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Surrender The Night
Surrender The Night
I fell asleep with my head on Gerard's chest, pressed close. He woke me up at some point, sleepily guiding me back to my wheelchair. I vaguely remember him wheeling me inside, the hushed sounds of nurses padding along the corridors of the hospital invaded my ears. We made it to our room and Gerard helped me climb into bed. He hesitated for a moment before slipping into my own bed with me, pulling me onto his chest once more, and with that; I fell asleep.
The next day when I awoke, Joan was already in the room, shuffling through papers and doses. She saw that Gerard was asleep in my bed and gave me a weary glance which I ignored. Gerard mumbled in his sleep and his mouth was open against my neck. I shivered, feeling slightly uncomfortable that Joan could see everything.
"Hello Frank." She nodded to me and looked at Gerard again. I shrugged uselessly and she sighed, looking at me sadly. What's her problem? "Take your meds, and when Gerard wakes up tell him to see me in Dr. Andersen's office."
I nodded and she left silently, shaking her head the whole way.
Gerard's arm was around my waist solidly, I shuffled around to face him and looked at his face.
His delicate features were soft and unmoving. The long lashes of his eyes swept across his pale cheek bones; it reminded me of spiders and I cringed inwardly. His mouth was slightly agape, I could see his tiny teeth and a hint of that small pink tongue. I curled a piece of hair behind his ear gently, his eyes fluttered open and a grin spread across his face.
Once more those crisp golden eyes were staring back into mine, bright and unperturbed.
"Morning beautiful" I greeted him as he had greeted me before and he flushed.
"Mornin'" He yawned and flexed his hand on my hip a little. "Can we stay in bed today?" Gerard giggled and buried his head into my chest. "I just want to stay wrapped up in you all day." I blushed furiously and pushed closer.
"Joan wants you to go see Dr. Andersen." Gerard looked up at me and his face fell into a frown.
"Why?"
"Dunno.." He sighed and kissed me lightly.
"I'll go see what he wants." I nodded as Gerard began to get out of the cramped bed, I let out a small whine when I felt his absence. Gerard turned to me again and smiled a little. "I'll be right back, beautiful." He leaned down and kissed my lips, then my jaw. I tried to smile back as he left the room with a skip in his step.
I tried to keep my mind off things while Gerard was gone, I really did. My eyes darted to every sharp surface in the room and I could feel the hard hitting craving again. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
/flash back/
'"C'mon Frank, just try it." I looked at Quinn nervously and frowned.
"Why?" Quinn giggled his stupid pot laugh and handed me to the needle.
"Because you fuckin' see stars, man. It's better than a really good blow job, I promise." He laughed at his own joke and looked at me expectantly.
"Will it take me away from reality?" I bit my lip. Quinn sat back and gazed at me with glazed eyes.
"Yeah man, it'll make you forget everything."
I thought things over in my head before bringing my sleeve up slowly. I saw the puckered marks there and cringed. Taking a deep breath, Quinn helped me tie the small piece of cloth around my upper arm.
"Okay, all ya gotta do is find your biggest vein- there it is- and sink it in nice and slow. It's gonna feel wierd at first, but just start pushing this llittle thingy," he tapped the syringe, "and you're all set to go, it's gonna be a blast, kid."
I nodded and got the needle into position over my left arm, right over the largest vein I could find. Looking at Quinn one last time, I pushed the tip of the needle in and closed my eyes.'
I wasn't aware that I had gone into a flashback, nor that I had started screaming and gripping my left arm painfully. Gerard was bursting through the door with a worried look on his face and screaming my name. I tried to cry out his name but all that came out were frightening yowls and screams of pain. Gerard's hands were on my face, his eyes met mine as he stroked my hair and screamed over his shoulder for help.
Why the fuck was this happening over again? I thought I was done with this.. I was finally happy again.
Nurse Joan rushed in with a sedative, in her left hand was a needle. As soon as I saw it I thrashed out wildly, jumping off my bed and crashing to the floor violently. Gerard's eyes were wet with tears and a few slid down his cheeks as he cried out my name over again. Gerard's voice was a blur to my ears, the voices in my head increased their volume and I pressed myself to the corner of the room. Nurse Joan walked closer, needled clutched in hand; I threw my arm out and tried to knock it away, but I was too weak. The voices got louder again and I tried to shake them out.
