Status: Don't expect a resolution; it's not going to happen.
Cheat
IF IT BRINGS ME TO MY KNEES
Sam and I are drunk at a party, dangerously drunk, to the point where I don’t remember anything after this. Reed watches from across the room as I sit and talk with Sam, his arm around me in a way that seems harmless to anyone else, but to me means so much more. He has me under his thumb, his thumbprints branding my skin with their curvy signature.
We decide it’s a good idea to walk home to the bus station at this point, and we cuddle the whole ride home – my legs sprawled over his and his arms around me, holding me tight to him like an anchor. We sway as we walk the remainder of the blocks to the house and my hands are entangled with his.
And I find myself outside the front door, leaning against Sam with all my weight. He’s holding me up and holding the door open when I do something I can’t control. “Kiss me,” I whisper, pointing to my lips.
There’s no hesitation before Sam’s lips are on mine and we are plummeting into a place that we should never explore. I’m hungry with my kisses and his hands are all over me – on my face, on my neck, in my hair, around my waist. Everything is telling me this is right, everything is telling me this is wrong; I ignore it all as I feel his tongue flick against mine.
When we pull apart, I realize what we’ve done and dart inside. I wake up in the morning with a knot in my stomach and a war in my heart. Reed sleeps soundly next to me, each breath more unaware than the first.
We decide it’s a good idea to walk home to the bus station at this point, and we cuddle the whole ride home – my legs sprawled over his and his arms around me, holding me tight to him like an anchor. We sway as we walk the remainder of the blocks to the house and my hands are entangled with his.
And I find myself outside the front door, leaning against Sam with all my weight. He’s holding me up and holding the door open when I do something I can’t control. “Kiss me,” I whisper, pointing to my lips.
There’s no hesitation before Sam’s lips are on mine and we are plummeting into a place that we should never explore. I’m hungry with my kisses and his hands are all over me – on my face, on my neck, in my hair, around my waist. Everything is telling me this is right, everything is telling me this is wrong; I ignore it all as I feel his tongue flick against mine.
When we pull apart, I realize what we’ve done and dart inside. I wake up in the morning with a knot in my stomach and a war in my heart. Reed sleeps soundly next to me, each breath more unaware than the first.
♠ ♠ ♠
so it happened.