Never Stop Believing

Did you ever felt that the person who is by your side is the right one? Did you ever felt that you two were made to each other? Did you ever felt God is the main responsible for this? I blamed myself all these years because of the absence of Jimmy. I blamed Jimmy, thinking all he wanted was use me in all ways. I blamed us with no reason. I cried every night reading the letters Jimmy sent me. I hated myself for letting him go. I hated everything and everybody around me because I’ve let him go.

I did so many mistakes till now however I can’t regret of it. If I’ve had been different, if I hadn’t continued to believe in Jimmy in spite of blame him all the time, today, I’m sure I wasn’t here, wrapped in his arms, in his bed, in his house. I would have given up. I would have stopped to love him. Believe me. Everything in life has a reason. Even what’s happening with you is bad; even if it’s killing you every single day, believe me, everything has a reason to happen.

I tried to kill myself along these years. The last time I tried was Barbara, my younger sister who stopped me. I can’t forget that moment when I was drinking vodka and taking all the pills that were in the bathroom cabinet. I had heard my sister calling me but I was convinced that this would be the last time I was listening to her voice. She was so fucking worry with me. She knocked the door so many times and all I was doing was drinking and crying. But Barbara was smartest than me. When I was taking my fourth pill, I heard my sister reading one of Jimmy’s letters.

‘I know you’re dying of missing me, Violet. I’m dying too. You’re the other part of me and I hope you’ll always remember that.

Don’t give up of the person you are. Don’t give up of all the things we lived and all the things we’ll live someday.

Never stop believing, Violet, even if you’re feeling weak and unable to continue this fight that is your life.

I know you’ll find your own way without me by your side. But remember: I’m always with you. I’m always thinking about you and… look at the dark sky. See the brightness star on it? It’s me loving you more and more every day.

I love you, Vi. I’ll always do.

Jimmy Sullivan.'

You have no idea how many times his words saved my life. How many times I gave up and Jimmy, without being with me and without knowing anything about him, helped me. He always was my support. Jimmy always was my best friend and now I know he fulfilled what he promised me.

It’s 5 am. Jimmy is sleeping with his right arm around my waist. Our bodies are almost glued together and I can’t sleep. I just can’t spend more time doing other things but look at him. I’m looking at this angel who is by my side and I hope he is with me forever. I can’t imagine my life without him again. I just can’t figure it out. I know, one day something will take him away from me but my fear is… if it will happen sooner as I think. Thinking about this make me cry because I can’t live with the idea I’ll lose all the people I love and now I find Jimmy again, this fear is stronger.

I decided to put these thoughts out of my mind and concentrate on what really matters now: Jimmy. My God, he’s so beautiful. He’s Heaven on Earth. I wonder why people still saying there isn’t perfect in this world. They say this because they don't know Jimmy. He was a person sent by God into the world to revolutionize the lives of many people, including mine. For people who don't know him, may think he's an idiot, he's mean and evil who is only well doing bad things to others. None of this is true. Jimmy is a very special person and getting into trouble and panicking people around him is something he loves to do. It’s something natural and we can't discuss it.

But this is the Jimmy the fans and the other people know. Jimmy who his near friends and I know is a person who is always ready to help, there is not a day that he doesn't tell you how much he loves you and want you close to him, he overflows talent when it comes to music. He is one of the best musicians I've ever met. I say this not because I know him and he's important to me but because he truly revolutionized the world of music. He revolutionized our world. He’s Jimmy, The Rev, Sullivan.

Some minutes later, with my touch on his cheek and a soft kiss on it, Jimmy moved a little and smiled. Without open his eyes, his hand which was on my waist, moved to my back and pushed me even more near him.

“Am I dreaming?”

“You tell me if this is real or it’s just a dream.”

“I'm asking for the most sacred thing in my life... I’m asking God I'm not dreaming.”

“Look at me, Jimmy.” – Jimmy brought his left hand up to his eyes and began to rub them which made me laugh. He opened his eyes slowly, and when his eyes met mine, my whole body shuddered to see again those crystal blue eyes by which I sigh all the time.

“It’s amazing the fact you're still making my heart beating so much as it’ll about to explode. You make my entire body shaking every time I look at you as if I fall in love with you every time I look at these your eyes that drive me crazy. Every time I look at your lips, I wish kiss them until I'm not able to feel them anymore. Every time I touch on every detail of your body and see how much you want me as much as I want you.”

“How can you make me love you even more I love you? I begun to thing what I feel about you is more than love. It’s something divine, strong… something nobody can understand.”

“I don’t want people to understand anything about us. I just need one thing: you and I.”

“Forever, Jimmy?”

“Forever and ever.” – Our lips touched again for a long time. I confess that the way Jimmy kissed me was unlike anything. I felt an overwhelming desire every time his lips glued on mine but, more than that, it was the way we gave each other through that kiss. Nothing else matters when we're together. But there was one thing that kept bothering us and even though we try to evade the issue and live the happiness we were feeling, we had to talk about it. Jimmy stopped the kiss and lay down on his back staring at the wall while took my hand. – “Violet… why did you stop to send me letters?”

“I didn’t stop, Jimmy. You did.”

“No. I never did it, Vi. I still send you letters till the beginning of this year but you never answer me. I mean, I wrote you a letter when I knew you’re in LA. But I didn’t send it. For what?”

“It’s not possible.” – Jimmy looked at me with an angry look as if he had understood that I was calling him a liar. – “I’m not saying you’re lying, Jim. The last letter I received was in 2000 or something.”

