I'll Take You There And Back Again

I hate when people tell you things will get better. They say that they always do. Hold your head up Kacie, you'll be alright.

If I ever hear those words again I swear I will strangle the person who dared to utter them.

Things were not getting better.

In fact they were only getting worse. It had been yet another week of constant fighting between Brian and me. You name a fight, and chances are we've had it recently. We've had the trophy girlfriend fight, the insensitive fight, the sex fight, and the drunk fight just to name a few.

I've been staying on my bus at night and he's been on his. We actually have rarely spoken and even when we are on stage the tension is very visible.

Sleep has been hard to come by for me which of course has meant I've just been a flat out bitch lately. Sleep deprivation is one of my weaknesses. I remember there was one week in school where it lacked and I actually almost put a hole in the wall of Drew's bedroom after he spilt his soda on my lap accidentally. To put it simply, the confines of my bunk just weren't working lately.

This was apparently a good time to be sleep deprived seeing as we had a hotel booked for the night. The upside was that I'd get to sleep in a real bed. The downside was it was in the same room as Brian.

Apparently everyone else was tired of my mood and I had been informed that Brian's wasn’t much better. The result was the two of us being forced to room together once more. I was dreading it to be honest. Brian's temper hasn’t been known to win him brownie points and I'll bet it wasn't about to start now.

I lifted my bag from the ground and carried it into the Marriot hotel before making my way toward Matt. He saw me coming and grinned innocently at me before handing me my key card. I gave him a sarcastic grin before heading for the elevator.

"Kacie wait up!" I held the door for Becca and she squeezed in beside me. "I want you to know that if for any reason things with Syn get out of control you can always come to Zacky's and my room. You're always welcome." I smiled thankful for the invitation.

"Thanks Becca. I really appreciate that more than you know. I'm hoping I'll make it in one piece though." A chuckle left my mouth as we both stepped out of the elevator and headed down a hallway. She pointed to a room which I knew was hers and waved before disappearing through the door. I walked three doors further and inserted my key hoping that Brian wouldn’t be here yet.

The door creaked open and I peered in to indeed find the room empty. Sighing I put my bag on one of the beds and unzipped it so I could pull out one of my hoodies. Although it was rather warm outside I found that I was always cold when I went anywhere indoors due to the air conditioning that seems is always on. Figuring that some fresh air would be a good idea after being stuck on a bus for hours on end, I left the room and headed outside.

My wanderings had taken me to a piercing shop that was hidden off the main road. I hadn't actually gotten a piercing but I bought some new rings and bars for my pre-existing ones. The sun was starting to set and I figured it was probably a good time to head back. I brought my hood up and over my head as I made my way back to the hotel. My converse thudded against the pavement as they moved at a swift pace. Pavement switched to carpet as I made my way through the lobby.

Pulling out my phone I saw it was already eight at night which would explain my exhaustion. I shrugged my hood down and stuck my card key into the slot. I hesitated for a moment when I thought I heard muffled voices coming from the room.

Realizing it must be one of the guys in with Brian I removed my key and shoved open the door.

Oh how wrong I was.

My key fell to the floor along with my phone as I gaped at the sight in front of me. Sheets were scattered and two bodies were moving between them, Brian and the slut herself, Stef.

My gasp echoed through the room and their movements stopped.

Tears were welling in my eyes as Brian's eyes widened immensely as he gaped at me.

"Kacie! I… um… it's not what it looks like."

I let out a scoff as the tears started rolling. I ran in and grabbed my bag letting a few things fall out in my haste. Brian got up from the bed and wrapped a sheet around his waist as he moved toward me.

"I can't believe you." I whispered as my mascara ran freely. Without thought my open hand made a connection with his face as a smack echoed throughout the room. "You fucking douchbag!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Brian re-adjusted his face to stared at me. Footsteps were heard in the hallway and it was only a matter of seconds until the troops had arrived. Gasps were heard but I honestly couldn’t tell you who they had come from.

"I can't fucking believe you! After all this and you go and cheat on me! I knew it. I knew you couldn’t wait for me. Who was I fooling? You're nothing but a sex deprived slut fucker!" I screamed once more letting my hand aim for his face once again. One of his caught it tightly as I lost all control over my emotions. I started sobbing.

Brian started searching for words but I only held up a hand to stop him. "Save it for someone who cares. I'll let you get back to your slut now."

I turned heel, bag in hand and pushed through the mass of bodies that had now accumulated. I stormed down to Becca's room and stood there as she came running up behind me. She pushed the door open and ushered me through but not before I heard the male yell fest start up back down the hall.

I threw my bag across the room letting the contents fall out before shrinking against one of the walls. I fell down to the floor as Becca sat beside me and wrapped her arms around me. No words were exchanged but I don’t think any needed to be. She just let me cry and that was really all I could do.

Zacky came in shortly after and his face was as red as a lobster. He was breathing heavily but his hard gaze softened when it landed on the two of us on the floor.

"Would you like to take a shower? It might help some." He suggested in a calm voice. I nodded and he took off into the bathroom to start a shower for me. Becca helped me up and led me to the door.

"I should have known it was bound to happen." I whispered as I furiously rubbed at my eyes.

"No hun, it shouldn’t have happened. He's in the wrong and I'm sure judging by Zacky's facial color that he got quite an earful about it. It's not your fault babe. He's the one who made the mistake." I couldn’t bring myself to argue with her so I nodded and went into the bathroom. But deep down part of me was convinced I brought this upon myself.

Zacky gave me a quick hug and a kiss on the forehead before exiting and closing the door behind him. I hopped in quickly and was once again consumed by my thoughts.

