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Surrender The Night
Surrender The Night
Gerard's lips were soft, like velvet but better. I was right, they did taste like winter. It was just a firm press of lips at first, his hand settled on my face gently. I grew the courage to press closer, I slid my hand over his waist slowly and opened my mouth a little. Gerard took the clue and licked my lower lip.
I hadn't kissed for a long time, to be honest, the only time I kissed someone was in the eighth grade. Her name was Jamia and she was my best friend, the only reason I did was because I didn't want people to know I was gay.
Long story short, Jamia found out why I kissed her and never talked to me again.
Gerard was a better kisser than Jamia, as far as kissing goes. He was gently and I could feel the small amount of scratchy stubble along his jaw. Gerard also wasn't too forceful, his tongue was barely in my mouth, which was nice but I also really wanted more. I moved a little and pulled him completely over me. His hands anchored by my head, careful not to crush me.
I felt something solid between my legs and noticed he had slid his knee between them. I froze and whimpered. Gerard froze too, sensing my distress.
"Frankie?" He looked down between us and noticed his knee. "Shit, I.. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." I shook my head and he moved his knee. Crossing my legs, I turned to my side and closed my eyes.
"Don't ever do that again, Gerard." I whispered, my voice cracked and I wanted to punch myself. A sudden rush of memories swooped through me and my head hammered. I needed a hit, maybe some sleeping pills to make me crash. Gerard was still behind me, hand on my waist.
"I'm so sorry, that was stupid." I turned to look at him and he was tugging at his hair. Gerard looked so sincere, I couldn't help but smile. My lungs were shot and it felt impossible to breathe, let alone speak. I tugged Gerard down and buried my head in his neck.
It took a while, but Gerard relaxed into the embrace, bringing his hand up to stroke the back of my head. I kissed where his shoulder connected to his neck and Gerard shivered. Smiling, I looked up at him. He kissed my nose and I blushed.
We didn't talk, we only smiled and shared small pecks here and there. My eyes felt heavy with sleep and I could see Gerard's eyes drooping. I stared into his eyes for what seemed like hours, the ticking of the clock nearby went by so slow. Pressing as close as I could, I snaked my arm under Gerard's thin shirt and rested my palm on his heart. Gerard smiled at me lazily and leaned in to kiss my forehead. I sighed and buried my nose into the crook of his neck.
"Stay with me tonight?" I mumbled. Gerard chuckled and wrapped his arms around my thin frame.
"Of course."
Gerard wasn't in my bed.
I could tell because his warm body was replaced with a pillow and a heartbeat was nowhere to be found under my palm.
My eyes felt crusty and I could hear rustling to my right. I hated waking up, partly because I'd have to face a new day, and also because it meant I wouldn't be sleeping.
But I had Gerard now, or at least I thought I did, and I would wake up every day at the crack of dawn if it meant seeing Gerard's eyes in the morning air.
Opening my eyes, I found it was still dark which was odd. I looked to my right and saw Gerard slipping into his own bed. Confused, I stared at him for a moment. He settled and glanced at me, which during that second I closed my eyes, and finally he rolled over and his breathing evened.
I was hurt for a moment, but brushed it off and decided it would be addressed in the morning. Gerard looked peaceful, his face was calm and his mouth lightly agape.
The mouth I had fucking kissed.
The memories rushed to greet me, the soft feel of his fleshy lips over mine. I closed my eyes and sighed, touching a finger to my swollen lips. I wanted to freak out; dance or maybe even sing. All this excitement was too much for me, this meant I could kiss Gerard any time I felt like it. It meant I could hold him close and call him mine.
Or could I?
My smile faded and I thought.
What if he wanted nothing to do with me?
What if he thought I was crazy, and thought I was just an easy lay?
I rubbed my eyes and looked at him again. He still looked beatiful; graceful and humble as before.
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I took a deep breath.
Gerard isn't like that, I thought stubbornly. I hugged my pillow tight and inhaled, it still smelled like Gerard. The smell of cigarettes, strawberry shampoo, and stale sweat filled my lungs and nose.
It was my new favorite smell.
I smiled over and over to myself, probably acting like a teenage girl; but I didn't care.
Gerard Way had kissed me, and I kissed back! He even stayed in my bed for sometime while I slept. Who knows, maybe this would happen every night.
I hoped.
I squealed quietly into my pillow one last time before dozing off.
My dreams were filled with Gerard. His touch, his lips, his taste, his smell, his fucking eyes; everything. Every corner I turned I saw him. He smiled at me with his freaky square teeth and his honey glazed eyes shined at me through shadows. His laugh filled the air and the wind carried it through my body. When I finally was able to reach him, his warm hands circled my waist and pulled my closer. In my dream, I smiled. In my dream, he kissed my lips softly and whispered sweet nothings in my ear.
