Carrying the Fire

Madness was everywhere; it had seeped in through everyones television sceens to come crashing in through your windows and doors, the volume was kept low but it still seemed to sync along to the matching gun fire continuing outside. Footage of police attempting to control riots amongst the streets, mountains of bodies stacked on top one another in flames, shoot outs in the airports of those still trying to still purchase tickets to escape; all of it was hard enough to comprehend while watching it from the tv-screen, but I was more overwhelmed we had just been plucked from the chaos of it all. Shots continuously fired while we curled up and were forced to listen and waited for the raging storm outside to pass, trying to keep track of the government's progress from the news. It was worse listening to the screams. Difficult not to hear someone's terrified wailing echoing outside, we didn't need to see to know what became of their tragic ends after the strangled screeches would inevitably ebb in a concluding silence.
While the nine of us huddled in collective trepidation inside this small apartment living room, I was only half listening to introductions being exchanged. Philip introduced his friend from work, Nick Parson who also escaped with the family, a much shorter man than his friend, maybe only a couple inches taller than myself and stubble much like Todd's but with darker hair. The dark-skinned woman who had been with Todd when he found me had introduced herself very taciturnly to us all as Neema Chatuverdi (like Zhao, I anticipated this would take me a while to learn to pronounce), dressed very modestly in a black sari draped around her waist, one end wrapping over her shoulder but her midriff was covered by another blouse underneath and also hid behind a matching head scarf that efficiently hid her hair and her face below her eyes. Todd introduced us for me since all I could bring myself to do was stare at the news reports that had so drastically changed from just a few hours ago, the same day. Cannibals they called them. Yet this was something else, something beyond anything we could comprehend enough to name. This was worldwide- word had it China had been hit just as hard- and unbelievably fast, Beijing completely dropping off the grid and it was now seven hours since there had been any communication between them. Rwanda, the state of Palestine, Israel, France- all other major Outbreak locations effected the most. My heart plummeting to hear New York and California added to the ever growing list of places failing to keep the infection at bay. The faces of the bleeding and infected flashed in clips, so unbearable to watch yet it was the only thing I felt I would ever be able to see as they muddled amongst those I'd already lost today. The terrorized face of Kate being dragged away, no doubt slaughtered among all the other countless faces I inevitably escorted to their deaths. The matching, busted faces of the sisters sprawled around the ambulance. Daniel and his absent eyes, bleeding into the street. Alicia's blood splattering the white walls while pelted by a rain of gun fire. Zhao screaming as his face was gnawed and his jugular torn out in sinews. The remembrance of my friend hit me the hardest, suddenly feeling incredibly raw and about to combust with everything adrenaline had shielded me from now that it began to fade, leaving me in a shaking heap on the floor where I'd first collapsed through the window.
"Hey- she ok?"
"Yeah, she was at St. Joesph's." I hadn't realized it was me being inquired about until Todd spoke next to me, pulling me closer to his warm chest with an arm around my shoulders. It was hard to turn my attention from the faces on the screen, I had to rub at how numb my face had become, not realizing how severely I had been trembling until Todd reached out to still my hands, uncaring if they were getting his bloody.
"I have a restroom just down that hall there," the man who had offered us his home as refuge from the chaos outside piped in, pointing past the kitchen. "If maybe you wanted to clean her up. I can put something together and get some food in you all. It'll do you good."
I was able to swivel my head to look at the elderly man who graciously offered me a soft smile of encouragement, realizing his last comment had been directed to me. It was Todd who thanked Michael, helping haul me to my feet, gently steadying me when my legs wobbled under the weight of exhaustion.
"She's not bit is she?" Snapped half out of my daze from watching the news, I could see this time who kept insisting. Sitting next to his friend Philip and watching me skeptically, Nick arched a pretentious eyebrow and tried to exchange a look with his pal who had also found a seat against a nearby wall with his daughter in his lap. Remembering the panic towards those infected, I felt myself shy back at this man's suspicion, unconciously edging closer to Todd who also tightened his grip on me. Both his brother companions seemed to look more sympathetic, the father of the group giving his friend a reapproachful look around his daughter's head he continued to craddle against him, the girl still flinching every so often at the explosions outside.
"Nah, she's not," Todd replied tight-lipped. It was then the veiled-woman Todd had found me with spoke up.
"Do you have any first-aid? Bandages at least?" she asked, indicating to Todd's scuffed up condition. "He could do with some cleaning up too."
"Of course, of course, Betty- my wife, she kept a kit below the sink," Michael informed. "Though we aren't the most prepared I'm afraid."
"It'll work, thank you." Steering me carefully by the shoulders, I staggered over my feet at first but allowed Todd to direct me towards Michael's bathroom.
"Do you need help?" Neema called after us. "She's in shock. And you look half-dead on your feet yourself."
I felt Todd pause, surprised that he actually turned to slowly nod back in agreement. "Yeah... Thanks Neema, I'd appreciate it."
As I was aided into the rest room, I couldn't help but begin to examine Todd much closer than I was able to during our whirlwind of an escape. Only barely aware I was being sat down on the edge of a bath tub, I was paying more attention to the state of Todd's arm and leg. The denim of his pants were ripped up on one side, blood also seeping through a rip over his knee, and his shirt sleeve completely torn and missing while alabaster skin was scraped off all up his forearm, marring the flesh an angry, enflammed vermilion. My gaze was rapidly raking over his whole appearance in panic that I barely registered calloused hands on my face, steering my eyes away to meet the piercing icicle-like iris's that soothed me through the warm tremors I felt clam over me. Todd's face was battered up too, one of his eyebrows obviously had bled quite a lot and was now dried down the side of his face. Seating himself down on the toliet seat next to me, he grunted at the pain it caused him to sit but just grinned and blinked sheepishly back at me. My teeth were chattering too much behind my lips, trembling far too intensely to smile back and share his relief without bursting into a weeping mess. Not knowing how else to stop the shaking, I instinctively reached for my inhaler still in my jacket's breast pocket. Seeing my struggle to fumble with the botton, Todd reached down to cover my hand with his, the corners of his mouth downturned now in concern.
