Believe in Me

“He broke up with me.” I cried, telling Rachel on the phone. She sighed, “It’ll be okay, Lil. He’s just angry. Give it time. Like he said, you two need space.”

I disagreed. I didn’t want space. The last thing I wanted was space. I wanted Patrick. That was my only care in the world at that moment. I wanted him and nothing else. “I just wish he’d given me the chance to tell him the truth.”

“I can tell him, if you want.”

“He won’t believe you.” I told her. He wouldn’t. Hell, I doubt he’d believe me. I should’ve thrown the stupid bracelet away. I should’ve chucked it out of the window or burnt it. “I just hope this isn’t the end.”

“It’s not. Calm down, Lilly. Patrick loves you. I’ve known him for a few years now and he’s never been so serious about a girl. He loves you and more importantly, his parents and his sisters love you. You’re a perfect fit. Take it easy, give him space. Playoffs start Tuesday so he can’t be distracted. Let him focus.” Rachel lectured. She was right. Whether I wanted to or not, I had to give him his space.

“Listen, let’s go shopping on Monday. I’m busy this weekend but we can go to the mall Monday afternoon. We’ll get our nails done and have a girl’s day, okay?” She offered. I agreed to go with her. I really needed that. I needed any sort of distraction. I thought of going home, but I couldn’t leave Chicago…or Patrick. Even if he didn’t want to speak to me, I couldn’t leave. In case anything were to happen, I needed to be there.

Rachel and I got off the phone after planning out our girl’s day. She invited Jade to come as well, since we hadn’t seen her in a while. I threw my phone down and flopped onto my bed. Without Patrick and no job, I was bored. Beyond bored. I had no idea what to do.

After staring at the ceiling for thirty minutes, I got up and got ready. I left my apartment and headed outside to explore the city. That day, I was a tourist. I finally got to see everything I’d been missing since I moved.
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“You wanna come with me to the club tonight?”

“I thought you stopped partying. Where’s Lilly?”

“Don’t know, don’t care. C’mon Shawzy, it’ll be a good time, just like it used to be.” Patrick begged his friend. He laid on the couch in his apartment, sipping on a few beers. “I guess I’ll come. Ask Jonny if he wants to come.”

“Ehh…I think he might be a little too busy to party nowadays.” Patrick chuckled, turning the channel to ESPN. “Why? Is Rachel controlling? I swear, you two are so tied down.”

“Lilly isn’t controlling. Anyway, invited Saader and Stally. We’ll all go out tonight. Have some fun before playoffs.” Andrew agreed to go, although he was unsure of what Patrick was up to. Ever since Patrick had been with Lilly, he didn’t go out…and Kaner would always go out.

Patrick took a nap for a few hours, then headed out with his teammates. It was only the three of them; Brandon, Andrew, and Patrick, but they intended to have a good time nonetheless. They decided to go to ULTRA, a club the Blackhawks are known for going to. They got their usual VIP table, and sat down to order drinks.

Girls were already swarming the table, making themselves look presentable in hopes of grabbing the guys’ attention. Patrick wasn’t attracted to any of them. He drank even more, hoping the alcohol would get Lilly off of his mind.

“So what’s your issue?” Andrew asked him, then continued. “You invite us out, then you sit there like a zombie. You nervous for playoffs?”

“Yeah.” Patrick lied. He’d been in the playoffs before, he knew what it’s like. He was nervous, but not to the point where it ruined his night. He took a sip of his drink, eyeing a girl standing a distance away. Her long brown hair touched the tip of her bottom, wavy and shiny. Just like Lilly’s. She's here, he thought to himself. He tried hard not to stare, but he was waiting for her to turn around. He felt a lump in his throat when he saw a guy, probably around his age, hand her a drink.

The girl turned around, pulling the guy she was with to the dance floor. Patrick sighed a breath of relief, the girl wasn’t Lilly. She wasn’t nearly as beautiful as Lilly. To Patrick, no girl was.

“Hey, you guys play for the Blackhawks, right?” A blonde asked, standing in front of their table with another blonde. Patrick nodded, trying not to check them out. He knew the routine. He knew what they were trying to do. It’d start with a photo, then an invitation to dance, then a hookup. That’s how it always went with girls at the club.

“Can we get a photo with you?” She smiled. Patrick sighed, standing up with the guys. Some man took their photo, and the girls stayed near the table, mingling around and flirting with Andrew. Patrick rolled his eyes, God, they're annoying.

“I’m gonna go.” He said, dropping a bill on the table and rising. One of the blonde’s held his arm, looking into his eyes like a desperate puppy. “You don’t want to dance first?”

