Thin

Thin

“Please excuse me.” Those three words were one her band mates had come to expect, but they were also ones that they all dreaded hearing. Once again, their lead vocalist was skipping out on a meal. Over the last few months, this had been routine for the brunette vocalist. She would claim she wasn’t hungry and that’d she would find something to eat later. At first, it only happened once every few weeks but as time went on, the three girls noticed Haruna was doing it more and more often. It was only getting more severe and this week, Haruna had skipped almost every meal the four had tried to have together. She simply didn’t seem to want to eat around her band mates anymore. They weren’t even sure Haruna was eating at all.

“Haru, please stay…” the sentence trailed off, the soft squeaky voice growing quiet. The voice had belonged to the band’s bassist, Tomomi. She sat at one of the ends of the table, her head bowed as she twisted her fingers together nervously. She had grown worried about Haruna. She had stopped eating and starting losing so much weight, she was beginning to look like nothing more than a skeleton! Haruna let out a soft chuckle, brushing a brown lock behind her ear before making her way over to the bassist. She gave the black haired girl a hug from behind, gently nuzzling her cheek against the bassist’s own.

“Don’t worry, Timo. I’m just not hungry right now is all, I’ll find something to eat later.” The same old, routine excuse. More like the same old lie. Tomomi knew it was a lie. Haruna wasn’t going to eat later, she never did. Haruna let go, giving the tiny black haired girl’s head a light pat before walking off. The girls had all gathered at Haruna’s house for a quick dinner together and Haruna didn’t much mind them wandering her house alone, she knew she could trust them. They had been in a band together for six years now, it would be silly for her not to trust them. As soon as Tomomi was sure Haruna was out of earshot, she spoke up, her high pitched voice laced with worry.

“Don’t you two find it strange?” Tomomi glanced between Rina and Mami. Rina lowered her head, her short brown hair sliding to cover her face. Mami looked away, off into the distance as she fiddled with a strand of her oddly lavender colored hair. “You both do!” Tomomi’s outburst got the purple-haired guitarist’s attention while the drummer only cringed, continuing to refuse to look at her.

“What are we supposed to do about it, Timo? If Haruna doesn’t want to eat, we can’t force her. She said she’ll eat later…” Mami’s sentence trailed off, the guitarist looking away again. She was desperately trying to believe what Haruna said, she didn’t want to believe their leader wasn’t eating and wasn’t taking care of herself. She didn’t want to believe Haruna had fallen that low. Haruna was stronger than that surely, wasn’t she? She knew she didn’t have to starve herself. Mami had willed herself to believe this ever since the three had first noticed their leader’s strange behavior.

“There has to be something we can do for her…” Tomomi couldn’t finish her sentence as the tears pricked the back of her eyes. They had to have noticed all of Haruna’s weight loss. They had to know that Haruna wasn’t eating. They were like sisters! They were supposed to notice this stuff about each other!

“Talk to her,” the short haired drummer spoke up finally. Both Mami and Tomomi turned to look at the younger girl. “Tomomi, you’re close with Haruna. You always go to her when you need someone to cry to so… Talk to her. If anyone can get through to her, it’s you.”

“Rina is right,” Mami spoke up as well, “you’d be the best one. It is strange so get to the bottom of it, yeah?” Mami gave Tomomi a reassuring smile. Usually it was Haruna who was the strong one, always smiling to keep everyone else calm and reassured. But since Haruna wasn’t here, it was Mami’s turn to keep everyone together. Someone had to take care of Tomomi and Rina; they were both too sensitive for their own good sometimes. Drawing in a sharp breathe, Tomomi pushed her chair back, the wooden legs scraping against the wooden floor beneath it.

“I’ll do it.” With those three words, the bassist turned on her heel, leaving the room and the remaining band members exchanged worried glances. They didn’t know what was going on or what was going to happen, but they hoped everything would work out fine in the end.

Haruna’s apartment was small, so it didn’t take long for Tomomi to near her bedroom. As she neared the door, her pace slowed and she came to a stop, her ears adjusting to the newfound silence. In the silence, Tomomi could hear a faint crying sound. It sounded like it was coming from Haruna’s bedroom. Slowly, Tomomi took the final steps towards the door, her hand hovering above the brass doorknob. She was scared almost. Why was Haruna crying? Was she okay? What would she find when she opened that door? Tomomi shook her head. She was being silly. There was nothing to be scared of. Haruna needed her. It was her turn to be strong and be there for her friend.

