My Endless Memory

This recollection is something that I have very great remembrance of. Almost every night, I have the same dream, from different angles and of different outcomes as if each dream is being directed by an individual director. But it consists of the same thing. We met when I was very vulnerable and when my heart consisted of mush and false adventurousness. Then from that point, she and I gathered that there was some attraction between us, but she fully understood that I was not seeking something serious. This was in September, on the 22nd day if my memory is as accurate as I hope it is at this age.

Almost a week later, I was invited to her home and lay in her bed while she was getting dressed so that we could go out. I’m laying there, and the sun is coming through the window, slicing the television diagonally and I’m squinting just to make out the moving pictures on the screen. I ask her if she could close the blinds, but I did not turn my head to ask her. I only asked her. So she walks over to the window, and what I recall as a very exciting and unexpected moment, closes it but she is bare chested. Her breasts were beige and a good size for age; obdurate and bold. She said nothing, did what I had asked, and continued to get dressed (I say continued, but it’s difficult to even say that considering that she appeared to be in the act of getting undressed).

That day went on as normal, nothing spectacular to recall. On to the next eventful day; which was a Thursday, yes I remember the day and if I tried hard enough could quite possibly recall the time. We spent many hours together as we did everyday for the past week, but this day, we conversed and spent perhaps too much time together because before she or I could head outside, it was dark.

“I have to go home, it’s getting dark,” she told me.

“Why can’t you stay longer?”

“My mom.”

“Just tell her that it’s too dark for you to go home and that you’ll leave in the morning.”

“Yeah but what about your mom? She’s not gonna let a girl sleep in your bed with you.”

I laughed.

“She won’t know babe. Just tell your mom. I’ll sneak you in or something.”

She smiled, I remember, and from that I knew that she was okay with the idea. She went outside(it was a cold night)and called her mom. I remained inside where it was warm and came across the thought that this girl might actually stay the night with me. It is very salient that I tell you that on this night, I was still a virgin. Yes, still pure, but more than ready to become unlaundered. She came back in and I am now sweating and realizing that by the smile on her face, that our plan was coming to some sort of fruition.

“She wasn’t happy, but,” she collapsed onto the couch, “looks like I’m sleeping here tonight.”

I kissed her and assured her that my part of the plan would be as smooth, if not smoother, than hers. I would tell my mother that she was leaving, close our loud house door to assure that I was the only one downstairs, then, I would reopen it as subtly as possible and sneak this girl into my room.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you getting in trouble,” she worried.

“I don’t want you to leave babe,” I confessed, “I want you to sleep with me.”

“Alright,” she grabbed her things to prepare for the plan.

“Leave your shit there,” I said with a tone as if she had never heard my plan to begin with, “you’re not really leaving.”

“Oh,” she smacked her forehead, “I forgot.”

So I closed the door and my mother heard it and with that shouted down the stairs to remind me to lock the screen door.

“I know,” I told her.

I reopened the door, snuck my girl in, and locked the screen door along with the loud door. We crept upstairs with the same light feet that a predator has in the presence of his food. We entered my room and she crashed down on my bed as if it belonged to her.

“This is so exciting!” She squealed.

“Will you be quiet?”

“Oh right.”

I landed on top of her and placed a kiss upon her lips and from that moment knew that I would not wake up the same sexless man that I was at the time. That I would insert myself into another human being and she would enjoy it(I so hoped)and we would solidify whatever this was. We waited awhile, talked and laughed about certain things including the succession of the plan and about how we would probably do it again considering how easy it was. After my mother fell asleep, I shut the lights and placed my body on top of hers without my shirt on, and with hers(I had not noticed)also off. Our skin was so warm on each others; hers from excitement and arousement; mine from the utter fear of disappointing her and the anxiety of actually losing my virginity.

She felt my sweat on her body and I assume could tell that it was not from my cool room.

“You okay?”

“Just nervous.”

Our whispers slid along the crevices of our ears as we never stopped engaging each other. I proceeded to undress her by sitting up and sliding her thin pants from her body. Her legs were long, so after the pants had come off, I took delicate moments to kiss all the way down those model-like legs. My face became warm when I reached the center of her thighs. I very well could have reached the goal right then and there. I could have pulled her underwear aside, prepared my mouth with moisture, and dove in. But foreplay is essential and it pays off(I assure you). I climbed back up her body, with my lips of course, and ended with her mouth once again against mine. We continued this as my hands felt everywhere and God I tell you that it was heavenly.

I rubbed her breasts softly so not to harm her and with that she dropped her head back. I moved lower and circled the most sensitive spot on her breasts with my moist tongue. I remember shaking so noticeably, and even with my greatest effort I could not stop it. It was like we were committing this act out somewhere in the snow. I could not stop shaking. So I separated our bodies and just used my mouth to make contact with her. I scaled down lower and lower, past her stomach, down to the pinnacle. Her underwear were blue and smelled of sweet somethings; I would say flowers but in my life, I have smelled flowers and they do not smell that great. I pulled them off, but this time with my teeth, which by the arch in her back I determined must have felt gratifying.