"You're- my god... are you-" For the life of me, I just couldn't talk through the lump I had to keep gulping back, hiccuping on a few breaths as I clenched Todd's hand tighter.
"It's ok. I'm ok," he hushed me, beginning to push my loose bangs from my face and helped me pull out my inhaler, keeping his hand over mine to steady it as I took a long inhale of medication. I hadn't noticed the woman in the bathroom with us had been soaking a wash cloth in the sink, now coming to kneel down in front of me. Todd let his hands drift away so she could dab the cloth against my face but I couldn't help but flinch at her sudden approaching hand. I bashfully muttered an apology but Neema seemed undetered, she just smiled back reassuringly and tried again, approaching slower this time as I allowed her to wipe it gently over my cheeks. When I saw her retreat the cloth to switch to a cleaner side, I was shocked to see how much blood coated the wet rag. I reached in shock to feel for what was bleeding but Todd just eased them back down to allow Neema to continue wiping my face.
"You're a right mess, but it doesn't appear to be from you," she assured, surprising me with her dormant humor. "Let's wash this off shall me?" Taking in her helpful nurturement, I saw she was indeed a beautiful woman. Staring back at me with such dark, stunning almond-shaped eyes and a pretty smile that curved her carmel-colored lips. Yet it was all of her I could see, the promise of matching dark locks hidden beneath the scarf drapped over the curve of her neck down her neckline and around her head. Looking between Todd still holding my hands, she tenatively patted my hand before getting up to re-wet the towel.
"She's a pretty one under all this," she commented to Todd who smirked over at her, his eyes twinkling back to me. Walking back to finish cleaning me up, she continued to wash the blood I had been unaware I'd been running around with this whole time. "Explains what he was limping all over Atlanta for."
Looking back to the man I still couldn't believe I'd actually found amongst the madness of it all, my eyes burned at remembering I had thought he could have been just another face devoured amongst the crowd of infected. Todd seemed to notice this as he squeezed my hand with his less injured arm.
"Crazy shit was going down back at home too," he began to explain.
"People rioting in the streets, no one could get anywhere. Calls stopped going through for everyone but I was able to get a signal long enough to hear your voicemail. So I took the bike to get here, was practically here too when someone-" he glanced over at Neema who seemed to tense at this and looked down at her feet and away from us as he continued more carefully, "Got the same idea an' pulled out in front of me on the shoulder, hadda swerve to miss 'em and ate shit."
It felt a whole other life time ago I remembered leaving that voicemail for Todd to come to Atlanta. How fucking clueless I'd been, just another sheep following what we were all told. However resentful I felt, I couldn't help still having no regrets staying, even amongst the mass murdering epidemic. If only we could've had more time, been more organized- or knew just what the fuck this was... Maybe if we could have been better prepared, less lives could have been literally ripped to shred and ruined.
"I didn't know how I'd find you," was all I could say before my voice already started cracking, my bottom lip shuddering as I sniffed back tears bombarding me. Todd nodded, leaning over to plant a kiss above my brow, sighing heavily into my hair.
"Me too," he whispered, pulling back and I could see his adam's apple bobbing in his throat, seemingly just as choked up. "I- when we saw what happened to the hospital... I didn't know how I'd find you."
"Everything just happened so fast," I breathed, hunching over from my seat on the bath tub to rest my elbows on my knees, burying my face in my hands to rub my eyelids against the continuous flashes of dead. "It was just one big panic... and then I came back and everyone was just gone. Soldiers shooting people down in the streets- and at the CDC- Zhao-"
The guilt of just leaving behind my wailing friend in my haste to flee with Daniel was overwhelming when I had the chance to finally comprehend everything. I glanced up from behind my hands to see Todd just staring back looking at a loss for words, his eyebrows burrowed while he glanced down at his feet and ran a hand over his own face. Zhao had been my friend, but that didn't mean Todd hadn't grown a fondness for the Chinese man while getting to know him; remembering the times Todd used to tease my friend before he was amusedly put in place by Zhao's sharp wit, playing off my boyfriend's prodding with his notorious sarcasm. My poor friend was now just another body amongst the streets, his blood spilt in an ocean of infected somewhere on a street...
We had all gone quiet for a while, none of us really knowing what to say to one another, our thoughts a million places elsewhere. Neema went on to look in the cupboard under the sink, pulling out the small first aid kit. Michael hadn't been lying when he said they were unprepared, but luckily there were cotton swaps and antiseptic at least. I joined Neema with over-seeing to Todd's wounds, trying to concentrate on something other than dead faces. His shirt was already ripped up and half hanging off his shoulder, so we gently helped him the rest of the way out of his shirt. I noticed out of the corner of me eye, Neema's eyes flickering down to her sandals, looking suddenly uncomfortable and seemed to be debating with herself whether she had thought through offering up her assistance. I realized this was probably extremely improper for her, conflicting with her modesty no doubt. In complete honesty, I knew very little about her culture and understood it even less, but was aware enough by the look of her long skirt and cloaked upper body she was mindfully conservative.
"Thank you." Reaching for the first aid box, I was able to curve the corners of my mouth up to smile, offering to alleviate her. "I can do the gross part."
Nodding her head silently, still avoiding our eyes she let me take the supplies, pulling up the shawl back over her face before she closed the bathroom door quietly behind her. I went to work squirting out Michael's small container of antiseptic to begin what looked to be a long process of disinfecting Todd's long skids marks across his flesh. Using the cotton swabs, I gently dabbed the gel over the open abrasions down his side, wincing apologetically as he flinched but just sighed and reserved to gritting his teeth through the pain while I repeated the process of rolling the swab down his side that looked the most enflammed.
"Her husband was the car that I almost hit," he finally said quietly. "We helped each other get to the city."
