I Should Go

"Let's go!" I cheered excitedly from the car. Elizabeth, who was clearly still groggy from being woken up abruptly, dragged herself through the parking lot. She pressed a button on the remote to unlock the car, so I hopped in. "Elle!" I hollered from inside.

She sluggishly slid into the compact car and glared at me. "Bleeeeeeeeeeh!" She yelled back, sticking her tongue out at me. I rolled my eyes as I buckled myself in. "Why are you so excited?" Elizabeth questioned as she put her own seat belt on.

I had to admit, I did feel a little guilty for making Elizabeth rush out of the house. She was still in her pajamas, her hair was up in a bun on the top of her head, and she wasn't wearing any makeup; and I know Elle, she is practically obsessed with her appearance.

"I just want to see how I've progressed!"

"Could your progress have waited until I had a cup of coffee?" she spat sarcastically as she pulled out of the parking garage.

When we made it to the hospital, we sat in a secluded room for what seemed like forever. My knee was hopping anxiously when she put a hand on my thigh. "Stop!" she hissed. I relaxed in my chair and just took a deep breath. Elizabeth rested her head on my shoulder comfortably and took a little nap.

Moments later, the doctor strolled in. Seeing Elizabeth, he whispered, "Good morning." I nodded a hello. " I guess your designated driver started slacking on the job?" He joked. I shrugged as he patted on the patient-bed-thing I was supposed to be sitting on.

I gingerly moved Elizabeth so that she was lying across two chairs instead of resting on me. She didn't wake, thankfully. I sat up on the seat and felt like a child sitting his first check-up. "So, how've you been feeling?" he wondered as he took out his clipboard and pen.

I shrugged again. "I'm good!" I breathed as excitedly as possible. "Really good."

Doctor Lieberman scribbled something down. "How are the headaches?" Dr. L pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose, not looking up from his notes.

"They're not as bad as they were a few weeks ago, but I still need the medicine to get rid of them altogether." I explained, balling my hand up anxiously.

He nodded. "Good, good, all good news." the doctor insisted encouragingly. He glanced up from his notes and have me a confident smile before going back. "Any nausea, light headedness, sensitivity to light?"

I thought about it. "The only time I was nauseous was the day I didn't take my medicine... But once I was sick I took the medicine right after. No light headedness.. I'm still a little sensitive to light though." I sighed quietly.

"Alright." He jotted a few more things down. Once he had finished, he put his clipboard on the counter behind him. Then, he pulled a small flashlight from his pocket and clicked it on. He held a finger in front of me. "Just stare straight at my finger." I did as I was old as he shined the flashlight back and forth across my eyes. I winced a little at the brightness and he put the flashlight away.

"Sorry," I apologized as I rubbed my eyes.

He shook his head as he put the flashlight away. "For what? Nobody likes getting a flashlight in their face." He joked. I let out a quiet chuckle in response. "Okay... You ready for some tests?" He asked. I nodded and stood up, ready to continue.

First, there were neurological exams. Dr. Lieberman tested my balance, memory, strength, coordination, reflexes and more with with a bunch of exercises. It kind of reminded me of hockey, because, at the start of the season, we did similar physical tests to find out how athletic, healthy, and strong we were. Then, I had to get a CT scan, the fourth one I'd ever had; you know it's bad when I get accustomed to the routine of a concussion patient...

"I'll be back in a few minutes with the results of everything, minus the CT scan." Unfortunately, I'd have to wait a few days for that. I nodded as I sat back in the small room, alone, with Ellie.

I glanced over to find her sound asleep. I smirked. We'd been there for maybe forty-five minutes, and she'd slept through it all. I didn't mind, I was happy she was finally getting the rest she deserved. After waiting on me hand and foot for nearly three weeks, she earned it.

I tilted my head back against the wall and took a little nap of my own. A few minutes later, Dr. L came in with the results from this test and the test I took when I was first admitted to the hospital. “Well, everything’s looking good!” he cheered quietly, still mindful of Elizabeth. I smirked and rubbed my hands together excitedly. “It’s miraculous... you’ve managed to bounce back insanely fast. I mean, you’re not one hundred percent yet, but to come back like this in just a few short weeks? Amazing.”

I smiled and nodded. “Great.” I agreed.

The doctor put the files down and smiled down at me. “And I have some good news,” Dr. Lieberman began. I leaned forward, waiting expectantly for his next statement. “You are now officially cleared to do strenuous activity.” he confirmed with a smirk. Whoops. I feigned excitement, as if I hadn't been doing strenuous activity for the past thirty-six hours straight.

Dr. L glanced down at his notepad and finally coughed, “But that hickey on your neck tells me you certainly weren't waiting for my approval to do so.”

Shit. I completely forgot about the hickey. I jerked my hand to my neck, awkwardly covering up the spot. Dr. L smirked and let out a chuckle from behind his clipboard, but he soon went back to the results. I looked over at Ellie to make sure she was in a deep sleep. Then,I finally said what I had been waiting to say for what seemed like forever. “So, I’m thinking about going back to the ice in a week or so.”

Dr. L stared at me for a moment, letting my words sink in. He shifted in his chair and heaved a sigh. “Well, Jon, I can’t exactly stop you from doing that, but I don’t think now is the right time for you. I think this might just be the medication giving you false hope about how you feel.”

I glared down at my hands. “But I really do feel great. Besides, you just said I had bounced back, for the most part, in record time!” I argued as quietly as possible.