Tomomi closed her hand around the doorknob, gently pushing it open just enough so she could peer through. Tomomi couldn’t help the gasp that escape as she saw what was inside the room. It was a mess. Torn pictures lay scattered around the floor. Tomomi could tell they were all pictures of the band or solo pictures of Haruna. Make-up supplies had been thrown across the room. Lipstick tubes were rolled under furniture, powder jars had been broken with their containers shattered into little pieces, and nail polish lay tipped over as it spilled over onto the carpet beneath it. What had Haruna done in here? Sitting in the midst of it all was a sobbing Haruna, hunched over her vanity, her face buried in her hands as the violent sobs shook her body. Tomomi drew in a shaky breath, pushing the door open the rest of the way.

“Haruna…” Tomomi stepped into the room, her eyes further surveying the damage of it all. Upon hearing her name be called, Haruna spun around, knocking over the rest of the make-up supplies in the process. Haruna looked about as messy as her room did. Her make-up was running, the eyeliner and mascara running down her cheeks, making dark lines in the rest of her make-up. Her hair that had once been pulled back in a neat ponytail laid disheveled on her shoulders.

“Please leave me alone,” Haruna choked out, turning back around and covering her face with her hands. Tomomi stood motionless, her fingers twisting and fiddling together as she willed herself to gain the courage to go over there. Haruna needed her. It was her turn to be the strong one for her friend. She had to do this. She just needed the courage.

“Are you okay?” Tomomi whispered. Tomomi winced at her own question. What a stupid question, of course Haruna wasn’t okay! But she couldn’t think of anything else to say. She didn’t know if she could say anything else. Haruna didn’t respond as the silence took over the room, only Haruna’s sobs could be heard in the room. Tomomi opened her mouth many times, wanting to say something but never going through with it. The girls had stayed in their spots for what seemed like forever, neither one of them talking until Tomomi finally gained the courage to walk over to Haruna.

“It’ll be okay,” she said, laying a hand down on Haruna’s shoulder. She didn’t know what was wrong but whatever it was, Tomomi knew that she and the others could get their leader through it. Haruna simply shook her head in response. Tomomi sighed softly. “Please talk to me,” the younger bassist softly insisted. Tomomi kept her hand on Haruna’s shoulder, gently rubbing the older girl’s shoulder. Without warning, Haruna cried out, wrapping her arms around Tomomi’s neck and burying her face in her shoulder as the two went tumbling to the ground. Tomomi had lost her balance because of the sudden outburst from the broken Haruna.

Tomomi winced as her back hit the ground, a broken container shard digging into her back but she ignored the pain. Haruna was more important than anything else right now. Haruna refused to release her grip around Tomomi’s neck as the violent sobs took over her body again. Tomomi wrapped her arms around Haruna’s torso, lovingly rubbing the broken girl’s back. She didn’t know what else to do for Haruna except to just let her cry. Maybe if she got it all out, she’d be more willing to talk. The two girls had laid there for what seemed like forever before Haruna talked.

“I didn’t mean for it to go this far,” she choked out, her words slightly mumbled by Tomomi’s body. Tomomi looked down at Haruna through the black locks that had fallen into her face. “It was only supposed to be a small diet.”

“What do you mean?” Tomomi had tried to lift the two of them up into a sitting position, but Haruna refused to move. Her grip stayed just as tight on the younger bassist as she continued to keep her face buried in Tomomi’s shoulder. “Talk to me please, Haru. I care for you. I want to help you. We all do.” Tomomi could hear the soft sniffles coming from the vocalist. She had managed to stop her crying, but the sniffles that the crying had caused stuck around.

“I’m sorry,” Haruna murmured. Tomomi tried again to sit them up, this time she was able to. Haruna had relaxed her grip a little, allowing Tomomi maneuver better so she could sit the two of them up, leaning her back against the wall for support. Haruna was half laying now, her arms wrapped around Tomomi’s torso as she laid her head on her chest, her eyes red and puffy as they looked away from her black haired band mate. Tomomi had one hand laid on Haruna’s back while her other laid on one of Haruna’s arms, the hand on her back stroking gently.

“Don’t be sorry,” Tomomi said gently, “Tell me what’s been going on.” Haruna sniffled a couple of times, biting down on her bottom lip. Tomomi couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face, Haruna was awfully cute when she did that. It was weird to be seeing Haruna like this. Haruna was always the strongest one of the band; she was always the rock that everyone could run to. To see her in such a broken and fragile state was certainly strange.

