I'm just a would've been, could've been, should've been, never was & never ever will be.

I smiled at the girl in front of me and signed our album for her. She thanked me and asked for a hug. Honestly, things like this barely ever happened to me. It was mostly about Oli. He was the last one to come out on stage and whenever he did, the crowd went wild and screamed his name. But when the others, or me, walked out, there was just a bit of clapping and cheering. Sometimes, I really felt like I was unimportant. Even though I was the Lead Guitarist, I felt so useless sometimes. Nobody really knew how I was feeling and it started to tear me apart inside. I don't know how to describe it, it's just that I feel like everybody would be fine without me in the picture.

Anyways, I smiled again and got up, pulling her into a hug. She squealed a little when I let go of her and thanked me again before she walked off. She was the last in line so we were done for today. Finally. Signing can be really exhausting, even though it doesn't look like it. All of us got up and walked towards the bus. Everyone talked, except for me. I was just looking at the ground and again, I felt myself getting lost in my thoughts. I was so tired of it. I was so sick of feeling like I wasn't good enough. It all came together. There were so many things that got to me, bothered me and were the reason of oh so many sleepless nights. The plain thought of not being needed was always there. But there was something else, that hurt me everyday. In fact, someone who hurt me everyday, even though it wasn't his intention at all. It was all my fault. Mine alone. Why am I so stupid? Honestly, who falls in love with a member of his own band? Who would ever fall in love with me? I've been alone all my life. I'm 23 years old and I have never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend. It makes me wonder sometimes, seeing that I'm kind of famous. But then I remember: I'm just me. I'm nothing special. Nobody really needs me, I'm no use to anyone.

The thoughts kept distracting me and I didn't even notice that we arrived at our tourbus already. I looked up and just then, someone grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side. I jumped a little and I heard Matt laugh as he let go of my arm.

"What was that all about?", I asked, smiling a little. Matts laugh made me happy. He was the only person that could make me smile genuinely these days. He was the person I really needed in my life. And the only thing I really wanted was for him to need me.

Matt stopped laughing and looked at me for while, not saying a word. I was getting uncomfortable and nervously fiddled with my hands.

"God, Lee! Stop that, you're making me all nervous with that.", Matt laughed a little and took my hands in his, probably to keep them still. There wasn't any other explanation for this. I blushed nevertheless and looked down quickly, ashamed of myself.

"Lee, look at me please.", he said but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept focussing the ground underneath my feet. Matt sighed and let go of my right hand just to place his thumb under my chin, pushing it up a little, forcing me to look at him. His lips curved into that perfect little half-smile that I loved so much. I tried to avoid his eyes by looking to the side.

"Lee.", he said, his voice sounded so serious and that was what finally made me look at him, right into his eyes. I didn't say anything, just looked at him. Matt sighed again and pressed my hand a little. He looked down at the ground for a second before he looked at me again. He was making me so nervous, I really didn't know what this was all about.

"Actually...", he started.

"I actually just wanted you to know that I'm here if you ever need someone. You know that we are a family. You belong to us. The other guys are worried too. But I think they're not even half as worried as I am. Really, Lee. I'm afraid that you might... hide things from us. Like emotions. You know, I don't want you to feel lonely. You don't need to feel lonely. I see that you're not doing well. Hell, even a blind person can see it. Something is wrong and I can no longer keep silent about it. I can no longer take it. You're being so distant, silent and sad. I don't want to force you to tell me what's up but... Lee. I just want to help you. Please understand this, I really do mean it, let me help you. I want you to smile and laugh again. Please talk to me, Lee. I beg you...", Matt ended and by then, I was speechless. I've expected everything but this. He had both of my hands in his again and just looked at me, his eyes filled with worry. It made me feel sorry to see him like this. He shouldn't be worried about me, I wasn't worth it. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. It felt like a knot was forming in my throat and I shut my mouth again. My lip began to quiver (?) and I tried hard to pull myself together. It didn't work.

A tear made its way down my cheek and Matt opened his mouth to say someting, but kept silent and just pulled me against him, holding me in his colorful arms. He gently stroked through my brown hair as I quietly sobbed into his shoulder. His lips were near my ear and he whispered sotthing nothings into it, calming me down a little. I snuggled up close to him, not caring about the consequences right now. Nothing mattered for me. Nothing but Matt and how he was holding me like I meant something. By now, his shirt was a little wet from my tears and I quickly pulled away a little.

"So I was right.", Matt just said and I looked into his eyes, trying to figure out what he meant by that. I didn't need to think too much, though.

"I knew it, Lee. And you know what? It hurts me so much. Knowing that you don't like yourself. Knowing that you think that nobody wants you around. It isn't true, Lee. It isn't true at all. All of us do want you around, we even need you around. You're a part of our family and you belong nowhere but here. You belong to us, as much as we belong to you. And do you want to know what belongs to you, too?", Matt asked me, his voice was quiet and he seemed nervous. He held my hands again and looked at me. I nodded lightly.

"My heart. It belongs to you. I love you, Lee. I need you. I can't stand seeing your sad and tired eyes everyday. It hurts so much.", Matt said and I couldn't really believe it. I just looked at him, my mouth open. I couldn't say anything, I was so shocked. Matt loved me? The person I desired and needed the most felt the same for me. This had to be a dream, this was to good to be true. I finally realized that this was real when Matt let go of my hands and looked at the ground.

"I'm sorry.", Matt mumbled and turned around to walk away. I took a step towards him and wrapped my arms around him from behind, snaking them around his waist.

"I need you too. More than I'll ever need anyone or anything else. Don't even think about walking away from me right now, Matt. I love you...", I whispered and he escaped my grip and turned around to wrap his arms around me, hugging me tight and close to his body.

Matt smiled and rested his head on the top of mine, pressing a soft kiss into my hair. I sighed and looked up and into his eyes. He slowly leant down to kiss my lips. It was gentle, innocent, loving, caring. It was all I could've ever wanted. Matt was all I'ver ever wanted.

"I love you so much, Lee.", he said and I simply smiled at that, knowing that everything would be okay from now on. No, better than that: Everything was going to be better than ever before. Because the person I needed the most finally needs me too.