I'm Not The Same Boy You Knew Back Then

Alex had no idea where he was going. His feet were carrying him, and he had no clue what they were thinking. He was too busy trying to wipe away the streams of tears collecting in his eyes so he could see properly and not fall flat onto his face. Alex couldn't believe what had happened. Jack had just vanished that day, never returned, and just appeared right in front of him playing him a song? It made no sense.

And Alex was far from happy over Jack's return; he was angry, furious even. His balled up fists knocked against his thighs as he continued charging through the streets, sideways glances thrown at him from passers by. How could Jack do this to him? Did he expect Alex to be all smiles and jump into his arms? He was clearly deluded if those were his plans. Alex wasn't a forgiving person; his upbringing had made sure of that. Alex felt like his brain had broken into pieces, which were whirling around inside of his skull like a washing machine on spin cycle.

Alex almost tripped over his own feet a couple of times as he ran, not paying attention to his surroundings. He really should have been, since he ran straight through the gate into a playground. He crashed into a climbing frame, legs giving way as he fell to his knees, sobbing like a child.

"Alex!"

No! He could not just turn up like that with his silky smooth voice and dazzling persona when Alex thought he was just beginning to get past him and move on. Alex had been left all alone after Jack had promised he'd be there for him, he was his best friend after all.

Alex heard footsteps approaching him cautiously, but he only reacted when a hand softly touched his shoulder. "No!" He shrieked, turning his body away and shaking Jack's hand off. He felt like his whole body was on fire, like he was being swallowed up by a volcano and burned to a crisp. He couldn't understand anything anymore; his brain was going into overdrive with no stop button. His breathing was quickening by the second, tears constantly falling from his eyes like rain drops in a storm. He just wanted to scream but no sound would come out of his mouth. It was like something was overtaking his body, and that's when he blacked out.

~*~

It was the smell of disinfectant that woke him up, making his nose tingle. He squinted his eyes before opening them slowly, greeted with a white ceiling. He lifted his head gently, regretting it almost immediately when a sudden pain shot through it.

"Easy," a voice cooed. Alex looked to his left, and was greeted with Matt looking at him with concerned eyes. "You don't wanna do any more damage to yourself."

"What happened?" He asked, voice hoarse.

"You passed out, apparently. We were running after you when we saw you in Jack's arms."

Alex recoiled at the mentioned name in slight disgust. "W-Where is he?" He asked tentatively.

"Outside. He didn't wanna intrude." Matt paused. "What happened to you, Alex?"

"I don't really know. I just remember running and feeling like I was burning up and I couldn't think straight and I guess I passed out… Matt, he makes me feel like hell with one glance. All the stuff I went through after he left…"

"I can make him leave if you want."

Alex smiled softly. "No, you don't need to. He's going to try and see me whatever way you look at it. I need to get it over and done with."

Matt sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I just hate seeing you hurt, Lex. You and Zack are always my top priority and-"

"Stop worrying, Matt. If it gets too much I'll ring for a nurse to make him leave. And besides, I need to know why he left."

Matt sighed once more, but stood up, walking towards the door. He stopped, with his hand on the door handle. "Good luck," he whispered before leaving.

Alex smiled sadly, waiting for the knock to come.

He didn't know if he hated Jack or not. At first he thought he did. They were best friends, they'd even pinky promised it. That friendship had meant so much to Alex back then - he had nobody, so when Jack turned up he was over the moon, as well as a little unsure of how to act. And the kisses and touches they had shared that Alex thought had just been part of a 'friendship' - as Alex had grown up, he'd realised that they weren't things 'friends' did, but they were too young to care.

And when all of that was ripped away from him, he was in ruins. It was like when he lost his family all over again, but this time he remembered everything vividly with more pain. The following year after the day when Jack had left was like limbo for Alex. He had no idea what anything was anymore, what anything meant. He was barely eating, sleeping. A lot of things happened to Alex in that year following Jack's departure, and Alex wanted to know exactly how Jack had let those things happen.

It felt like an eternity until the dreaded knock came at the door.

"Come in," Alex said, voice wavering slightly.

The door opened slowly, and the tall figure entered the room. Alex glanced up at Jack's face. His eyes were rimmed red from crying, dark bags hanging under them from lack of sleep. His hair was ruffled out of place and his expression was emotionless - until he saw Alex. Immediately his face fell into a saddened look, fresh tears brimming.

"A-Alex? Are y-you ok?"

Alex's mouth was hanging open, and his lips were unable to form any word.

"Alex?" Jack questioned, a little more forcefully this time.

A tear trailed down Alex's cheek. The minute Jack saw it, he cracked. He leapt at Alex, arms wrapping around him as he began to cry. Alex didn't have the will to push him away, and just leaned into his embrace, sobbing. That's when he felt Jack's own tears in his hair, and heard the apologies he whispered repeatedly. Neither of them realised how broken they each were, or how long it would take to fix it.