Not needing to ask why it was only Neema still with him, I just nodded and grabbed for another cotton swab, throwing out the already dirty, old one after only a few swabs. While applying more of the gel disinfectant to his arm, I kept in mind I had to use these sparagingly for his leg still until I was interupted out of my thoughts when a sudden shuddering exhale startled me. Todd was continously rubbing his hand over his face, a tactic I knew stemmed his the flow of tears if ever they shed. Sniffing, he looked up to stare at the bathroom wall across the room with red eyes, coughing awkwardly while reaching to swipe at his nose.
"I never saw a man die like I did today," he eventually breathed, catching himself after a moment before he looked painfully back at me. "I'm sorry- Christ, I can't imagine what you've- "
Nodding, I was uncomfortable under his sympathetic stare, but a knock on the door saved me. Todd eventually relented trying to meet my gaze and called for whoever had interupted to come in. Michael peeked in through the door, opening it completely after making sure he hadn't interrupted something too intimate, seeing the hesitant man he'd introdued as Milton trailing behind him in the doorway, eyeing up Todd's injury like he was critiquing the way I was treating him.
"Just checking in," the older man assured. "Milton's a doctor if your fellow needs looking at."
"Yes, I-I'm a respiration therapist- and I would've advised to disinfect the abrasion with that hydrogen peroxide first before the antiseptic if you want to reduce his chance of infection," he interjected, glancing towards the bottle of peroxide Neema had previously placed on the sink.
"You could if you wanted it to take longer to heal," I found myself instinctively defending. "The epidermis layer of his skin have been scraped clean off, you'd flush out what little good tissue he's got left."
This seemed to surprise the other men in the room, Milton's pale boy-ish cheeks flushing as he seemed too tenative to comment back. I guility hushed myself after I heard what I'd just said, a little embarrassed I was so rude to him just offering his services.
"She's an EMT," Todd explained, inspecting his gooed up arm. "Feels 'aight to me, don't gotta get technical about it I figure."
Shaking my head, I grabbed his arm gently to still him so I could finish up his arm to start bandaging it up and taping gauze up his side.
"You're lucky you didn't scrape off anymore of your brain," I scolded, recieving a snort.
"I was wearing my helmet this time?" he offered, a small grin pinching sneakily across his mouth at his poking fun about other accidents of his he'd scared me nearly half to death as well. The room collectively chuckled except for me, Milton timidly joining in but seemed just as speculative of Todd's perspective on his accident. Once I was done carefully weaving Todd's arm up in gauze, my attention turned to his tattered up bloody pants.
"How'd you two hole up together?" Todd asked, gesturing between the old man and his much younger, nervous companion.
"Milton here looks in on me, bless him," Mr. Coleman told us, beaming amusedly at the doctor's disgruntlement of attention spotlighting on him. "He was my doctor back when I had TB pretty severely- became more of a checker opponent is more like it."
Laughing lightly himself at Mr. Coleman's telling, he nodded in confirmation and adjusted the heavy glasses back up his nose. "Yes... I only live a few blocks away. When all this began happening I-I thought it best to check up on Mr. Coleman-"
"Milton, please," the older man interrupted a bit exasperatedly. "After all this time, I tell you it's Michael. And that goes for the rest of you as well."
Appreciating the friendliness from these strangers, but we were all disrupted by a particularly loud explosion from outside that even shook the walls of the bathroom before it eventually calmed into more distant rumbles of gun fire. Trying to keep from flinching too often from the war going on outside these walls, I was able to finally finish tieing off Todd's arm.
"Alright, well unless you wanna help me with his pants off, I think I've got it covered," I breathed tiredly, but looked over to smile thankfully to the men still standing observing in the doorway. "But thank you for offering."
Todd smirked and glanced up expectantly, Michael just nodded, taking the hint to back out and shut the door behind him. As Todd struggled to gingerly sit up to begin unbuckling his belt, I noticed his grimaces of pain.
"Here, lemme help," I murmered, reaching to carefully help him slide his jeans down over the scrapes he'd recieved through the denim. Hissing as the material pulled at the raw flesh, he breathed a shaky laugh past his discomfort.
"Y'know, under different circumstances, I'd appreciate this a lot differently," he tried to joke.
Scoffing, I couldn't help but thank whatever God still out there, I still had this man to make me laugh even through this travesty happening around us.

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There was an errie quietness that eventually fell over the city when gun fire almost ceased entirely only to amplify the screaming that did infact still continue. First it was the hum of heliopters circling overhead, we thought it was the sound of our salvation, our government coming through to reinforce the soldier and survivors still in the city. Then thunder. The ground shook beneath our feet at the first explosion, shaking the apartment like an earthquake and startling us all. More loud explosions errupted, continuing to quake the building, some rocking us harder and booming dangerously closer than all scurried to find cover under various furniture we could duck under, all the while hearing Philip's little girl screaming from wherever the other's had saught cover amongst the apartment. Michael's pictures and figurines tumbled off the shelves, his ceiling fan uprooted to crash down on the living room floor, nearly missing Todd and I who had crawled under the coffee table just moments before. Even the television fell off it's perch, smashing the glass screen against the wood panels.
"Bombs!" Nick had crawled his way across the room, braving to look out the window at what was now going on outside. "Shit man- they're bombing us!"
The next thing we knew was darkness. It was just thunder and gun fire, for the whole night it seemed. And eventually, there were no longer even screams. We all had grown silent ourselves, clutching at whoever was next to us, unsure if the next moment would blow us away to smitherines. I couldn't help but peek my head up to try and steal a glimpse of what Nick had seen. Through the dark of the night, fires had engulfed building to ashes and those more intact were still flickering and immitting thick smoke that torched the sky an ominous purple hue. Another flash of light flickered through the window pane, swaying the building so hard I wondered when we would be shook hard enough to topple over like the crumple of a janga tower. More crunches of glass being broken resonated through the apartment when the quake tumbled over another piece of furniture, rolling over Michael's poor battered frames that seemed to fly everywhere amongst the room. Todd yanked me back down, clutching me closer for either protection or pure consoling comfort, but I would never ask as we clung in fright for our lives the rest of the night.
It ached me to think we had escaped the mouth's of monsters to just be extinguished like this.
