Believe in Me

I woke up that next morning with a raging headache. I looked at my phone, one message from Lilly. I opened it to find a photo of me kissing some blonde. “Fuck you. I’m done.” Lilly wrote. Fuck. I ran my hands through my hair, staring at the ceiling. What the hell happened last night?

I looked through my phone, and found a message from Andrew telling me to meet him at the club. I looked at the photo from Lilly once more, and called her. It went to voicemail.

38 calls later, still went to voicemail. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I knew Lilly was furious. I knew I fucked up. And I knew I was about to do whatever it takes to get her back.
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“Come on, Lilly. Open up.” Patrick cried, banging on my front door. I stood behind it, rolling my eyes.

3 weeks. That’s how long I’d been ignoring him. Every morning (if he wasn’t away for a game) he’d stand outside of my door, begging for me to open it. And at the UC, I’d avoid him at all costs. Whenever I’d be scheduled to work a community event with him there, I’d switch shifts. I missed him. I really did, but I knew I couldn’t trust him.

I spent the past three weeks thinking everything over. I thought he liked me. Hell, he sure made it seem that way. I didn’t dare tell Landon about it. He’d fly over here and beat Patrick with his own hockey stick, like he said he would. I did tell Taylor, though. She wasn’t much help. “He’s hot! Give him another chance. He seems like a sweetheart.” She told me. A sweetheart. Patrick was a sweetheart…when he wasn’t kissing other girls at a club.

“Lilly please. It was a mistake. You know I like you. Come on, open up.”

A minute later:

“Lilly. I know you’re standing there. I know you can hear me. Please, let’s talk.” He begged. I sighed, and opened the door. I couldn’t ignore him forever.

“What do you want?” I asked harshly. Probably too harshly, but I didn’t care. Patrick handed me flowers, and I dropped them as soon as they touched my hand. “I don’t want your gifts.”

“I need to talk to you. Lilly, that night at the club was a mistake. You know, I was drunk. I wouldn’t have ever done that if I was sober.” He explained. His face was red with guilt. I opened the door wider, inviting him in. He walked in slowly and tried grabbing my hand.

“Uh, no. We’ll sit at my dinner table and talk.” I told him. He nodded once, and went to go sit down. “I trusted you, Patrick. I really like you. Everything was going so well, but you just proved I can’t trust you.” I told him. He stared down in shame.

“I know. I know you lost my trust, and I want to gain it back. I can’t explain how much I regret kissing that girl. I don’t even know her. I regret it all knowing you’re not mine anymore.”

“I never was yours, Patrick. We never made it official.” I told him. He leaned back, rolling his eyes. “Oh so we had to make it official? What is this? High school? I thought we were. I thought we just, you know, were.” He explained. He had a point. Making it “official” did remind me of high school. “Patrick, you really fucked up.” I said after a moment of silence.

“I agree.” He said, looking into my eyes. “I want you, Lilly. You. I’m not so good with the whole ‘relationship’ thing. I’m really not. I’m 24 years old with a big bank account. I’m just so used to being single and having fun. I’ll admit that I have a wild past. But that’s the thing, Lilly. It’s the past. I met you and everything changed. That one night at the club? That was stupid. I can’t explain how stupid it was. But I really have changed. You’re the reason why.”

I almost believed him. I was starting to. I knew it was risky, to let him back in, but hearing him say those words to me pulled me in like a fish on a hook. I wanted nothing more to just grab his face and kiss his lips. I felt foolish to want him. Beyond foolish. What kind of girl wants a guy back after he kisses some whore at a club behind her back? I looked away, afraid to make eye contact. I felt that if I looked into his eyes, he had me. I was his.

“Lilly, please just give me another chance. I’ll do anything.” He pleaded. I raised my eyebrow, “Anything?” He nodded. I smiled deviously, and got up. I headed into my bathroom and grabbed a fresh bar of soap. I walked into the kitchen, and his eyes widened when he saw the small “Dove” box.

“Soap?” He asked, raising his eyebrows. I nodded, “Yep. You kissed that nasty girl, and you’re gonna pay. You want me back? Let me wash your mouth out.” I told him. He shot up from his seat, “What the hell!? The kiss happened weeks ago. Come on Lilly, that’s extreme.”

“Extreme?” I chuckled. “Extreme is going to a club without telling me, partying, and hooking up with some random whore.” I shot at him. He sighed and walked to the sink. I turned on the water, wetting the soap. He closed his eyes tightly, and I shoved the bar in his mouth. Patrick almost choked, and he began to whine. I felt bad, I really did, but I did get some enjoyment out of it. He began hopping on his feet, and his hands were shaking. I took the bar out and he rinsed his mouth immediately.

