Before I Wake

"Chelsea, the last person I want to talk about is Zachary." I mumbled. Chelsea and I had been watching some terrible Lifetime movie before she decided to interrupt us with the topic of the brown haired boy. I let out a small sigh as my gaze drifted over to her, willing myself to stay awake. My eyelids felt like rocks and I knew I wouldn't be able to stay coherent much longer, having already made myself a comfortable make-shift bed of pillows and blankets on the couch.

I had just finished my second round of chemotherapy two days ago and I was beyond exhausted. I literally had no energy to do anything; eating, homework, and even communicating were thrown under the rug. Chelsea had begun taking notice, asking me what the hell was wrong with me. Her petite figure was situated comfortably on the opposite end of the couch, trying to make conversation with me, again.

It was becoming more and more difficult to keep this facade of health up, when it was blatantly obvious something was wrong. I had begun to lose a bit of weight, nothing too dramatic, but, Chelsea took notice almost immediately, throwing herself into a frenzy, thinking I was on some "I'm fat, I refuse to eat," kick. My hair was still intact, which I was grateful for, I wasn't sure how I would explain that one. But, perhaps the biggest change was the fact that my energy levels hit the floor, which was something I had been expecting, but, not in such a dramatic way. Walking, talking, eating, all of these things required what felt like massive amounts of energy, which I just could not will myself to participate in.

"He's worried about you, Alaine," she whispered. Her gaze was locked with mine, willing me to listen to the words she was saying. I produced a small nod, edging her to continue. "I mean, how could he not when you haven't even bothered to talk to him in weeks?"

I let out a grunt before crossing my arms, I knew she was right. I was having an incredibly difficult time ignoring Zack, no matter how hard I was trying. He was constantly calling or texting me, wanting to explain and figure things out. I was more concerned with keeping him at bay, afraid I would let him again, only to have him figure out how ill I was and run. A far as possible from me as he could, not wanting to deal with the fact that his best friend was tittering on the edge of life and death, literally.

"You know I'm right." she smirked. I rolled my eyes at this, knowing full well she was, but, refusing to voice it.

"I'm just," I mumbled, trying to figure out how to explain myself. She had her full attention on me, causing me to squirm. "I don't want to complicate things, you know?" She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, clearly not understanding.

"You're telling me that now you don't want to be in a relationship with Zack?" She asked, her voice full of disbelief. Did I want that? No, of course not. It was just an easier solution that having to try and sort through a pool of feelings.

I shrugged, feigning indifference. "It's just easier to stay single," I felt my voice wavering, causing Chelsea to narrow her eyes, not believing me. Chelsea was always a hard person to convince, her stubbornness getting in the way. "Plus," I began again, trying to convince her. "Zack isn't interested in me like that. Did you see how he practically threw himself from me when he figured out I wanted to fucking kiss him?" I mumbled, trying to will away the memory of that, but failing.

Chelsea scoffed in disbelief, shaking her head and crossing her arms, all the while giving me a look that said, "you really expect me to believe that?" I shrugged, pulling one of the many blankets pooled around me, up to my chin, trying not to think of how Zack was handling this entire situation.

"He misses you," Chelsea stated, giving me a hard glare. I tried to ignore it, but, she always had a way of getting under my skin and pointing me in the right direction, despite how capable I was of making my own decision, even if she had to drag me toward the right path.

"Just give him a quick call or text, okay?" She continued, her voice soft. I nodded, simply to get her off of my case. She glared at me once more, not believing me. I sent her a look over the top of my blanket, trying to hide myself from her, knowing full well she would forcibly hold me down and call the boy.

My exhaustion was creeping up on me again, causing my eyelids to grow heavy once more. Chelsea noticed, removing herself from the couch, giving me room to stretch out. I sent her a thankful smile, allowing my legs to unbend from their uncomfortable position.

"Do me a favor?" I whispered from behind my wall of blankets. Chelsea sent me a pointed look, hovering near the end of the couch, waiting for whatever task I was about to send her on. She placed her hands on her hips, trying to intimidate me, but, failing. Her smile adorned her face, breaking the entire "tough girl" facade.

"I left Buzz in my car the other day," I stated, referring to the stuffed tabby I practically took everywhere with me. I had taken him to chemo with me, hoping he would make me feel better, with a bit of success. I somehow forgot to grab him when I made my way home, more than likely too exhausted. Chelsea rolled her eyes, knowing full well what I was going to ask next.

