Hear You Me

Zack had eagerly anticipated the day his boyfriend arrived back in town after months of not seeing him. Of course, they kept in touch via Skype and text messaging, but it never was enough compared to having the boy right next to him. The two had missed spending Christmas together because Zack had to take a trip out of town to see family and by the time he arrived back, his boyfriend had already left.

Zack’s boyfriend was the devilishly handsome and oh so adorable Alex Gaskarth. The two had met in middle school and had been friends ever since, they helped one another through the dreaded first year of high school until Alex had to switch. High school was bigger, classrooms were longer and teachers didn’t have as much patience with the poor boy.

Alex had been partially deaf since childhood, always relying on hearing aids to help him hear the world around him. Zack hadn’t realised at first, because the boy’s long, floppy brown hair covered his ears, but he knew something was odd when Alex had to lean in extra close to him in crowded or noisy places. He had almost perfected the art of reading lips, and because he could hear just a little, he could speak.

In freshman year of high school, Alex completely lost the ability to hear. It wasn’t a shock really, both Alex and his family knew that someday, Alex would lose his hearing; no one expected it to be this soon though. Alex didn’t let it dishearten him, he was the same person. Still bubbly and talkative to Zack, he made the most of what he still had. Zack and Alex still did mostly the same things, and Alex loved the normality of being with Zack.

Zack hated to admit it, but he was lazy. Either that or he just didn’t want to admit that it would happen. Zack never learned sign language; he just relied on Alex to read his lips so they could still communicate like any regular couple. Of course he wasn’t embarrassed by the fact that Alex was deaf, it was just easier for him to not get upset about it if he could talk to Alex out loud. Alex spoke often to Zack too, which made things easier.

Alex had to move to a special school that catered for other kids like him, which meant moving away from Zack. The school was so far that Alex boarded there and only came back at the weekends, unless he was swamped with homework. It was even more difficult for Zack when he found out that Alex would have to redo a year to stand any chance of getting into college. So whilst Zack moved on, graduating, attending the community college in town and working a well-paid job at a photography studio, Alex was still in high school.

He had graduated now though, and Zack was looking forward to a lengthy summer before they both went to college in the fall. Zack for his second year, and Alex for his first. The couple didn’t talk about college that much, because Zack didn’t want Alex to get upset that he was held back. Why worry about the future when they could enjoy the present, right?

With the money from his job, and selling a few of his own photographs, Zack had been able to scrape together the deposit for a studio apartment. It wasn’t far from where his parents and Alex’s family lived. Maybe he was young, but to just-turned-nineteen Zack, it was what he needed. The apartment was cosy, with a pretty view of the park from the bedroom window. The kitchen and living area were joined together to form one long room, and the bedroom was reasonably with patio doors that led to a small balcony. He’d known that Alex would love it.

Right now though, the whole apartment smelled of chicken and bacon as Zack leaned over the shiny hob, stirring the peas and asparagus one last time before allowing it to simmer. The stuffed chicken wrapped in bacon was in the oven, the table was set, and Zack had even bought a fancy bottle of wine for the occasion. Alex had been to Zack’s apartment before, but not since he had moved in; he’d seen it when it was still bare and boring, not since Zack had really sorted the place out.

Barely ten minutes later, the intercom rang throughout the apartment and the little light that Zack had gotten installed for Alex, so he could tell when someone was ringing the door, flashed. A strange quiver of nervousness mixed with excitement bubbled in Zack’s tummy and, downstairs, Alex felt exactly the same. Alex pressed his hand to the intercom system at the front door of the apartment building and he felt the buzz of the door unlocking.

With shaking hands, Zack opened up the front door of his apartment for Alex’s arrival then went back to the kitchen area to get the serving plates out. Zack dished up the vegetables and boiled potatoes into the dishes he’d primarily bought for fries. He set them out on the table. Just as he had put them down, a familiar smelling person wrapped his arms around Zack from behind. Alex was home, exactly where he belonged.

His previous decision to leave Alex’s special surprise until after dinner held rather well as he turned and pulled Alex into a bone crushing hug. The brown haired boy hadn’t changed all that much, his face a little rounder maybe, his skin a little more tanned than it had been the last time they’d seen each other. For a moment, Zack was pretty sure that he was going to cry, but then Alex smashed his lips against his.