The doctor shook his head. “That doesn’t mean you’re completely healed. You know how long it can take for a concussion to subside.”

Yeah. half the season and all of my summer. “But doc-” I began earnestly.

“I told you, I can’t stop you, but I am not clearing you for ice time yet. I’m sorry Jon, it’s for the best.” he whispered. Dr. L stood up and and made his way to the door. I let my head hang low as I sat in silence for a moment, contemplating everything. I heard a sad sort of sigh from by the door. The doctor had his hand on the door handle, but he hadn’t pushed the door open. “Look... I’ll call you in a few days with the results of the CT scan... if they look good enough, I’ll clear you to skate.”

My head flew up. I perked up at the statement. “Really?” I inquired, trying not to get too loud.

He nodded, obviously not happy about the decision. “But, no contact! For a month. And I mean it. No games or contact in practice for at least a month!” he breathed harshly, wagging a finger in my direction.

I nodded my head vigorously. “Yeah, of course! Whatever you say!” I obediently agreed, full of excitement. Once the doctor left, I hopped down from my seat and did a little victory dance. Everything was so close, within my reach, I could taste it! I glanced over at Ellie, mid-dance, who was still conked out. I smiled and slowly walked over to her. “Elle?” I whispered in her ear, moving hair from her face.

She immediately jumped awake. "What!" She snorted, rubbing her face awake and looking around anxiously. "I'm not the chosen one!" she blurted. I stood back, staring at her confusedly. She blinked her eyes a few time and looked me up and down. "Forget I said that.." she sighed as she stretched.

I sat next to her and rubbed her back affectionately. "Have a weird dream?" I chuckled.

Elizabeth nodded as she rubbed her eyes again, slightly resembling a cat. "More like a nightmare. It was weird." I opened my mouth to ask about it but she cut me off. "You ready to go?" I smirked and nodded silently.

I had decided I didn't want to tell Ellie about trying to get back on my skates, because A. She would worry, B. she'd tell me I was moving too fast, C. she'd get even more mad at me when I told her no matter what she said, I was going to do it. I love her, but it would cause more problems than anything; plus, what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right? However, it quickly proved to be more difficult than I expected...

"So how was the session? What did the doctor say?" Elizabeth asked as I buckled into her car.

I bit my lip trying to figure out the best answer without giving too much information. "It was good..." Smooth.

She let out a cackle. "Wow, how informative!" she teased sarcastically. She gave my shoulder a light punch. "Come on, give me the details! I was knocked out the whole time."

I glanced out the window, and thought for a moment. "Uh... He basically said we could have sex." I joked.

She winced. "Whoops.... What else did he say?" She glanced over at me as we pulled to stop, smiling as she looked t me.

I smiled back at her, anxiously, until I looked past her. I realized where we were. I looked up at the street sign and read the words Walnut St. A shiver went up my spine involuntarily. I tried my best not to let it show, but Ellie noticed, why would I expect anything less? She turned around and I could almost hear the gears turning in her head as she processed where we were. "Oh-" Elizabeth began. She looked both ways and then drove across the intersection, unharmed.

"It's okay." I stated firmly. She wasn't convinced. She never is.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't know-" Ellie blathered on.

I held a hand up to silence her. "Elizabeth, I'm fine, honestly." I insisted. She stared at me out of the corner of her eye for a moment or two.

"Okay... so about the appointment. What else happened?" Elle pressed.

Long story short, I told her almost everything, except the whole going back to hockey thing. Instead, I lied-and no, I'm not proud of it-and told her that Dr. Lieberman wanted me to start physical therapy, because my balance and coordination and stuff was still a little wonky, so I had to be gone most of the day, every day, while she was at work. What she didn't know, was that I was going to ask Nick to pick me up and take me to hockey practice everyday once I was cleared to play. I certainly couldn't drive, because Ellie would know something was up. She'd argue, "But you shouldn't be driving. And the doctor said-" blah blah blah. After all, she believed I was in worse condition than I was. However, to ensure that she couldn't drive me. I told her the appointments directly coincided with her work hours, so I had to get a taxi or ask Kaner or Nick to take me. Although she protested this in particular, eventually, she gave in, and the first part of my plan was locked into place.

"No way, dude!" Nick cheered over the phone. "That's great, everyone's gonna be so pumped! Do you know when you think you'll be cleared to play, like, officially?"

I sighed, "I don't know, for sure, but tentatively, I wanna say in a few days." I flipped through the channels, for about the twentieth time, and groaned. Elizabeth was at work already and I was home alone again. "So when can you come over? We should go out to lunch or something!" I suggested. I needed to get out of the house, 1. because I was going stir crazy 2. because I needed to get used to being outside, with loud noises and the bright sun if I was expected to pull off my master plan.

He chuckled, "I'm outside. Elizabeth texted me and asked me to check up on you. She said you were acting weird ever since your doctors appointment... But now I can see why!"

I froze. Shit, what did she say. "Yeah... I mean, but don't talk to her about it." I commanded through gritted teeth. "She's not uh... She's not too happy about me coming back." I sighed and stood up, turning off the tv as I did so. I grabbed a jacket and my wallet and walked out of the apartment.

As I was locking the door, he agreed, "Yeah, I can see her getting a little overprotective right about now. Don't worry, I won't bring it up." I heaved a sigh of relief as I walked down the hall to the elevator.

"Alright, I'll be down in a minute."

"Okay."

