Before I Wake

Oh, wow. I feel like proper shit. I heard myself grumble incoherently, willing myself to try and open my eyes. I feel like I got hit by a fucking semi. I scrunched my eyes in pain, feeling like one, large bruise. I felt myself tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable. My eyes felt incredibly heavy and I had no desire to try and open them, instead trying once more to get comfortable and face reality at another time.

The strong smell of cleaning products and something else I couldn't place, hit me in the face. Oh, no. Please tell me I am not where I think I am. I felt a sudden tug on the center of my left arm as tried to roll over and become situated, leaving me no choice but to resist the incredibly strong urge to fall back into a deep slumber.

I let out an agitated sigh, forcing my eyes open, coming face to face with exactly what I wasn't hoping for, a hospital room. "Shit," I mumbled, my voice sounding scratchy and incoherent after its lack of use. I blinked a few more times, allowing my eyes to adjust to the bright lights and dull walls of the hospital and finding the item that had caused me to awaken. I felt myself scowl as I followed the location of the IV from my arm to the stand placed next to my bed. How I did not notice the figure sitting in a very uncomfortable looking chair right beside me, I will never know. But, he became very apparent and terrifying as he greeted me.

"Holy shit, Zack! How long have you been there?" I tried not to scream, placing my hand to my chest out of instinct. "You look like shit." I stated, once I had calmed down a bit and had time to take in his appearance.

He looked exhausted, if I was being honest. The purple bags under his eyes and disheveled hair, while reminded me of what he looked like when he rolled straight out of bed, which in any other circumstance would be adorable, did not befit him at the moment. Nor did the look of worry and fear present on his face.

"Hey, you," he whispered ignoring my gibe and placing himself on the edge of the bed, wrapping me in a gentle hug. I felt myself melt into him, thankful for his warmth. "You really gave me a fright." He spoke softly, placing a small kiss on my forehead.

I felt my hands curl into my lap and directed my gaze downward, trying at all costs not to have to look directly at Zack, afraid of the emotions I would see dancing behind his eyes and due to the fact that I had barely been awake for five minutes and the man already had me blushing. "Sorry," I mumbled, not knowing how else to reply.

A brief look of confusion passed his face as he opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted as the door to the bedroom came swinging open and Chelsea came walking in, two small, white, Styrofoam cups in hand. "Oh, I didn't know you were awake," She smiled, placing the two cups on the table beside my bed. "How are you feeling?" she asked, taking a seat where Zack had previously been before joining me.

"I feel okay, just a bit sore." I sent them both a reassuring smile. They both stared at me cautiously, clearly not wanting to believe me. "I'm serious," I protested, my eyebrows furrowing. "I'm fine guys, I promise."

I heard Chelsea scoff, crossing her arms in disbelief. "You were practically a fountain of fucking blood, Alaine. You were and are not okay." I grumbled in agitation, grabbing one of the cups from the side table and taking a few sips, relishing the feeling of the cool water going down my throat. I caught a look of question on Zack's face. I was not certain if it was one of disgust or anguish, and it bothered me.

I was unable to ponder this any longer as various nurses began to come in and out of my room, checking my vitals and such. This was honestly the last thing I was in the mood for, I just wanted to go home. Yeah, I passed out in a pool of my own blood, some girl have heavier flows than others when they are on their periods, so what? Who am I kidding? I let out a sigh of relief as the last nurse left my room after hounding me with a million questions, assuring me that my doctor would be in at any moment.

There was a brief silence between the three of us, an unnerving sort of silence, which was unusual for each of us. "Listen, I'm sorry, okay?" I mumbled, feeling embarrassed for earlier. "I know I'm not okay, I just don't want to make something out of nothing, which I am sure this is all this case is." I continued, watching them stare at me, wanting to believe me. "I feel good, really, I do, just sore." I smiled at the both of them. This would have to suffice for them at the moment as a tall, older brunette made her way into my room, snatching the clipboard from the end of my bed.

"Ms. Thomas," she greeted me, her voice sweet and lingering a Southern accent below. "I'm Dr. Kyle," she introduced, reaching out to shake my hand, her sweet perfume wafting into the air, filling it with the scent of vanilla. I obliged and sent her a smile. "How are you feeling?" she proceeded.

