Sweet Misery

John’s POV

I remember the first time I came to iHop, it was for Abby’s birthday. She was practically crying over the pancakes served here, raving on and on about how good they were. Unconsciously, I find myself ordering the same exact pancakes as my dinner tonight. My only companions tonight are my little composition notebook and a pencil. I keep this notebook with me all the time, usually being tucked into the waistband of my jeans. Tonight, it rests on the table, opened onto a page with a few lyrics scribbled onto it, still needing to be finished.

I'm on the inside looking outside, that's the only place I've been

I take the last bite of the pancakes, sliding my plate away from me and focusing my attention back to the mocking, unfinished lyrics. My source of frustration seems to be coming from my inability to get any of my feelings down on paper. I wave over the waitress, who holds up a finger to me as she seats another customer down into the table in front of mine. My eyes glance to that familiar head of bright red hair and I almost smile. Almost, if it wasn’t for the frown resting on her features and the odd paleness of her already white skin. I crane my neck a bit to get a better look, and it seems as if she’s having an inner battle with herself over the plate of salad placed in front of her. I watch silently as she eats the salad in almost 2 minutes, looking almost guilty afterwards.

“Check, please.” The waitress comes over to my table, taking my dishes with her as she places my check on the table. Hayley’s head whips around towards me almost a second after I speak, and I smile towards her. She gives a tiny one in return, and I get extra money out of my wallet. I place 35$ on top of the check, 10 more than the actual price for my meal. “I have her meal covered as well.” I nod to the waitress, and she practically melts. Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I watch carefully for Hayley’s reaction.

“Well, well, well.” The waitress purrs seductively. Normally I would find her appealing if it weren’t for the shy yet beautiful girl a few feet in front of me. “We have a gentlemen.” She collects Hayley’s plates as well as my own and disappears behind the kitchen doors. An awkward silence rests upon us, and I take it upon myself to initiate the first move. I tuck my notebook back into my pocket, unclicking my pen and putting it in the same spot as the notebook. Pushing in my chair, I walk the few steps and stand in front of Hayley where she is still seated, never breaking eye contact with me for a moment. Sliding into the seat in front of her, I continue to observe her. She hasn’t even moved or made a sound.

“I can pay for my own meal.” Hayley scoffs. She has sass in her, and I smirk a bit in return.

“What type of friend would I be if I can’t pay for their meal?”

“But we’re not friends.” She seems so quick to say it. My smirks falls from my face a bit. Hayley sighs and runs a hand over her face.

“It’s j-just..” She stutters. “I’ve barely known you for a day.”

“Well..” I draw out my words purposefully, standing up from my seat and shooting my hand towards Hayley’s, hoping she’ll take it. “let’s change that.” Contemplating my words for a second, she seems a bit hesitant. Finally, she takes her hand in my own and nods silently. The feeling of her hand is mine is sending my body and mind alight. She looks up at me through her eyelashes, having to tilt her head back a bit to meet my eyes and gives me a nudge, signalling for me to move.

“Onward we go!” I tilt an imaginary hat on my head and gesture for her to lead the way. She laughs quietly as I hold the door open for her and walks out with me in tow behind her. “Where to Miss. Williams?” She shakes her head, smiling a bit.

“I’m still surprised you somehow managed to convince me to even come.”

“Well you’re here now. Whether you like it or not I’m keeping you hostage for a bit.” She laughs. Not just a giggle or forced one, but a real genuine laugh. Oh, what I would do to just hear the infectious laughter that seems to make my heart race faster.

“The park is fine, that way if you plan on murdering me the witnesses will foil your plans.” I gasp dramatically. Holding a hand over my heart in mock hurt.

“Why would you ever think such a horrid thing?”

“Your appearance doesn't help much.”

“And what exactly about my fashion choices scream ‘psycho-stalker-murderer’?” I smirk.

“Oh so now you’re a stalker?” I open my mouth to protest. “You said it, not me.” Hayley holds her hands up in surrender. I chuckle, seating myself on a nearby bench and pat the space beside me. Hesitating for a second, she eyes me warily. Playfully rolling my eyes, I reassure her. “I won’t murder you, I swear.” She sits down next to me, and no words are needed to be spoken.

“The beanie makes you look like a homeless person.” She speaks after a minute. Taking it off my head and folding it up into a square.

“I need something to cover this mess up.” I say amused, gesturing to my hair that I didn’t bother to style or wash. This is the longest conversation we've shared, and this is the most I've seen her actually talk. I still can't help but wonder why she’s always so closed off. Her eyes seem to have a blankness to them, no emotion whatsoever being present. The bruise that was once on her face is suspiciously gone. I’ve seen it accidentally quite a few times, and it always lingers in the back of my mind along with many other questions. Tonight, I’m determined to get some answers.

I clear my throat, trying to rack my brain with something to say. “What’s your favorite color?” Hayley mumbles shyly. I can’t help but laugh at how awkward this really is.

“Um, blue? I don’t fucking know.” I chuckle. She visibly flinches at the curse word. “Sorry, I didn’t know swearing makes you uncomfortable.”

Waving me off, she shakes her head. “N-no it’s fine. Mine is orange.” She continues, answering her own question directed at myself.

I drop my jaw dramatically. “Really?! I would have never guessed.”

“Cat’s or dogs?” I ask.

She bursts out in giggles. “Are you kidding me?”

“Hey! It’s a universal question.”

“Dogs.”

“I’m more of a cat person.” I muse. Her face is exactly like a child's. It’s like I’ve told her I ate all of her Halloween candy.

