Almost Too Much

-Mariela's POV-

Hell Above rang out into the auditorium, and I watched Tony carefully.

He looked like he was enjoying himself, which for some reason surprised me. Was I expecting him to be miserable constantly without me? That wasn't realistic.

The girls in front of him were freaking out, screaming at him, reaching out for him. They idolized him, loved him.

And I threw him away.

Though it was tremendulously hard to keep watching, I did anyway. I hated it, it hurt, killed, but I couldn't stop.

I watched his long hair flip back and forth, his gorgeous face mouth the words to the song, his beautiful arms, long fingers, I took in all of him. And it hurt more and more every second knowing he wasn't mine. Why did I do this to myself?

The song ended and the crowd roared. I kept my eyes glued on Tony even though Vic began to speak.

"We're going to play a song from our last album if thats alright." He said, and of course was answered with a chorus of screams.

"This song's about girls, because we all know how they can be." He said before kicking off into 'Caraphernelia.'

I should have known then would have been the time to leave, but I stayed. I knew I had to stay there.

They made it through the first verse before Tony made eye contact with me.

"What if I can't forget you, I'll burn your name into my throat I'll be the fire that'll catch you." The crowd screamed, and Tony stared right at me.

I flinched like I'd been slapped. He continued into the song, and he looked so broken, so beat up and hurt. It destroyed me.

I turned away and leaned against the wall, facing the door of the backstage room instead of the stage. I could hear the song though, and it only made me feel worse.

"You can't just throw me away." The song continued, and I slid down the wall and hugged my legs. I sat through the rest of the set, crying every time a lyric reminded me of him, singing softly to the words I could get out.

Eventually they thanked everyone for their time and began exiting the stage, and I hopped up and quickly wiped my cheeks, hoping I could hide the fact I was crying.

Tony was the first one off and he saw me, and quickly turned away.

"Tony, wait, please." I said, reaching out to grab his arm. He ripped it away from me.

He started to walk away, and in a desperate attempt I threw my arms around his middle, slamming into him and pressing my face to his back.

"Tony, stop." I whispered, already beginning to cry. He tensed up, but didn't move, which I took as a good sign.

He turned around and removed my arms from him softly, placing them at my sides.

I forced myself to look up at him, we locked eyes. He immediately softened, and a familiar look of confusion, hurt, and loss filled his eyes.
The same one I'd been seeing in the mirror every day.

"Let's go somewhere private." He said, no emotion. I nodded, and followed him to the bus. Everyone else would be headed to the hotel, so we figured we'd be alone.

He led me into the bus and into the back lounge, and locked the door behind us. My phone buzzed in my pocket, I figured it was Austin, so I let it go.

"So..." I started, not knowing what I wanted to say.

"Isn't Austin going to worry about where you are?" He snapped, turning fiercely to look at me.

"Tony, I don't want to fight with you." I whispered, since my voice wouldn't speak any louder.

He softened slightly, but his fists were still balled at his side. I craved being close to him. I hated that I caused this huge drift between us.

"I don't understand what I did." He choked, his hand shooting up to cover his mouth, holding back a sob.

I wanted to scream out that I loved him but I couldn't find the words.

"Tony, baby," I reached out to him.

"Dont!" He shouted at me. "Don't you dare...call me that..." He choked out, tears filling his eyes.

"Tony, I'm sorry, okay?! For everything. I'm sorry that I'm too stuck in my ways to be what you want." I rambled off.

"Stop." He whispered quietly, inhaling shakily.

"I'm sorry that I didn't know how to be in love. I'm sorry that I let you feel threatened by someone else, and I'm sorry I broke up with you, and I'm sorry I ran to Austin, and I'm sorry I kissed him-"

"You WHAT?" Tony shouted, balling his fists again.

I stopped dead in my tracks, realizing he probably didn't know about Austin and I.

"You KISSED HIM!?" He screamed, throwing a fist into the door. I flinched and let the tears flow freely.

"Calm down, please," I said, lacing his fingers, which had begun to bleed, with mine.

He ripped his hand away. "Don't fucking touch me. I can't believe you. Its been a week, Mariela. A fucking week. I've done nothing but cry, and you've been okay enough to KISS another man? I haven't even been okay enough to eat regularly, and you're whoring around already!" He shouted, cradling the hand he had probably broken on the door.

"It's not like that okay! You don't know how hard its been on me either!" I screamed back, shoving his shoulder. I got up close to him, our faces just inches apart.

"I'm not even a whole fucking person without you and I didn't know how to deal with it so I tried to fix it the only way I knew how but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me the same. I hurt. Like you." I spat.

"Could have fooled me." He seethed, clenching his jaw.

I exhaled angrily. "I hate that I miss you."

"I wish I didn't love you." He spat.

My mouth fell open. "Fuck you." I hissed.

He slowly realized what he had said and opened his mouth to apologize, but I turned and slammed the door behind me.

I was fuming, and I walked across the street to our hotel and marched up to room 243, the room Austin and I had for the night. I knocked on the door and tried to collect myself.

A shirtless Austin opened the door.

"Hey, hun, where were-" He began, but I cut him off by connecting our lips. He shut the door behind us before grabbing my hips needily. I slipped my tongue into his mouth hungrily, and scratched my nails down his chest. He groaned into the kiss, his grip tightening on my hips.

"Mariela, what's gotten into you?" He groaned when I slammed my lips to his neck.

"Just do this for me." I growled, digging my fingers into his sides and biting lightly on his neck.

"You don't have to ask me twice." He moaned before throwing me down onto the bed.

If Tony didn't want to love me, then I'd force myself to love someone else.