Status: Active.
Sweet Misery
Chapter 10
Hayley’s POV
I just keep running. Over cracks in the ground, grass, other peoples feet and almost a child. I can’t formulate any other fathomable thought except ‘RUN!’. Why? I don’t know. When John’s green eyes turned into the dirty, murky brown that belonged to Chad, I realized how alike the two really are. Because from what I’ve seen, they share the same best friend: alcohol. If I actually let John in, it would be so easy for him to hurt me. He could break me easily with a few words. I can’t go through the pain again. I can’t risk letting him in. And what’s the point? I am going to get hurt in the end, no matter what.
My feet are aching at this point, and I notice how out of shape I really am. Malnourished and incapable of running for longer than 5 minutes, I am the perfect picture of health. I rest my hands on my knees, almost doubling over and falling, trying to regain my breath. Scanning my eyes over the area I’m in, I try to see where the hell I’ve lead myself to. The old wooden bench, the enormous trees scattered among the land and the few people walking around. I almost laugh at the irony of this whole situation: I’ve managed to lead myself to the same park John and I spent our time together. It was short, awkward and strange but I enjoyed it nonetheless.
The fact that John has a drinking problem is what baffles me. Because he seems so collected and calm all the time. Whereas I’m a mess, yet, I’ve never resorted to drinking. It’s too risky for my voice. Wouldn’t it damage John’s as well? I’ve never even listened to The Maine, I wouldn’t know if he was good or not. Why am I concerned so much about John’s personal problems? I should be more concerned about my own. Maybe it’s the fact that John is the first person in a long time to actually notice me. To actually take note of me personally and the fact that I’m not this collected, confident girl that everyone sees. But that’s what scares me. It took him less than a day to figure out that something was wrong. He even went out of his way to pay for my salad that day at iHop, which embarrassingly I couldn’t have paid for either way because I had forgotten my wallet. He invited me for a walk, to spend some time with another human being. It was refreshing. And dangerously eye opening at the same time. If he could easily so notice something was off, then could other also see as effortlessly?
Chad and John are so different. John is different. He’s refreshing. A few days of merely knowing him has done this to me. I am better than this, what the fuck am I even doing? I don’t run from others. Not in public. Not where others can judge me through their eyes. Oh, look. It’s Hayley, all she ever does is run. I already know what Chad would say.
“You make me look like I have a charity case on my hands. Learn how to act normal in front of everyone. It’s pathetic!”
Since I started dating Chad, I haven't let myself even look at another man. I don’t deserve to. I’ve been too busy trying to accept the fact that Chad is the only one I’m going to be with for the rest of my life. I’m stuck with him. He is the bird keeper and I am trapped in the cage. But just this once, I’m going to allow myself to wander into the locked compartments of my thoughts. It’s the only way to sort through them, so I won’t be so utterly and pathetically confused all the time.
John is attractive. Any female specimen can not deny that fact unless they are visually impaired. I couldn’t even deny it, but I did manage to throw away the thought as quickly as it came. He must be taller than me by about a foot. A bit lanky but he still has muscles. He makes me feel weird. I feel nervous for no absolute reason or I feel conflicted between two sides of my own mind. The side that wants to let myself interact with him like any other normal being, and maybe even become his friend, a companion. But then the other half wants to shut him out completely and forget about his existence. Shit, what have I gotten myself into?
John’s POV
Whoever is hammering the inside of my head with a hammer needs to permanently remove themselves from my mind. I can’t even recall how many times I’ve woken up with a hangover as bad as this morning. I sit upright in my bed and look around the room, finding a very pissed of Jared and worried looking Pat sitting on the edge. What the hell did I do last night?
