Hold Your Breath, Baby

The wind roared around me as I walked silently through the cemetery. My long, blonde hair blew in my face and into my deep blue eyes. The bright California sunshine was hidden behind the clouds and the wind raged on.

I sat beside the cold gravestone and traced my fingers over the smooth, cold letters.

Victor Vincent Fuentes
1983-2012
Beloved Son, friend, and boyfriend.
R.I.P. Victor.

A tear slid down my cheek and I took in a deep breath.

"Hey, Vic...."

I looked all around me. Nothing seemed to change.

"It's been almost a year. Everyone here really misses you, especially me....I turned 26 today. I'm having a party later. Mike promised that he would keep your tradition of making sure my birthday
was the best ever. He's doing good so far."

I tucked a stray hair behind my ear and layed my head on the stone.

"The boys are doing good. They all got tattoos last week in your memory. I'm still waiting to get mine. I just want it to be perfect. Tony finally picked up his guitar again. It's been nice hearing him play again. I think they're getting used to being normal again. Things are looking up."

I glanced at the wilted flowers beside the stone. They were dying. Much like what I wish would happen to me at the moment. I miss him so much.

"I found some pictures today. They were mostly of you and me when we were younger. I bought an album to put them in. I want to keep them safe. I wish you could see them, but then again, you probably could. You can everything there, can't you?"

The wind picked up quickly and then died again. Almost like he was answering my question.

"Ha. It almost seems silly of me to be here talking like you were sitting in front of me, but I would feel terrible if I didn't keep you filled in. I know you hate being left out. I just wish I could see you again. I just want to look into your eyes one more time. I miss your touch, Vic. It's hard waking up knowing that you're not here, but it gets easier everyday."

It's been almost a year since he died. I cried everyday for the first few months, but I've gotten over crying because I know he's not coming back. He can never come back.

"I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I've been thinking about how it would have been if you were still here and going on your headlining tour. You'd call me everyday to tell me you loved me and missed me. I'd fly out to a few shows to surprise you, and we would go on cute little dates."

I wiped away another tear and pulled Vic's hoodie closer. It still had a faint smell of him and his cologne on it. I cherished it more than anything.

"I've been thinking about our last day too, and how it should have been. I should have been the one to leave and get hit. You didn't deserve to die, Vic. It should have been me."

I thought back about that day again. It was perfect.

Flashback
Vic laid beside me on the sand and held my hand. His head was angled toward me and he smiled.

"I had a dream last night, Morgan." he said.

I smiled back at him and looked up at the sky. The sun began to set and the day was soon to be over.

"We left town and hit the open road. We went to all the tourist stops around the country. Just you and me."

He sat up and slid closer to me. I sat up too and leaned into his bare chest.

"We spent all our money on stupid things, but it was the best trip of our lives."

His lips found mine in a quick kiss.

"I didn't want to think that I was dreaming, but I knew I was. It was so amazing. We ended up making love by the ocean, then coming home. Then I held you close and we laughed and had the best time! I didn't want us to leave, but then I woke up and saw you beside me. It was the best dream I ever had."

He was beaming when he finished. I smiled at him and kissed his lips again slowly. He stopped me and grabbed the blanket beside me and got up. He led me to a more secluded place by the ocean where no one would see us.

It was, by far, the best evening of my life. After we made love, I laid in his arms and laughed.

"Ok so the waves weren't crashing like in my dream, but this was way better than a dream."

He kissed me again and we put our clothes back on. Silently, we walked back to his car and began our drive home. When we got to my house he sat with me in the driveway until I wanted to get out.

"I love you, Morgan." he said and kissed me again.

"I love you too, Vic. See you in the morning."

I waved him off and he backed out of the driveway. The sky had blackened and it was really hard to see this late. He looked to where I was standing and smiled once more before he turned and went home.

I stayed in my room that night and listened to Collide with the Sky over and over. I was so proud of how far they've come.

Then I got a phone call that I never expected to get in a million years.

I didn't stay at home. Mike came to pick me up and brought me to his and Vic's place. All I could do was curl up in Vic's bed and cry myself to sleep.

A few days later, I was in a funeral home speaking to everyone about how great a person Vic was.
On his way home a few nights before, after he dropped me off, a drunk driver ran a red light and killed him instantly.
End Flashback

"That was the best night of my life, Vic. You gave me the best 4 years of my life. We were going to get married. I just wish you didn't have to go so soon. I wish you could still be here with me." I whispered now.

Tears were rolling down my cheek at the memory. The wind picked up again and rain began to fall heavily.

"It's raining now." I said quietly.

I looked around and saw Mike standing at the gate, watching me. I raised my hand as if to wave and placed it back on my lap.

"I need to go, Vic. I love you so much. I'll be back tomorrow, I promise."

I kissed my fingers and touched them to the cold stone and stood up to leave.

The wind surged around me and died out again. I smiled to myself and said goodbye.

"I love you."

The wind blew in response, and I could swear that I heard 'I love you, too.' right back.

Vic was still watching over me. I could feel it everywhere now.

I made my way to Mike who was smiling sadly. He wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug and brought me to his car.

"Will you be here tomorrow too?" he asked me when we were leaving.

I nodded my head and watched as we drove away. The rain pounded on the car hard and Mike drove home slowly.

"Thank you for being here. It's really helped a lot. I'm glad you're my friend." I said to Mike.

"It's no big deal. You're like a little sister to me. And after what happened to Vic, I don't want to lose you either."

I closed my eyes and thought about our last day again.

As long as this memory doesn't fade away, I think I'll be okay.