“Are you serious?” She rages. “Puppies are so tiny and adorable. Cats are vicious and scary.”

“Sure, puppies are cute. But they grow up into these 100 pound beasts!” I argue.

“I’m going to end this argument right now, or else this might end ugly.” I snort, and she returns it with a mocking glare.

“ Favorite band you've toured with?” Hayley asks.

“A Rocket to The Moon. They’re good friends of ours and being on tour with them was just like one big party.”

“We’re label mates, they are nice guys. Eric is a strange one.” This time it’s my turn to burst out in laughter.

“Yeah, Halvo is pretty weird. But I love that fu- loser.” I quickly correct myself, knowing that Hayley’s uncomfortable with swearing.

“I have to ask this, and I apologize if you get this alot but..” She looks at me curiously. “What’s your real hair color? Because I’m pretty sure nobody’s born with that bright shade of hair.”

“Honestly? I don’t even know anymore. I’ve put my hair through hell, it’s a miracle I still have any left.”

“Well I like it.” Her cheeks tinge a rosy color.

“Thank you.” She murmurs. A teenage couple passes us by, obviously paying no attention to their surroundings from how engrossed they are in each other. It almost reminds me of how Abby and I were. Looking over to Hayley, I see that she wears a sad smile exactly like mine. This brings my thoughts to the conversation Jeremy, Taylor and I shared earlier in the day. Finding out more about her boyfriend can helps me with my unanswered questions. “It’s Chad right?” It’s like I’ve set off a bomb, her posture tenses and her eyes widen. “You’re boyfriend?” I clarify.

“Yeah.” She forces a smile out and I almost grimace at how strained it looks.

“He seems nice.”

“He is.”

“Do you love him?” I blurt out. Dammit John! I mentally curse at my stupid mouth. Her head snaps towards me, throwing daggers my way using her eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to-”

“Do you love Abby?” She mocks my tone. I almost fall out of the bench at the sound of her name. How in the hell does she even know about Abby? I open my mouth to throw a harsh comment back, but Hayley’s phone rings and she answers it, giving myself time to calm down. ‘Love’ and ‘Abby’ in the same sentence fills me up with rage.

”John seriously, when can I look?!” Abby whines.

“Just hold on a second, we’re almost there.” I swear, this girl is more impatient than a kid on their birthday. Keeping my arm at her waist and making sure the blindfold is still secured, I carefully help her walk towards the table for two. Abby used to gush about this very beach that we’re at now. She’s has childhood memories worth a million dollars here, and I’m hoping to make another memory tonight. Giving the scenery a quick glance, I quickly make sure everything is in place. I begin to untie the blindfold across her eyes, shielding her vision. “Okay, you can look now.” I take the blindfold off and take a step back to admire her face. There’s a mixture of shock and admiration as she takes everything in. Tears swim in her eyes as she looks at the table setting and her favorite dishes plated and steaming hot. Abby turns to look at me, opening her mouth to speak to me but I cut her off with a kiss.

“Do you like it?” She hits my shoulder in response. “Shit Abs, what the hell?” She snakes her arms up from my waist up my back and tangles them in my hair. Her lips meet mine again, pulling away too soon.

"I love it." She breathes out.

“I love you.” Her breath catches in her throat and she looks at me with awe in her eyes. “Happy birthday Abs.”

My thoughts are interrupted as Hayley’s voice full of fear brings me back into reality.

“I’m just with Taylor. We got a bit sidetracked. I’m going to the store right now.” My eyebrow lifts at the lie. I had went out of my way purposefully to make sure I properly introduced myself to her boyfriend. Is that who is on the phone? There’s a faint shouting on the other line before she looks down at her phone, her mouth set into a thin line. Once empty of emotions, now her eyes glisten with tears.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Chad just wants me to get some groceries.” She replies lightly. My suspicions were right. Which makes me curious as to why she lied about her whereabouts. Any anger from the last conversation has diminished, fear replacing it but refusing to show. I look down at my watch.

“It’s a quarter to 11, Hayley. I don’t think any stores are open except for gas stations.” I muse. She gets up, handing me my folded beanie.

“I’m just going to go home.”

“I’ll walk you.” I interject.

“That’s not necessary, thank you for the meal and tonight, but I really should get going.”

“I’d feel better knowing you got home safe.”

“I can take care of myself John.” She snaps. I exhale through my nose.

“I know that. Hell, I’ll walk a few paces behind you if you want me to. Either way I’m making sure you get home.” She glares at me, obviously knowing that despite her pleas, I’m making sure she’ll return safely. I don’t even know if her home is safe, and that’s what concerns me the most. It’s as if anything that has to do with Chad, she becomes a robot. Answering questions with a neutral tone. I walk beside her, keeping my pace in check with hers as she effortlessly maneuvers through the vacant streets and stops a few houses away from her own.

“Thank you for paying for my meal. It was unnecessary, but I promise I’ll pay yo-”

“Don’t even bother.” I laugh. We’re both too stubborn for our own good. “Can I have your number?” She nods and we exchange phones, quickly punching my number in her contacts. Chuckling to the name I put in for my contact.

“What’s so funny?” Hayley asks, handing my phone back and me doing to the same to her own. I shake my head, still smiling a bit.

“Nothing. I’ll see you later?”

“Later.” She confirms, waving to me as she jogs up the steps to her house and fumbles with her keys. She turns back one more time and I tilt my imaginary hat, placing my beanie over my head again. She smiles, waving once more before entering the house and shutting the door behind her.