Letters for Muscles
February 26
My Dearest Muscles,
It’s been ten days. Ten days of sleeping and eating alone. Tens days of crying and worrying. Ten of the hardest days of my life. I’ll have to do it over and over and over again…
I miss you so terribly. There are times I don’t know if I can do this anymore, but I know I don’t have a choice. I just keep telling myself I’m ten days closer to seeing you again. I need to find a way to make this time seem manageable. There are so many people willing to support me, but I don’t want to be a burden. I can’t look at the way everyone else is taking this and think I’m doing well. I break down almost every other day.
What I’m trying to focus on the most is being 100% present and available for the team. It’s hard, especially with the mood I’ve been, but I’m trying so hard. I feel really selfish. I’m not doing well at putting my needs last. Sometimes, I just get so pissed off, and I can’t shake it. It’s so selfish, I know it’s selfish. It’s just so hard not to snap and tell everyone to just shut up. I know I’m being a baby. I’m trying to get over it.
But there are good times too. I had a nice chat with Gabe and Avery (he talks to other people—shocker!). I started feeling a little better about things because for once I wasn’t the focus of conversation.
I think tonight, I might go to bed with a smile. When you think of me (if you think of me) being out here alone, please know it isn’t all bad. I’m doing fine, and even when I don’t, somehow, I pick myself up, dust off my clothes, and carry on.
Yours Lovingly,
Blondie
It’s been ten days. Ten days of sleeping and eating alone. Tens days of crying and worrying. Ten of the hardest days of my life. I’ll have to do it over and over and over again…
I miss you so terribly. There are times I don’t know if I can do this anymore, but I know I don’t have a choice. I just keep telling myself I’m ten days closer to seeing you again. I need to find a way to make this time seem manageable. There are so many people willing to support me, but I don’t want to be a burden. I can’t look at the way everyone else is taking this and think I’m doing well. I break down almost every other day.
What I’m trying to focus on the most is being 100% present and available for the team. It’s hard, especially with the mood I’ve been, but I’m trying so hard. I feel really selfish. I’m not doing well at putting my needs last. Sometimes, I just get so pissed off, and I can’t shake it. It’s so selfish, I know it’s selfish. It’s just so hard not to snap and tell everyone to just shut up. I know I’m being a baby. I’m trying to get over it.
But there are good times too. I had a nice chat with Gabe and Avery (he talks to other people—shocker!). I started feeling a little better about things because for once I wasn’t the focus of conversation.
I think tonight, I might go to bed with a smile. When you think of me (if you think of me) being out here alone, please know it isn’t all bad. I’m doing fine, and even when I don’t, somehow, I pick myself up, dust off my clothes, and carry on.
Yours Lovingly,
Blondie