However, as the first hues of light began to saturate the approaching morning sky, it seemed to signal a glimmer of hope we had survived through the twighlight. Our building seemed to be the few to miraculously be missed or overlooked during the extermination of Atlanta. After the roar of choppers, gun fire. and explosions eventually ebbing, I don't think I could ever remember a time anything sounding quieter. It was just us, too terrified to get a wink of sleep, with only the whispers of each other's shaking and shuddering breaths as ambiance. It was Nick again to be the first to emerge from whatever hiding place he'd squeezed into throughout the night, looking back through the window that beamed a lonely streak of sunlight. His sillhouette blocked the flood of light as we all collectively watched for any reaction, any hopeful hint of what had happened outside. Though I felt that flicker dreadfully dim as Nick just continued to stare out the window, giving us only his back for a long, long time.
"What is it?" a voice finally asked from somewhere else amongst the room. Still, there was no reply and Nick had yet to even turn his head.
There was a muffled shuffling until we saw the father, Phillip, carefully step towards the man he'd fled with the previous day. I watch the man's gaze worriedly observe the expression we all couldn't see on his friend's face until he turned to see himself what it was Nick was staring so intently at outside.
My heart had hitched in my throat and I couldn't help but sharply exhale a frightened whine at now both men standing together as if hypnotized by the sight before them. I couldn't help but assume that didn't bode well for good news.
"Daddy?"
Everyone else seemed to receed cautiously out from their hiding places, everyone looking just as bone-wearied and exhausted at what awaited us.
Helping Todd try not to jar his injured side too much, we crawled out from the small table we'd taken refuge under for the night, limping together to join the rest who went to look for themselves what had these men struck motionless. Squinting through the overwhelming sunlight, I had to blink a few times and shield my hand above my eyes until they could adjust to make out the sight before me.
My hand fell numb from Todd's grasp as we all took in the sight outside Michael's living room window. The alley of mobbing dead we had just fled from was definately now tamed, the street was no longer noticeable under the layer of bodies paving the concrete like snow would blanket the ground in winter. Bullet holes, teeth marks, and blood were marred almost upon everyone. Being the very top floor of his apartment, Michael had a view over other nearby buildings, allowing us quite a view of the main streets that looked practically identical to the alley below the balcony. Military tanks were no longer secured by the units of soldiers, but parked abandoned in the streets along with multiple other cars. The men in uniforms, soldier, police, and even firefighters, littered the ground amongst the bodies of regular civilians, a few even draped sickeningly out from the tops of tanks, hanging out half eaten and in ribbons. But what was the most prominent among the layer of bodies were the ones that weren't motionless. It was a free for all amongst the pick of flesh as the growling and groaning infected of yesterday were now quieter in their satiated feasting. Half a population was lying slaughtered amongst the streets of Atlanta, while the rest kneeled over them to devour the left over dead. Buildings were in embers where bombs had targeted, even cars crumpled to rusted cinders- some with remaining skeletons of their former inhabitants left as charred remains that even the infected avoided.
Not one of us could articulate anything to say regarding city outside and it was only the little girl Penny who could whisper to her father.
"Daddy, is this real?"

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The nine of us would reside together crammed in Mr. Coleman's apartment the days we waited. We waited for anything. After the bombing, Atlanta's electricity seemed to be out completely outside of the apartment, clouding us in complete darkness if it weren't for Michael's candles once another night would fall. Everyone seemed to be anticipating more government reignforcments to arrive. Milton and Philip were convinced the government had to have some type of plan to rescue those still alive in the city, hopeful military was at least close by protecting the CDC at all costs. It was hard to stomach telling them how I'd last left the research center, remembering the shootings all too clearly in the nightmares regularly plaguing me. My news seemed to hit Milton the hardest, remaining adament some order of law would figure out this disease and come to the aid of those surviving the infected.
It seemed like nothing less of a miracle we were able to remain undetected on the apartment's top floor. Michael told us the elevator had jammed early on during his neighbors' panic to flee once chaos overwhelmed the city and had already taken to barricading the stairway leading from the lower levels when he resolved to remain behind at home. Ironically, he had stayed to accept fate yet wound up taking the responsibilty of saving eight other lives, accepting us without what seemed a second thought. But as days passed, Michael's pantries were now close to bare and with the gas off we no longer had any form of hydration now that we'd drank through all his tea and juice, now only on the last few jugs of arrowhead water. Anxiety was catching like a fever amongst us the longer we depended on help to come for us, and as the days ticked by we were beginning to grow stir crazy. Eventually the idea of venturing outside the apartment doors was broached for the sake of searching for needed groceries we were bound to run out of in only a matter of days.</p><p>"We have no idea what could be on the other side of that door," I protested. "What if we go out there and wake up some those...things?"
"Either chance it or eventually starve," Todd tried to reason with me.
"He's right," Mr. Coleman interjected, sliding a calming hand over our rising hackles. "We've got a few canned beans, corn, Chef Boyarde...but the bread has spoiled and we've about run out of anything in the pantries last night."
Unfortunately, any food Michael had in his refridgerator had spoiled a couple days ago before we could cook any of it.
"We do it smart, keep it quiet," Philip began reasoning. "If the floor's blocked off like Mr. Coleman says, we can have a chance to poke around without them outside knowin' the better."
"That's a lot to gamble on an if," Nick cut in looking apprehensive himself. "We don't know what damage those bombs could've done to this building- his barricade could be in shambles out there."
"And how exactly would you propose to keep it quiet if you come up on one out there?" I exclaimed, still vocalizing my doubts while wringing my hands together in a bundle of nerves.
Philip crossed the room to retrieve one of the crow bars his brother and Nick had used to defend themselves getting through the city, tossing them back to their former wielders who caught them suspiciously before turning to Michael.
"Got any other blunt inanimate objects lyin' around, Mr. Coleman?"
The apartment owner nodded, undertanding where this was going and after a few minutes later of shuffling through closets and his bedroom he was able to produce a couple golf clubs and baseball bats of his, making my stomach roll as I remembered the man who'd saved Daniel and I, shying away from this distribution. We had all crowded around the kitchen table, Michael drawing out a layout from memory the best he could on a spare piece of paper while the four other men discussed theories to look through the neighboring apartments with pencils in hand.
