Unison

"What the fuck?"

I take my eyes off of Mike and turn to the voice that's been absent from my ears for so long. Tony's standing before a full length mirror, his jaw dropped and piece of his dark hair sticking to his sweaty face.

"What the fuck," he repeats, but this time, it's not a question.

"Tony, just chill out," Mike says, coming over to where I'm standing and snaking a long arm around my shaking shoulders. "But I think you've got some explaining to do," he says to me, raising his eyebrows. "I've got to wait until Vic's out of the shower, and then I'll be out of here."

I want to ask where Jaime disappeared to, but my eyes are glued to Tony like this is the moment I've subconsciously been waiting for over the span of nearly two years. When his mouth finally closes and he regains himself, brushing his hair away from his face by running a hand over the top of his head and swallowing hard, he looks down to the floor and breaks our stare.

"Can I talk to you?" I ask, realizing that this isn't going to go anywhere unless I continue making the first moves. I know I owe him at least that much.

"I don't know," he tells me after a moment of silence that seemed to drag out for so long I actually considered turning around and having Alex bring me home right then. "I don't think I have anything to say to you."

"Tony, just hear me out, please," I beg. I didn't step out on a limb this far just to be turned down. "You might not have anything to say to me, but I have a lot to make up for."

"I haven't showered yet," he informs me, as if the sweat drying on his face wasn't enough evidence. It doesn't bother me.

"Do you want me to wait for you then?"

He stops to think again. "No." He steps forward and I instinctively step back a couple steps, not sure how to otherwise respond. There's a certain type of electricity pumping through my body and it only intensifies when Tony says, "let's just go for a walk."

I watch as he gathers his iPhone and a set of keys from a nearby table. He throws on a light jacket and then leads me back out to where the buses are parked. Fans that are already lining the sidewalks scream as Tony resurfaces, some call his name. We simply make our way around to the other side, look both ways and begin making our way up the sidewalk placed on a hill on the other side of the street. The cold air is thick around us and burns into my nose. I cross my arms, holding my jean jacket and the black sweatshirt I threw on underneath it close to me.

"So what's this about?" he asks after a few moments. We round the corner of a brick building and come out at a part of the city where restaurants and people holding hands and dressed nicely are walking.

"Alex bought me a ticket to the show for my birthday and I decided to come out. I didn't want to go backstage because I didn't think you'd want to see me and I didn't want to cause any problems."

"Well that was sort of irrelevant."

"Yeah, well, when I was watching you guys I realized that I don't want to miss out on this anymore. I miss all of you," I pause, "even you."

"They all missed you, too," he says, and I can't help but to allow his wording burn into me. "So you want to patch things up with me so you can come around and have it not be weird?"

Although that is technically my intention, the way he said it made it seem so harsh. I think for a moment and come up with a solution. "Not entirely. I want to patch things up with you because what I did wasn't fair and I shouldn't have done it."

He shrugs and we walk in silence for a little while longer, dodging people on the sidewalk who're walking in the opposite direction as us. Tony keeps his face down mostly, looking at his shoes against the cement. I haven't been this close to him in far too long. I had forgotten the way the straight bridge of his nose eventually curves into his thick bottom lip, how soft and baby-like his cheeks are. His dermal piercing glistens in the light coming from the buildings so strong that it appears to be mid-day. The side of his hair is still shaven down, although it's shorter in the back, reaching down just to the end of his neck where it tucks into the back of his jacket just slightly.

"I guess I'm just really trying to apologize. I shouldn't have picked up and left like that. None of you deserved it. Especially you." I run my fingers through my once side bang, although it's mostly grown out now, pushing it away from my cheek.

He stops walking and turns to me, his face blank. Our eyes meet for the first time and my vision starts to blur. I hate myself for leaving. How would things be different if I hadn't? Tony and I would still be together. There's no reason why we wouldn't be unless he would eventually get tired of picking up the pieces after I fell apart. I couldn't foresee that happening, because he never got angry at me.

"I'm dating someone else," he says, as if he could read my nostalgic mind. His face falls and his olive-toned lips form a frown. "She's sick, Maddy." His voice wavers and I'm a little happy that I'm not the only one getting emotional here.

"Let's go somewhere we can talk," I suggest. "Is there anywhere around here we can go?"

He shakes his head, "I don't know. Let's walk a little further and see if we can find anything."

So we did. We walked for another few minutes in the chill air until we came across a small, dimly light cafe. Tony suggested we go inside, although everything about it screams College Kid Hangout. I don't care, and obviously Tony doesn't either. We find a seat by the back corner beneath a painting of something I haven't made out yet. We don't order anything, or ask each other if we have intentions to. Instead, we sit in silence and breathe in the smell of coffee grounds and baked goods while some kids around my age type away on their laptops or flip through the pages of their novels. Either way, it's much warmer in here then it is outside.

"So who's this girl you're dating?" I ask when the question has burned itself so much against my tongue that the only way to relieve it is to ask him.