“I missed you, babe.” Zack smiled, pulling Alex’s chin up so they look at each other in the eyes, he had to speak a little slowly to let Alex have a chance to trace the shape pattern of his lips. Alex smiled after a couple of seconds, obviously getting the message as he nuzzled his nose against Zack’s nose. They stood there together, arms wrapped around each other for another few seconds, rememorising every inch of the other’s skin.

“I missed you too! What’s cooking?” Alex’s voice was ever so slightly monotone, his vocal chords constantly strained due to the fact that it wasn’t always easy for him to control his voice. Alex hated the fact that he couldn’t hear himself speak, or hear the other people around him speak. He couldn’t listen to music anymore, but he could feel the vibrations if loud enough.

After traveling for what felt like forever, all Alex wanted to do was eat, cuddle then sleep, he could leave a shower until the morning.

Zack invited Alex to sit - pulling the chair out for him and the full shebang - before getting the chicken from the oven and sliding a piece each onto his and his boyfriend’s plate. Alex grabbed the bottle of wine Zack had purchased earlier that day and filled the two glasses up with the deep red liquid. Everything was going perfectly between the two; they ate mostly in a comfortable silence, little snippets of conversation dropped in between Alex’s constant ‘thank yous’.

When the plates were cleared, Alex immediately jumped up to stack the dishwasher, and because Zack knew from experience that Alex would not budge on this, he let him. But he helped him with the cutlery. He watched Alex as he leaned over the dishwasher, arranging everything neatly into the machine, putting the cutlery in the little basket properly. Zack decided that now would be a good time to give Alex his surprise so gently, he tapped him on his lower back.

Do you want dessert? Zack signed to Alex somewhat slowly, his fingers moving to each position a little slowly but it made sense, and it was correct, so that was the most important thing. He watched as Alex’s face broke into the biggest smile that he’d ever seen, he leaped into Zack’s arms, smothering him with kisses and whispers of thanks. Zack knew it would be important to Alex, but he didn’t expect him to react in this way.

Zack’s surprise for Alex was that he’d spent almost a year learning sign language just for him, and he didn’t want to reveal the new found language before he’d got it down. He knew this would make both Alex’s life and their relationship better, because now they both had more freedom to speak to each other. Both Zack and Alex would still speak out loud to each other; this just meant that Alex wouldn’t have to constantly strain himself.

Alex was beyond happy with the new connection between him and Zack. He didn’t really understand how and why Zack had gone to all that trouble just for him, but he was flattered that he had. He smiled at Zack eagerly before he kissed him again, hands tangled in Zack’s slightly curly hair. Things really could not be any better right now. Zack took the dessert question as a yes, so he pushed Alex gently in the direction of the TV and went to get the plate of treats out that he’d made that morning.

Zack never really had mastered baking, so he’d just bought the packet mixes at the store, where you just had to add egg and maybe oil - not much could go wrong there. Alex had picked a trashy reality TV show, blushing slightly with embarrassment as Zack set the plate on the coffee table and looked at him. They both shrugged almost simultaneously and Zack collapsed onto the sofa - today had tired him out - only for Alex to crawl into his lap like a dog.

Neither of the pair really caught on to what the show was about, even with the subtitles on for Alex, they mainly just sat there eating the chocolate mess that Zack had made. It was already dark outside and had been for some time now, which meant that it was almost an acceptable time to go to sleep. Neither of them particularly wanted to sleep, they’d both rather stay up at catch up with each other.

Alex was obviously exhausted though, so Zack told him to pick out a movie from the special drawer in the entertainment shelf and go put it on in the bedroom whilst he jumped in the shower for five minutes. Zack’s DVD collection was extensive, and Alex wasn’t sure he’d actually seen them all before. He picked a movie - one of Zack’s cute little animated ones - and slipped through the door of the bedroom.

Zack’s room was a lot more decorated and homely than how Alex had previously known it to be - it was painted a neutral colour and had various pictures on the walls. His bed was decorated with unnecessary throw pillows that matched the colour of the walls, his sheets clean and fresh smelling. Alex almost didn’t want to ruin it, but with the only light source the yellowish light of the moon, he needed to turn a lamp on.

