Sweet Misery

Caking my cheek with more foundation, I attempt to conceal the scar on my face. Still raw and stinging, I’m hoping it will be enough. I’m running low on makeup supplies, and the bruises are starting to travel from the lower half of my body up to my face. Anywhere below the chest area is easier to cover up. But if he decides to aim for my face, the bruises form faster.
Chad. He came across as such an angel. I felt so lucky to be with somebody like him. Our first encounter is something I’ll never forget. Because on that day, my whole life changed.

I wipe my brow with the back of my hand, ending up with it being covered in sweat. Cringing from the amount of perspiration I’m producing, I set my sights to the tour bus shared with the rest of my band; Paramore. It’s a small bus, but it has a toilet, food, and it gets us to our designated destination. And best of all, the temperature inside is a few degrees cooler than today's stop on the Warped tour, Arizona. The sun’s rays are blazing at around 102 degrees, or higher. Pocketing my phone in my back pocket, I start walking towards parking lot where all of the bands’ buses are parked. Squinting due to the sunlight, I can’t see properly and end up bumping into another figure. Landing me straight on my back due to the force. Propping myself on my elbows, I look up to see an outstretched hand and a mumbled “sorry”. I take the hand and instantly get pulled back up, stumbling due to the amount of strength they have.

“Are you okay? I’m so sorry, I was in such a rush and it’s so hot outside an-” My rushed apology’s interrupted by laughter. I look up to find the source of the laughter to be a very masculine boy, that can’t be more than 4-5 years older than me. Since I’m only 21 years old.

“I really should be the one asking you if you’re okay. I mean, you are the one that fell on the ground.” He says looking amused.

“I’m fine.” I answer impatiently. All I want is to just get inside the poorly conditioned tour bus. There was a reason why my apology was so rushed. I want nothing more than to get out of the sun’s blazing hot rays.

“m’Names Chad.” He sticks out his hand, waiting for me to introduce myself and shake it.

“Hayley.” I quickly shake his hand as Chad looks behind him to somebody calling his name from across the lot.

“Well, Hayley.” He says, emphasizing on my name since we’ve gotten on a first name basis. “I’ll see you later.” And then, with a little wave and smile, he turns around and jogs across the lot. Leaving me in the sweltering weather, confused and intrigued, wanting to know more about the boy that I bumped into.

Our relationship has progressed since then. After fate decided to cross our paths, we had the rest of the tour to get to know each other more. And I found myself falling for the boy who was 7 years older than me. We were both occupied in our own relationships at the time of our meet, but we still were acquaintances. I later found out that Chad had been engaged, but broke it off a few months prior after our meeting. Josh and I were currently dating as well, when Chad and I first met. But later, we decided for the good of ourselves and the band that we should break up and continue being friends as we were before. This, sparked my already growing feelings for Chad and his for me as well. Eventually, we acted on these feelings.

After my face is adequately covered up, and no trace of marks or bruises are left except for my foundation covered skin, I grab my purse and stash my phone in it. Lacing up my Doc Martens, I walk out of the house, gently shutting the door. Preventing any noise that could have been made. I would never think twice about waking up Chad, let alone at 10 in the morning. Dealing with his hangovers are the worst part, and I purposely stay out of the house to avoid when he wakes up. I seat myself in my car, adjusting the mirrors and pulling out of Chad and I’s driveway, driving towards the shopping centre.

After spending an agonizing 10 minutes looking for a spot to park my car, I beat a soccer mom in her van to a spot under a tree. I climb out of the car and head towards the entrance of the mall, ignoring any eyes catching my presence and head straight towards the MAC booth. Looking around the collections of lipsticks, blushes and mascara, my eye catches a certain shade of eyeshadow. The memory engulfs me as I breathe in the scent of perfumes women nearby are trying on.