"Five others on this floor," Michael informed after his rough outline. "Most of them just two bedroom, maybe three- three or four rooms if you include 's also a door to the roof at the end of the hall, it's usually kept locked."
"We take turns," Philip suggested, not taking his insightful baby blue eyes from studying the layout. "Make sure the hallway's clear and the stairway's blocked before we check the rooms, quietly."
"Keep some of us posted by the doors, make sure they stay closed and double check that roof," Todd added, gnawing on the end of his pencil he'd been tapping in thought. " 'Case someone infected stayed around... don't want them running up on us while we're packing up groceries."
"Yeah, we'll have a few on look out in the hall," Brian said while leaning over to shade in the center of the floor's shared hallway, drawing lines to each apartment in order from the ones closest to Michael's. "We make our way around, split up and check two at a time while we the others contain the rooms until we're ready incase there is...somebody left behind. We'll save the roof for last."
"I'm sorry, I just have to interject," Milton stuttered out, stopping everyone in their plans. "But I think if we just stay put and remain safe until they come for us-"
"It's been days," Neema slipped in quietly from behind her veil, having stayed silent but thoughtful throughout the discussion she looking uneasy now at the attention turned to her but continued on hesitantly. "We could go hungry by the time help arrives."
"Did you see that shit out there?" Todd added, acting almost irritated by the disruption from their planning. "If there's a 'they' anymore, it's gunna take a long damn time to get through those fucks outside, let alone find us."
"He's got a point though," Nick now piped in. "Say we go out there, bring down those cannibals on us and wipe out this spot we could've waited out in- military could be here any day- "
"Christ man, you needa wake up," Todd muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. "There is no military; they're outside dead or eating."
I could tell as soon as the words left his mouth, Todd wished he hadn't spoke so harshly, his eyes darting to me and softening apologetically. Philip's daughter had been listening along with the rest of us and looked like she was trying not to cry in front of the room full of strangers. It was her uncle who looked the most upset like he wanted to rebuttle Todd's insensitive comment before his brother interupted anymore argument.
"Alright, enough," Philip sighed exasperatedly, giving his friend a look to shut his mouth before he could make anymore comments.
"Whether anyone's comin' today or weeks from now, we can't know unless any of ya'll are psychics," he tried sternly but attempting to lighten up the room, glancing around the room reapproachfully. "We gotta prepare for it, we gotta do what needs doin' in the mean time."
Everyone seemed to be able to agree after a moment of settling down, Brian being the first to hesitantly continue with suggestions to repair the barricade if in fact it was damaged in a much calmer and quieter manner. Still feeling extremely frightened on the idea of stepping outside, just the thought of one of those sick people- lunging after us with a promise of teeth- made my skin crawl. The golf putter Michael handed me felt irrationally heavy, knowing in my concious it was ridiculous to even be holding this as there was no way I'd be able to bring it down hard enough over someone's skull like the way I'd seen Brian and Nick do days previously.
"Guess we can put these beauties to use," Michael commented, passing another to Philip. "Used to drive Betty half-mad how often I played. Stopped having the back for it and had to give it up a few years ago, they've just been collecting dust these days I'm afraid."
"Mighty shame," Philip murmured, appreciatively inspecting the much thicker and rounder club than mine.
Todd smirked at the two and scoffed good humoredly, nodding his head to one of the steel bats instead, "You golfers get all emotional- I rather have a crack at that bat."
Test swinging it a few tries, I recognized he was flexing his old baseball batting, eventually satisfied with it's adjustment in his grip. Michael began to offer another to Milton, who immediantly seemed to shriveled back from these objects meant for malicious intent, seeming to look from the bats to us like he found this all just as appalling of an idea as me, maybe more. Before Milton had a chance to protest, Philip seemed to notice the man's severe hesitation.
"Milton, and... Neema, is it?" he asked slowly, mentioning the other person who also seemed tenative about joining this search. "Would you two look after my little girl while I'm gone?"
Stepping forward, Philip held out the revolver to the uneasy man who seemed to squirm under the pressure being put upon him, beginning to protest softly, "This-this isn't neccessary-"
"If something should happen, I need ya'll to take my daughter," Philip said in almost a whisper, most likely so Penny wouldn't be able to hear, only hearing it myself because I was right beside them. "Back out the fire escape if you can, just don't let them end her... Please."
His last quiet plea sounded so soft I wasn't sure I'd heard it, but was horrified to hear his underlying meaning which seemed to only mortify Milton more. But before the man could shake his head, it was Neema who stepped forward and placed her hand softly over the gun Philip held out. Her head scraf was still secured around her but had sagged down her chin, uncovering her whole face as she stared back up at Philip in understanding.
"We'll look after her," the woman assured the father, taking the gun from his grasp, holding it loosely and observing the foreign object.
Before I could listen when Philip turned to kneel in front of his daughter, Todd walked by and caught my arm, gently tugging me to follow. Taking the hint, I let him lead me down the hall towards the restroom, pulling me aside when we reached the end, offering us a small corner of privacy. Without a word, Todd produced a pistol- a smaller one than the one he was shooting a few days ago I realized. Arching my eyebrow, I felt my familiar objection towards his firearms rise in my throat like bile until he shushed me.
"I know, I know," Todd sighed. "You've never liked these in the house an' all... but it'll give me a peace of mind."
Worrying my bottom lip with my teeth, I knew it was a rational request. A little touched Todd was so worried for my sake, I reluctantly obliged my boyfriend, sighing heavily before stiffly nodding my agreement. Motioning for me to turn around, I did so awkwardly at first, not knowing what he was up to before I felt him pulling at my waistband, shivering at the cold metal Todd secured against my lower back, pulling one of the shirts of mine he'd brought with him from home back over to cover the gun he'd just tucked in my pants. Softly pulling me to turn back around, I tried to will myself to smile back nervously but could only pull up the tiny corners of my mouth so muh in fear of my composure blubbering out. I was supposed to me an EMT goddamnit, I wasn't a stranger to working under pressure, so it was frustrating that it was now that I should lose almost all mettle. Todd seemed to understand, leaning down to lightly press his lips into my brow.
