What's So Good About Picking Up the Pieces ?
321...Where Did It Go ?
Chesney’s POV
My perception on everything was now completely out of wack. I didn’t care about anything anymore, not even myself. I saw the dark circles under my eyes, I saw my bones begin to stick out, I saw the way my hair no longer shined and how dull my eyes looked; I just didn’t care.
When I was at work though, I hid it well. I needed a job, and my job still brought a sense of normalcy and a little bit of happiness to my life. I dressed in layers and baggy scrubs so no one could see how thin I looked, I wore heavy eye makeup and drank lots of coffee so you couldn’t tell how tired I was. I became an expert at hiding my feelings, a master of disguise.
When I was by myself though, I would fall apart, every time. Little things would remind me of him, like swimming in the ocean like we had the first night we’d met, and having my deck lights on, and making Mexican food. So many things I could no longer do because they upset me too much. Some days were almost too much for me to bear, and it scared me. I never thought I could act like this, I never planned to become that girl. I didn’t think a breakup would upset me this much, but it was my whole life. I had planned on Vic being the man that I would marry, and have kids with, and grow old with. This wasn’t just a silly, teenage, high-school fantasy anymore, this was real life and I was a grown woman. I had trusted and loved Vic more than anyone I had ever known, and he had helped me through so many things. Now that he was gone, I didn’t know how to process anything anymore. I knew what I was missing now.
I tried to move on, I really did. I didn’t like being like this, I felt like a freak, not being able to function anymore. I felt like someone who was so miserable that they couldn’t be around normal people, like I’d infect happy people…
I still kept in contact with my parents, but mostly through email so they couldn’t hear how dead my voice sounded. They asked me about Vic sometimes, and it pained me to lie to them that we were still together. But if I told them we had broken up, they would surely come to my house to console me, and if they saw how I looked right now…
Shayla still came over sometimes, but she never mentioned anything about it, she knew better. She was a great friend, and I felt almost fine when I was with her. We would have movie nights and cook together, or sometimes we would go out.
One night in particular, she burst through my door and said “C’mon, get up. We’re going out.”I looked at her from my place on the couch, blinking slowly in response. Something in me told me to get up, and so I did. “Alright,” I consented, and she squealed and clapped her hands. She turned some pop song on really loud, and we started to dance around together. I forgot everything for a while as we got ready, side by side.
We danced together as we put on our makeup, singing into our hairbrushes. We both put on some sexy outfits and heels. Shay looked at me, sizing me up “You look hot.” She raised her eyebrows, and fixed a piece of my hair. “Thanks,” I said, and a genuine smile appeared on my lips. I could see how surprised she was that I had smiled, and honestly, I was surprised too. I hadn’t smiled in so long, it actually felt kind of strange.
We pulled up to a nightclub and a bouncer pulled us from the middle of the line “You two can go right in.” He said, motioning inside with a smile. We pecked him on the cheek and sauntered in, knowing we were hot. We went right up to the bar and sat down, waiting for the first wave of guys to hit on us.
A good looking guy with dark hair and green eyes came and sat next to me. “What are you having ?” he asked me, smiling slightly. He seemed like he was here to forget some troubles, not to pick up a girl. “Dry martini,” I told him, smiling back.
Shay went to the dance floor and started dancing with a bunch of guys, and me and Mr. green eyes(Jason) got to talking. We chatted like old friends, just about random things. The third martini in and I started feeling tipsy. I pulled Jason with me to the dance floor, dancing my ass off with him. I started grinding on him and all thoughts of a certain someone else left my mind. I hadn’t went clubbing since before I dated Anthony, and it was fun to start acting like a twenty-four year old again. Shay brought her guy next to mine, and the DJ played the music louder. The lights seemed brighter, and my world faded away until I was focused on nothing but the drink in my hand, my friend beside me, and the guy behind me.
Not long after that, I was dead drunk. I hadn’t been drunk in a long time, much less this drunk. I hadn’t drank at all after I broke up with Vic, because I feared I would drink myself to death... The lights confused me in my drunken state, and I could barely walk in my heels. Jason was much saner than me, he hadn’t had as much to drink, so he helped me stumble out of the club. Shay and her ‘date’ followed close behind, and we stood outside, trying to let the slightly chilly air calm us down. Jason and the other guy debated on what to do with us; how to get us home. Finally, Jason just decided to drive me and Shay back to my house in Shay’s car. They climbed in first, with Shay’s guy in the driver’s seat. I reached for the door handle, then jumped back as the car started moving. I stared in disbelief as they sped off without us. Shayla looked at me. “They just stole my car,” She said in wonder.
We ended up wandering drunkenly towards my house, leaving our heels behind. I kept stumbling, and finally I ended up lying horizontally on the concrete. My knees were scraped and I could barely see in the dark. I called out for Shayla, but she had wandered off. I was completely alone, I had no one to call. I peeled myself up off the ground and kept going, blood trickling down my legs from the wound. Somehow I had sense enough to stay to the side of the road, to avoid getting hit by a car. I worried about Shay though, but I never did find her. Finally, I saw my house up ahead. I tripped on a rock, face-planting into the ground. Once again, I got back up and struggled to my house. I limped into my living room and collapsed on the couch, unable to move.