Zack had twined fairy lights around the headboard of the bed, so Alex searched for the switch and then turned them on. Then he started pulling off his insanely tight jeans. It wasn’t that Alex felt uncomfortable in Zack’s apartment, he just didn’t really know where to place himself; Zack had a place for everything, and he didn’t want to ruin that. Alex had sort of hoped that Zack had established himself in town, and now that he had, Alex didn’t want to alter it with his return.

Once he was out of his jeans and t-shirt, Alex stood for a while, taking everything in, slightly more than anxious. He scrunched and unscrunched his toes inside his socks over and over again, trying not to panic. He didn’t know whether to sit or stand or what. The water was still running in the bathroom, so Alex decided to go get himself a glass of soda, but even that panicked him. What if Zack didn’t drink or eat in his room?

Zack jumped out of the shower quickly, wrapped himself in a fluffy towel whilst he wiped his feet on the mat, he walked into their room to find it empty. He changed into his pyjama pants and set the movie up to play whilst he waited for Alex to come back, figuring he probably went to get his bag or his phone or something. Alex put the soda back in the fridge, popped in some ice cubes and silently headed back into the room.

When Alex went back into the room, Zack was fiddling about trying to get the window to stay open at the right angle. He smiled at Alex and grabbed the remote control, ready to snuggle down with him and the film. Alex’s face creased with slight sadness, so instead of flopping down on the bed, Zack went over to him, took the glasses out of his hands, and placed them on the bed-side table.

“Are we allowed to drink in your room?” Alex asked out loud with a slight whimper, his sadness completely out of the blue - when Zack had left to shower he was fine!

‘ It’s your room too, you can do whatever you want to .” Zack signed carefully, pulling Alex’s chin up so that he could see his words. Alex’s face softened somewhat at what Zack had said.

“Should I be wearing pyjama pants?” Alex was nearly sobbing at this point, sat on the bed with his face in his hands, willing himself not to cry.

Zack went to sit next to Alex, pulled him in close, and signed ‘ Do you want to wear pyjama pants?’

Alex shrugged in answer, so without saying anything else, Zack went over to one of the drawers that was designated as Alex’s, and pulled out his superman pyjamas. Zack handed them to Alex with a smile, gently pushing them into his hands. He understood why his boyfriend was all mixed up like this, he didn’t blame him. He watched quietly as Alex wiggled into the pyjamas.

Zack gently pulled Alex into the bed and Alex snuggled into the side of him. Flipping on the movie, Zack started running his fingers through Alex’s messy hair to calm him down. Alex’s throat burned from straining his voice too much; he’d probably been screaming and he wouldn’t even know anything about it. He allowed himself to calm down a little - Zack wasn’t mad at him so everything was okay.

“I just… I just feel…” Alex muttered, trying to put words to his feelings and trying not to get upset again, but it was all easier said than done.

’Overwhelmed?’ Zack finished off the sentence for him. Alex immediately punctuated this with a nod, then pressed his forehead into Zack’s warm collarbone and allowed himself a few deep breaths.

’Calm down, babe. I got this apartment so that we could live together, and that means you being okay with being here. I want you to be comfortable. I got a little flasher for the intercom and a special little key ring for it, one that vibrates so you can feel when there’s someone at the door. Your parents helped me fix us up with one of those hearing dogs, so you can be here on your own. We’re going to pick it up tomorrow. This is your apartment too… if you want it to be.’ Zack signed for Alex. His hands were slightly fumbling, still uncertain with the new language, but he managed it, for Alex.

It didn’t make Alex feel totally at ease, but it made him feel a little more comfortable. Once again, Zack had gone above and beyond what was strictly necessary for him to do. Alex worked on calming down his hiccupping breaths as the opening credits of the movie started up and Zack pulled him impossibly close. The heat radiating from Zack’s body was comforting; they tangled their pyjama-clad legs together under the sheets and settled into the movie.

Zack moved his lips gently to Alex’s throat, he knew that Alex had strained his voice and now he’d probably have a sore throat, and there wasn’t any more throat medicine in the cabinet. Alex was all cuddly and compliant so when Zack’s arm got numb, he could move the sleepy boy a little without a fuss. He hoped that what he had said had calmed Alex’s nerves a little, or just enough to make him feel comfortable.