"Only for last resort," he warned me though. "You saw how they were... the noise attracts 'em, so only if you're about to be-"
His eyes bore into me and I knew it was too painful for either of us to acknowledge, so I just nodded and shifted uncomfortably under his imploring stare.
"You don't hesitate," Todd whispered, his voice a little deeper, feeling like a rush of dejavu draped over me thinking about what the medic soldier had instructed me before we tried to transfer the sick out from the city. You do not resuscitate. I now understood what he'd had been trying to tell me. Todd was still trying to talk to me as I tried to shake myself from my unease, the last of his words I caught a little disturbing to my ears. "...you shoot the bastard in the head. Not the chest, not the heart, the brain."
"Todd," I muttered warningly. "These are still people, sick people-"
"They're not anymore," Todd interrupted softly, but his gaze had turned dark. "They're dead, Olive. Whatever this is, it happens after they're already gone- "
"You don't know that," I tried to insist but only sounded weak and unconvincing. It ached me to believe so many people could just be taken so quickly- for good. Death was not unfamiliar to me, but the dead reanimating with a hunger for the living's flesh was so unnatural it was an unbelievable concept to accept. "There could be a cure- doctors are out there right now trying to figure something out, and if we end up just killing them without knowing-"
"You can't cure someone after they've already died," he urged, beginning to pace around the confined little hall and rubbed his hand tiredly over his face and raked through his uncombed shaggy, golden blond hair. Todd seemed irritable at this turn of topics we had caught ourselves still debating about until he stopped pacing to stare at me with eyes that were especially bright, surprising me at how upset he had become.
"I watched Neema's little girl stop breathing," he finally croaked, blinking back the glimmer that was building behind his lashes. There was nothing I could say and just was struck silent to see Todd sniff and continue to rub his hand over his eyes, eventually letting out a long shuddered exhale of breath before he could look back up at me with unbearably sad eyes. "I carried that girl- I could feel her little heart beat stop..."
My skin crawled at what Todd was trying to tell me and my heart crumpled for him. He seemed to be trying to convince himself just as much as me and every word seemed like it ached him.
We couldn't just leave her- I couldn't just leave her," he continued, gnawing on his lip between his words. "Then she just, came back. But not like how she'd been before- her eyes were white- the noise that she made- Christ, it wasn't human- "
Todd was growing increasingly anguished the more he tried to explain, his thick exterior resolve I'd seen just minutes ago dissolved to shambles as he tried to confess about this little girl. Unable to bear seeing him so upset, I rushed to encircle him with my arms and murmer my understanding to him, trying to keep this moment quiet and private to those just down the hall.
"Ok. Ok, it's ok," I heard myself repeating to the man burying his wet face into my neck for a brief moment. "At least you did right by her..."
"By putting a bullet through her head?" he murmered eventually, looking back up at me pleadingly. "You think I murdered that little girl then?"
At a loss for words, I wished I hadn't just previously said what I did, but I couldn't bring myself to lie to Todd when he was imploring me so sincerely. After a long silent moment between us, he finally gave up waiting for a response from me, looking away and nodded solemnly taking my silence as an answer. Wiping his face one more time, he slowly brushed past me to rejoin the others making arrangements, leaving me still speechless and kicking myself for being such an aweful confidant.
Feeling like the biggest asshole, I sighed and could only follow him back out with my head hung in shame at my lack of empathy to comfort this stuggling man.
Taking the first step outside had been the hardest, maybe most terrifying. Michael finally unlatched the door, yanking it back as Todd, Philip, Brian, and Nick all braced themselves to strike if anything should detect the open door. Cringed back from what could to await us outside, I remained still for a few moments listening to the men charge out into the hall, their clubs and bats poised ready to swing at anything lurking in the hallway. Most of Michael's neighbors hadn't bothered to close or even lock their doors in what looked to have been a hectic flight of people trying to take whatever they could with them while leaving; various furniture looked like they had tried to be dragged down the stairs, eventually given up on and left behind, books scattered the floor from where they fell off their shelves, clothes pulled hurriedly from drawers with some left in what was most likely a panic. Brian immiately ran to one door, running with one of Michael's chairs to jam under the handles, Todd following close behind with another chair to close and lock another door as quiet as possible. While they closed and secured the other apartment doors, Philip and Michael hurried to the makeshift barricade which turned out to be nothing but a cluster of stacked furniture; strategically piled up bookshelves, dressers, desks, bed frames. Remembering Michael said it was him and one another man who helped him construe this together, I wondered what must have happened to him, none of us had the heart to ask earlier. He sure must have been a wonderful help to Mr. Coleman, for I knew this elderly man couldn't have possibly lifted all of these himself. For the most part, the blockade of abandoned furniture was still intact and doing a fine enough job keeping anything from getting any further up the stairs, only have to adjust a few loosened dressers back into secure positions.
Philip knocked with the brush of his knuckles to get our attentions, beckoning with a jerk of his head once we secured the unlocked doors. Following as planned, Philip and Nick paired up to take one of the doors that weren't locked first, while Todd and Brian took another. I wondered if Philip purposely proposed his brother go with my boyfriend instead to prevent Todd and Nick going back and forth with each other like earlier, though I wasn't able to ponder on this long before they already begun removing the chairs securing the knobs and ducking into the first apartments. I desperately saught Todd's gaze for a split second, catching him before he followed after Brian. I wanted to beg him to be careful and wished he didn't insist putting himself at such risk, but I chose to remain silent and squish any lingering resentment towards this search now that we were already in the midst of it. Either it was written all over my terrified expression or he just knew I wasn't pleased about this idea, Todd seemed to detect my displeasure by the way he tried to nod encouragingly, but ducked frustratingly inside the dark apartment the next moment. While the rest were scouting, Michael and I were the look outs waiting for the two pairs out in the hall keeping an eye on the other rooms. We could faintly hear them tinkering around inside and the faint rustling of their plastic grocerey bags they used to loiter off the abandoned rooms. The concept of stealing from other people's houses was regretable, but a part of me even wondered if these people had managed to make it out of Atlanta...