“You look stunning, Hayley.” Chad compliments as he drags the chair out from under the table. I nearly spent hours stressing over what to wear, eventually caving in to Dakotah’s pleas to help me with my “fashion crisis”. She decided on a soft mint green dress, ending at my knees with white flats. I kept the makeup to a minimum, and put on a bit of blush and white eyeshadow. Blushing, I silently mumble a “thank you” while I sit down. He pushes the chair in and walks around the table and seats himself.

“I’ve never been here before.” I admit shyly, wiping the palms of my hand on a napkin. My nerves are getting the best of me and it feels like butterflies are slicing through me.

“They’re great. I came here with the guys one time.” He says, referring to his band New Found Glory.

“What do you recommend?”

“The fettuccini with alfredo sauce. The first time I was here, I couldn’t get enough of it.” A waitress with the nametag “Lena” comes by our table. Jotting down our orders and taking our menus, she leaves us with a smile and a perky “Your food will be right with you!” The date wasn’t exceptionally great. But it was a date nevertheless. Chad was a perfect gentlemen and the conversation was light. There was never an awkward silence, it was a comfortable atmosphere which was why his company was so pleasant.

“Do you want me to ring that up for you?” I’m snapped out of my memory trance to see a saleswoman looking at me expectantly. I didn’t even realize I unconsciously grabbed a little box of the eyeshadow. Nodding, I let her take the eyeshadow while I gather more foundation and power. I pay for my makeup and walk away from the booth. Waving a little hello to fans who recognize me, I quickly slip into my car and drive back home. Checking the time, my heart instantly drops when I realize I’ve been gone for too long. It’s already 10:45, meaning Chad would have woken up by now. Sooner or later he’s going to realize I’m not home. Usually I always slip back into the house while he’s taking a shower after he’s woken up, crawling back into the bed and making it seem as if I never left. I lost track of time, and now I’m going to have to pay for it. Parking the car in the driveway, next to Chad’s car, with shaky hands I grab my bag filled with the makeup I bought and hoist my purse over my shoulder with my free hand. Fumbling with the keys for a minute, I finally manage to get to the door open. I kick it close with my foot, and set my bags on the counter where Chad is sitting reading the morning newspaper. Noticing my presence, he offers me a smile and gets up. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he lightly kisses me on the lips. Keeping his hold on me, his voice is soft. It’s almost as if I was transported to 8 months ago. Where Chad was gentle with me, and the perfect boyfriend.

“Where were you?” He asks. I know the consequence for the action I’m about to commit, but I still do it. Plastering a fake smile on my face, keeping my tone light and playful, I answer.

“I’ve been here silly.” His grip on me tightens, putting pressure on the bruise on my lower back that was on it’s way to heal.

“Don't lie to me.” He speaks through gritted teeth. I open my mouth to protest, but he pushes me back, causing me to loose my balance a bit. Regaining my balance and standing upright, I purse my lips and silently take my shoes off and pad to the kitchen.

“What do you want for breakfast?” I mentally curse myself for how small my voice sounds. Looking through the bare cupboards, I realize we have nothing left.

“What do we have?” Chad answers.

“Not a lot.” I answer quietly. “I’ve been meaning to go to the stor-”

“Why didn’t you just go to the store when you left this morning.” His voice is rising, and I prepare myself for the blow that’s expected to come.

“I didn’t leave this morn-” He grabs a hold of my arm tightly, spinning me around and slapping me across the face.

“Don't fucking lie to me, Hayley.” The tears are swimming in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. Instead, they burn my eyes as I look down at my feet. “I’m going out.” Chad says tersely as he grabs his keys and leaves swiftly. Shutting the door behind him with full force, causing me to jump.

Trying to comfort myself, I try and recall the times when Chad wasn’t like this. Attempting to convince myself that he’ll stop drinking into the early morning, coming home reeking of weed and alcohol. I tell myself that he’ll stop one day, and the Chad that I did love will come back. His arms used to be home. I took refuge in them, feeling safer in his embrace. But now, I don’t know what my home is. Home was lost a long time ago.