Click.

The two of us went to our favorite bar, although I couldn’t drink because of the medication I was taking. We invited Mike Frolik and Andrew Shaw, the new guy, to come too. Kaner, Carcillo, and Stalberg were all off doing some charity work somewhere, I couldn't remember where they were or what they were doing. Before the others showed up, Nick and I had some time alone to chat. I took advantage of the opportunity, especially since I haven't spoken to him in what seemed like forever.

"So, first off, how's Marissa doing?" I questioned. Marissa was Nick's girlfriend of six months. At the end of the season, Nick went to dinner, alone, because he was disappointed in the fact that we didn't make it to the Stanley Cup, which wasn't out of the ordinary for him after huge losses. Eventually, his waitress, Marissa, gave him a free dessert, seeing he was visibly upset. Then, she told him that her shift ended soon if he wanted to talk about whatever was making him so upset. And so, they hung out more and more, they were inseparable throughout the summer, and they remain the same today.

He smirked and took a sip of his beer, his tauntingly delicious looking beer. "She's good. Schools going great for he, we're great, it's all good."

"What she going to school for." I questioned, curious.

"Doctor." My jaw dropped. He only grinned bigger. "Yeah, she's an ambitious one, she has a few years ahead of her, but I believe she can do it... She's crazy smart."

I had only met Marissa once, but even then, I could tell she was above average in the intelligence department. "Wow, that's awesome! Good for her. And you guys are happy?" Nick nodded. "Good." I returned with a small smirk.

"She says she hopes you feel better, by the way." he added quickly.

I nodded and ran a hand through my hair. Looking out the window at the busy, yet bright, Chicago street, I asked, "So how's the team been?" Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Nick tracing the grain in the polished, wooden table. Uh-oh.. "I haven't watched or been to many games. You'll have to fill me in."

Nick coughed and took a sip of his beer. "Well, Kaner is improving. He got a few goals in your absence. Everyone else has lagged a little bit. But, in the last five games, it's been two wins, two losses, and one overtime loss." I cringed and rubbed my chin, and consequently, my beard, which I hadn't realized was still on my face. I turned back to the table. "They could be worse." he insisted, trying to calm me down.

I shook my head. "But they could be better." I argued. I itched my beard, thoroughly annoyed at the stupid thing on my chin. I can't wait for November to end. "Shit. Well do you know why it's all messed up? Defense, offense, goalie? Is it coach? It's not me, is it?"

"No, no, I think... I think it's just the chemistry. Coach brought a few kids up from the affiliate, and he changed the lines around, so it's been hard to adjust to everyone and their style of play and stuff, I think." he explained, folding his hands on the table in front of him. "We'll get it back... We're still in the top ten in the league." he reminded optimistically.

I shrugged. "Once I'm back, things will go back to normal." I mumbled. Nick scoffed and took a sip of his drink. "What? You don't think I'll make an impact?" I questioned, offended.

Nick shook his head and shot me a grimace. "That's not it. I know you'll make an impact on the team and our play.... That's just pretty cocky of you to assume it. It's not like you..." I rolled my eyes. We don't have time to discuss my cockiness. He leaned forward, arms folded on the table, but I didn't make any eye contact. "Jon..." His tone of voice made me look up. "You sure you're-" he started.

I knew where he was going with his statement, that's why, I was relieved to hear the loud "Ayyyy Cap'n!" erupt from by the restaurant's entrance. We both jumped a little and searched around, our eyes landing on Frolik and a beaming Shaw. I smiled and stood up to greet them both. "Glad you're back!" Andrew cheered as he came closer.

Andrew shook my hand and shook hands with Nick. "Yeah, hasn't been the same without you." Mike agreed, in a much quieter voice. I shook Mike's hand and took my seat. Shaw slid next to me in the booth and Frolik next to Nick.

"Thanks, I'm excited to come back. How's the team?" I asked. Nick clutched his beer tighter and took a sip. He glared at me, probably offended that I didn't trust his word when I first asked him. That wasn't why I was asking the guys... I asked the guys because I knew it would piss Nick off. I was furious, because Nick had been trying to tell me what to do since I came back this season. He's always criticizing me, and I'm in no mood to deal with it.

Shaw was bursting with energy, as usual, and he was quickly gabbing away about how we had lost a few games but everyone was doing well. In all honesty, I think he was just enjoying the overall experience, being new to the league still. Also, I think he was trying to suck up to me. But, hey, I'm not complaining.

We all pigged out, ribs, buffalo wings, steak, the works. Nick had quickly gotten over the little dig I took at him earlier once I bought him a beer. We all watched whatever basketball game was on television at the time, I can't remember now.

It was good to be out with the guys. Everything felt normal, familiar, like it should be. I loved being home with Elle, but now that she was going back into work, it was going to be nice not to sit around and wait for her all day. Plus, I don't know, it was nice just to feel like one of the guys again, because, believe me, when you're stuck on the outside looking in, you lose that feeling real fast.

Nick was nice enough to drive me home, and no, he wasn't drunk; unlike Kaner, he know when to stop. That beer he had was his first and his last of the day, and he didn't even finish it. Anyways, on the drive, things got tense again. Unlike with Kaner, when he and I would bicker and get over stuff pretty quickly, usually once one of us backed down, Nick was persistent, about everything, and he wouldn't quit. He couldn't just drop things, quite similar to his sister. Unfortunately, I'm kind of stubborn as well-I know, shocking-so we clash a lot, and normally, if we're both fighting for something wholeheartedly, we need a third party to intervene and break it up.

