I'll Take You There And Back Again

Time flies when you're having fun. It really does. But who ever said I was having fun?

Depression hits hard. It really does. I was a mess and things weren't looking up anytime soon. It had been a week since Brian stormed out of the back room on me. A week since I had spoken to him. A week that I have been miserable for.

After doing some prying I found out that the punches had been courtesy of Will while Matt had held Brian down. Needless to say I had been furious with them and was still not speaking to them if I could help it. They knew that was uncalled for and I wasn’t going to stand for it.

Stef had been smart and stayed out of my way. That was one beating that I think was called for and was still on my agenda unbeknownst to anyone else. I don’t think she had been around Brian a lot but honestly I couldn't tell you for sure. My life didn’t consist of hanging out with everyone much anymore.

I slept, ate, performed, and slept some more. I didn’t drink, didn’t party, didn’t really see much of the fans which I knew wasn’t good, I really didn’t do much of anything anymore. The girls had tried to get me to go out shopping with them but I had refused. Matt always tried to lighten my mood while I was on stage every time with them but it always failed. From what I could tell while on stage, Brian was either really good at masking his emotions or he wasn't phased by what he had done. I rarely could read his expressions anymore because they were always so blank.

I stared blankly at the screen as the credits rolled over the plain black background. It may have seemed childish but Finding Nemo was always a comforting movie for me. It was sad yet happy at the same time. Nemo was always so carefree; I wish I could say the same for myself.

Brian's Pov

My head was spinning as I finished off yet another beer. So I drank my sorrows away, sue me.

I can't believe I did that to Kacie. It all feels like a blur. One minute I'm hearing a knock on the door and the next me and Stef are naked in bed. But what gets me is that the entire time all I could think about was Kacie. My thoughts were plagued with her every second of everyday. Her smooth skin, her silky hair, the way she would giggle when I would wrap my arms around her, her gentle kisses, the way she would trail her fingers up my arms as we would lay on the couch together, just everything about her in general. I missed her and was feeling terrible.

I tried to talk to the guys about it but of course they all sided with her. I had been the one to cheat and even through our arguments I shouldn’t have done that. I would take it all back if I could but somehow I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy.

I had seen her walking down hallways or strolling around the buses and it made my heart ache to see what I had done to her. She no longer had that glow to her. She looked empty. Much like I felt myself.

"Dude you've gotta stop doing this to yourself." Zacky sighed as he grabbed a handful of empty bottles by their necks and threw them into the trash. He reached into one of the cabinets and tossed me a bottle of advil along with a water bottle.

"If you're so fucking miserable find a way to fix it. I can tell you she's just as out of it as you are."

"No one wants a cheater back man. I've blown it." I threw the bottle back at him before running a hand through my greasy hair.

"But you wouldn’t know that until you talk to her now would you? Kacie's special man. She knows you fucked up big time but she thinks she has as well. I was talking to Becca earlier and she said Kace thinks it's because of her that you got with Stef. She's doubting herself man. Telling herself that if she hadn't been such a prude about sex than this wouldn’t have happened." My eyes widened as Zacky spoke. I swear my heart plummeted further into my stomach with his words. This was not her fault. How could she possibly blame herself for my stupid actions? Damn it I'm screwed.

"Syn, how long has it been since you showered?" I looked up to meet Zack's eyes and saw his nose scrunched up. I brought my arm up and sniffed but didn’t think I smelled that bad.

"I don't know." I admitted realizing I had in fact lost track of time while wallowing in my misery.

"Shit you reek!" I leaned away from Zack as he leaned in to sniff my head. "How about you go shower and sober up some and we'll work on a way for the two of you to talk. Seems like you both need it." I groaned and sat back in my chair.

"Brian if you don't get your ass up and in the shower now I'll go get Matt." I hated it when Zack scolded me. Others thought it was a funny sight but shit he meant what he said. I got to my feet swaying slightly before trudging into the hallway but not before flipping Zack the bird.

Now fresh and sober, Zacky had forced me from the confines of the bus and was taking me to dinner with everyone else. It was a fairly nice day outside and so we were having whatever the caterer was serving outside. Picnic tables had been set up and everyone was already there when we arrived. Glancing around I saw that Kacie was hunched over one of the tables with her head in her arms. Will sat next to her talking in a hushed voice into her ear. Occasionally he would pause and I assumed that allowed Kacie to reply to his statement. He stood and went over to the food line grabbing two plates in the process. He sighed as he put food onto the two of them and brought them back to where Kacie still remained motionless.

Matt brought me out of my thoughts as he gripped my arm and drug me over to the line. "Eat up. And no beer for you. I was told you've had enough already."

"Yes mother." He glared at my statement before giving me a light shove forward.

My plate was loaded and sitting in front of me a few minutes later when I looked up and felt my heart stop. Stef had gotten up out of her seat and was now approaching where Kacie sat.

This was not going to go over well.

She called her name resulting in her head popping up. I could see her face now and noted that it was slightly pale. Will started to stand and face Stef but Kacie just put her hand on his arm, making him sit back down.

"So how does it feel to know that you lost your boyfriend to a stripper? Obviously I've got something you lack." Her taunts seemed to echo through the area and it was only a matter of seconds before everyone had now turned to watch the scene that was unfolding.

"What are you deaf? Virgin ears maybe? Oh wait, you've got other parts that are virgin as well correct? Maybe that's why Syn came to me."

Kacie rose from her seat and stepped out from the bench so she was standing opposite Stef.