'So pathetic, Frank' it sneered.
I saw a flash of silver and felt the needle pierce my skin. I cried out and hit my head against the wall; everything went black.
The next day when I awoke, Joan was already in the room, shuffling through papers and doses. She saw that Gerard was asleep in my bed and gave me a weary glance which I ignored. Gerard mumbled in his sleep and his mouth was open against my neck. I shivered, feeling slightly uncomfortable that Joan could see everything.
"Hello Frank." She nodded to me and looked at Gerard again. I shrugged uselessly and she sighed, looking at me sadly. What's her problem? "Take your meds, and when Gerard wakes up tell him to see me in Dr. Andersen's office."
I nodded and she left silently, shaking her head the whole way.
Gerard's arm was around my waist solidly, I shuffled around to face him and looked at his face.
His delicate features were soft and unmoving. The long lashes of his eyes swept across his pale cheek bones; it reminded me of spiders and I cringed inwardly. His mouth was slightly agape, I could see his tiny teeth and a hint of that small pink tongue. I curled a piece of hair behind his ear gently, his eyes fluttered open and a grin spread across his face.
Once more those crisp golden eyes were staring back into mine, bright and unperturbed.
"Morning beautiful" I greeted him as he had greeted me before and he flushed.
"Mornin'" He yawned and flexed his hand on my hip a little. "Can we stay in bed today?" Gerard giggled and buried his head into my chest. "I just want to stay wrapped up in you all day." I blushed furiously and pushed closer.
"Joan wants you to go see Dr. Andersen." Gerard looked up at me and his face fell into a frown.
"Why?"
"Dunno.." He sighed and kissed me lightly.
"I'll go see what he wants." I nodded as Gerard began to get out of the cramped bed, I let out a small whine when I felt his absence. Gerard turned to me again and smiled a little. "I'll be right back, beautiful." He leaned down and kissed my lips, then my jaw. I tried to smile back as he left the room with a skip in his step.
I tried to keep my mind off things while Gerard was gone, I really did. My eyes darted to every sharp surface in the room and I could feel the hard hitting craving again. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
/flash back/
'"C'mon Frank, just try it." I looked at Quinn nervously and frowned.
"Why?" Quinn giggled his stupid pot laugh and handed me to the needle.
"Because you fuckin' see stars, man. It's better than a really good blow job, I promise." He laughed at his own joke and looked at me expectantly.
"Will it take me away from reality?" I bit my lip. Quinn sat back and gazed at me with glazed eyes.
"Yeah man, it'll make you forget everything."
I thought things over in my head before bringing my sleeve up slowly. I saw the puckered marks there and cringed. Taking a deep breath, Quinn helped me tie the small piece of cloth around my upper arm.
"Okay, all ya gotta do is find your biggest vein- there it is- and sink it in nice and slow. It's gonna feel wierd at first, but just start pushing this llittle thingy," he tapped the syringe, "and you're all set to go, it's gonna be a blast, kid."
I nodded and got the needle into position over my left arm, right over the largest vein I could find. Looking at Quinn one last time, I pushed the tip of the needle in and closed my eyes.'
I wasn't aware that I had gone into a flashback, nor that I had started screaming and gripping my left arm painfully. Gerard was bursting through the door with a worried look on his face and screaming my name. I tried to cry out his name but all that came out were frightening yowls and screams of pain. Gerard's hands were on my face, his eyes met mine as he stroked my hair and screamed over his shoulder for help.
Why the fuck was this happening over again? I thought I was done with this.. I was finally happy again.
Nurse Joan rushed in with a sedative, in her left hand was a needle. As soon as I saw it I thrashed out wildly, jumping off my bed and crashing to the floor violently. Gerard's eyes were wet with tears and a few slid down his cheeks as he cried out my name over again. Gerard's voice was a blur to my ears, the voices in my head increased their volume and I pressed myself to the corner of the room. Nurse Joan walked closer, needled clutched in hand; I threw my arm out and tried to knock it away, but I was too weak. The voices got louder again and I tried to shake them out.
'So pathetic, Frank' it sneered.
I saw a flash of silver and felt the needle pierce my skin. I cried out and hit my head against the wall; everything went black.