"Does Elizabeth actually know, or are you just lying to me?" he questioned as soon as I was strapped in. I knew it was too easy... I groaned and shook my head. "I'm sorry! I'm just... I'm just making sure. You don't-"

"Seem myself, I know. I know what you think. Look, if you don't believe me, ask Kaner. He and Elle are close. Better yet, ask Logan! They are best friends. She'll vouch for me." I asserted confidently. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared over at the driver. This is when my 'serious' face, which I actually don't think is that serious, comes in handy.

He paused after he started the car. Nick turned in his seat and just eyed me up and down. He reached for his phone, trying to see if I would break down and confess. I didn't flinch, although, I'll admit, little droplets of sweat formed on the back of my neck as I watched him. Nick rolled his eyes and put his hands on the wheel. Phew. "Whatever, I believe you." he agreed.

"Thank you! God, I, always in the hot seat with you! You sure it's not me that's got the problem, but you?" I criticized, a hint of joking in the sentence.

Nick chuckled, "Yeah, yeah, keep talking, kid. You're the one who just got over the concussion. Besides, a teammate can't look out for his friend without getting looked at funny?"

"Who you calling kid?! If I remember correctly, this kid had to drag you home and tuck you in that one time you drank too much at-" I shot back. Now it was like things were back to normal between us. For real.

"We do not speak of that night!" Nick hollered over me. "Besides, need I remind you of Keith's Christmas party a few years-" he began.
I shook my head. "Nevermind! Point made." I laughed.

I was exhausted when I made it home. It wasn't like we did anything strenuous today, but we did walk around quite a bit. Plus, I had a little headache. On the bright side, the light didn't bug me when we were outside, so that's a plus. Anyways, I was beat, so when I got home, I just crashed. Ellie woke me when she got home just to say goodnight, but soon she was snuggled up next to me and we both passed out.

Two days later, while Elle was at work, I sat at home. What else is new... But I actually had to this time. It had been a few days, just like Dr. lieberman said! He was probably going to call the landline first, if he got the results. I just had to wait.

Well, what I didn't know, was that doctors are very busy saving lives and shit, and they don't have all the time in the world to wait on pro-athletes hand and foot go figure. But in all honesty, I was so anxious and impatient, I was praying that whatever patient he was dealing with would heal the fuck up. Yeah, Nick was right, I have definitely changed.

I sat at the counter by the phone with my breakfast for half an hour. Then, I moved to the couch and put in a movie, sitting with the phone on one of the side tables on either side of the couch. Two hours later, when the movie was over, I took a shower and brought one of the phones into the bathroom. Twenty minutes later-

Yadda-yadda-yadda you get the idea. All day, I waited, I just waited in different places. Eventually, Ellie came home, around sixish. She was early, which was fan-fricken-tastic because now I had to watch the phone even more closely. Shit.

"Jon?" she called from the front door. "Jon!" Elle hollered again. I grabbed the phone from the nightlife table and popped up from the bed I was lying on. I jogged into the living room, nervous now about why she sounded so excited to see Elizabeth by the door, smiling.

I raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "What? What's wrong?" I questioned.

"I got a raise!"She squeaked as she dropped her bag and ran at me. "I got a raise she sang!" As she wrapped her arms around me, careful not to knock me over.

I smirked. "That's great honey." I gave her head a peck and squeezed her tight, even if I was a little jealous. "I'm so proud of you." I congratulated.

"Thanks." she sighed, giving me a peck on the cheek. She let go and skipped to our bedroom. I followed close behind and finally came to stand against the doorframe. "I'm still in shock." Elizabeth giggled as she stripped out of her suit.

"What brought this on? Anything in particular?" I questioned, trying to keep the acidity from my voice.

She tossed her clothes in a pile on the ground and turned to stare at me. Elle stood a few feet from me, in her underwear, and spread her arms out as if to say 'ta-da!'. "Well, I got a promotion!" She elaborated.

It was hard to be jealous with her standing in front of me like that. I could see the curve of her breasts, her smooth stomach, her excruciatingly sexy legs. It was difficult, but it was still possible. I gulped hard, simultaneously swallowing my pride. “I’m so proud of you.” I forced myself to say.

She smirked and let her arms fall. “What? What's wrong?" she questioned. I shook my head and tried on a smile as I joined her by the bed. "Something's wrong." Elle insisted as she reached out for me. I obliged and intertwined my fingers within hers, well the fingers that weren't holding the phone. There was no way I was putting that baby down. "Talk to me." she cooed quietly in my ear. She gave me a peck on the cheek. I heaved a sigh and sat on the edge of the bed, letting her go. She hopped on the bed, keeled behind me and ruffled my hair. "Okay, now I know something's up."

I shook my head and frowned at the ground below me. "I'm sorry,... I should be more excited... This is great!" She reached for the hem of my shirt. I allowed her to take it off me, phone still in hand. "I don't know I'm just.... It's great for you, you're mo-" my voice broke when the heel of Ellie's palm was driven into a particularly sensitive spot on my shoulders. I sucked in breath as it stung, in a good way.

"Breathe." Elizabeth reminded me. I let out the air as if I was a balloon slowly deflating. "Good."

"I was saying- it's good that....that you and your career are-are improving. I just.... It makes me wonder when I'll.....g-get back to my career-when I'll be able to improve too-" it was growing increasingly harder to talk as she moved her hands over different parts of my back.

