I'm Not The Same Boy You Knew Back Then

"Come on, Alex! Zack's waiting outside!"

Alex sighed as he slowly buttoned up his shirt. He wasn't going to rush for Matt - it was only their night at the bar, nothing special.

Matt burst through the door to Alex's bedroom, eyes wide with annoyance. "Alex! Hurry up!"

"Okay, okay!" He pulled a tattered beanie over his messy hair, and followed Matt out of his room. He grabbed his keys and phone off of the faded leather sofa, pulled his arms through his jacket, and left the apartment with Matt running full pelt in front of him towards Zack's SUV. Alex climbed into the back whilst Matt rode shotgun, peppering Zack's face with kisses. Alex felt a little sick. He stared out of the window as the pair finally separated and Zack began driving with Matt mindlessly chattering in the background. Alex could feel Zack's worried gaze on him from the rear view mirror, but didn't return it. He didn't need anyone's pity. He wasn't dying, and he certainly wasn't depressed. He was just… sad. That's all.

~*~

The smell of cheap alcohol and the sound of soft guitar playing immediately hit Alex as he entered the bar. It was one of his favourite places to go - mainly because he could watch the performers and wish he had their confidence, or their talent. Alex hand't picked up a guitar since the day Jack left with his.

His eyes landed on his group of friends at their usual table, and he smiled softly as he walked over to them, Matt and Zack in tow. He sat down next to Josh, placing a hand oh his shoulder to alert him he had sat down. Josh was a bit of a lightweight, and didn't really know what was going on most of the time.

"Alex!" He exclaimed, wrapping his arms around his shoulders in a loose hug which Alex awkwardly returned. He didn't particularly like people touching him. The rest of the table also welcomed the three arrivals, getting straight into conversation. Alex usually ignored them. He wasn't being rude, but he knew basically everything about his friends. He already knew all about Rian's hopeless obsession with the girl who worked at the music store, he already knew about how Alan was too scared to come out as being gay and only told Alex because he rarely spoke. Alex just preferred watching strangers who he knew nothing about. They could be anything, anyone, and no one would take a second glance. Apart from him.

For example, there was a girl in her early twenties Alex would say, standing against the bar. She had beautiful blonde hair, if Alex did say so himself. Being gay didn't mean he couldn't appreciate women's beauty too. She had a blue flowery dress on that fell to her knees, and little ballet shoes on her feet. To most people, she looked like a cute small town girl, probably with a boyfriend who played football and wrote poetry.

But Alex saw the scars on her thigh that she hoped her dress hid. He saw the sadness in her eyes, how the were empty and cold. He saw straight threw the smile she flashed at her friend. He knew sometime in the coming week she'd be rushed to hospital with critical blood loss, her perfect parents and perfect boyfriend crying whilst she lay lifeless on a hospital bed.

Alex sometimes thought he was strange, but he thinks it was his upbringing, and the fact that he never really had a normal one. The things he saw when he was on the streets will haunt him until the day he dies.

Alex turned his attention back to his group of friends, and joined in the chatter occasionally so he didn't look like he was being antisocial. He ignored the stares he got from Zack. He was dreading the moment they were alone together. Alex wouldn't be able to get around Zack's questions.

The lights above the stage started to dim, and one spotlight remained, making everyone's attention turn to the front. Mike, the owner of the bar, waltzed onto the stage, his charisma captivating everyone almost instantly. He was a bubbly character, always laughing and joking, Alex couldn't see through him - he was genuinely happy. Alex envied him.

"Hey, guys! Right, I better introduce you to our first act of the night! Please welcome to the stage… err, there's no actual name on the sign up sheet! There's just the letter 'X'. Uh, so, I guess, please welcome, X?"

Alex smiled in amusement, attention too focused on making a paper airplane from a leaflet for a local band left on the table. He didn't have a very long attention span.

"So, uh, hi. I'm going to play a few songs today, obviously," X chuckled. He was a man. "But I can't sing, so, err. I hope you enjoy my music. This one is dedicated to a good friend of mine who used to live around here. I don't know if he still does, but, here's to you, Alex Gaskarth."

That's when Alex's head snapped up so fast he thought he'd broken his neck. His group of friends did the same, but were staring at him, not that Alex took any notice. The first thing he took in was the guitar. It was faded, covered in stickers. It had a spot of blue paint on the headstock, just like Alex's old one. That's when his eyes roamed up the slim figure sitting on the stool. He had a chiselled jaw, blank shaggy hair with a few blonde streaks in it, and a big nose. Alex jumped up from his chair, and walked slowly towards the stage, entering the rays of the spotlight. He looked up, and his chocolate eyes met a matching shade. He could never forget that face.

"Jack," Alex finally whispered, using all of his energy to get out that one syllable. Everyone was looking at the pair now. X, Jack, had stopped playing, and the whole room was silent. The two males were connected, staring through each other, unable to break the gaze or pull away. Until Jack smiled. And Alex ran.