On edge at the tiniest of noises, waiting to hear any odd disruption coming from either rooms. They were taking an agonizingly long time, I thought, still noting there were three other rooms they still planned to look through. Michael was remaining just as silent and attentive beside me, his golf club I couldn't help but notice was grasped admirably tight in his wrinkled hands as we both awaited any shout for assistance from either room. Eventually after keeping a close watch on the handles of all the doors still needing to be cleared out, I could finally breathe a little easier once Todd reappeared back out with Brian, the first to immerge carrying a couple bag fulls each, quite a find I noted seeing boxes of cereals, toliet paper, shampoos, soaps, and all sorts of miscealaneous items. They appeared just as relieved as I felt to see so much still left behind we could prosper off, small grins on their faces indicated the apartment had most likely been safe enough, but we all kept quiet and they just gave us a nod of assurance everything had gone off without a hitch so far before taking their turn on with the next apartment. Nick and Philip would reappeared back out shortly after, bags of their own slung over their shoulders, seemingly in just as good of a mood as the other pair with their findings.
We spent almost a whole half hour later finishing up the last of the apartments on Michael's floor, it wasn't until one of the last locked doors Todd and Brian had to kick open did we hear a sudden snarl as a pair of people barrelled out. My stomach clenched horrifyingly as I saw one, a man in just a wifebeater and boxers grasp Brian by the collar, the force of this man snapping after the taller man's neck collided the two back against the hallway wall. While desperately trying to pull the man closer to take a chunk from his flesh, Brian was grunting at the effort of keeping him far enough away to avoid the man's jaws while trying to wrestle from the grasp this man had on his shirt. Todd had already swung his bat down on the head of the other girl who tried to lunge on her way out, impaling her again after she already fell, bashing a wide enough gash to concave her skull and ceasing anymore movement. Paralyzed in a sudden sickness that burned through my stomach at seeing this decayed-skinned woman with nothing but her underwear on, bleeding her brains out on the floor, my feet wouldn't follow after Michael who had already run to help Todd pry off the man attacking Brian. Before I could get myself to snap out of this petrified state, Philip and Nick had already run out from the apartment they had been searching at the sound of shouts. Michael and Todd had succeeded pulling off the man who dropped clumsily to the floor, but before he could get back on his feet after anyone else, Philip stepped in to swing his golf club down mightily, the force of it construing his face as he swung down repeatedly until it's head was nothing but a scattered bloody mess across the floor and on our shoes. Finally halting his strikes, Philip eventually tore his eyes away from the man he just beat to death to his brother, wordlessly assuring each other they were alright with a few curt nods, both panting from the scuffle with this clearly infected man by the looks of his eyes before they'd been smashed out. Brian however was staring back at his brother wide-eyed, like he couldn't believe the way Philip had just wailed on this man, infected or not. Unlike Todd who'd done it efficiently enough but brief, the older brother had just overkilled. Todd didn't seem to view this as disturbingly as Brian and I, stepping forward to clap the man on the back, tilting his head back to the rooms and murmering they should get back to finishing up. Without any other words everyone dispersed, Nick and Philip heading back to finish the room they'd previously still been searching through while Todd helped Brian up and cautiously continued their venture into the apartment the infected had come from.
It was until Michael and I were left back alone with the mess of skull and brain tissue did I feel tremendously guilty I had just stood by and watched that...sick person try to rip at Brian. If it hadn't been for Michael, Todd and Philip- would I have just watched? Thinking back to how cold I'd been towards Todd's confession earlier and now this heartlessness to help a man I would have definately felt aweful about if anything had happened, I felt ashamed at how selfishly I was coping through all this while all these other men were only doing this so we could get through another day. I'm sure they all had their own sets of phobias of the dead.
"That had been Richard and Denise," Michael murmured, startling me out of my inner-turmoil. Glancing hesitantly at the desimated corpses, I grimaced that Michael had actually had to witness his neighbors heads beaten in.
"Sorry," I whispered back, trying to draw from my experiances as an EMT to share at least a shred of comfort.
"I didn't know they stayed behind," he continued on but remaining just above a whisper. "Betty wouldn't have wanted them to be alone like that..."
I couldn't help but glance up from the hall to see how sadly Michael's face had drooped, his almost translucent sea-green eyes looking adrift in a memory.
"Betty, your wife..." I tried slowly, watching for an expression if this wasn't an appropriate enough topic for conversation, but he seemed nuetral and waited to hear what I had to ask. "Was she...did she- ?"
"No, no," he answered softly, saving me the trouble. "She passed four years ago last month."
Nodding, I was satisfied to at least hear the woman Michael liked to fondly mention from time to time hadn't been torn apart like the rest.
"She was sure something." Surprised that he was continuing on with this conversation I grinned back at him, appreciative he was sharing this with me while we waited. "Sharp as a whip, my Betty. Smartest woman I ever met- made sure I married her."
"Sounds like you were the smart one then." Michael looked over at me, his troubled expression from earlier softened as he stared over at me with a tiny smile of his own that dug hollow holes into his cheeks that at one time must've been quite attractive dimples. Studying each other a moment longer, we both turned to resume our attention back to the rooms we were supposed to be watching.
"I'm grateful to Him... that he took her before she could endure all this," he confessed a bit more darkly after a long pause of silence between us. "She wouldn't have been able to live like..."
We both glanced back over to the smashed up remains of Richard and Denise, and both understood what living like this meant...
"It can't be like this forever," I tried, mustering up a sliver of some conviction. "We just have to wait. They'll come up with a way to fix this, disasters take time...we just gotta be patient."