“2000? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“No, I’m not. You have no idea how much it hurt waiting for a fucking letters of yours, to go every single day to the mail box and find anything by you there. It was like knives on my heart. I just asked to die because I couldn’t live without you, Jimmy. I felt used by you. I felt you just had found another person and now I was nothing to you. All this since the day I sent you the fucking letter saying I was moved to another house in London.” – I was crying harder because it’s very difficult to me remind all the pain I felt without Jimmy in my life. And having him there, so near me as confuse as me, without know anything about what had happened, made me feel so messed. When I started my speech, I know I hurt Jimmy somehow saying I had though he just had used me but he understood my point and hugged me, leaning my head on his chest. Although, when I said what the last letter was, he moved me away to be able to look at me and I faced him with a puzzle look.

“You moved to another house? Exactly! Because of that, you didn’t receive my letters.”

“So why did you don’t received mine, Jimmy? Even I changed my address, you received my letters, right?”

“No. I didn’t receive anything by you. Maybe… I moved to another house too. My parents and sisters moved to another house and I started living alone in my car, in the laundry where I worked as you know… I also lived in Brian’s house… but I sent you the new address of my parents’ house. I went there every day to check if some letter was for me. Some letter from you, Violet.”

“What you’re trying to say to me is we moved at the same time, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know. I think it was what happened. I can’t see another change for that.”

“Oh my God… I almost lost you because of a stupid address…”

“Hey, hey. Violet, c’mon. Anything could happen, but one thing I asked you was to never stop believing. Never stop believing in you, in me and in us. You would never lose me, no matter what happened. You will never lose me, are you listening me? You will never lose me.”

“I don’t wanna be so far away from you anymore, Jim. I love you till the end. I love you till the end of my life.”

“You won’t love me till the end of your life, you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because we’ll leave this world together, Violet. And I’m sure our love is immortal.”

“You’re my life.”

“And you’re mine.” – Jimmy wiped the tears from my face with his hand and laid me, hugging me. He started kissing me very slowly for a few moments, until the kiss became more intense. His lips fled to my cheek, then went down to my neck and shoulder. His hand ran through my naked body, making me crave more. My hands were in his hair as I pulled it lightly, making him shiver. His lips went back to mine and he stood over me, opening my legs with one of his hands. He stood between them and his tense member touched my moist area that was screaming for him. “I’m sorry for all I did to you, Violet. I never ever wanted to hurt you.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Jimmy. Kiss me.”

“You’re so perfect.” – Jimmy was already inside of me and this time nothing could make us to think in other things. Now just were Jimmy and I, without doubts and insecurities. Now, we were with each other living our love forever. I couldn’t ask more but him. He is everything I want. He the only think I want.

I woke up again at 9am. I was lying on my back for Jimmy while he was with his arm around me and his body close to mine. I turned nicely and gave him a soft kiss on his lips, trying not to wake him. I got up of the bed, put my panties on and went to his closet to find a shirt to dress. For my surprise, I found a Ramones’ shirt of mine that I left in Jimmy’s house on purpose one day. I took it and went to the bathroom to take a shower. Fifteen minutes later, I left the bathroom, already with my underwear and my shirt dressed and went to the room to see if Jimmy was still asleep. I opened the door slowly and I noticed that he was still sleeping like a baby. I went down to the kitchen and began to prepare breakfast.

I was making pancakes when I felt a big and gentle hands going through my body from my stomach up to my hip. It was Jimmy. A huge smile filled my face and he turned me to face him. His hands went down to my butt and my lips stormed a sweet and passionate kiss.

“Good morning, little piece of heaven.”

“Good morning, Mr. Perfection.”

“Mr. Perfection? What will I call you if I’m perfect?”

“You can call me… I don’t know… you don’t need to call me anything, just love me.”

“I’ll love you everyday so… it won’t be difficult. And it’s something that gives me lots of pleasure.”

“Hmm… pleasure…” - I kissed Jimmy but both of us were smiling like two folly people who are in love. I jumped to him, putting my legs around his waist and he sat me in the counter of the kitchen. The air was warm and our bodies were asking for more but we were interrupted by Jimmy's phone which started ringing in his bedroom. After some prodding on my part, Jimmy was running up to his bedroom to answer the phone because it wouldn't stop ringing. While Jimmy was talking to someone on the phone, someone rang the doorbell.

"Vi, can you open the door, please. Should be Brian."

“Okay.” – I started to walking around, looking for something to wear until I found a shorts of Jimmy. I put them on and ran to the door. I opened it and it was Brian. He looked up and down at me with a disgusting look. I pulled me away giving him the opportunity to come in.

“I'll have to get used to the idea of having to look at you every day now, right?”

“What’s your problem with me, Brian? I didn’t do anything wrong with you, did I?”

“Actually, you did. What do you want from Jimmy? uh?”

“What are you talking about? You know he’s important to me as I’m important to him.”

“So if he’s important to you, why did you come here just now?” – He did a pause on his speech to give me an opportunity to talk. I was speechless with his attitude. I didn’t understand why he hated me so much. He sat on the couch putting his feet in the coffee table while took a cigar of his Marlboro wad. When I was about to speak, he broke my speech. – “Don’t tell me… I know exactly why you came. Because you found out he’s famous, right?”

“I can’t believe in what you’re saying, Brian. I though you’re Jimmy’s best friend.”

“I am his fuckin’ best friend. For that reason. I want you to be far away from him, are you hearing me?”

“Never! I love Jimmy and I won’t leave him again. I will be with him forever, whether you like it or not.”

“Don’t fucking dare me!”