Next Time? There Won't Be No Next Time

As I wake in the morning Marshall is sitting at the foot of the bed watching me.
"You look terrible!" Ahh just what I need, hangover, headache and someone insulting me first thing. Instead of a reply, he gets an evil look and a little groan which kills my throat.

Marshall walks out of the room and I hear him putting the kettle on down stairs. I take the chance to get myself dressed and looking a bit less like a tramp. As I walk down stairs I pause to hear the quiet making of a rap song. Marshall, or should I say Eminem as he is rapping, is trying to put together a new song. It's about life like every one of his raps. I listen for a minute then carry on my journey to the kitchen. He hands me my coffee and we sit at the table in silence.

"Why are you here? I thought I broke your heart. I thought you didn't give a fuck about me"
"Well obviously that's a lie otherwise I wouldn't of checked on you last night, I wouldn't have slept on your couch or woke up before you just to watch you sleep" I stare at him for a while, surprised that he had just said that. I don't have anything to say. If I go into the whole relationship thing, no doubt he will get angry and leave. Then it will be right back to where it was last week.

After about another five minutes of silence he starts to perform his new rap song. I start tapping my hands and feet to the beat he creates. I really like it, well I like all of his songs really. When he's done I clap for him and cheer just like a crowd. He bows and says good night, just like when he is on a stage.

We decide to catch up over a few hours and we have some laughs. I think we might be getting a friendship after all we've been through. I want us to get back together as I love Marshall with all my heart. He knows that. He just doesn't feel the same. I don't think he does anyway, but after what he said this morning I could be wrong. I want to ask him but I need to see where this goes today, he has no plans and nor do I but that never changes, we could be talking all day.

Eventually we talk about us, about what happened. At least he brought it up so he can't get pissed off with me. We talk about what a great time we had and he even said he wouldn't mind getting back together. But he didn't seem so sure. We suddenly start to play fight like we used to. We whip each other with dish towels and he pins me on the ground. We laugh and then lock eyes. He is still pinning me on the floor as he leans in for a kiss. It was soft and I didn't want to let go of his lips. After he helps me up and we sit on the couch again. Marshall looks embarrassed and has the look of regret running though his eyes.
"Do you regret that kiss?" I mumble to him.
"No, I'm glad I went for it." The hopes of getting back with Marshall are aiming high right now. "I know you want to get back together Sophs but what happens if the same thing happens again? Then we are back to square one. I'd love to be you boyfriend again, I just don't want that to happen again." My heart starts pounding in my chest beginning to ache.
"Really? I've wanted to hear that for ages. I love you so much. Can we just try things again? Can we pick up where we left off? We know what fucks up our relationship and I'm pretty sure we can stop that from happening again." I take a deep breath so I'm ready to take in the rejection Marshall will give me.

I'm wrong. He agrees. I feel the happiness build up inside me. Wait. I rush to the sink just in time for the poisonous alcohol to rise up out of my affected stomach. Oh yeah I still have a hangover. Forgot about that. While heaving over the sink I feel a relaxing rubbing on my back. Marshall always comforts me when I'm ill or upset. He holds my hair out the way and as I stand upright he wipes my mouth clean and gives me a small amount of water. I love how caring he is. Marshall carries me to the couch and raps me in a blanket. He strokes my head which relaxes me even more. He knows this makes me fall asleep so carries on. As I drift off I feel a kiss on my forehead. I hope he doesn't leave, I hope he's there when I wake up.