Before Michael could comment further, Todd and Philip came back out with more bags, only having a few more they'd tied in their waistbands left. Brushing a reassuring hand across my shoulder, Todd followed Brian to the last apartment door who had already starting to kick open. Ripping from it's hinges, the door swung loose and Todd quickly rushed to follow inside. Philip and Nick appeared not too long afterwards, carrying the rest of their supplies bags they had hooked around each finger to carry out it seemed. Yet the men seemed uneasy, tainted a bit differently than how they'd gone in as I noticed Nick especially avoiding our gazes, Michael and I trying to get a reading on if everything had gone alright, but they appeared physically intact so we let them set down their bags without a word and left to help Brian and Todd finish.
After everyone appeared back in the hall to regroup, we all left our bags to cautiously approached the small stairway at the very end of the hall leading up to a locked door to the roof like how Michael had drawn out. Still on edge about the unknowns behind these apartment's closed doors after the surprise earlier. I was urged back while Todd and Nick kicked at the door only a couple times before it was swung open not too subtly, causing the two to recieve a dirty look from me before they all barged past the doorway and into the outside's blinding beam of daylight now seeping in to light up the darkened apartment floor. I decided to wait with Brian who had taken to staying behind to keep an eye on the rooms, the uncle seemingly still nervous about leaving his niece in the apartment unwatched. Possibly inheightened after his attack earlier? Taking a slightly better notice of the man while we waited a bit awkwardly, he was definately the tallest out of us all, maybe only barely more than Philip, but was obviously the younger of the two brothers. About around my age I would guess, with identical sandy brown hair and a lanky stature much like his older brother other than a rounder nose and muddy hazel eyes to tell the difference. He gave me the impression of being the more levelheaded of the group, not as ready to leap into a plan of action like Todd but hadn't hesitated stepping forward to help strategize or shy away like Milton. The usual congenial expression I saw him use most of the time spent together was marred with a deep frown as he now just proceeded to stare ahead down the now illuminated hallway.
"You ok?" I braved to whisper. I wasn't sure if he heard me or just didn't want to answer until he finally shook his head. I caught the direction that had captured his gaze and realized he'd been eyeing the dead couple still on the floor.
"I get these people are monsters," he finally admitted quietly. "I'm not a doctor- I have no idea what this all is...but I get it."
Not sure where this was going, I just continued to offer an ear to listen while the man relented the tension building within him.
"But I can't help but feel they don't deserve to be taken out the way my brother just did."
Looking up at this, I saw Brian had also turned to watch my reaction to this, possibly seeing if I either scorned or scoffed at this reasoning. Meeting the man's imploring sunset-colored eyes, I felt I could relate to Brian the most.
"Me too."

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The roof had turned out to be clear, allowing us to have a small little fire to cook some of the food in celebration of today's good fortune. As the sun began to dip below the distance in the west, we were able to all finally enjoy Atlanta night's approaching breeze brush against our faces after days being cooped up and crowded in Michael's apartment. Michael, Milton and I had taken to sorting through what the others had collected, using one of the former's pots to boil up a box of hamburger helper- just without the meat while we all sat comfortably in a circle around the fire before we'd have to put it out once we lost the light. I had taken to resting beside Todd who seemed to be deep in thought, far away from me on this roof yet his arm was slung securely around my waist to keep contact between us. I also took notice of the bat he kept resting on his other side, even out here- as did everyone else besides Milton and Penny. Even Neema, who had given back the gun Philip had urged them to borrow for his daughter's protection- yet had surprisingly asked Todd if she could use one from his stash later that day, telling me he'd given her one of the smaller pistols he had left like the one I still had uncomfortably stashed in my waistband. Once the noodles were cooked and seasoned, Milton helped Michael pass around a few plastic bowls and forks we'd taken from both the rooms and Michael's cupboards to serve out the food while Neema poured warm cups of soda that still tasted just as satisfying if it had been cold. Once everyone had settled amongst the fire to begin digging into the meal, a cough interupted me before I could take the first bite.
"I'd like to make a toast," Philip started a bit awkwardly, but as Penny looked up at her father with a smile I felt outmatched the subtle beauty of the setting sun, he smiled back down at her, directing his renewed spirit back up at us. "To those who allowed us to get through this another day. Not just Michael... but those who were lost on this floor- we'll respectfully honor their memory by surviving through this."
I couldn't help but steal a glance at Brian who was sitting on the other side of Penny, wondering if maybe the two brothers had a discussion earlier about the way Philip had handled the infected. He had been staring down at his bowl of food while listening to his brother talk. Philip lifted his cup to toast, now looking over to his brother who finally met his gaze, joining the rest of us to toast and offered a small nod of acknowledgement.
"To surviving," Todd muttered, tilting his cup to clink against mine before leaning over to do the same to Philip's. Spurring on everyone to follow along, this seemed to spark a small appreciation amongst us as we each cheered one another.
"To Michael," I added, flashing a small smirk to the old man who waved me away humbly, causing the rest of us to chuckle at his bashfulness.
"Here here," Nick joined in, tipping his cup to the oldest of us before taking a generous swig.
We continued to eat in a compatible silence, enjoying this moment watching the tangerine glow receed as sun set, even if it was on the horizon of walking corpses.
"You know," Milton finally spoke, breaking the rooftop's silence. "If-if we keep containers out here the duration of the night, we can collect enough condensation to supplement our water supply."
"Good idea," Philip commented after thoughtfully chewing. "We found quite a few liters left behind, but just in case we do have to wait this out longer than anticipated, water should definately be a priority."
"And now that we have a rooftop," Neema added contemplatively. "We should be making signs so they'll know where to look once help does come."
"Yeah I mean, there's bound to be more 'copters some time," Nick agreed, a small flicker of hope begining to reflect like everyone else as we planned.
"We could use the sheets, some of the left behind clothes, I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult to sew something up," Neema suggested, finally participating more in our conversation.
"My wife had a sewing machine," Michael offered. "It's around somewhere, I wouldn't have thrown it out."
Planning for our future survival seemed to allievate some of the smothering turmoil we'd been carrying with us the past few days, even myself as I talked over with Neema ways of approaching this sign we would need big enough for someone aireborne to read it.
We just had to be patient. With the last remaining beam of sunlight on my face and the wind blowing against my cheeks, I had confidence we could endure through this.