But in reality?
In reality I was laying alone in a cold hospital bed, while Gerard slept seven and a half feet away from me.
I hadn't kissed for a long time, to be honest, the only time I kissed someone was in the eighth grade. Her name was Jamia and she was my best friend, the only reason I did was because I didn't want people to know I was gay.
Long story short, Jamia found out why I kissed her and never talked to me again.
Gerard was a better kisser than Jamia, as far as kissing goes. He was gently and I could feel the small amount of scratchy stubble along his jaw. Gerard also wasn't too forceful, his tongue was barely in my mouth, which was nice but I also really wanted more. I moved a little and pulled him completely over me. His hands anchored by my head, careful not to crush me.
I felt something solid between my legs and noticed he had slid his knee between them. I froze and whimpered. Gerard froze too, sensing my distress.
"Frankie?" He looked down between us and noticed his knee. "Shit, I.. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." I shook my head and he moved his knee. Crossing my legs, I turned to my side and closed my eyes.
"Don't ever do that again, Gerard." I whispered, my voice cracked and I wanted to punch myself. A sudden rush of memories swooped through me and my head hammered. I needed a hit, maybe some sleeping pills to make me crash. Gerard was still behind me, hand on my waist.
"I'm so sorry, that was stupid." I turned to look at him and he was tugging at his hair. Gerard looked so sincere, I couldn't help but smile. My lungs were shot and it felt impossible to breathe, let alone speak. I tugged Gerard down and buried my head in his neck.
It took a while, but Gerard relaxed into the embrace, bringing his hand up to stroke the back of my head. I kissed where his shoulder connected to his neck and Gerard shivered. Smiling, I looked up at him. He kissed my nose and I blushed.
We didn't talk, we only smiled and shared small pecks here and there. My eyes felt heavy with sleep and I could see Gerard's eyes drooping. I stared into his eyes for what seemed like hours, the ticking of the clock nearby went by so slow. Pressing as close as I could, I snaked my arm under Gerard's thin shirt and rested my palm on his heart. Gerard smiled at me lazily and leaned in to kiss my forehead. I sighed and buried my nose into the crook of his neck.
"Stay with me tonight?" I mumbled. Gerard chuckled and wrapped his arms around my thin frame.
"Of course."
Gerard wasn't in my bed.
I could tell because his warm body was replaced with a pillow and a heartbeat was nowhere to be found under my palm.
My eyes felt crusty and I could hear rustling to my right. I hated waking up, partly because I'd have to face a new day, and also because it meant I wouldn't be sleeping.
But I had Gerard now, or at least I thought I did, and I would wake up every day at the crack of dawn if it meant seeing Gerard's eyes in the morning air.
Opening my eyes, I found it was still dark which was odd. I looked to my right and saw Gerard slipping into his own bed. Confused, I stared at him for a moment. He settled and glanced at me, which during that second I closed my eyes, and finally he rolled over and his breathing evened.
I was hurt for a moment, but brushed it off and decided it would be addressed in the morning. Gerard looked peaceful, his face was calm and his mouth lightly agape.
The mouth I had fucking kissed.
The memories rushed to greet me, the soft feel of his fleshy lips over mine. I closed my eyes and sighed, touching a finger to my swollen lips. I wanted to freak out; dance or maybe even sing. All this excitement was too much for me, this meant I could kiss Gerard any time I felt like it. It meant I could hold him close and call him mine.
Or could I?
My smile faded and I thought.
What if he wanted nothing to do with me?
What if he thought I was crazy, and thought I was just an easy lay?
I rubbed my eyes and looked at him again. He still looked beatiful; graceful and humble as before.
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I took a deep breath.
Gerard isn't like that, I thought stubbornly. I hugged my pillow tight and inhaled, it still smelled like Gerard. The smell of cigarettes, strawberry shampoo, and stale sweat filled my lungs and nose.
It was my new favorite smell.
I smiled over and over to myself, probably acting like a teenage girl; but I didn't care.
Gerard Way had kissed me, and I kissed back! He even stayed in my bed for sometime while I slept. Who knows, maybe this would happen every night.
I hoped.
I squealed quietly into my pillow one last time before dozing off.
My dreams were filled with Gerard. His touch, his lips, his taste, his smell, his fucking eyes; everything. Every corner I turned I saw him. He smiled at me with his freaky square teeth and his honey glazed eyes shined at me through shadows. His laugh filled the air and the wind carried it through my body. When I finally was able to reach him, his warm hands circled my waist and pulled my closer. In my dream, I smiled. In my dream, he kissed my lips softly and whispered sweet nothings in my ear.
But in reality?
In reality I was laying alone in a cold hospital bed, while Gerard slept seven and a half feet away from me.