“Well?” Jared scolds like a disappointed mom. Hell, his rage is worse than my own mother’s sometimes. “What do you have to say for yourself?” I look over to Pat, seeking help to try and get away from the lecture I know is coming. But all he offers me is a shrug and a glass of water. Before I can even take a sip, Jared begins to talk again. “John, this shit needs to stop. It’s one thing to cause a scene in public but you harassed a poor girl that could’ve, maybe, potentially become Pat and I’s friend.” A smile switches my lips as the scenario plays in my head. Damn, I wish I could’ve remember the look on the girl’s face. Maybe it’s one of Pat’s crushes.
“Yeah, and I need all the friends I can get!” Pat interrupts.
“Shut up, Pat. You’re not helping. She seemed like a sweet girl and you went all romeo on her and freaked the fuck out of her!” Jared raises his voice. This confuses me even more.
“Wait,” I shake my head. “What?” They both give me a look, as if I’m supposed to magically know what the hell they’re talking about.
“You don’t remember, do you?” Jared laughs bitterly. “Of course not.”
“Jare, go easy on him.” Pat says. He gives me a cheeky grin that I return with my own. “We ran into Hayley, the one you kept going on about.” No, no, no. Oh god, please. I blow out a breath and run my hands over my face in frustration.
“Shit, what did I do?”
“It was hilarious! You came in and started rambling and calling me Patricia.” Pat laughs. I don’t. “And sat on Jared’s lap. Oh!” He interrupts himself. “And Hayley is awesome. She ordered me a cupcake when I was having withdrawals and was really cool and nice. And then you came in and you were all like ‘OH MY GOD YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL!’ and you freaked her out so bad she just, like, ran away.” My eyes are nearly bulging out of their sockets, and I’m actually believing that they might fall onto the floor. I cannot believe this. Did I really consume that much alcohol last night to make an ass out of myself in front of Hayley? And she had to be with Jared and Pat, out of all people.
“Close your mouth John, you don’t want to swallow a fly.” Jared smirks.
I just keep running. Over cracks in the ground, grass, other peoples feet and almost a child. I can’t formulate any other fathomable thought except ‘RUN!’. Why? I don’t know. When John’s green eyes turned into the dirty, murky brown that belonged to Chad, I realized how alike the two really are. Because from what I’ve seen, they share the same best friend: alcohol. If I actually let John in, it would be so easy for him to hurt me. He could break me easily with a few words. I can’t go through the pain again. I can’t risk letting him in. And what’s the point? I am going to get hurt in the end, no matter what.
My feet are aching at this point, and I notice how out of shape I really am. Malnourished and incapable of running for longer than 5 minutes, I am the perfect picture of health. I rest my hands on my knees, almost doubling over and falling, trying to regain my breath. Scanning my eyes over the area I’m in, I try to see where the hell I’ve lead myself to. The old wooden bench, the enormous trees scattered among the land and the few people walking around. I almost laugh at the irony of this whole situation: I’ve managed to lead myself to the same park John and I spent our time together. It was short, awkward and strange but I enjoyed it nonetheless.
The fact that John has a drinking problem is what baffles me. Because he seems so collected and calm all the time. Whereas I’m a mess, yet, I’ve never resorted to drinking. It’s too risky for my voice. Wouldn’t it damage John’s as well? I’ve never even listened to The Maine, I wouldn’t know if he was good or not. Why am I concerned so much about John’s personal problems? I should be more concerned about my own. Maybe it’s the fact that John is the first person in a long time to actually notice me. To actually take note of me personally and the fact that I’m not this collected, confident girl that everyone sees. But that’s what scares me. It took him less than a day to figure out that something was wrong. He even went out of his way to pay for my salad that day at iHop, which embarrassingly I couldn’t have paid for either way because I had forgotten my wallet. He invited me for a walk, to spend some time with another human being. It was refreshing. And dangerously eye opening at the same time. If he could easily so notice something was off, then could other also see as effortlessly?
Chad and John are so different. John is different. He’s refreshing. A few days of merely knowing him has done this to me. I am better than this, what the fuck am I even doing? I don’t run from others. Not in public. Not where others can judge me through their eyes. Oh, look. It’s Hayley, all she ever does is run. I already know what Chad would say.