"Well clearly this has been bugging you, you're all in knots!" she laughed. Ellie stopped and put her hands on my chest and pulled me backward until I was lying on top of her on the bed. "Would this happen to be a little jealousy?"

Fuck no. "Fuck no." Whoops, meant to keep that one in my head. Elizabeth shifted underneath me, offended no doubt. "I'm sorry.... I didn't mean to take it out on you." She relaxed a little. "Honestly... maybe I am a little jealous. But, like I don't want to be. I love you and I'm so proud of you! I just-." Of course, my voice decided to crack for the first time since puberty. I sighed and closed my eyes. Well this is embarrassing.

Elizabeth sat up, or at least that's what I figured, and my head was now sitting in her lap. I was expecting her to say something inspirational, but first, she gave me a long kiss. That made my eyes open faster than Evander Kane on a breakaway. Okay, you know it's bad when you're comparing everything in your life to the damn sport... She backed out of the kiss but her head still hung above me, her fingers gently massaging my temples.

"Jon. Trust me when I say you will be back in the game before you know it. It's going to take time, but as long as you're patient-" I opened my mouth to argue already and she silenced me quickly. "which I know is difficult for a stubborn ass such as yourself." I groaned and closed my mouth, falling silent at her true words. "And I know it's hard! I know what it's like to feel useless and helpless and.... just less of yourself overall than you used to be."

Although I was being quiet and polite, my mind was rifling through excuses. It's how I work. I'm always searching for a way to fight or to get my point across. I think that drive to win every little thing is what got me where I was in the first place, which is both a blessing... and clearly a curse.

Yet again, Ellie did that thing she did best. She said so few words but somehow effectively put all my inquiries and arguments to rest. "That's how I was before I met you." Elizabeth stated simply. She gave me a peck on my forehead and literally, every thought that was whiz zing in my brain fell to the base if my noggin. My heart melted when I looked up at the sincerest face I had ever seen. "And I'm not here to hurt you or make you jealous, I'm... I just love you and I'm going to support you no matter what. This is hard but... I'm here for you and I know you can do it."

I quickly sat up and planted one on her. Ugh. How can I be jealous or mad now? I almost felt guilty for being so lame in the first place. "I'm sorry."

She laughed into my mouth, surprised at my actions. "It's okay." she insisted, pulling out of the kiss. I held her close and have her a bunch of little pecks all over her face and neck. "Jon!" Ellie squealed. I continued on as her laughter filled the room.
Eventually, when I thought she was going to collapse from a lack of oxygen, I stopped and whispered, "I love you."

She only nodded and gave me a peck in response. I let her go, and she fell back on the bed and smiled up at me. Elizabeth patted the bedspread next to her and commanded, "Come on, time for bed."

I nodded and moved forward when I realized that I still had the phone in my hand. I stared at it just a second too long, because again, Ellie could read me like a book and boy was she a fast reader. I moved to go out the phone back in the living room when she called, "You sure there isn't anything else you want to talk about before bed?"

I clenched the phone before putting it down. Shit shit shit fuck me. "Uh... Nope, I think I've gotten enough off my chest for one night." I chuckled as calmly as possible. I feigned my best poker face before walking back into the living room. "Why?" I asked. If I question her and seem like I'm interested and not trying to avoid the topic, she'll drop it, right?

"Well... I was just wondering why you were carrying the phone around?" Elizabeth wondered as she propped herself up on the bed. Wrong, "Are you sure-?"

"Babe, I'm fine, really. Would I lie to you?" I questioned as I joined her on the bed. Yes. I took her hand in mine and held it tight for reassurance.

"No." Elle admitted sheepishly.

I smirked and gave her a peck. “Good.” With that, I turned the light out and went to bed.

That was the last night that I actually slept well, the last good night I was going have for a long time. Unfortunately, my master plan blew up in my face. What else would you expect, right? And, believe me, it wasn’t pretty.

The day started off normal. I woke up, felt a little tired, despite the full eight hours of sleep I scored the night before. I got up, from the now empty bed, and went out into the kitchen. I picked up the phone, just to make sure I didn’t get any calls from Dr. Lieberman. I didn’t. I was getting antsy.

He promised to call within a few days. It’s been a few days. I was hoping I’d be skating by now. Fuck.

I had been so convinced that, by this time, I would have been on the ice for practice; I even arranged for Pat to drive me to the rink that day. Now what was I supposed to say? I rolled my eyes and grabbed a protein bar and a bottle of water from the pantry. Then, I snagged my medication from off the counter, because I could feel a little headache coming on, and if I was supposed to be playing today, I needed to get that under control.

I swallowed the pill then put both my hands on the counter, staring at the phone across from me. I was using will power to make the phone ring. It rang alright. “Hello?!” I hollered into the receiver, shortly after the first ring chimed.

“Hi, This is Bethany’s Cleaning Service, would you be interested in-” a bright, perky voice sang on the other end.

“No!” I cut her off, slamming the phone down. I growled and glared at the portable device again. Come on... ring, ring... ring!

RING! I picked it up again. “Hello?” I chirped excitedly.

“Uh-hi... you a little anxious there, buddy?” Kaner questioned, confused.

I heaved a disappointed sigh. “Hi Pat... I’m kind of waiting for a call.”

“My bad, did I interrupt your phone sex or something?” he shot sarcastically. Something was a little off in his voice.

