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Surrender The Night
Surrender The Night
The next day I heard Gerard leave for the cafeteria. Nurse Joan came in with my breakfast that both of us knew I wouldn't eat. I picked at the fibers of my sheet nervously until she was about to leave.
"Nurse Joan?" my voice was rough and quiet, but enough to turn her around. She looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, Frank?" I swallowed and closed my eyes.
"I wanna go outside.." I mumbled, avoiding her eyes. I could tell she was surprised, but she soon replaced it with a smile.
"Alright, I'll get the wheelchair." She left the room and I let out a long breath. I hadn't been outside in I don't know how long. Always too weak.
Nurse Joan came back in, wheeling my wheelchair with her. She helped me into it, which was harder than I thought it would be. My skin stretched and my bones ached, my mouth was dry and my lips were cracked. When I was finally in my chair, I let out a long groan, feeling it all the way through my toes. She hummed a little as she pushed me through the long halls, the lights blinded me so I gave up and closed my eyes. I could smell the fresh air every step we took. Almost to freedom.
We emerged outside and I heard the songbirds. I opened my eyes and was blinded once more by the harsh sunlight. Nurse Joan wheeled me to a shady spot under a tree nearby and I was thankful.
"Okay sweety, I'll be back to get you in an hour. Don't try getting up. Holler if you need me." She smiled at me again which I tried to return, but it hurt my lips too much. I watched as she walked away, her heels making the same click-clack sound.
The wind swept up my short hair, casting it askew across my face. I looked around me and noticed other patients. Some were supervised, and some seemed perfectly healthy. Just as I expected, I saw Gerard leaning against a wall on the farther side of the court, something propped up in his lap. He looked concentrated.
I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes, letting the soft sounds of wind and the creek nearby lull me. I was exhausted just from being wheeled out here. Effortlessly, I fell asleep.
My mind was fuzzy with drugs. It had been four hours since my last injection and I was already feeling it wear off. I stumbled out of the club, wandering to the nearest alley. Someone was always shooting up back there. I felt my way along the wall, the streets shook and blurred in my vision. It was cold out, cold enough to have to wear a jacket, which I wasn't. There were voices behind me, but they seemed distant. I stopped and looked around, I could see someone, but my mind was multiplying them. One, three, there were six now. Shaking my head again I looked at them again. Definitely six. One of them yelled and I tried to focus on their voice. "Look what we have here," another said. I tried to give them an answer, or even make the world stop spinning, but I couldn't. I felt a sharp pain in my left shoulder as someone struck me. Someone's mouth was dangerously close to my ear as they growled and shoved me again. There were hands at my belt buckle and everything was suddenly clear.
"Please don't," I whined. I heard laughing and everything was black.
I was shook awake by a familiar hand, I could feel sweat on my forehead and my lungs hurt.
"Frank!?" Gerard's worried voice rang in my ears and I blinked up at him. I was having another flashback. I felt tears rolling down my face and a muffled sob broke out of my throat. My lungs were on fire and my chest felt like it was being ripped in two. "Frankie, are you okay?" I focused on Gerard and clutched his hand. Shaking my head I sucked in a lungful of breath. Gerard smoothed my hair back and stroked my cheeks. "You're okay, shh." I calmed down some and let go of his hand. He looked almost hurt a moment. "Let's get you back inside." He bit his lip and took hold of my wheelchair, carefully and quickly pushing me back inside. Nurse Joan was in the room, changing sheets. My eyes were still closed but I could smell her cheap perfume.
"Nurse, I uh, Frank had a.. panic attack?" Gerard sounded frightened and I wanted to tell him it was normal, but my mouth wouldn't work. I didn't trust my mouth anymore. Joan rushed over and felt my damp forehead, clicking her tongue and brushing Gerard away.
"It's okay, sweety. Just a flashback. It's normal for Frankie.." she wheeled me over to my bed and hoisted me into it. "Knew I shouldn't have let him outside.." she mumbled under her breath. She turned to Gerard and smiled. "He'll be okay, thank you for getting him to me."
I opened my eyes a fraction and looked at Gerard. He was chewing his nails and shaking. I wanted to comfort him, my bones felt like stones in my skin, and my tongue was too big for my mouth. I couldn't. Nurse Joan went to get me morphine and I gazed at Gerard through heavy eyes. He walked over timidly and ran a finger down my arm. That was the first time I wanted to kiss Gerard Way.
I tried to move my fingers, something to let him know I was there, but all I could do was watch as he stared at my broken body.
"So sorry, Frankie.." he whispered, leaning down and kissing my knuckles. Something colorful and gooey exploded in my chest and it was the first time in a while I felt the emotion of happiness. Nurse Joan inserted the IV and the last thing I saw was that beautiful pale face with the holly green eyes.