“You make me look like I have a charity case on my hands. Learn how to act normal in front of everyone. It’s pathetic!”
Since I started dating Chad, I haven't let myself even look at another man. I don’t deserve to. I’ve been too busy trying to accept the fact that Chad is the only one I’m going to be with for the rest of my life. I’m stuck with him. He is the bird keeper and I am trapped in the cage. But just this once, I’m going to allow myself to wander into the locked compartments of my thoughts. It’s the only way to sort through them, so I won’t be so utterly and pathetically confused all the time.
John is attractive. Any female specimen can not deny that fact unless they are visually impaired. I couldn’t even deny it, but I did manage to throw away the thought as quickly as it came. He must be taller than me by about a foot. A bit lanky but he still has muscles. He makes me feel weird. I feel nervous for no absolute reason or I feel conflicted between two sides of my own mind. The side that wants to let myself interact with him like any other normal being, and maybe even become his friend, a companion. But then the other half wants to shut him out completely and forget about his existence. Shit, what have I gotten myself into?
John’s POV
Whoever is hammering the inside of my head with a hammer needs to permanently remove themselves from my mind. I can’t even recall how many times I’ve woken up with a hangover as bad as this morning. I sit upright in my bed and look around the room, finding a very pissed of Jared and worried looking Pat sitting on the edge. What the hell did I do last night?
“Well?” Jared scolds like a disappointed mom. Hell, his rage is worse than my own mother’s sometimes. “What do you have to say for yourself?” I look over to Pat, seeking help to try and get away from the lecture I know is coming. But all he offers me is a shrug and a glass of water. Before I can even take a sip, Jared begins to talk again. “John, this shit needs to stop. It’s one thing to cause a scene in public but you harassed a poor girl that could’ve, maybe, potentially become Pat and I’s friend.” A smile switches my lips as the scenario plays in my head. Damn, I wish I could’ve remember the look on the girl’s face. Maybe it’s one of Pat’s crushes.
“Yeah, and I need all the friends I can get!” Pat interrupts.
“Shut up, Pat. You’re not helping. She seemed like a sweet girl and you went all romeo on her and freaked the fuck out of her!” Jared raises his voice. This confuses me even more.
“Wait,” I shake my head. “What?” They both give me a look, as if I’m supposed to magically know what the hell they’re talking about.
“You don’t remember, do you?” Jared laughs bitterly. “Of course not.”
“Jare, go easy on him.” Pat says. He gives me a cheeky grin that I return with my own. “We ran into Hayley, the one you kept going on about.” No, no, no. Oh god, please. I blow out a breath and run my hands over my face in frustration.
“Shit, what did I do?”
“It was hilarious! You came in and started rambling and calling me Patricia.” Pat laughs. I don’t. “And sat on Jared’s lap. Oh!” He interrupts himself. “And Hayley is awesome. She ordered me a cupcake when I was having withdrawals and was really cool and nice. And then you came in and you were all like ‘OH MY GOD YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL!’ and you freaked her out so bad she just, like, ran away.” My eyes are nearly bulging out of their sockets, and I’m actually believing that they might fall onto the floor. I cannot believe this. Did I really consume that much alcohol last night to make an ass out of myself in front of Hayley? And she had to be with Jared and Pat, out of all people.
“Close your mouth John, you don’t want to swallow a fly.” Jared smirks.
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It's been almost 2 months. I'm so sorry guys! I didn't even think anybody would notice how long it's been since the last update. But some of you guys were like "UPDATE PLEASE!" and I felt so bad. :/ This took really long to write because it's a really important chapter for the storyline and I aboslutely hate how it turned out. I'm probably going to re-write it later but for now, enjoy! Thank you for the comments, reads, and subcribes!Oh, and also. If I have any mistakes please correct me!
:)