Halfway through the movie, Alex had calmed down enough to relax a little and to snuggle into Zack to watch the film comfortably, but something was still niggling slightly at the back of his mind. Neither of them really made attempts to properly watch the movie, and Zack was definitely struggling to keep his eyes open. Alex didn’t want to go to sleep yet, and he definitely didn’t want Zack to sleep either, he wanted to stay up and talk nonsense.

“Zaaaaaack” Alex wined, prodding the slightly younger boy in the face when his eyes slipped closed for longer than would be considered a blink. Zack jumped, almost throwing Alex off the bed in his surprise… he had been so close to dropping to sleep.

‘Stop talking. I will smother you. Zack faked annoyance at his boyfriend, though he was too tried to make his act believable; Alex giggled like a little child and prodded Zack again… and again. Zack couldn’t get annoyed at him though, he didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop, and honestly, he was just happy that Alex was there with him.

“You love me really.” Alex giggled like a madman, his hands darting to Zack’s sides to tickle him. Neither of them were really sure where Alex had suddenly found this sudden burst of energy, but they weren’t questioning it. After the long train ride back to Baltimore, Alex should have been exhausted… but nope! all he wanted to do was talk. “Tell me about your week?”

‘I’ll tell you if you give your voice a rest, kay?’ Zack signed in front of Alex’s face, deciding that he wasn’t sure that this signing thing was the best thing in the world – he couldn’t touch Alex whilst he was talking to him anymore. Alex nodded eagerly at Zack, moving so that he was sat with his legs crossed on the bed, which Zack felt inclined to copy.

‘Um, on Monday and Tuesday I had classes and work. Both were boring. On Wednesday I had a test in college, then I went to get coffee with Rian and we sat and put the world to rights, and after that I went to the shelter to sort out the final details on your dog. Then yesterday I went grocery shopping went to class and then went home. Today I had classes then I came home and cooked my boyfriend dinner and now we’re going to sleep because I’m tired.’

Alex whined loudly, like he did whenever he wanted more detail, and since Zack had ordered him to stop talking that was the only way he could communicate. There wasn’t all that much detail that Zack could go in to about his week, he’d basically moped around to wait for Alex to come back home. He’d spent a while fussing over recipes with his mom though, trying to figure out what to make Alex for their dinner.

‘Damn! You’re so fussy, god okay. Um… I finished a good book at the weekend, you’d probably like it, so I didn’t give it away yet. Jack and Rian are a bit upset that they haven’t seen you in a while, they want to be your friends more than they want to be mine it seems!’

Alex had a cute, pleased little expression on his face when Zack told him this – he never really had a lot of friends, so the prospect of new ones was an exciting feeling. Zack laughed at his boyfriend, grabbing his arm and pulling him closer; the movie was still playing in the background but it was kind of forgotten about now. He pulled Alex until he was in front of him, and then carefully pressed their lips together. The last thing Zack wanted was for Alex to cry again.

Once Alex had got into that nice stage where he just wanted cuddles and he didn’t want to jump around and yell and dance with inanimate objects any more, Zack made him lie back down and try to catch the remainder of the movie. He snuggled into Zack’s side and wiggled around a little until he was comfortable under the bed sheets, trying to understand the movie, though it was almost over by now, and he was yawning.

“Did I tell you that you smell good? Because you do.” Alex whispered to Zack, trying to keep his boyfriend on his good side. The prospect of waking up with Zack the next morning was an enthralling mixture of scary and lovely; Alex didn’t have to go home unless he wanted to, he could lay around in his underpants all day or shower with the door open or cook bacon at three in the morning.

‘Did I tell you to stop talking because I feel that I did’ Zack snaked his hands from around Alex’s waist to sign in front of the boy’s face, he loved hearing Alex’s voice, but he knew the other boy was straining himself now. It’d take a while for Alex to get used to being able to sign to Zack and him understanding it, but he was definitely enjoying the new connection. Alex chuckled at what Zack had ‘said’ to him.

Zack was mostly looking forward to waking up tomorrow, cooking Alex breakfast (or lunch, depending when Alex managed to drag himself out of bed), and then going out into the city to do something that loosely resembled a date. It had been so long since he’d cooked Alex breakfast that Zack actually started to miss Alex’s cheeky little remarks about his bacon not being crispy enough.