Growing impatient rather quickly, I hissed, “No, I’m waiting for the ‘Okay’ from my doctor to play today. Don’t be gross.”

“Oh...” There was an awkward pause. I didn’t know what he was waiting for or why he was being so weird. “Well, I was calling to see if it was alright for me to come pick you up soon. Practice is in an hour and I-I figured you’d wanna get there a little early just to get your feet wet without any of the guys around being all loud and stuff... you know, just to ease you in.”

Okay. Someone PLEASE tell me when this kid became my boyfriend. LIke, is this a joke? Guys don’t do nice things-okay they do nice things for one another, but that’s usually followed up with an insult or a punch in the shoulder or something not so.... mushy! Unless...

“Are you drunk?” I blurted out.

He hollered, “Fuck you! I’m trying to help. God forbid I do something for a friend.”

“I’m sorry!” I apologized immediately. Crap... maybe he is really drunk. Emotional Kaner normally makes an appearance when alcohol is involved. I tried to remedy the situation. “Look, I’ll make it up to you, how about I drive us today.” Ellie would be pissed and confused as to why I drove and took my car, but once I explained that Kaner was in no state to drive me to ‘my appointment’, she’d understand.

However, I was playing a little too eager, because Pat caught on pretty quick and he was back at it. “If you really believed I wasn’t drunk, you’d let me drive to pick you up.” he argued.

I sighed. “Well, Kaner, it makes more sense for me to drive anyways. I’ll leave a message for Dr. L and tell him to call me on my cell, so I can drive but not have to worry about missing his call. Besides, if I can’t play then there’s no point in you driving to pick me up at all, plus you’ll get a free ride out of it all.”

He chortled and pointed out, “But if you’re not cleared to play, then you probably shouldn’t be cleared to drive either, right?”

I massaged my temples with one hand and breathed, “No, Kaner-”

“See you in fifteen.” he concluded, hanging up the phone.

I groaned and let my head rest on the counter. I put the phone back in it’s spot, without looking up. What am I going to do? Why the hell is he doing this? It really pissed me off that Kaner was drinking so much, and at inappropriate times. I was getting worried because it was clearly becoming a problem. As if I didn’t have my own issues to deal with... Next step, after I figure out hockey and how to tell Elizabeth about me wanting to play and all that shit, was talking to Logan and seeing if she noticed the increased amount of drinking that I noticed in Pat.

Ring.

Great, now I’m hearing it in my head.

Ring.

Oh my gosh, just shut up already!

Ring.

“Goddammit!” I hollered. I lurched forward, reached for the phone, and moved to chuck it across the room when I realized that it wasn’t all in my head. Ring. The phone buzzed against my fingers. I quickly looked at the caller I.D. and immediately picked up. “Dr. Lieberman?” I spoke in a questioning tone, still unsure if this was all my imagination.

“Jon, hello, how are you doing?” he asked.

“Good-great, now that you’ve called. So... what’s the verdict?” I questioned, cutting right to the chase. I tried to hide the excitement I felt but it was evident by my tone of voice.

Dr. L grew quiet. He coughed and cleared his throat before he spoke, which made me immediately think that it was bad news, which it was. “Well... Jon, look, you’ve improved a lot but... I still don’t think you’re ready to get back on the ice yet.”

“....What?” I almost whispered.

“You’re not cleared to play yet.” he declared in a sad tone.

My heart was racing and I was getting angrier and angrier by the second. “You... but you said.. You said I’d be okay, you said I had improved and I was doing better than most people with a concussion! You said-” I yelled, my temper showing.

“I said I’d look it over and tell you if you would be cleared to play and you’re not. I’m sorry.” he stated.

“But, Doc-” I began.

He stopped me. “I’m sorry Jon. Maybe in a few weeks.” With that, Doctor Lieberman hung up the phone and left me in the worse mood I’d been in since I found out that I had gotten the stupid concussion in the first place.

I threw the phone across the room, without thinking and hollered an earth shattering “FUCK!” Why. WHY the FUCK would he let me think I had a shot at going back if he was just going to keep me out of the game for a few more weeks. Fucker.

I didn’t even get a chance to process anything, because moments later, there was a knock at my door. I stood up and marched toward the door. "What?!" I screamed as I opened the door. Kaner's eye bulged at the sight of me, just enough to show how bloodshot they were.

"Whoa." he breathed quietly. “What’s gotten into you?”

I glared at him. There’s no way he made it here in five minutes. It takes at least ten, even with good traffic. “How fast were you going?” I questioned, trying not to get too loud.

He rolled his eyes and stumbled inside. “Psh... I was doing fifty, that’s not bad.”

I slammed the door and rubbed my face. This day is just getting better and better. “You can’t go speeding like that Kaner, especially not when you’re drunk.” I began, still attempting to stay calm. I know drunk Kaner, and I know him well. He does not handle arguments well. “How many beers have you-?” I began, trying to put a hand on his shoulder as gently as possible.

Kaner shrugged me off, lightly slapping my hand in the process. “Whoa! I’m not drunk! I only had....” his voice trailed off and he looked up as if he were pondering something. He counted on his fingers, then thought some more, then counted again.

“Kaner... you’re drunk. Do you even know what comes after two?” I heaved a sigh, crossing my arms over my chest. This is going to be fun.

He pointed a finger at me, clearly annoyed, “I know damn-damn well it’s tree!” I stared at him with a pitying look until he corrected himself. “I meant.... Oh, you know what I meant! I’m just like... kiiiiiiiind of tipsy, okay?”

