Letters for Muscles

My Dearest Muscles,

Life is just… wrong. How the hell did we get here? I just don’t understand…

Kennedy came on the telly, and he was saying all these things, that you’re—it’s just wrong. I don’t know how to make it right. I can’t fix it, no matter what I do.

My heart’s broken into a million little pieces. I don’t ever want anybody to feel the pain I feel inside.

I miss you so much.

I’m terrified of spending life without you. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to do it, how to make this work. I don’t want to be in a world without you in it.

Everyone’s trying to talk to me, and all I want to do is be alone. Avery keeps sitting in here with me, watching me like a hawk. I wish he’d just go away.

People kept saying words like: strong, resilient, brave, doing well, coping.

But that’s all such shit. I don’t feel like any of those things.

I’m very small, and I’m very broken.

My heart is torn in two, but it keeps beating. I wish it would stop.

I’m never going to be whole again.

I miss you.

I need you.

Everyone needs you.

They need me to. I suppose I’ve got a purpose here yet. So I’ll keep plodding along… because I promised you I would.

I love you beyond life,
Blondie