Beside You

It had been a week since I first came to live with Dan and things were still awkward. We would talk as if we were strangers. I didn’t know what to feel. I didn’t know if I should be angry at him or angry at myself. I didn’t want to live like this anymore. I wanted to talk to Dan, but with his hockey schedule and my work schedule, neither one of us had much time at home.
I got a job working at a small record store. I was surprised how busy we were, with the way people download music nowadays. I guessed it was because we sold good rock and roll music on vinyl. I would walk around and pick up some records and bring them home. I knew that Dan had a record player. He always loved playing some good old school rock on vinyl.
I went home after work and noticed that Dan wasn’t home yet. I knew he would getting home shortly, so I decided tonight was it. I was going to sit Dan down and tell him about Todd. He deserved to know and we needed to stop walking around like strangers while living together. I missed my best friend.
I thought that I would start by making dinner. Knowing Dan’s favourite meal, I whipped up some of his mom’s famous lasagna. I knew he would have everything I would need for it. He probably tried to make it himself once or twice, I imagined.
After getting the lasagna prepared and ready to go in the oven, I went over to the record player. Seeing that Dan and I had the same taste in music, it wasn’t hard for me to find something I liked. Picking a CCR record, I put it on and found myself singing and dancing in the kitchen as I cleaned up the tiny mess I made.
In the middle of “Bad Moon Rising” I decided to attempt the “Risky Business slide” across the floor of the living room. I failed horribly, crashing into the wall. I heard laughter as my body collided with the floor. Looking towards the noise, I noticed Dan standing there.
“Oh, don’t worry, Tom Cruise has got nothing on you.”
I saw the toothless grin, and knew that tonight just might go by smoothly.

After dinner
All throughout the time we ate, Dan could sense something different about me.
“Okay, what’s up with you? You’re acting like a different person. Don’t get me wrong, I like it. You’re more like my Gretch than when you first got here.”
I gave him a small smile.
“Well, I decided not to shut you out anymore. Dan, I can’t live like this anymore. I miss my best friend. It seemed easier not talking to you, especially after all those years of very limited contact.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“So you’re saying you’re ready to tell me what’s got you walking around like a zombie and had you crying over that picture that smashed in your room?”
I slowly nodded. I noticed Dan tense up a little.
“Yes, Dan. But it’s gonna be hard for me to get it out, so you’ll have to be patient. Other than my mom, no one knows the whole story. It’s part of the reason I stopped talking to you.”
We grabbed our glasses of wine and walked over to the couch. The tv was off, which irritated me a little bit. I needed some background noise since Dan turned the music off.
“Wow Gretch, it must be pretty big for you to stop talking to your best friend.”
I wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic of if he was serious. That’s how out of touch I got with him.
“Danny, I’m serious.”
He turned to me and looked me in the eye.
“So am I, Gretch. You can tell me anything, anytime. You know that. You’ve always known that. I’m still dumbfounded as to why you wouldn’t tell me about this Todd guy before.”
I sighed.
“I was scared.”
“Scared? Of what? Am I going to have to kick his ass? You tell me he hit you Gretch, and I swear to God, I’m on a plane to Canada in seconds flat.”
I didn’t move my gaze from the floor. I couldn’t look at him. I knew the look he had in his eyes. I didn’t want to see that look. The look of anger, hate, and disgust all in one. That look on Dan’s face, meant serious business. That’s the look I was afraid of.
“Gretch? Say something, please. Your silence is confirming my worst fears right now, and I’m not liking it all that much.”
I finally looked up at him.
“What do you want me to say, Danny? He hit me, okay? But I didn’t tell you because I was scared of how you’d react. Judging by the look in your eyes right now, I guess it was a good idea not to tell you when it started.”
Dan stood up and began to pace in front of me. I was beginning to get more scared by the second.
“When did it start? Please don’t tell me it was before I got drafted.”
I shook my head. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. This is not how I pictured telling Dan about Todd.
“No, it started about 3 years ago. Dan, please sit down. You’re scaring me. This isn’t how I pictured this at all.”
That drove him over the edge just a tad.
“How the hell did you expect me to react, Gretchen?! You thought I’d just be okay with it, comfort you and not try to defend you?!? Don’t be crazy. You’re my best friend. I would die for you, Gretch.” He sat beside me and grabbed my hands. His voice got softer as his eyes found mine. “Please tell me it’s over. Tell me he’s out of your life, because I promise you, as long as you’re here, he won’t touch you.”
I shook my head again, trying to find words to say through my fear.
“It’s over. It’s been over for the last 6 months. He cheated on me and I took that as my escape to get out.”
Dan wrapped his arms around me. I could hear him begin to quietly sob.
“Please don’t shut me out again.” He whispered into my hair.
I pulled away from him, both of us had tears running down our cheeks.
“I’m really sorry, Danny. I promise not to shut you out again.”