Wishing We Could Start Again.

My wakeup call that particular morning wasn’t very different from other mornings I was home. As usual there was a 3 year old boy jumping up and down the bed. “Wake up! Wake up! Mommy, Daddy!” He yelled happily.

I groaned and wrapped my arms tighter around my girlfriend, not opening my eyes. “Your son is awake.” She mumbled. “Before the sunrise he’s your son.” I muttered back. She giggle. “Did you seriously just quote the Lion King?” I slowly opened my eyes and was met with the sight if the emerald green eyes of my girlfriend. “Maybe.” I said, kissing her nose.

I loud whine from the other side of the bed interrupted our little moment.“Daaaaaaaaddy!” I rolled over to look at the 3 year old. “Hey buddy.” I ruffled his hair. “What time is it?” I mumbled. My eyes shifted to the alarm on my nightstand, 5.20 a.m. I flipped the comforter back a bit and padded on the bed. “Get in Munchkin.” I said to Ben, who happily took a dive on the bed, right in between Mandy and me.

“Morning mommy.” Ben said in a soft voice, realizing his mother wasn’t fully awake yet. Mandy opened her eyes and smile. “Morning bud.”She cuddled Ben in her arms. “Why are you up so early?” I wondered out loud. “Cause you promised to make me pancakes.” Ben replied simply. Mandy laughed loudly and hugged the little boy closer. “Silly.” She mumbled, kissing the top of his head.

I ran my hand through my black and blond hair. I looked at Mandy and Ben, the two people in this world I love more than anything. Mandy and I officially started dating 1 month after she got out of rehab, 2 months later we bought a home is Baltimore together, close to my parents, which was easy in case we needed a babysit for Ben.

I love Mandy, a lot, and I know she loves me just as much, but things haven’t been easy for us. Even though most people didn’t really say it, we knew they had their doubts about our relationship and yes I have to admit, a young immature rock star and a slightly older ex-junkie with a kid aren’t exactly a match made in heaven, but it works for us.

We’ve been together for over a year now and I’ve never been happier in a relationship. Also Ben is a great kid and, to Mandy’s delight, he excepted me from the start. It didn’t take long for him to start calling me dad. First time he did it was a bit of a shock though, Mandy and I had been watching a movie when Ben jumped into her lap, demanded she’d join him in playing with his toy cars.

But after receiving a dozen ‘No’s from his mother he turned to me. “Jack, Jack, Jack please! Please daddy?” As you can, hopefully, understand Mandy and I almost fell of the couch in complete and utter shock. Mandy immediately sat him down for a ‘serious conversation’, kindly and calmly asking why Ben had called me dad, why I was pacing around the living room, mostly panicking, but a small part of me had been thrilled to be called ‘Daddy’, I loved the kid to death and had always treated him as my own.

Of course Ben had the simplest explanation. He wanted a dad, but because Mandy always told his real dad couldn’t be with them, he decided he wanted me as his dad. Mandy and I talked about it later that night and after the initial freak out, I realized I how much I wanted this.

“I’m sorry about Ben.” Mandy sat as I got into our bed. “Why?” I said, wrapping an arm around her. “He’s a sweet kid, he just wants a dad to take him to the Ravens games.” I half joked. “Yeah, but you freaked out.” Mandy mumbled. “I know and I’m sorry, It was just really.... unexpected.” I chuckled. “So it didn’t bother you?” “No, not really... really not actually....” I didn’t say anything for a while, a though forming in my head. Mandy was starting to fall asleep on my shoulder.

“Hey Man?” I spoke softly, thoughtful.” “Hmm.” Was the only response I got. “How would you feel about me officially adopting Ben?” Mandy shot up and stared at me in shock. “You want what!?” My smile faltered for a second. “Only if you’re okay with it of course. I know we’ve only been together for a year, but...” I was rambling.

“Jack! Calm down!” Amanda chuckled. “I you’re serious about this, then yes.” “Y-yes?” I wasn’t sure what to say, I never really expected Mandy to agree. “Yeah, why not. Ben adores you, I’d love for my baby to have a father and, to be honest, you’re the closest thing Ben ever had to a real dad. So, yes, I’d be absolutely delighted if you want to do this for Ben... and me.” I nodded. “Alright. Then let’s do it. First thing tomorrow morning.”

And that’s what we did. The next morning we gathered as much information on the adoption as we could. A month later Ben was officially mine, that was 3 weeks ago and I still couldn’t believe how amazing my life turned out.

I yawned and look at the clock again, it was 5.30 a.m. now, still too early to get up, so I snuggled closer to Mandy and Ben. “It’s too early for pancakes bud.” I chuckled. “How about you go play with your cars for a little while and I come get you when it’s time for pancakes.” Ben nodded and jumped of the bed, racing back to his room.

I pulled Mandy closer and kissed her. “Morning beautiful.” I said, a big smile on my face. She pulled away a little. “We are NOT having sex Jack.” She said sternly. “Not when my, I mean, our son is awake and just down the hall.” “We could just shut the door!” I tried, but now I couldn’t win this. “Not a chance Barakat.” I pouted causing Mandy to laugh.

“We’re dropping Ben of at your parents for a sleepover this afternoon, after that I’m all your okay?” Mandy said, kissing me. My parents had been a little skeptical about Mandy and me at first, but when they realized how serious I was about Mandy and Ben they immediately welcomed them into the family.

“Fine.” I said, kissing back. “But you’re all mine, we’re locking all the doors and turn off all phone.” I bargained. “Deal.” Mandy mumbled against my lips. I was about to deepen the kiss, but was interrupted by a buzz coming from my night stand. I groaned, pulling away from Mandy to check my phone. It was Alex.

He never called this early, so I was a little worried. Alex had been doing great after getting out of rehab. He hadn’t drank a drop of alcohol since he was back, but he was missing Summer terribly. He was the same old Alex we’d known before Bailey’s accident. But after losing both Bailey and, in a way, Summer Alex had lost some of his old spark. Sure he was the same energetic, fun loving, charismatic guy we all know and love, but now there was a constant hint of heartbreaking sadness in his eyes. He lost so many people, it just wasn’t fair.

I quickly picked up the phone. “Lex? You okay man?” I asked. “Jack! DUDE!” Alex slurred and I knew something was wrong. “Jack... she wrote.... a letter, She wrote a letter.... Summer... a letter....” He paused, “Alex, are you drunk?” He didn’t respond. “Alex?” I tried again. “Jack?” He sounded confused, like he didn’t remember calling me. “Jack.” He mumbled, his voice sounded very small. “I fucked up....”