"I may be a virgin but at least I'm no slut. And correct me if I'm wrong but it was you who came to our hotel room. Not the other way around. If he wants sex then fine, you go ahead and supply it to him. But everytime you do I want you to remember that you are no match for me. I have dignity, something you will never, ever have. I have people that like me for who I am, not for the sex. I have morals and am not afraid to stick to them. But most of all, I am me. And you will never, ever compare to me. As far as I'm concerned, you’re the gum on the bottom of my fucking converse. Get a life sweetie."

I stared in awe at Kacie's words and I don't think I was the only one who was shocked.

Gasps echoed through the surrounding area as we all watched Stef's fist rise up and come down right into Kacie's jaw. Her face twisted sideways as she adjusted her jaw before turning back to Stef.

I knew that look. Shit was about to hit the fan.

It took only a matter of seconds for Stef to hit the ground with Kacie on top of her. Screams erupted from not only the two girls on the floor but the ones in observance as well. I was out of my chair and over to the spectacle in two seconds tops.

Although I fully thought that Stef was getting what she deserved I couldn’t just let Kacie keep beating the shit out of her. My arms wrapped around her waist and hoisted her up and off of the now bloody girl.

Damn she could throw some punches!

"Syn get her out of here." Jimmy told me as they all just sort of stood around. I could see the majority of the other guys chuckling before Johnny and Matt finally stepped up to help a crying Stef off of the ground. Kacie was still fighting to get out of my arms and was screaming profanities at the other girl. I shook my head and started to carry her back toward my bus. Despite all of her punches Stef had gotten a few good ones in as well and it was going to take some time getting the battle scars cleaned.

Kacie's Pov

I let my body go limp as Brian carried me up into his bus. Tears were falling down my face in a small but noticeable trail. Part of me wished it had been someone other than Brian that had picked me up but there was that small nagging feeling that told me maybe this would help things between us slightly.

He carried me into the bathroom and set me on the small sink. "Stay put." I nodded numbly at his instruction as he left the room and returned a few seconds later with a first aid kit and some wash cloths. He turned on the faucet behind me before holding out a hand to inspect the damage as the warm water ran.

I flinched lightly as his cool fingers ran over my bloody cheek. I stared at the ground next to him as he traced around a cut on my lower jaw. I could hear him exhale a sigh before running one of the wash cloths under the water and bringing it to my face.

"Kacie I don’t know why you do this." He grumbled while looking annoyed.

"She had it coming. And don’t sigh at me. I can clean myself up. No one said you had to." I brought one of my bloody hands up and started to swat at his own.

"Just fucking sit still. You're shaking damn it. I know you well enough to know that if I let you leave you won't get cleaned up and trust me when I say you need it." I knew he was right. My shoulders dropped in defeat as he continued to dab gently at the scrapes and cuts.

It took some courage but I was finally able to tear my eyes away from the tile floor. I slowly let them raise up to look at Brian's face.

His eyes held exhaustion and worry; they had lost their spark much like my own had. His cheeks looked sunken in and it was obvious he had recently shaved which meant someone had most likely made him. His overall appearance looked worse for wear and I knew this wasn’t my Brian anymore.

"Why did you do it Brian?" My question came out as a whisper and I shocked myself that I had even said it.

"I honestly don't know Kacie. It's all basically a blur and I know that sounds so stupid. I guess the sex deprived side of me took over when she came at me and I just lost it. It didn’t even register with me that it was her and not you. Every move she made caused me to think of you. This is going to sting a little." I winced as the alcohol covered cotton ball moved against the cut. His hands were so steady unlike my shaking ones. His eyes finally met mine and I felt that familiar warmness that I so dearly missed starting to come back.

"I miss you so much and I would take back every action and argument if I could. I miss being able to hold you and cuddle with you. Every time I see one of the guys with one of the girls doing that it's like my heart is being torn open knowing I lost that form of affection. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. I know you'll probably never forgive me and I don't blame you for not wanting to be with me again but you just need to know that I love you Kacie. I fucking love you with all my heart and I'd do anything to be able to hold you in my arms again."

His eyes told me what he said was the entire truth and his apology was sincere. Part of me wanted to tell him to screw off and never bother me again but I knew that was impossible when I still loved him too.

"Brian we have a ways to go. I still love you more than anyone else and I miss you too. But that hurt like you wouldn’t believe. Do you have any idea how insecure that has made me feel now? It's going to take some time and you have to prove to me that your apology is sincere and that you won't do it again."

Brian eyes lit up a little bit when I didn’t specifically say I didn’t want him back. I knew he was fully capable of proving to me he could be faithful again but I didn’t want him to know that.

"I'll prove to you a hundred times over if I have to. I need you back in my life and I'll do everything in my power to make that happen. Your face is all cleaned up by the way." I let a small smile slide as he did as well.

"Thank you Brian."

"Just promise me you won't go fighting anymore. That's twice in one tour. And although she deserved it next time let one of us step in because she can't really hurt us." I nodded knowing he was right. Stef really wasn’t worth it but hey, she threw the first punch. Seems like that's my fight mantra these days, if someone throws a punch that's the green light.

Brian held out his hand and I hesitantly took it so he could help me down from the counter. Just the sheer brush of our skin sent a warm feeling rushing into my body. I wanted to hold him and never let go.

"So are we… somewhat alright? Like can I at least hold your hand sometimes?" I found it extremely cute that he was asking permission again.

"I'd love that Brian." He grinned before leading me off of the bus back into the cozy afternoon weather.

I sure hope things will get better here soon. Because I don’t think us nor anyone else on tour can take much more of this tension.

But most of all, I wanted my Brian back.