I dragged him into the kitchen by his elbow and sat him down on one of the stools behind the counter. Thankfully, his reaction time was diminished due to the alcohol, so he didn’t try hitting me or getting out of my grip. He did, however, whine and complain about being ordered around. While he was whimpering like a child, I rummaged through the cupboards and the fridge for the most carb-loaded items I could find. They probably wouldn’t be the best thing to eat immediately before practice, but given the circumstances, I think sobriety comes before performance.

“What are you doing Jonny-cakes?” he questioned as I slammed two bottles of water in front of him. He jumped, a delayed jump. I shoved a granola bar at him then worked on toasting a bagel. “Jon-?”

“Drink one of those water bottles now. I want it done before we leave this apartment, and if I’m getting you to practice on time, we need to leave soon.” I commanded. I searched through the pantry for more starchy things. Shit. We really need to go food shopping. I pulled out a chocolate chip muffin and slid it onto the table.

"But I'm not thirsty! Or hungry..." he mumbled in a defiant tone, as his eyes came to rest on the chocolaty snack.

"Too bad." I insisted as I closed the pantry doors. I got the bagels out of the toaster and quickly spread some butter over them. Upon throwing the remaining butter back in the fridge and tossing the knife into the sink, it dawned on me that Kaner didn't say anything to dispute me. That only means.... I whirled around to find Kaner face down on the counter, snoozing away. "Kaner! Goddammit!" I hollered. I grabbed him by his scruffy hair-someone needs a haircut-and stood eye level with him. I slammed my fist on the counter to make sure he was really paying attention.

"What the fuck duuude?!?!" he growled in protest.

I threatened, "Look, if you don't get your shit together within the next ten minutes, not only am I going to kill you, but so will coach. I shouldn't have to be playing fucking babysitter to a grown man."
He wiggled out from under my grasp and rubbed his tender head. "I don't care about coach.... He'll get over it. He probably won't even notice." Kaner pointed out, kind of dejected, for some reason.

I groaned and ran my hands through my hair. "Fuck, Kaner, then do it for me, okay?" Not only was this damaging to his ability to play, but it hurt his relationship with coach, his reputation, and his overall career, especially if word got out that he showed up to practice or games drunk. He could lose his credibility.

"What do you care?" he scoffed quietly. I looked up to see him frowning at the ground, arms crossed tightly over his chest. He looked like a child in time-out.

"Kaner, this could ruin you. I would never want to see that." He spitefully grabbed a water bottle and took a single sip. "You.... You don't actually think I want you to suck, do you?" He didn't say anything, only scowled at the ground and took another sip. Well... Sounds like its time for another heart to heart... "Are you fucking kidding me?" Okay, maybe tone it down a bit. Kaner jumped, and I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Pat, I want the best for you. Look, the team relies on you. I'm counting on you to pull your weight. You have to be an example for the rookies. You... You've been playing so great and the team needs you to keep that up. They need you, and you’re letting them down if you go out drunk like this all the time."

He didn't respond, again, but this time he did at least look at me, proving he was listening. "Kaner.. I need you. I really do. You're as big a part of the team as I am and... and I'm truthfully sorry I yelled at you earlier this season. You didn't deserve it and... I wasn't being a good captain. But, you seem to have gotten over it, considering your last few games." He glanced down at his feet. I leaned back on my heels and sighed. "Okay.... I don't deserve your help. I mistreated you... so I understand if you don't want to listen to me, as a captain or as a friend. But everything I said was true."

With that, I made my way to my bedroom, making sure to take his keys with me. He didn't have to go to practice, but he sure as hell wasn't driving anywhere. I had my hand on the doorknob and I was ready to throw in the towel, when I heard a loud gulping sound and the crackle of plastic. I turned to see Kaner chugging the first bottle while simultaneously ripping the wrapper over the muffin. He took a moment to breathe and looked back at me. "I never said you weren't still my captain." He cracked a small smile; it wasn’t a full blown Kaner grin, but it was something.

I clapped my hands together and ran over to him. “Thanks bud.” I gave him a tight squeeze. He returned it, careful not to spill his water. Once we broke apart, I grabbed a plastic bag from one of the drawers in the kitchen and started shoving the other carb-y-snacks into it. “Alright, you ready to roll?”

Kaner slammed down the plastic bottle enthusiastically and nodded. “Let’s-” He suddenly paused and let out a long belch. I winced, anticipating the horrendous smell that was sure to follow. He only laughed like a hyena. Wasting no time, because we had none, I dragged Kaner out of the apartment and into the elevator.

As he stood next to me, chomping on his muffin, one thing stuck in my mind from our little spat. I just had to ask. “Hey, uh, buddy... can I ask you something?”

“Mm-hmm.” he agreed as he took another bite of his muffin.

I tied the plastic bag that I was holding into a knot and frowned. “Wha... what did you mean when you said that coach wouldn’t even notice. I mean, I know you’re kind of drunk, but.. you and I both know that that’s not true.”

Kaner’s affect completely changed from a sort of solemn look to one of anger. “Oh, no... it’s true.” I faced him, confused.

I wanted to ask more about the topic, but the elevator door pinged open and you will never guess who was standing on the other side. I glanced up to see Elle, standing in the lobby, holding two armfuls of groceries. Motherfucker.

