the time, practice was at my own damn house.

"You gotta talk to her, Zack. Otherwise, you're just going to rot yourself into oblivion." I let out a scoff, my gaze rolling up toward the ceiling.

Rian was a good guy, but, he just didn't get it. Out of everyone in the band, he and I were the closest. We had been through everything together and I trusted the man with my life. But, the fact of the matter was that the way I was feeling, well, no one really seemed to understand the extent of anguish I was feeling.

"Rian," I whispered, trying with all my strength to keep my voice from breaking. I felt his gaze on me, burning a hole into my face, but, I didn't dare look into his eyes, afraid I would only see pity.

"She's dying and she didn't even bother to tell me." I let out a sad laugh, still not believing the fact.

Alaine Thomas, the girl who I became best friends with after bonding over our superhero lunch boxes, the girl who looked at me for who I was and not some wanna-be pop star, the girl I was fucking in-love with, was dying. Day-by-day, she came closer and closer to what could possibly be her very last day. And the worst part of it all? She never said a word. That was what hurt the most.

"She was terrified, Zack. How was she supposed to just bring that up into conversation?" His voice entered a mocking tone, which I assumed was supposed to be Alaine.

"Oh, hey, Zack, how are you? Oh, that's good. By the way, I have cancer." I was not amused. I sent him a glare, but, he waved it off, undeterred. He had a point, but, that didn't take the sting from her betrayal away, not by a long shot.

"I told her I fucking loved her, Rian. I finally told her and then slammed the door in her face." My body slumped into the cushions as I let out an audible sigh, dropping my head in exhaustion.

These past few weeks had been absolute hell and if I was being honest, I was being completely selfish in the fact that Alaine was going through what I could only imagine were some of the worst weeks of her life and here I was, wallowing in self pity.

How I had not noticed something was wrong, I have no idea. It seemed so obvious now; her massive weight loss, the tired eyes and purple bags, long days away at what was supposedly her father's. I let out a laugh at that one, she couldn't stand her father. How had I not known?

"If you had only seen her face, Rian," I whispered, my voice barely audible. I scrunched my eyes in pain, wishing to forget the look of absolute anguish and heartbreak written on her face as I snatched her by the arm and forced her out of my home. My heart tugged painfully at my chest just thinking about it.

"She had been fine, everything had been fine." I whispered once more.

"I know it hurts," I interrupted him with a harsh laugh, he had no idea. "But," He continued, sending me a glare. I rolled my eyes, allowing him to continue.

"Imagine how she is feeling right now, mate. Her best friend isn't there for her when she needs him most. I can assume she feels like absolute shit for lying, but, maybe you should give her a chance to explain herself, hmm?"

Fuck, Rian for being so smart. I said nothing as he removed himself from the sofa, the cushions rising quickly from the relief of pressure. He gave me a soft pat on the shoulder before making his way back inside, leaving me to my own devices.

I let out a frustrated sigh, my hands immediately going through my hair once more. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Was I supposed to just forgive her so easily or was I being completely childish?

I was still deep in these thoughts before they were quickly pulled from me as my cell phone began to ring and vibrate across the coffee table in front of me. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, staring at the device instead of reaching over and seeing who it was. Alex, Jack, and Rian were obviously here, so, it wasn't them and I knew for damn sure it wasn't Alaine, or at least I hoped. Did I really hope that?

I didn't get another chance for the thought to cross my mind as the device stopped its journey across the table, only to begin ringing once more, its screen flashing a bright white. I forgot my previous thoughts as I reached across the table and snatched the annoying device from its surface, throwing a quick glance at the tiny screen.

Chelsea Red

I looked at the phone in confusion, having absolutely no idea why she of all people had decided to call me. Chelsea and I, while we got along, didn't talk much. In fact, the only reason I had her number was in case of emergency and the fact that Alaine persisted that I had it. I entered the nickname I gave her into my contacts, as to not forget who she was.

Though, with her red-hair and short fuse, it wasn't hard to imagine why I had given her the nickname she absolutely hated. Alaine had thought it was hilarious and the sound of her laugh fills my head momentarily, remembering that day fondly.

I shake my head, quickly ridding those thoughts from my head as I press the call button, bringing the device to my ear, still confused as to why she was calling me.

"Chelsea?" I answer, confusion lacing my voice.

"Oh, thank God," I hear her breathe a sigh of relief, causing me to become even more confused. I literally had no idea what was going on.

"Why are you calling me?" My voice wasn't harsh, just, curious. Her next words chilled me to the bone.

"It's Alaine," She whispered, her voice full of sadness. My heart dropped into my stomach, fear immediately filling my veins. No, this could not be happening.

"What happened, Chelsea?" I asked frantically, my voice becoming an octave higher. If I had thought for even a moment that I could simply write Alaine off, I was sorely mistaken. What had I been thinking? I shook my head in disbelief, her voice breaking me from my thoughts.

"Listen," She began, her voice surprisingly calm. "I know we are both upset with her, but, she needs us right now."

I was confused once more, I had no idea Chelsea and Alaine weren't on good terms. "You two are fighting?" Why it was of concern to me, I had no idea.

She was silent for a moment and I thought for a split second that the line had went dead, but, her voice filled the device once more.

"It's not important," She mumbled, clearly not wanting to talk about it. "Can you get the hospital, like, now?"

I nodded, all my previous thoughts vanishing as I gathered myself up off the couch and out the garage door, not even bothering to say goodbye to the boys. I snatched my keys off the table, making my way toward the car.

"On my way," I stated, snapping the device shut. These past few weeks had been absolute shit and I couldn't remember ever being so, crushed, over something such as this, but, Alaine needed me. I wasn't going to walk out on her, not ever again.