Maybe if I hadn't wanted to wait to have sex then we wouldn’t be in this situation. Brian would have been happy. But I wouldn’t have been. I would have been furious with myself for breaking my own promise to myself.

Did I really drive him so far as to cheat on me though? I mean yeah we were fighting but we hadn't officially broken up so it was considered cheating right?

Well if we weren't broken up ten minutes ago we sure as hell were now.

I finished up my shower and changed into my pajamas. I walked out to see Becca and Zacky sitting on their bed talking in hushed tones. I sniffled a bit before walking to the empty bed and pulling the sheets back. I climbed into the bed and let out a shaky sigh.

"It'll be alright hun. It will." Zacky told me as he came to sit next to me.

There was a soft knock on the door and I watched as Zacky got up to answer it.

"Zack man…" He hurried out the door and pulled it shut behind him but not before I heard Brian's pleading voice.

Tears welled up in my eyes even more as I heard the door open. I prayed it wasn’t Brian as I don’t think I can stand to even look at him tonight. Images of her all over him were flooding my mind enough.

"Hey Kace." I heard Garret's timid voice say. I smiled the best I could and was happy when he laid down in the bed with me. I snuggled into his arms as I let more tears consume me.

"Garret I don't know what to do."

"I don't know either Kace. But I think right now sleep is best for you. We'll deal with this tomorrow."

Things got quiet after that. Zacky came back into the room looking angrier than when he left but Becca was able to get him settled down.

My eyelids were feeling like they had mini weights on them trying to get them to close. But something told me I wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight, at all.

***

The following day was a nightmare.

We had packed up and were back on the bus. I hadn't seen nor spoken to Brian and for that I was thankful. Zacky had told me Brian had tried to come talk to me but was stopped at the door by Will who had refused to let him on the bus.

The guys were all being extra cautious around me today. They were also being extra nice. Will had brought me a mug of hot chocolate and Drew had even put in a movie for me and insisted I lay down. To be honest it was nice but it was also a bit annoying that they were treating me like I was sick or something. I wasn't terribly depressed, I mean sure I had cried a bit but something told me I had it coming.

But did I really?

What pushed Brian to cheat? I still had no earthly idea as to what did it. Maybe just all of the tension built up and drove him from me. Or maybe he is just another horny guy that can't take a girl with morals.

I just wish he would have talked to me about it. Maybe we could have avoided this altogether.

Letting out a sigh I stood up and placed the mug into the sink before heading into the back room. The guys were all sitting there playing video games. It was just my guys which was a nice change I suppose.

"How ya doing Kace?" Adam asked as I sat beside him. His gaze never left the screen though as his character beat down Drew's guy in Halo.

"I'm fine." I stated quietly but still stared at the screen. I watched as one of them pressed pause and they all turned to look at me.

Tears were yet again threatening to spill out of my eyes but I tried so hard to not let them.
"It's alright to cry Kacie. And we all know you're anything but fine." Drew said as he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into his chest. These were the times I loved Drew to pieces. Although he was often a pain in the ass he knew when to act serious.

A few tears spilled from my eyes and onto his shirt as the guys continued to play without him. He just held me and let me cry. A mixture of emotions flooded out through my salty tears; some sad, some angry, and some confused.

I stayed stationary for most of the day and I didn’t even notice that the bus had stopped until I heard the door being opened. Footsteps thudded down the hall and I prayed they belonged to someone other than my chocolate eyed nightmare.

My assumptions were correct as I looked up and saw Aud and Becca standing in the doorway. They both gave me sympathetic looks before coming over and pulling me up and off of the couch into a hug.

"The guys are worried about you." Aud told me in a whisper. I sniffled a bit before she pulled away and Becca gave me a weak smile.

"Why are they worried about me? If I were them I'd be more worried about what my boys are going to do to their lead guitarist." Becca chuckled as she pulled out a few water bottles and handed me one.

"Oh the rest of the band has already let him have it trust me." Aud sighed while shaking her head. My eyes widened lightly hoping that they had only gone as far as verbal things.

"Are you going to do damage control about it later?" My eyes furrowed as Becca gently nudged Aud in the arm for saying that.

"I don't have damage control to do. Brian's the one who screwed up. Why should I have to fix things? What if I don’t want things fixed?" I watched as the two sets of eyes widened at my words.

"But you guys have got to fix things! You two were perfect together!" I cringed as the word 'were' came out of Audrina's mouth. Past tense was always hard to deal with.

"Look I really don't want to talk about it." I muttered as I left the two of them standing behind me. I was quick to exit the bus and enter the arena.

I was on the hunt for some food. We desperately needed to make another grocery store run soon. Having so many guys on tour justified our lack of food all the time.

I knocked on one of the dressing room doors to find that it was slightly open. My hands gently pushed it open.

"Fuck." A voice mumbled from inside. A small audible gasp left my mouth as I gazed upon the sight of the slightly beat up man standing in front of me.

"Oh my gosh. Brian what happened to you?" My eyes widened as they traced over the face and torso that now had lovely black and blue splotches covering it.

A bruise had already formed on his chin making his jaw appear swollen. Another was on his torso, which was currently shirtless, and you could clearly see the distinct knuckle marks that had been ingrained into his flesh. Why he would just put up with this was totally beyond me.

He was absolutely covered in bruises and it was all I could do to keep from running over and hugging him to make sure he was alright. Not listening to myself I moved so i was stnading by him. My hand reached up and gently ran over his bruised jaw. He flinched at my touch lightly.

"I guess you could say I deserved it." He muttered as he pulled away and pulled his shirt back over his head.

"That still doesn’t mean they had the right to do that. Are you alright?"

My eyes widened as his nose scrunched up and anger filled his eyes. "I'm fucking fine." He spat at me before shoving me to the side and exiting the room.