Zack felt the breath catch in Alex’s throat as he moved his lips against the tawny haired boy’s neck, slow, sweet and teasing because he knows it makes Alex’s knees shake. Both of them were a little nervous, seeing as it had been well over six months since they had even been in the same room. On various occasions, Zack had suggested getting steamy over Skype, but Alex refused – he was nervous and all he could think about was someone overhearing him, or one of the wardens bursting in for room inspection to find him with no pants on.

Alex nervously giggled. He wasn’t even sure he could remember the last time he’d had sex with Zack, everything felt new and almost strange, but his tummy was dancing around with excitement. Zack moved them around a little, switching their positions so he was hovering over Alex with a devilish little grin. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on Alex. He didn’t even bother to be shy about it, he just yanked Alex’s pyjama bottoms from his legs before moving his lips against Alex’s slightly protruding collar bone.

Zack always had been the more dominant of the couple, but that was exactly what Alex needed, someone to bring him out of his shell. Alex tangled his fingers into Zack’s hair, barely able to do anything other than pull Zack’s hair and moan. Every inch of Alex’s body was on fire as Zack moved his lips lower, only stopping when he got to Alex’s tummy button; he pulled back and looked at Alex seriously. As much as Zack was into this, he needed to know that Alex was okay with this.

“Alex, are you okay with this? We can stop at any time.” Zack said, his voice coming out surprisingly sincere, despite the fact that all he wanted to do was have his way with Alex – it had been way too long. Although nervous, Alex was definitely sure that this was what he wanted, he didn’t feel too happy about the fact that Zack had stopped. Zack needed Alex, and he wanted Alex to feel the same way.

Alex nodded straight away. His hands nervously travelled across Zack’s shoulder blades, making them both shudder. Zack’s bottom lip grazed Alex’s belly button, then he followed his tummy-hair south. He could feel Alex trembling at his touch. He pulled away and heard Alex whimper. Zack decided to put Alex out of his misery (and himself out of his agony too), so he crawled back up Alex’s slim, tense body, kissed him hard on the mouth, and removed Alex’s boxers.

Zack leans back down to press his lips to Alex’s tummy, teasing lower until he’s confident that he’s left his boyfriend as a writhing mess on the bed, then he moves back to kissing his lips, while undressing them both. The bedside table drawer on Zack’s side is filled with all of the things that Zack bought for them to christen the new apartment with; he knows that when they’re not as distracted, Alex will marvel at the collection of flavoured condoms.

Alex takes the condom off Zack and rolls it on for him then applies generous amount of lube, making him quiver and moan. Suddenly, the slight niggle of nervousness in Alex’s tummy is now radiating off of his body, but he definitely does not want to stop. Zack senses the nervousness and looks to Alex with a questioning look in his eyes, unsure of whether to keep going or wait until a time when both of them aren’t so tired.

‘ Just go slow, okay? ’

Zack presses a hard kiss to Alex’s mouth as he lifts his leg to get a better angle. He hears his boyfriend’s tiny, hidden whimper of pain as he pushes inside of him. Even though it kills him to do it, Zack pauses for a second to allow Alex to adjust. After what seems like an eternity, Zack feels Alex’s muscles relax and he kisses back so Zack carries on. After a few gentle pushes, Alex’s pain subsides and is replaced by an inexplicable pleasure.

Before long, they find a rhythm that pleases them both; Zack nudges Alex’s neck back and consummates Alex’s throat with his mouth. He doesn’t just stop there, he carries on all the way up to his boyfriend’s slightly stubbly jawbone, sucking and biting hard enough to leave little bruises. Alex is his, and Zack wants everyone to know that, because he’s so proud of it. All of Alex’s previous nerves had dissolved as Zack ran the hand that isn’t holding him up, down Alex’s tummy to his dick while Alex’s hand claw at his back and grab at his ass.

Neither of them were going to last that long – they were both too tired and desperate to have any form of self-control – so Zack knows that when he feels the familiar and welcomed burn in his tummy that something needs to happen quickly to make sure that his and Alex are both up to speed. The last thing he wants is to finish, and leave Alex there, unhappy and unfulfilled. He stroked Alex faster and watched as his boyfriend’s eyes slipped closed and a curse-filled moan fell from his lips.