“No.” He told her harshly. She rolled her eyes, pulling away from
him. “Where you goin’, man? The night has just begun!” Andrew laughed.

“I’m not feeling good. I’m gonna go rest before playoffs. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said, then headed out of the club. He didn’t go home. Instead, he went to Jonny’s. His best friend always had great advice, no matter how much Patrick hated asking for it. Patrick knew he was a little buzzed, probably too buzzed to be driving, but he went to Jon’s place anyway. He stood at his door, knocking desperately.

“What are you doing here, Kaner?” Jonny asked, an expression on his face Patrick couldn’t quite figure out.

“I need your help, man.” He told him, pushing his way through the door and into the living room. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when he saw Lilly sitting on the sofa.
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“I need your help, man.” I heard. I knew immediately it was Patrick. My breath caught in my throat, I didn’t know what to say or do. When he looked at me, a shock pulsed through me, and I dropped my eyes. I was afraid to look him in the eye. I was ashamed, embarrassed.

“You can talk here. We’ll go to the room.” Rachel says innocently. The tension in the room was unbearable. Jon knew, Rachel knew, and Patrick knew that Jon and Rachel knew. I didn’t look at Patrick once when I followed Rachel to her bedroom, but my heart stopped when my arm brushed against his as I walked toward the hallway.

“I didn’t know he was coming.” Rachel told me, closing the door. I sighed, “Its fine. I’ll be seeing him often. I have to get used to it. I can’t hide forever.”

“I think he’s just stressed. You were his rock. Now, you aren’t together and he’s stressing. Like I said before, give it time and you two will be better than ever.” She said, setting her hand on my harm sympathetically.

“I just hate how awkward it is.” I admitted. The last thing I wanted was awkwardness. I don’t do well in awkwardness. I freak out and end up looking like an idiot. “Are you going to the game on Tuesday?”

“Yeah,” Rachel smiled. “Come with me.”

I was quiet for a moment. Would it be wrong to go to the game? Would it be wrong to support my ex-boyfriend? No. I still loved him. I wanted to go, but I wanted to make sure Patrick didn’t mind me being there. “I would, but it’s up to Patrick.”

“Who cares? His focus will be on the game…not you. No offense.”

“I just…I don’t know. Maybe I should distract myself, ya know?

Maybe I should get him off of my mind.” I told her. It was true, if Patrick and I weren’t going to be together, then I couldn’t waste my life waiting around for him. I wanted him. I wanted him so, so bad, but it wasn’t my choice. I fucked up. I caused the breakup. “Want me to ask him?” Rachel said after a moment. I didn’t know how to respond. I wanted her to, but then I didn’t even want her to bother. Before I could say anything, the bedroom door opened and Jonathan walked in. “Patrick’s getting ready to leave. You guys can come out now.” He smiled.

“I should get going too.” I told them, grabbing my purse off the floor. I walked out of the room and Patrick was still in the kitchen, chugging a beer. I quickly turned away, heading toward the door.
“I’ll call you soon, and we can plan when to meet up on Monday!” Rachel called out to me. I smiled, then walked out the door.

I stood in front of the elevator, waiting for it to arrive. I heard Jon and Rachel’s front door shut again, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Patrick coming my way. The stupid elevator couldn’t have come any slower. Come on, come on, oh come on!

It was no use. He was right next to me as soon as the elevator arrived. He coughed once, breaking the silence. I stepped in and he followed. I pushed “Lobby” while he leaned against the wall. I swallowed, praying for the elevator to stop already. I could feel his eyes on me. I slowly looked his way, then glanced in the other direction when our eyes met.

We got out at the lobby and headed out onto the cold, downtown street. Patrick stumbled to the sidewalk, waiting for a taxi. I stared at him, realizing he was drunk. I slowly walked toward him, making sure he didn’t notice. He stepped off the curb, walking onto the street. A cab came his way at an illegal speed and I ran. He wasn't looking at the cab until it honked. I pushed him to the curb, barely breathing. The cab slammed on it's breaks, just missing Patrick and I.

“What the hell was that!?” I screamed. He glared at me, getting up from the concrete. “You could have died, Patrick. If I didn’t push you out of the way, you probably would be dead!” I was shaking by then.

“I’m not your responsibility.” Patrick said simply, raising his hand for a taxi. I stood beside him, feeling anger build inside of me. “You’re not a hero, don’t act like one. I don’t need you to save me.”

A taxi came and Patrick got in. I stood there with tears in my eyes and hatred building. I'm done, I told myself. I'm so fucking done.