Status: Don't expect a resolution; it's not going to happen.
Cheat
IT'S A BAD RELIGION
I meet Reed in his room; we’re sitting on his bed, my hands in his lap in an effort to maintain contact with him.
“So what do you need to talk about?” he asks, not quite impatiently but not quite warmly. I’m a little astonished at his response. When I texted him telling him that I needed him, that I needed to talk to him, I really expected him to be more… enthusiastic.
I don’t know how to articulate to him everything I need to say – about my stress, my confusion, absolutely everything – so instead I wring my hands, the fabric of his jeans brushing against my skin. “I guess I don’t need to talk, I just need to be with you. I need you to cheer me up.”
“I have work I have to do,” he sighs, removing my hands from his lap and placing them in my own. “I really can’t do this right now.”
“Can’t it wait?” I ask desperately, my eyes nailed to him and his gaze elsewhere. “Please? Just for a few minutes? I need you.”
He’s getting worked up and I can feel it; the way his shoulders are squared and his jaw is set. “Well, what do you want me to do, Cath? Drop everything so we can sit not making any progress? Do you want me to get fired?”
I try to tell him that just spending time together will start the progress I need, even if it’s just for a minute. “I don’t understand why you’re being so defensive,” I snap, standing up from the bed. “All I want is some time together because the only time I get to see you is when you’re fucking me before we go to sleep!”
“That’s not true!” he barks back, standing up to tower over me. He looks so strong in that moment and I’m afraid; I have to tell myself that Reed would never hurt me, never in a million years.
“I’m not asking for much here, Reed! Just some time. As a girlfriend, I didn’t think that was something that needed to be discussed.”
“Maybe it doesn’t need to be discussed,” he spits, before storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him with finality. I collapse onto the bed like a burning building, my knees buckled and hands trembling. Reed and I never fight, we never go to bed angry. I know in my heart he’ll be back in a while, pretending like nothing ever happened – nothing will be resolved, and we’ll both think about it in our sleep but never say anything to each other; we’ll be like ships passing each other in the night, noiseless and headstrong.
“So what do you need to talk about?” he asks, not quite impatiently but not quite warmly. I’m a little astonished at his response. When I texted him telling him that I needed him, that I needed to talk to him, I really expected him to be more… enthusiastic.
I don’t know how to articulate to him everything I need to say – about my stress, my confusion, absolutely everything – so instead I wring my hands, the fabric of his jeans brushing against my skin. “I guess I don’t need to talk, I just need to be with you. I need you to cheer me up.”
“I have work I have to do,” he sighs, removing my hands from his lap and placing them in my own. “I really can’t do this right now.”
“Can’t it wait?” I ask desperately, my eyes nailed to him and his gaze elsewhere. “Please? Just for a few minutes? I need you.”
He’s getting worked up and I can feel it; the way his shoulders are squared and his jaw is set. “Well, what do you want me to do, Cath? Drop everything so we can sit not making any progress? Do you want me to get fired?”
I try to tell him that just spending time together will start the progress I need, even if it’s just for a minute. “I don’t understand why you’re being so defensive,” I snap, standing up from the bed. “All I want is some time together because the only time I get to see you is when you’re fucking me before we go to sleep!”
“That’s not true!” he barks back, standing up to tower over me. He looks so strong in that moment and I’m afraid; I have to tell myself that Reed would never hurt me, never in a million years.
“I’m not asking for much here, Reed! Just some time. As a girlfriend, I didn’t think that was something that needed to be discussed.”
“Maybe it doesn’t need to be discussed,” he spits, before storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him with finality. I collapse onto the bed like a burning building, my knees buckled and hands trembling. Reed and I never fight, we never go to bed angry. I know in my heart he’ll be back in a while, pretending like nothing ever happened – nothing will be resolved, and we’ll both think about it in our sleep but never say anything to each other; we’ll be like ships passing each other in the night, noiseless and headstrong.