“It was only a diet but I lost control.”

“Haru, why did you even start? You didn’t need to lose any weight.”

“Yes I did!” The outburst surprised Tomomi as Haruna pushed herself away from the bassist, her eyes shutting tightly as she bit down harder on her bottom lip. “I can’t ever make anyone happy! I’m either too fat or too skinny. You’ve seen what people say about me! I stopped eating because I was too heavy; I just wanted to lose weight… But now everyone says I’m too skinny.” The memories came flashing back for Tomomi. It had happened a few days ago, the band was looking at comments online and had seen some about how skinny Haruna had gotten. The fans were worried about her. But Tomomi could never really remember a time when anyone had said the vocalist was too heavy. It was all in Haruna’s mind. It was her own mind telling her these things and she was believing the demons in her head.

“Haru, they’re worried about you. You’re practically a skeleton! You were fine how you were before. People loved you then and they still love you. You’re a gorgeous woman. You were the perfect weight before but now… Now you’re nothing more than a skeleton.” Tomomi reached out, laying a hand on Haruna’s bony wrist. The bassist winced slightly, she could feel so much bone through Haruna’s wrist. It was worse than she had thought. Gently, Tomomi pulled Haruna’s hand up, forcing her to look at her wrist.

“Look at this. You’re all bone. I bet if I lifted your shirt right now, your stomach would look worse, wouldn’t it? Why have you done this to yourself?”

“It wasn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to stop…. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want to worry anyone.” Haruna’s voice had trailed off as she said her last words. A pang of hurt had gone through Tomomi’s heart. Haruna had been struggling silently, keeping on so others would be happy. She’d let herself suffer alone. But Tomomi wouldn’t allow that to go on. Acting on impulse, Tomomi wrapped her fingers around Haruna’s shoulders, pulling the brunette vocalist closer to her.

“You don’t have to do this alone, you have Rina and Mami. You have me.” As Tomomi said her last words, she leaned in closer, connecting the two girls in a kiss. Tomomi didn’t really know what she was doing; she was working on impulse right now. Her heart was telling her what to do and she was obeying. Tomomi pulled away, her eyes connecting with the shocked ones of Haruna. Haruna’s eyes were still puffy as she reached a hand up slowly, touching her lips. Tomomi couldn’t read the emotion in Haruna’s eyes.

“Tomomi… You…” Haruna trailed off, unable to finish her sentence. Tomomi stood up, reaching a hand out to Haruna who took it only after a moment’s hesitation. The older girl stumbled as she climbed to her feet, only to be caught by Tomomi. The younger bassist led Haruna over to their bed, laying her down gently.

“Get some rest,” Tomomi whispered. The two of them had reversed roles. Haruna had done this so many times for a crying Tomomi but Haruna would never let Tomomi do it for her until now. Whenever Tomomi would be upset, Haruna would lay her down and they’d cuddle as Haruna lovingly stroked Tomimi’s hair, gently singing a soft lullaby to her until she fell asleep. Tomomi had always known Haruna did it while thinking of Tomomi as a little sister, but Tomomi couldn’t help but want it to mean more. Tomomi had once only looked at Haruna as an older sister but as time went on, Tomomi’s affection towards the older girl grew more and more.

Tomomi laid down beside Haruna on her Queen sized bed, draping an arm over her torso as the other one snaked behind her, gently stroking her hair. Tomomi didn’t sing for Haruna, she didn’t think she could get the words out. As Haruna cuddled closer to Tomomi, her actions raced through her mind. What had she done? Kissing her band’s leader, it was such a stupid action! Tomomi’s heart was going to get her in trouble, she just knew it.

“Timo?” Haruna mumbled out. Tomomi looked down at the brunette vocalist. Haruna was cuddled as closely to Tomomi as she could get, her eyes closed. She was close to unconsciousness.

“What is it?” Tomomi’s breath hitched as she spoke. Was she going to mention the kiss? The cuddling? The strangeness of it all? No, surely Haruna was too exhausted from her hysteria to be thinking of anything negative about anything like that.

“I love you too.”
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It's been years since the last time I wrote a bandfic and I always promised myself I wouldn't go back to writing them, but I couldn't help but write this story. It's been in my mind for a while now and it had to get written. It's just a short fluffy romance between Haruna Ono and Tomomi Ogawa, both musicians in the Japanese rock band SCANDAL.