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Surrender The Night
Surrender The Night
I woke up and I knew it was dark out. The buzz of hospital lights humming softly, light filtering through underneath the door. I sat up a little and looked to my left, a bowl of cold soup and warm juice rested next to my pills. I felt the hunger then, swooping through my stomach. I pushed the feeling aside and took a sip of the juice. Just then I noticed the figure to my right. Gerard was sitting on the chair again, looking at me. I jumped a little when I saw him, clutching my chest but not making a sound.
"Sorry," he whispered. I'm still not sure if he was apologizing for earlier, or for scaring me. I nodded at him and folded my wrist carefully over my chest, shielding it from view. "You should eat." Gerard nodded toward my soup and smiled at me. My chest swelled and I felt ashamed. Shaking my head, I blushed.
"Not hungry." My voice trembled as I spoke, I scowled visibly. Gerard gazed at me concernedly and placed his hand near my leg. In my head, fireworks went off, just a few inches more and he would be touching my thigh. On the outside, I just stared back.
"I'm sorry about freaking about before..." Gerard gestured toward my wrist and frowned. He sighed and grabbed his own wrist, looking at it forlornly. "I used to want to die, too." He grinned at me sheepishly, holding out his wrist, showing off the fading scars. His grin fell as he pulled his wrist back and glanced down, "I don't want to die anymore." He said the last line as a whisper, like a secret between two friends.
I opened my mouth to say something but closed it, not sure of what I would say. Gerard reached out and pulled my arm away from my chest, bringing it close to his face. He looked me in the eye for a minute before leaning down and brushing his lips softly against the puckered scars. "You shouldn't want to die either, you're beautiful."
I blushed and he let go of my arm gently, folding his fingers against mine. Gerard got up to leave once he saw my discomfort but I tugged on his hand lightly before he got too far. He looked back at me and raised an eyebrow.
"C-come lay with me?" I stuttered a little and blushed once more, hiding my eyes behind a thin curtain of bangs. Gerard seemed surprised but crawled under the sheets next to me, careful not to press too close. He laid his hand over my heart, feeling the weak thud barely hanging on. "I'm guessing you know why I'm in here?" I asked, feeling self-conscious. Gerard spoke his voice was soft in my ear, I could smell his breath. It smelt like winter.
"Sort of, I... I didn't want to jump to conclusions." I chuckled and closed my eyes.
"I cut, I purged, I drank, did heroin, coke, you name it.. I- I got r-" Gerard pulled me closer and squeezed.
"Shh.. it's okay. You don't have to say it." I felt the white hot sting of tears fall from the corners of my eyes. Gerard stroked my side and nudged his nose across my neck. I wiped my nose and eyes and found Gerard's hand. He took it and squeezed.
"It's not okay," I whispered, new tears falling in a steady stream. "It will never be okay, Gerard." I finally choked out a sob and he squeezed my hand again.
"I know, Frankie.."
Gerard grew quiet and I calmed down a little. His fingers tapped lightly on my chest and I could hear him breathe quietly.
"Gerard?" It was a whisper, but he heard me.
"Hmmm..?" I bit my lip.
"Why are you in here?" He looked at me and smiled, he looked sad.
"You'll find out soon.. Promise me one thing?" I nodded.
"Anything." His hair was sticking up again. I wanted to smooth it down.
"Promise me you won't fall in love with me." I was taken back and looked at him for a minute. I cast my gaze down and blushed, chuckling.
"That won't be a problem." Lying straight through my teeth was a second nature for me.
That was the first time I kissed Gerard Way.
"Sorry," he whispered. I'm still not sure if he was apologizing for earlier, or for scaring me. I nodded at him and folded my wrist carefully over my chest, shielding it from view. "You should eat." Gerard nodded toward my soup and smiled at me. My chest swelled and I felt ashamed. Shaking my head, I blushed.
"Not hungry." My voice trembled as I spoke, I scowled visibly. Gerard gazed at me concernedly and placed his hand near my leg. In my head, fireworks went off, just a few inches more and he would be touching my thigh. On the outside, I just stared back.
"I'm sorry about freaking about before..." Gerard gestured toward my wrist and frowned. He sighed and grabbed his own wrist, looking at it forlornly. "I used to want to die, too." He grinned at me sheepishly, holding out his wrist, showing off the fading scars. His grin fell as he pulled his wrist back and glanced down, "I don't want to die anymore." He said the last line as a whisper, like a secret between two friends.
I opened my mouth to say something but closed it, not sure of what I would say. Gerard reached out and pulled my arm away from my chest, bringing it close to his face. He looked me in the eye for a minute before leaning down and brushing his lips softly against the puckered scars. "You shouldn't want to die either, you're beautiful."
I blushed and he let go of my arm gently, folding his fingers against mine. Gerard got up to leave once he saw my discomfort but I tugged on his hand lightly before he got too far. He looked back at me and raised an eyebrow.
"C-come lay with me?" I stuttered a little and blushed once more, hiding my eyes behind a thin curtain of bangs. Gerard seemed surprised but crawled under the sheets next to me, careful not to press too close. He laid his hand over my heart, feeling the weak thud barely hanging on. "I'm guessing you know why I'm in here?" I asked, feeling self-conscious. Gerard spoke his voice was soft in my ear, I could smell his breath. It smelt like winter.
"Sort of, I... I didn't want to jump to conclusions." I chuckled and closed my eyes.
"I cut, I purged, I drank, did heroin, coke, you name it.. I- I got r-" Gerard pulled me closer and squeezed.
"Shh.. it's okay. You don't have to say it." I felt the white hot sting of tears fall from the corners of my eyes. Gerard stroked my side and nudged his nose across my neck. I wiped my nose and eyes and found Gerard's hand. He took it and squeezed.
"It's not okay," I whispered, new tears falling in a steady stream. "It will never be okay, Gerard." I finally choked out a sob and he squeezed my hand again.
"I know, Frankie.."
Gerard grew quiet and I calmed down a little. His fingers tapped lightly on my chest and I could hear him breathe quietly.
"Gerard?" It was a whisper, but he heard me.
"Hmmm..?" I bit my lip.
"Why are you in here?" He looked at me and smiled, he looked sad.
"You'll find out soon.. Promise me one thing?" I nodded.
"Anything." His hair was sticking up again. I wanted to smooth it down.
"Promise me you won't fall in love with me." I was taken back and looked at him for a minute. I cast my gaze down and blushed, chuckling.
"That won't be a problem." Lying straight through my teeth was a second nature for me.
That was the first time I kissed Gerard Way.