“Zack! Zack, I’m close” Alex moaned, his voice husky and slightly cracked as he tightened his grip on Zack. Zack loses the rhythm and before long everything falls down into spiral of chaotic thrusts, tangled moans and definitive curses as they almost simultaneously reach white-hot orgasm. After a moment of heavy breathing and unintelligible murmurs, Zack, over sensitive and spent, summons the last of his energy and carefully pulls out of Alex. He pulls the condom off, ties it, then drops it into the bin, thoughtfully located by the bed.

Zack turns the TV off using the discarded remote, which makes the room even darker than it already was. Alex is all but asleep now, eyes shut and body totally exhausted, his muscles aching with a sort of dull, contented whine. He wasn’t sure he’d been this happy ever. Zack pulled the sheets over both of them, Alex cuddles into him, and he cuddles back. Neither says anything, but neither of them feel the need to. They both drift into peaceful and dreamless sleep, wrapped in each other’s arms.

The next morning, Zack woke up before Alex did, he stayed in bed for a while, watching Alex sleep, but it started to feel creepy, so he got out of bed and slowly walked to the bathroom to get all ready for the day. When he was all washed, his teeth were brushed and he actually felt clean, Zack went back in the room to grab some clothes. As much as he wanted to stay in his pyjamas all day, cuddle Alex and possibly show him how hot the shower could get. They had things to do though, him and Alex had to go pick up their dog and he also wanted to take Alex for ice cream or something maybe.

Once Zack was changed, and he had picked last night’s clothes off the floor, Alex was just starting to stir slightly, so he decided that it would be a good time to start breakfast. As well as buying nice things for their dinner last night, Zack also got in some of Alex’s favourite breakfast foods; he even got the expensive bacon and the fancy frothy coffee. Zack couldn’t really tell the difference but he knew Alex would like it, and that’s what mattered. Alex wandered in, bleary eyed, led by the smell of bacon. He grabbed one of the coffee cups that Zack had filed for them and sat at the little table, waiting to be served. He acted like such a princess sometimes, but it made Zack smile.

’Have you been awake long?’ Alex signed when Zack put the plate down in front of him. He smiled at the sight of the food, Zack was being way too nice to him since he’d got back. Really, Zack was just happy about the fact that Alex was happy; it was really the only thing he ever aimed for, because he loved the sight of Alex’s smile. He was excited about the fact that Alex would get some independence with this dog, the only possibly thing that would be an issue would be if Alex and the dog didn’t really get along.

’Nope. Just eat, we have important things to do today’ Zack signed back quickly, dying to dig into his food already. Suddenly, Alex remembered about the hearing dog Zack had organised for him. He was beyond excited about that, because his mom never did let them have a family pet! But more importantly, Alex knew that the prospect of a hearing dog bought with it more freedom: he could be home alone safely, he could get to his new job safely, and he’d have someone to keep him company.

’What’s my dogs name, Zack?’ Alex signed, he knew that Zack had told him to shut up, but curiosity was getting the better of him. He wiped his hands on Zack’s pyjamas to signing, and yes maybe Zack did have to restrain himself from glaring for that. To Alex, it was Zack’s fault though, he had put the pyjamas on the top of the wash basket when he’d tidied while Alex slept, so they were the first thing to hand in Alex’s mad rush to find clothes so he could follow the smell of bacon.

’Finn. He’s lovely; you’ll fall in love with him straight away.’ Zack promised him straight away, trying to reassure any insecurities or worries that might be troubling Alex. He always had been someone that worried over unnecessary things to the extreme. When he first moved away, Alex cried and cried because he didn’t think he’d still be able to keep in touch with Zack; they’d always been best friends, and he didn’t want it to change because of Alex’s disability. Like always though, Zack had made him feel better… and signed him up to Skype.

’Thank you for everything. Seriously. I love you.’ Alex signed with a wide grin. Admittedly, he was a little delirious; it was still overwhelming to think that Zack had actually done all of this. The best part of it was that Alex didn’t even feel guilty about all the trouble Zack had gone to, because he knew that Zack wouldn’t have done any of this unless he really wanted to. Alex was beginning to feel as though he actually belonged here, and that he had finally found his place.

Zack leaned over the small kitchen table and kissed Alex. Now, everything felt right, after months of feeling like something was missing and worries that it wouldn’t go back to the way it had been. Zack had been right, things would never go back to the way they had been, because from then on, Alex could live without the boundaries that had forcibly shaped his life before.