"Christine," he tells me without hesitation. "It's Christine."

"She's sick?"

"Skin cancer. Melanoma."

Not really sure what to say, I look towards the counter where an attractive guy is serving a girl in a sweater a steaming cup of something. "Do you want anything?"

He stands. "I got it. Do you want anything?"

"I got it," I tell him before following him to the counter. He gets a bottle of water and a giant cookie, I settle for the same, but get a hot green tea instead. We both pay for our own food and make our way back to the table together.

We eat in silence, me breaking pieces off of my cookie and allowing the crumbs to remain stained against the small white plate. With the amount of times we've both fallen silent tonight with each other, it's almost becoming not awkward.

"So why did you leave?" he asks me suddenly, wiping his hand on his jeans. "The real reason. Not some 'Aly needed me' shit. I know you better than that."

I take another bite of my cookie and wash it down with a careful sip off my hot tea. "It's a long story," I tell him, hoping that would stir him away from pushing me to unleash the truth I'd rather not relive. I just want to move forward.

"Well," he looks at the time on his watch. "I've got until about three AM before we leave."

Leaving me no choice, I take another drink of my tea and launch into the story. His eyes never leave me, drifting from my lips, to my eyes, to the half eaten oatmeal raisin cookie in front of me. When I get to the part about Alex, I hesitate to use his name, pulling the sleeves of my hoodie out over my hands. Having already told him so much already, and not really seeing a reason to leave out that detail, I keep going. His face never changes when I tell him how Alex helped me and how I left because I didn't want to continue making a mess of everything, bringing my dad into the picture now.

"I assume you and Alex are pretty close," he says when I finish. It's not exactly the reaction I was looking for, but I'm not sure what else I really wanted, anyway.

"Yeah, we live together, actually."

"Oh," he says, nodding once and returning to picking at his chocolate chip cookie.

"It's not like that," I assure him, although I don't know why. He's dating Christine now.

"Doesn't matter," he says. "It's really none of my business."

There's silence again and the boy behind the counter fills someone's mug from a machine and I think of how I want to make it his business. I want him to remember what we had like I remember what we had. What does Christine have that I don't? I look down at my cold hands in my lap.

"At least I know why you left now, though," he says finally. "I have to admit, it ate at me for a long time."

"I'm sorry," I tell him as sincerely as I can. "I should have just told you what was going on and then taken care of it."

"Well, it's over and done with now." When I look up, he gives me a small smirk. "Do you want to head back?"

My stomach sinks along with my heart, but I'm not sure what else I can do to keep him here with me. We throw away the remains of our late night snack and make our way back the way we came.

"It was nice seeing you," he tells me when we reach the buses again. The fans have left, leaving the sidewalk looking and feeling abandoned. The bare branches of the tree planted in a small pot near the curb of the sidewalk brush together up over us, painting eerie shadows on the sidewalk. My eyes burn and I'd like to think it's because of the cold.

"It was nice seeing you, too," I say, stepping away from him. Before I can turn and disappear back behind the safety of the All Time Low tour bus, he opens his arms for a hug and I don't have the amount of self control it will take to resist it.

The smell of him washes over me and I try to breathe in deep, but in a way that he wouldn't notice. My face buries into his chest as he hugs me, but it only lasts a moment or so, keeping things casual. "Bye, Maddy," he says once he's let go, giving me no other choice but to use the spare key Alex gave me to unlock the door to the bus.

"Bye, Tony," I say as I step inside. He turns away from me before I even have the chance to close the door.

I walk up the stairs, comforted by the heat that hits me as I do so. I rip off my jacket and toss it over the couch in the front lounge and immediately head towards the back where I know I'll find someone.

"Hey," Jack's voice stops me as I pass the bunks. I turn towards him but I can't see, my eyes blurring over with tears. "Shit. I take it didn't go that well. Alex is in the back."

I simply nod and continue my way to the back of the bus, opening the electric sliding door to reveal Alex sitting on the couch with his feet up and a beer in his hand.

"Not going out tonight?" I ask, taking a seat beside him, focusing on regaining myself.

"Nope. Figured I'd just chill here with you. How'd things go?" He puts his arm up on the back of the seat behind me, which helps a little.

"I told him why I left and I apologized. I think he accepted it, but he didn't say he wanted to be friends or that we'd see each other soon or anything."

Without saying anything, Alex got up and exited the lounge. He returned shortly with a pack of beer, a bottle of wine and two glasses. "Take your pick," he says, placing the pack of beer on the floor by our feet before resting the crystal glasses and wine on the table on his other side. I reach for a beer first, which feels even more cold than usual after drinking that tea. I finish it quickly and reach for another one as Alex pours his first glass of wine. "It's okay to get a little drunk here," he says with a laugh, and then takes a sip of his own alcohol. "Especially after confessing something like that to your ex-boyfriend who you're still in love with."