I let out a chuckle, thinking as to how many times I've been asked this question. "I feel pretty well, just a bit sore is all." She nodded her head in understanding, flipping through various pages of information on my medical clipboard.

"Well," she looked up at me, sending me a smile. "There doesn't seem to be any internal bleeding or anything else of serious nature." I smiled at that news, wanting nothing more than to tell Zack and Chelsea I told them so.

"We took a biopsy of your uterine wall, seeing as that had been the source of the bleeding, as well as some routine blood tests and such." She placed the clipboard back on the hook located at the end of my bed and sent me another smile. "Tests won't be back for a few days, but, you're all set to head home, dearie. Just take it easy, okay?" She pointed her wrinkled finger at me. I let out a laugh and reassured her that I would behave.

As she exited my room, I grinned up at my two favorite people. "Can we get something to eat once we leave this hell hole? I'm starved." I frowned, rubbing my stomach. The tension that had once existed dissipated with the replacement of laughter. "If you shower first, you smell terrible," Zack reached over and rubbed my head affectionately, gaining a chuckle out of me.

"Two days passed out in a hospital does not befit you, Alaine." He grinned down at me, his hand still placed atop my head. "I still look better than the lot of you." I countered, earning a light tap across the head from Zack and a chuckle from Chelsea. Everything was going to be okay, and I couldn't be happier.

+++

Having wasted two days in the hospital on my only break until the summer, I was not pleased and had been determined to catch up on all of the things that I missed. I proceeded to finish the movie date that Chelsea and I had had planned, spent more ridiculously cold days at the beach with Zack, and in general, just enjoyed my time off and relished in the freedom of feeling healthy once more.

As Zack had promised me, he did not fail to throw me a birthday, and holy hell, was it a massive one. There were balloons, cake, music, booze, the works, and I was having the time of my life, not pleased to be nineteen, but, enjoying the day nonetheless.

The day began with a surprise breakfast in bed, planned by none other than Zack, but, with assistance from the lovely, Chelsea, not allowing him to burn our apartment down by accident. It then proceeded with the opening of gifts, after having showered and dressed. Chelsea had bought me a new Ipod, after having accidently washed mine after forgetting that it was in her pocket. Last time I ever let her borrow anything again, safe to say. Zack's gift, while not as flashy as Chelsea's, still made my heart warm.

I let out a loud laugh as I unwrapped his gift, a small stuffed cat coming into view, his white and orange striped body greeting me. "Very cute, Zachary," I smiled at him. "I love it!" I pressed the soft critter to my face, grinning like a child. Zack chuckled and I couldn't help but feel a flutter in the pit of my stomach.

"What are you going to name him?" Chelsea asked from her seat on one of the kitchen bar stools. I pondered for a moment, giving the cat another once over before finally settling on a name. "Buzz!" I yelled, grinning at the both of them. Chelsea let out a laugh and rolled her eyes, leaving her place on the stool and mumbling something about calling Scott to make sure he was still coming to the party later.

"I have one more gift for you, but, that's for later." Zack stated, smiling a softly at me. This kid is driving me insane. I could barely contain the butterflies in my stomach, if it were possible for butterflies to round-kick the shit out of one another, then this is what I must have been feeling. We continued on with our day as Chelsea returning, confirming that Scott would indeed be joining us tonight. I couldn't help but laugh as Zack scowled at the mention of his name and I quickly nudged him in order to behave.

By the time four rolled around, the party was in full swing. There were a number of people milling about, in and out of Zack's house, where we decided to throw the party. I situated myself underneath the shade of a large tree, a mixed drink in hand. Chelsea was off with Scott somewhere, while I watched in amusement as Alex and Jack, two of Zack's bandmates, squared off in the pool, dueling one another with foam noodles. I caught Rian and a few others playing an intense round of beer-pong and couldn't help but laugh at how hammered they were becoming.