“That was torture!” Patrick cried, rinsing his mouth with more water. “I can’t believe you just did that. NOW do you believe that I want you back? I just tasted soap for you!” I leaned against the counter, chuckling. “I had to wash the germs from that nasty girl out of your mouth!”

"I brush my teeth, ya know? The germs are gone.” He smiled. I threw him a towel to wipe his mouth with. Patrick leaned closer to me, grabbing my waist. “Now are you mine again?” He asked, licking his lips.

I giggled, looking away. “I’m still mad at you, you know that right?” Patrick sighed, still gripping my waist. “I know, I know. I’m going to do whatever it takes to make it up to you.” He whispered, kissing my cheek. He cupped my face and kissed my lips.

“Eww, you taste like soap!” I laughed, wiping my mouth. I pulled out of his arms and turned on the faucet, rinsing my mouth. Patrick laughed, hugging me from behind and kissing me once more. “STOP! You taste so gross!” I cried. He finally let me go, so I rinsed my mouth and chugged some milk.

“Now you know how it felt.” He told me. “Okay, I have to go, but come to dinner with me later. Jon and Rachel are coming too.”
When Patrick mentioned Jonathan and Rachel, everything was brought back to me. I’d been so hurt by Patrick, I completely forgot to ask Rachel about her and Jonathan. Patrick left, and I immediately dialed Rachel’s cell.

“Hello?” She answered right away. She sounded annoyed. I wondered if she was mad at me. God, I hope not.

“Rachel…it’s me. I’m sorry.” I told her. She was silent for a moment. “For what?”

“I’d been completely oblivious to you and Jonathan these past few weeks. I don’t know how you’re doing, and you’re my friend. I should be here for you, but I’ve been so blindsided by Patrick.” I explained to her. She chuckled on the other line, “Its fine, Lil! I get why you’ve been acting the way you have. If it makes you feel any better, Jon and I are great. Better than ever.”

I felt so happy after hearing that. I knew how much Rachel loved him. It made it even better knowing she wasn’t angry with me.

“My last day is tomorrow.” Rachel finally said. I frowned, I forgot she had to quit. It was against the rules to date a player, which made me think about Patrick and I. Patrick and I were never official to people, so it wasn’t against the rules. I had just taken him back though, and I knew it would be soon before everyone found out.

“I’ll probably have to leave too.” I admitted. I was scared to quit. Being an Ice Girl was all I had for any sort of income. “You’re back with Pat!?” Rachel shrieked. I giggled, “Yep.”

“Awww, yay! He’s been so depressed since the whole club incident! I can’t wait to see how he plays tomorrow! This is so exciting! Come to dinner with Jon and me later!” Rachel said far too fast into the phone.

I agreed to meet up with them later, and Rachel and I parted ways. I laid back in bed, smiling. Everything was going so well now. I had Patrick back, Rachel wasn’t mad at me, and my closest friend in Chicago was back with the man she loves.
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“Kaner, Lilly. Nice to see you.” Jonathan greeted. Patrick picked me up and we met Jon and Rachel at Rachel’s favorite French restaurant, Mon Ami Gabi. I quickly hugged Rachel, and was surprised when Jonathan stood up with welcoming arms. I’d never had a real conversation with Jonathan. He’s always so standoff-ish when I’m around. He’s so intimidating and serious, I barely know the guy yet I’m always thinking he hates me.

“I think I want to try escargot.” Patrick said, taking a sip of the wine Jonathan ordered for us. I looked at him in awe. “You want to try snails?” I asked him. He chuckled, drinking more wine. “There’s a first time for everything. I ate a worm and some bugs when I was a kid, it’s time for me to move up to the big leagues.”

Jonathan chuckled, high-fiving Patrick. “I’ll try it with you.” He told him. The two guys called over the waiter, and ordered the snails as an appetizer. Rachel and I looked at each other in disgust. “Don’t be surprised if I never kiss you again.” She told Jon. He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah. It’s just a snail. Could be worse. Could be somethin’ like, I don’t know, a leech.”

“People don’t eat leeches, you idiot. They suck your blood!” Patrick told him. He shook his head, amused at Jonathan’s stupidity. “It was a joke.” Jonathan said bluntly. I couldn’t help but chuckle at Jonathan. So damn serious.