She took one step forward then stopped. “Oh, hey guys! Where you two going?” Elle questioned. She hopped back, allowing us to get out.

Kaner didn’t look panicked, maybe because he was drunk, or maybe because I didn’t tell him about my whole lying situation with Elizabeth; the blabber mouth would have told Logan in a heartbeat, who would have told Ellie. Anyways, We stepped off, but I tried to hold the door open so that Elizabeth could quickly get on, and we could just as quickly escape. “Uh... I have my appointment today, remember?” I asked.

Now, Pat looked lost, but I don’t think Elizabeth noticed much; she was too busy trying not to to fall from the weight of the groceries. “I thought so.. I mean, I came home early so that I could take you. I kind of wanted to talk to you, felt like I haven’t seen my own boyfriend in forever.” she laughed. Kaner laughed too, a little too heartily; it was more of a bark actually, one that echoed throughout the lobby and made heads turn. He didn’t care though.

I nodded, trying to keep my cool. “Thanks, that’s sweet but... really, it’s okay-”

“Oh, come on, Kaner, you probably want a break, don’t you? You’ve been driving him for a few days now. Let me do it.” she pleaded as she took a step towards us.

Kaner opened his mouth, and I could see it in his eyes that he was going to blow my cover, not intentionally of course. “Actually I-” Thinking quick, I took the muffin from Pat’s hand and shoved it in his face. He coughed and staggered backward as he tried to eat it, and peel the rest of the snack off of his cheeks. “Dude!” he shouted, his mouth full.

“Actually, Kaner is uh... he wants to go to the appointment with me because uh... he heard that the receptionist at the office is really hot.” I threw my hands in the air. “What can you do?” Kaner’s eyes bulged and he was soon grimacing at me. “But, hey, I’ll come home quick and uh we can hang out then, okay?”

Elizabeth looked between us for a moment. “Are you sure?” I nodded, and Kaner shook his head earnestly, but she seemed to disregard the latter. She shrugged. “Alright, well... I just want you to know that I love you so much.” Elle stood about an inch from me and she stood on her tip-toes to kiss my neck affectionately. “And I’m so proud of you.” She went a little higher and kissed my cheek. “And I know that you’re doing your very best.” Ellie finally gave me a long kiss on the lips, leaving me desperate for more.

Meanwhile, Kaner stood behind us, making gagging noises. Eventually he commented, “Get a room!” I put my palm on his face and shoved him towards the exit. He stumbled along, a little more than was expected, due to his instability.

Elizabeth took a step towards the elevator, which I was still holding open. “Oh, and there’s more where that came from.” she teased with a wink before hopping inside. I let my hand fall off the elevators and they slowly shut. I pulled on the most convincingly calm smile I could while I waited for the doors to close.

Once they finally did, I let out a huge sigh of relief and put my hands on my thighs, amazed at having pulled it all off. Holy fuck. It didn’t help that she was making me feel guilty with every kiss and every encouraging word she offered. Ugh, and I lied to Kaner, so now he’s probably pissed off.

“What the fuck was that dude!” he screeched, mouth still partially filled with muffin. Scratch that, he’s definitely pissed off. The receptionist in the lobby looked up, alarmed. I gave him an apologetic look before I guided Kaner out of the building and over to his car. “Jon. Jon!” He slammed the door of his truck, still trying to get my attention.

“What?!” I hissed, as I turned the car on. “What?”

His face was one of pure annoyance. He shrugged. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe what the actual fuck was that whole scene back there! Am I that drunk or am I missing something.”

“You know, you can form a sentence, I think you’re getting better in terms of sobriety.” As if on cue, he let out another burp. Spoke too soon. “Look, eat this bagel and I’ll explain.” I sighed as I took the still warm bagel from the bag, handing it to him. He grudgingly snatched it out of my hand and slowly began nibbling on it. “Make sure you take sips-”

“Just tell the damn story, mom!” he cried.

I rolled my eyes and looked at the clock on the dashboard. And we’re running late... Now, not only will Kaner be playing drunk, but he won’t even be there on time. Fantastic. I peeled away from the curb as fast as humanly possible and started driving through the packed Chicago streets. I gave Kaner an abbreviated version of everything: my lying to Ellie, my involving Nick, my doctor not clearing me to play. When I finished, he was silent. I looked over to see him Beaming at me, mouth agape, and filled with bagel.

“What?”

He cackled, “You’re so fucked!”

“Thanks Kaner, I couldn’t tell!” I yelled, losing my patience. It was as if everything was slowly falling apart, all in the same day, and I was losing my handle on it all. I let him laugh like a weirdo for a while, mainly because I didn’t have anything else to say to him.

Eventually, he sighed, “You know why I know coach won’t notice me?” I glanced over for a second before turning my attention back to the road. “Because you’re the star player. He’s been so busy, trying to scramble the team up so that we can win without you, I’ve been pushed to the sideline. I still play, of course, but he doesn’t seem to give a damn about me. Without you on my line, I’m like a rookie or something. I get squat.”

I couldn’t look at him, partially because I felt guilty, and partially because I didn’t want to see his face. “Kaner... you know he’s probably giving you less attention because he knows you don’t need it.” He didn’t answer. “He knows you’re good enough that you don’t need him telling you how to play, did you ever think of that?” Kaner still said nothing.

At the next stop light, I finally turned to him. He was gone. Kaner was asleep, his bagel on his shirt, his water bottle in his lap. I smirked and rolled my eyes, continuing to drive.