"Nurse Joan?" my voice was rough and quiet, but enough to turn her around. She looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, Frank?" I swallowed and closed my eyes.
"I wanna go outside.." I mumbled, avoiding her eyes. I could tell she was surprised, but she soon replaced it with a smile.
"Alright, I'll get the wheelchair." She left the room and I let out a long breath. I hadn't been outside in I don't know how long. Always too weak.
Nurse Joan came back in, wheeling my wheelchair with her. She helped me into it, which was harder than I thought it would be. My skin stretched and my bones ached, my mouth was dry and my lips were cracked. When I was finally in my chair, I let out a long groan, feeling it all the way through my toes. She hummed a little as she pushed me through the long halls, the lights blinded me so I gave up and closed my eyes. I could smell the fresh air every step we took. Almost to freedom.
We emerged outside and I heard the songbirds. I opened my eyes and was blinded once more by the harsh sunlight. Nurse Joan wheeled me to a shady spot under a tree nearby and I was thankful.
"Okay sweety, I'll be back to get you in an hour. Don't try getting up. Holler if you need me." She smiled at me again which I tried to return, but it hurt my lips too much. I watched as she walked away, her heels making the same click-clack sound.
The wind swept up my short hair, casting it askew across my face. I looked around me and noticed other patients. Some were supervised, and some seemed perfectly healthy. Just as I expected, I saw Gerard leaning against a wall on the farther side of the court, something propped up in his lap. He looked concentrated.
I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes, letting the soft sounds of wind and the creek nearby lull me. I was exhausted just from being wheeled out here. Effortlessly, I fell asleep.
My mind was fuzzy with drugs. It had been four hours since my last injection and I was already feeling it wear off. I stumbled out of the club, wandering to the nearest alley. Someone was always shooting up back there. I felt my way along the wall, the streets shook and blurred in my vision. It was cold out, cold enough to have to wear a jacket, which I wasn't. There were voices behind me, but they seemed distant. I stopped and looked around, I could see someone, but my mind was multiplying them. One, three, there were six now. Shaking my head again I looked at them again. Definitely six. One of them yelled and I tried to focus on their voice. "Look what we have here," another said. I tried to give them an answer, or even make the world stop spinning, but I couldn't. I felt a sharp pain in my left shoulder as someone struck me. Someone's mouth was dangerously close to my ear as they growled and shoved me again. There were hands at my belt buckle and everything was suddenly clear.
"Please don't," I whined. I heard laughing and everything was black.
I was shook awake by a familiar hand, I could feel sweat on my forehead and my lungs hurt.
"Frank!?" Gerard's worried voice rang in my ears and I blinked up at him. I was having another flashback. I felt tears rolling down my face and a muffled sob broke out of my throat. My lungs were on fire and my chest felt like it was being ripped in two. "Frankie, are you okay?" I focused on Gerard and clutched his hand. Shaking my head I sucked in a lungful of breath. Gerard smoothed my hair back and stroked my cheeks. "You're okay, shh." I calmed down some and let go of his hand. He looked almost hurt a moment. "Let's get you back inside." He bit his lip and took hold of my wheelchair, carefully and quickly pushing me back inside. Nurse Joan was in the room, changing sheets. My eyes were still closed but I could smell her cheap perfume.
"Nurse, I uh, Frank had a.. panic attack?" Gerard sounded frightened and I wanted to tell him it was normal, but my mouth wouldn't work. I didn't trust my mouth anymore. Joan rushed over and felt my damp forehead, clicking her tongue and brushing Gerard away.
"It's okay, sweety. Just a flashback. It's normal for Frankie.." she wheeled me over to my bed and hoisted me into it. "Knew I shouldn't have let him outside.." she mumbled under her breath. She turned to Gerard and smiled. "He'll be okay, thank you for getting him to me."
I opened my eyes a fraction and looked at Gerard. He was chewing his nails and shaking. I wanted to comfort him, my bones felt like stones in my skin, and my tongue was too big for my mouth. I couldn't. Nurse Joan went to get me morphine and I gazed at Gerard through heavy eyes. He walked over timidly and ran a finger down my arm. That was the first time I wanted to kiss Gerard Way.
I tried to move my fingers, something to let him know I was there, but all I could do was watch as he stared at my broken body.
"So sorry, Frankie.." he whispered, leaning down and kissing my knuckles. Something colorful and gooey exploded in my chest and it was the first time in a while I felt the emotion of happiness. Nurse Joan inserted the IV and the last thing I saw was that beautiful pale face with the holly green eyes.