"Could you grab him for me?" I grinned up at her, knowing that she would. She let out a light laugh, shaking her head in disbelief. She held up on finger, causing me to look up at her in confusion.

"On one condition," She smiled, her auburn hair falling in her face. It was I that narrowed my eyes at her this time, wondering what it was that she had planned. "You have to call Zack, now." She grinned, crossing her arms. I looked at her in disbelief as she tossed me my cell phone, having put it on the coffee table earlier that day.

"Okay!" I all but yelled, throwing my hands in the air, causing my blankets to fall, ruining my once warm cocoon. "I'll call the fucking kid, eventually" I mumbled the last part, grabbing my blankets once more as she grinned, knowing she was victorious.

She snatched my cell phone, mumbling something about how it was now or never. I immediately knew what she was doing and I had no power to stop her. I let out a moan and threw my head back, my dark hair pooling over the side of the couch as she dialed his number and tossed the phone back to me, waiting to be sure I didn't hang up on him.

"Stupid bitch," I mumbled as I picked up the device, holding it near my ear. She hovered near the front door, my keys in hand and grinning her evil smile. I rolled my eyes as I heard exit the room, nervousness building up inside of me. He is going to be so angry with me.

I didn't have any more time to think as I heard the ringing that had been present on the other end of the device, suddenly be replaced by the voice I had been wanting to hear for weeks.

"Alaine?" He sounded shocked. His voice caused butterflies to erupt in the pit of my stomach and I couldn't help but let out a nervous laugh, unsure of what to say.

"Uh," I mumbled. Oh, real smooth. I placed my palm over my face, completely embarrassed as I held the device with my other hand. "Yeah, it's me." I whispered, biting my lip.

The line was silent and for a moment, I thought he had hung up, no longer wanting to get in contact with me. I brought the device away from my face for a moment, seeing the call was in fact, still in progress, the small numbers counting the minutes we wasted in silence.

"Zack-" I whispered. He voice cut through mine, stopping me in my tracks.

"I fucking missed you," He mumbled, sending shivers down my body, having imagined his voice hot against my skin. I let out the breath I had been holding since the phone had started, feeling the relief wash over me.

"I missed you too," I whispered, picking the ends of my hair. "I was an idiot and I hope you'll forgive me, I was just-" He interrupted me once more, his full of something I couldn't recognize.

"Don't," His voice cracked, causing me to look at the device in confusion, thinking it had been my cell phone. "Just don't, Alaine." He trailed off and I couldn't help but imagine him with his face in his hands, the aggravation and desperation written all over his face.

We stayed silent for a bit, just listening to one another. "When can I see you?" He whispered, breaking our silence. I felt myself grin uncontrollably, the excitement at seeing him once again rising in my stomach. I heard the front door open, signaling that Chelsea had returned, though that was the least of my concern.

"As soon as possible would be lovely," I smiled, hearing Zack laugh over the device, his voice deep and meaningful. I had missed him terribly and just couldn't do it anymore, I had to see him.

"That can be arranged," I heard the smile in his voice, causing even more butterflies to erupt in my stomach. I let out a light laugh, feeling better than I had in a long while.

"I'll have to thank Chelsea, she convinced me-" I stopped short, noticing her standing near the edge of the couch, her posture stiff.

It took a moment for everything to click; her eyes, filled with anger and hurt, producing tears that streamed down her face, my stuffed tabby being held in one hand, her knuckles white around the small figure, and finally, the variety of papers she held in the other hand, holding them so tightly that she had begun to crinkle the paper.

My eyes widened in horror. The pamphlets.

I felt as though time had stopped, my heart having dropped into my chest. "I'll call you back, Zack." I mumbled, immediately throwing the device down, scrambling to fix what had been broken between Chelsea and I.

"You fucking bitch," She snarled, throwing the immense amount of papers into my face and tossing the stuffed animal aside before turning on her heel and retreating.

"Fuck," I whispered harshly, looking down in horror at the pieces of paper that now adorned my lap. Those stupid pieces of paper. The ones I had so stupidly forgotten to take out of my car, weeks ago. The ones whose titles read a variety of cancer treatments and options. The stupid pieces of paper that just completely changed my life, forever.