The waiter brought the snails, and I almost gagged at the sight. Patrick rubbed his stomach, “Yum. Can’t wait for this.” Licking his lips, he picked up one. Jonathan followed, and they both smiled deviously at Rachel and I. “This is so gross. I think I’m gonna puke.” I said. Patrick laughed, then threw it in his mouth.

“Mmmm” He moaned. “Not bad, actually. Never knew snails could taste pretty good.” Jonathan added. Rachel and I looked away as they continued to eat. “All I want is a damn steak. Not a damn snail.” Rachel mumbled.

We all enjoyed our dinners, and thankfully the snails were gone. I was glad to have come to this. Jonathan and I talked frequently, and he was being so kind.

“So, are you going to quit your job as well?” Jonathan asked me. I knew Patrick and I had to talk about this, but I didn’t want to discuss it in front of other people. I swallowed, “Um, I kinda have to. I have no choice. I’m just going to have to start looking for another job as soon as possible.” I told him. Patrick squeezed my leg. I think he could tell how awkward this was. I honestly didn’t want to quit being an Ice Girl. Sure, the outfits were raunchy and I felt uncomfortable most of the time, but I had grown close with most of the girls. They all were so nice and friendly. It was going to be hard to let them go.

“You’ll find a job in no time. Don’t worry. You have me.” Patrick told me. I had him? Did he think I wanted to use him as some sort of ATM? “I know I’ll find a job. I don’t need your money.” I said a little too harshly. Jonathan fidgeted in his chair.

“So, did you hear about that murder up North?” Jonathan asked, changing the subject. “I guess some psycho went on a rampage and killed his wife.”

I ignored him, still thinking about the conversation from before. I knew Patrick had money. Patrick knew he had money. More than enough money, to be exact. A millionaire at 24, what could be worse? I’d never dated someone so wealthy before. I didn’t want to even think of Patrick as being wealthy. He was just Patrick. I couldn’t lie to myself, I did feel a tiny bit awkward and offended at his comment. I didn’t want him to think I was some poor girl in desperate need of a job.

Dinner ended and we headed out into the cold. “Well, that was fun!” Rachel smiled. She was snugged up against Jonathan’s chest, shivering from the weather. We said our goodbyes and walked opposite ways to the car. I tried not to act annoyed or upset, so I hoped Patrick didn’t notice anything was wrong. If he asked, I wouldn’t know what to tell him. I don’t even know what was wrong with me. The whole money concept just kind of drowned my mood.

After moments of silence in his car, I finally spoke up. “Patrick, I’m not seeing you for your money.” He reached over and grabbed my hand. “I know you aren’t. I didn’t mean to offend you. Your financial status is none of my business. I’m just saying that in case you ever need anything, I’m here for you.”

That made me smile. I wasn’t a gold digger, and he knew that. He gave me a quick kiss at a stoplight, and all of my worries flew away.
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“Pat, what the hell are you doing here? It’s 3am.” I said, rubbing my eyes. I’d been in a perfect deep sleep until I heard my phone ring a million times, and banging on my door. I didn’t even bother to look into the mirror, scared of what I’d see. 3am is not a good time for me to be looking my best.

Patrick stood in the hallway, smiling. He wore only sweatpants, a Bauer sweatshirt, and some Nike shoes. “I’m leaving on a road trip, remember? I wanted to say goodbye to you. I’ll be gone for 4 days.” He told me. Even though I was half asleep, I smiled brightly. If he was at my door for any other reason at 3am, I’d have been grumpy as hell, but the fact that he surprised me to say goodbye made me happy. The airport is the opposite direction from my apartment, so he traveled across the city just to see me once more.

He pulled me in for a tight warm hug, and we stayed that way for a moment. “Okay, I have to go now. Call me when you wake up. If I don’t answer, it’s because I’m doing press or morning skate. I’ll talk to you soon.” He told me, cupping my face and kissing me. We continued that for a few more minutes, and he finally left. 4 days wasn’t very long, but I knew that 4 days without Patrick would be torture.
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8 am. Another knock on my door. If this is Rachel, I’m gonna go psycho, I said to myself. I groaned, and opened the door.

“Cameron?” I asked in awe. There he stood. In uniform, with two suitcases.

“Hey, Lil. I’ve missed you.” He said, smiling. He looked different. More grown up. His skin was tanner and he had a bit of scruff. The old Cameron was so preppy, so pretty-boy like. This guy was different, yet he was the same. He was my ex-boyfriend, standing right outside my door.