Hunt You Down All Nightmare Long

“You are a first class asshole, you know that?” Sam said as he barged into the motel room. I followed behind him and softly closed the door. “Sammy, don’t,” I said softly.
“No, I am having this conversation Len. What the hell Dean?”
“It just slipped out!”
“Remarks like that don’t just come out like that,” Sam snarled. “Her husband and kid died, Dean. It’s not okay to just ‘slip it out’ something like that.”
“I know it wasn’t okay to say that, Sam! I know, I fucked up okay. I know you probably hate me right now Nox. You have every right to do so.”
I shuffled with my feet and shook my head. “I can’t believe you said that. You of all people Dean. I’m not even mad, I’m just so...”
“Disappointed and hurt,” he finished my sentence. He looked at his hands and fiddles with his beer bottle. “We both know that’s even worse than mad.”
I sighed and sat down on my bed. “You out of all people should know how it feels Dean. Sam told me what you went through and you still tell me that? You know just as well as I do that those people are branded into your frigging eyelids with hot iron Dean. You can’t forget them, no matter how hard you try and in my case, I don’t want to, okay!”
He sighed deeply and rubbed his face with his free hand.
“I know. I don’t want you to forget him. I know I was wrong. Now can we please stop the touchy-feely stuff? I think I’m starting to grow boobs,” he whined.
I growled softly and jumped up from the bed. “I’ll go change and I’ll be right back, okay?”
I walked into the bathroom and changed into my into my pyjama. I looked down and realised it was simply was one of Dean’s old shirts and some flowery pants. I sighed deeply: I couldn’t stay mad at him. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t. I wish I could shout at him, yell at him and tell him how broken I felt. How real the nightmares felt.
It was all my fault. That was basically what I wanted to tell them.
The mirror seemed to reflect a normal twenty-three year old for anyone that would look with me. Long, wavy brown hair, bright green eyes. Freckles happily spread all over her nose and cheek bones. A Winchester without any doubt, taking after her parents.
I knew better than that. For me it reflected a broken person that should be ashamed of herself. That deserved to suffer. For once I was thankful for what my dad had taught me. Never show emotion, never show your weakness. Be a brave soldier.
I checked my stitches again and scrunched up my nose at the sight of the irritated skin and the dried up blood surrounding the wounds.
I pulled the shirt down and went back into the main room, where I found Sam still standing in the middle of the room.
“You and you,” he said while pointing at me and Dean. “Go ahead and fight, but without me. I’m next door.”
“Sam, don’t you d-” I started, but he quickly ran out and closed the door.
“Damnit.” I looked around and saw we were standing in room with one bed. Son of a bitch. The fucker left us with just one bed.
“Great. This is just perfect,” I mumbled as I stomped around the room.
“Just sit down and watch TV or something cause he ain’t coming back tonight,” Dean said.
No way that was going to happen. I was way too stubborn to give in this easily.
I walked around the room, feeling extremely restless and not knowing what to do. Except for ignoring Dean of course.
“Can you just sit down please? I get it okay. You’re mad and you’re not going to sit down next to me, but I’m not picking you up if you pass out again.”
I stopped in front of him and blocked his view on the TV. He sighed and clicked it off with the remote.
“Do you have any idea how much that remark hurt?” I started.
He nodded. “I do. I know how it’s like to lose people like that Lennox. Sammy and I are here y’know. Talk to us.”
“Shut it, I’m talking. It was like a slap in my face, but I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to hear the name Alex or Flynn ever again, or god so help me, I will break your nose. Am I clear?”
“Crystal.”
“Good. Now move that fat ass of yours cause I wanted to watch a movie tonight.”



Somewhere in the middle of the night I almost fell out of bed, waking from yet another horrible nightmare. I tried to ease my heavy breathing and rubbed my eyes to get rid of the sleepy feeling. I glanced at alarm on the nightstand and found out it I had slept for four hours. I sighed deeply and let myself fall back into the pillows.
I allowed Dean to sleep on the bed too, it’s not like we never did that before. And for some odd reason he always slept on top of the blankets.
“You never had those nightmares before, did you?” a deep voice asked out of nowhere. I fell of the bed in shock and sat back up.
“Do you always do that to people?! It’s creepy,” I hissed.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to startle you. But you started having those nightmares after your husband and son died, correct?”
I sighed. “Yes. But I don’t want to talk about it. Not with Sam, not with Dean, not with you.”
“I have been told that humans need to talk about their emotions.” He sat down on the couch and looked at me with his head slightly cocked to the side.
“Well, this human refuses to talk about her emotions, so if that’s what you came for, you can go now. It won’t come out.”
“I know what you dream about.”
I looked up at him, panic rising in my chest. He must be lying. You couldn’t intrude someone’s dreams... Could you?
“It’s an illusion. He’s not real, the pain is not real. It’s your brain that projects that pain because you feel guilty and you think you deserve to suffer. You think it’s all your fault.”
I hopped off the bed and walked to the table and fiddled with the knife that was on it.
“That’s because it is,” I said harsh. “If I was faster I could’ve saved Flynn. And can you stop bugging now?! I thought you were supposed to listen to prayers.”
“We do.”
“I hereby pray to you, Castiel, to shut up about it and leave it alone, cause I won’t talk about. In name of the father, the son and the holy spirit. Amen.”
He got up and slightly squinted his eyes. “You are very special, are you aware of that?”
“Oh yeah, ” I said with a fake smile. “Totally. I can cook! Makes me the only Winchester I believe. Very special.”
He frowned. “That is not what I meant.”
“Save it then. I’m not special, never was.”
“There will be a day that you’ll find out that you were wrong. You will discover it when the time is ready.”
With that riddle he left me alone in the dark room with only those words and Dean’s soft snoring as my company.