Letters for Muscles
March 7
My Dearest Muscles,
Life’s been up and down still. I swing between feeling in control and losing control altogether.
Avery won’t let me watch the news anymore, so I just haven’t left my room all this time. I don’t know anything anymore. It’s just a whole bunch of “what-ifs” and feelings anger. More so, I’m dwelling far too much on how badly you were hurt. It’s pointless to go back time and time again. I want to know what happened to you. I don’t know if my imagination is more graphic than my reality. There’s no escaping the brutality of your death.
I keep telling myself you didn’t suffer because that feels better. I know dying and leaving me was something you never wanted to do. I know you would have fought to stay with all your might.
I’m worried about myself, wondering if I’m normal anymore. I care so deeply about everything, but I’m so angry and stubborn. Today, I woke up looking for a fight. I didn’t want to eat, and I fought with Avery about that. I’m just feeling really sad. I can’t change this no matter how much I want to, and knowing that just sucks.
I keep thinking about Christmas and how wonderful it was, walking around that castle. I think it was one of the loveliest nights I’ve ever had. I remember how cold it was, but there was snow everywhere, and it was so beautiful.
Remember how excited I was about the bread? Ha. The little things in life. We were both so happy. I remember eating my bodyweight in five-star food that night and stumbling way out with you after a few glasses of wine. You, ever the gentleman, led me steadily to our room.
I’ll always remember that night. You were so gorgeous!
I loved you then, and I’ll love you forevermore,
Blondie
Life’s been up and down still. I swing between feeling in control and losing control altogether.
Avery won’t let me watch the news anymore, so I just haven’t left my room all this time. I don’t know anything anymore. It’s just a whole bunch of “what-ifs” and feelings anger. More so, I’m dwelling far too much on how badly you were hurt. It’s pointless to go back time and time again. I want to know what happened to you. I don’t know if my imagination is more graphic than my reality. There’s no escaping the brutality of your death.
I keep telling myself you didn’t suffer because that feels better. I know dying and leaving me was something you never wanted to do. I know you would have fought to stay with all your might.
I’m worried about myself, wondering if I’m normal anymore. I care so deeply about everything, but I’m so angry and stubborn. Today, I woke up looking for a fight. I didn’t want to eat, and I fought with Avery about that. I’m just feeling really sad. I can’t change this no matter how much I want to, and knowing that just sucks.
I keep thinking about Christmas and how wonderful it was, walking around that castle. I think it was one of the loveliest nights I’ve ever had. I remember how cold it was, but there was snow everywhere, and it was so beautiful.
Remember how excited I was about the bread? Ha. The little things in life. We were both so happy. I remember eating my bodyweight in five-star food that night and stumbling way out with you after a few glasses of wine. You, ever the gentleman, led me steadily to our room.
I’ll always remember that night. You were so gorgeous!
I loved you then, and I’ll love you forevermore,
Blondie