"Having fun?" I heard his footsteps first, turning to greet him with a smile. He was wearing a pair of washed out jeans and a simple white tee and never looked better. "Of course, thank so much for doing this." I snaked my arms around him, giving him a quick hug. He smiled down at me as I pulled away, pulling out a small, black box from the back of his worn out jeans. "Oh," I gasped as he opened it, laying eyes on a beautiful, silver necklace. "It's beautiful." I mumbled as he began to take it out of its box.

"Turn around," he whispered, already forcing my back to him. I obliged and swept my long hair to the side, having curled it for today's occasion. I saw the necklace come briefly into view as he reached around and placed it on my chest, his warm hands brushing my neck. I tried not to shiver as he clasped the necklace and swept my hair back into place, turning me to face him.

I smiled at him quickly before looking downward, catching sight of my newly acquired gift. A small, silver infinity sign now made its home on my chest, sparkling in the sun due to the small encrusted diamonds that were present. It was beautiful and I could not help myself as I threw myself into his arms at full force. "It's so fucking beautiful, Zack. Thank you, seriously." I mumbled into his chest.

He let out a chuckle, briefly squeezing me tighter before releasing me and sending a dazzling smile my way. I felt his hand catch a small strand of my hair and safely tuck it behind my ear, brushing my face with his calloused hands. "You look beautiful, Alaine." He smiled, looking at the flowing sundress I had chosen to wear.

I felt like Cheshire Cat as I grinned up at him, punching him lightly in the arm. "I'm always looking better than you, Merrick." We both chuckled a bit and then suddenly, something, shifted. There was some sort of crackle of electricity as we caught each other's gaze, drawing one another in like magnets.

"Yo," Jack yelled from across the yard, breaking whatever it was that had just been happening, like a damn twig. "Time for some fucking cake, bitches!" Jack screamed, running around the yard announcing it to everyone. I laughed at his childish antics, not helping the smile that made its way to my face. Zack and I made our way toward where everyone was gathering, seemingly forgetting what had just happened.

I was fitted with a traditional birthday cap, its pointy tip being adorned with various sorts of shiny material. I laughed as Alex danced his way toward me, a very precarious chocolate cake in his hands, a bright yellow candle with the number, 19, placed directly in the center. A very out of tune chorus of 'Happy Birthday' began and I grinned as I leaned in to blow out my candle, hearing someone snap a photo.

After the celebrations, I cut and passed out the cake, giving Jack an extra helping, knowing he would come back for more. I felt my phone begin to vibrate in my back pocket as Jack made his way back over to me, begging for more cake. I let out a chuckle as I pressed the answer button, not caring to look at the caller idea. "Hello?" I half laughed into the receiver, currently distracted by Rian and Jack arguing over the bigger piece of cake.

"Ms. Thomas, this is Dr. Kyle," her southern accent coming through once more. I shook my head as I stepped away from the commotion, trying to focus. "We've gotten your biopsy results back-" she began, but, I didn't hear her as I was laughing too hard after watching Zack push both Rian and Jack into the pool, stealing both the slices of cakes they wanted. "I'm sorry," I laughed. "It's my birthday and things are a bit hectic over here." I explained, shaking my head once more.

"Ms. Thomas, I am calling in regards to inform you that you have stage two Embryonal Carcinoma." Her voice stern. Wait, what? Emrby Carcima wha? The line was silent. "Ms. Thomas?" I heard her ask, her voice suddenly very soft. "Uh," I tried gathering myself. "I'm sorry, but, I'm afraid I don't know what that is." I trailed off, my gaze set downward in confusion.

I peered over my shoulder, making sure no one was headed toward me. I caught sight of Zack and he quickly sent me a wave. I offered him a small one in return, too distracted to put forth my best effort. I heard Dr. Kyle sigh on the other side of the line, gaining my attention once more. "Alaine, Embryonal Carcinoma is a very rare and serious form of ovarian cancer that tends to-"

I heard no more. I dropped the phone like it was a burning coal, tossing it as far away from me as possible. I felt as though my body had been drenched in ice water and I stared at the device in amazement, not knowing what to think. Mere moments ago, I was having the time of my life and now? I let out a sob, quickly clasping my hands over my mouth. Now? Now, I had no choice but to open my eyes and face reality.