My perception on everything was now completely out of wack. I didn’t care about anything anymore, not even myself. I saw the dark circles under my eyes, I saw my bones begin to stick out, I saw the way my hair no longer shined and how dull my eyes looked; I just didn’t care.
When I was at work though, I hid it well. I needed a job, and my job still brought a sense of normalcy and a little bit of happiness to my life. I dressed in layers and baggy scrubs so no one could see how thin I looked, I wore heavy eye makeup and drank lots of coffee so you couldn’t tell how tired I was. I became an expert at hiding my feelings, a master of disguise.
When I was by myself though, I would fall apart, every time. Little things would remind me of him, like swimming in the ocean like we had the first night we’d met, and having my deck lights on, and making Mexican food. So many things I could no longer do because they upset me too much. Some days were almost too much for me to bear, and it scared me. I never thought I could act like this, I never planned to become that girl. I didn’t think a breakup would upset me this much, but it was my whole life. I had planned on Vic being the man that I would marry, and have kids with, and grow old with. This wasn’t just a silly, teenage, high-school fantasy anymore, this was real life and I was a grown woman. I had trusted and loved Vic more than anyone I had ever known, and he had helped me through so many things. Now that he was gone, I didn’t know how to process anything anymore. I knew what I was missing now.
I tried to move on, I really did. I didn’t like being like this, I felt like a freak, not being able to function anymore. I felt like someone who was so miserable that they couldn’t be around normal people, like I’d infect happy people…
I still kept in contact with my parents, but mostly through email so they couldn’t hear how dead my voice sounded. They asked me about Vic sometimes, and it pained me to lie to them that we were still together. But if I told them we had broken up, they would surely come to my house to console me, and if they saw how I looked right now…
Shayla still came over sometimes, but she never mentioned anything about it, she knew better. She was a great friend, and I felt almost fine when I was with her. We would have movie nights and cook together, or sometimes we would go out.
One night in particular, she burst through my door and said “C’mon, get up. We’re going out.”I looked at her from my place on the couch, blinking slowly in response. Something in me told me to get up, and so I did. “Alright,” I consented, and she squealed and clapped her hands. She turned some pop song on really loud, and we started to dance around together. I forgot everything for a while as we got ready, side by side.
We danced together as we put on our makeup, singing into our hairbrushes. We both put on some sexy outfits and heels. Shay looked at me, sizing me up “You look hot.” She raised her eyebrows, and fixed a piece of my hair. “Thanks,” I said, and a genuine smile appeared on my lips. I could see how surprised she was that I had smiled, and honestly, I was surprised too. I hadn’t smiled in so long, it actually felt kind of strange.
We pulled up to a nightclub and a bouncer pulled us from the middle of the line “You two can go right in.” He said, motioning inside with a smile. We pecked him on the cheek and sauntered in, knowing we were hot. We went right up to the bar and sat down, waiting for the first wave of guys to hit on us.
A good looking guy with dark hair and green eyes came and sat next to me. “What are you having ?” he asked me, smiling slightly. He seemed like he was here to forget some troubles, not to pick up a girl. “Dry martini,” I told him, smiling back.
Shay went to the dance floor and started dancing with a bunch of guys, and me and Mr. green eyes(Jason) got to talking. We chatted like old friends, just about random things. The third martini in and I started feeling tipsy. I pulled Jason with me to the dance floor, dancing my ass off with him. I started grinding on him and all thoughts of a certain someone else left my mind. I hadn’t went clubbing since before I dated Anthony, and it was fun to start acting like a twenty-four year old again. Shay brought her guy next to mine, and the DJ played the music louder. The lights seemed brighter, and my world faded away until I was focused on nothing but the drink in my hand, my friend beside me, and the guy behind me.
Not long after that, I was dead drunk. I hadn’t been drunk in a long time, much less this drunk. I hadn’t drank at all after I broke up with Vic, because I feared I would drink myself to death... The lights confused me in my drunken state, and I could barely walk in my heels. Jason was much saner than me, he hadn’t had as much to drink, so he helped me stumble out of the club. Shay and her ‘date’ followed close behind, and we stood outside, trying to let the slightly chilly air calm us down. Jason and the other guy debated on what to do with us; how to get us home. Finally, Jason just decided to drive me and Shay back to my house in Shay’s car. They climbed in first, with Shay’s guy in the driver’s seat. I reached for the door handle, then jumped back as the car started moving. I stared in disbelief as they sped off without us. Shayla looked at me. “They just stole my car,” She said in wonder.
We ended up wandering drunkenly towards my house, leaving our heels behind. I kept stumbling, and finally I ended up lying horizontally on the concrete. My knees were scraped and I could barely see in the dark. I called out for Shayla, but she had wandered off. I was completely alone, I had no one to call. I peeled myself up off the ground and kept going, blood trickling down my legs from the wound. Somehow I had sense enough to stay to the side of the road, to avoid getting hit by a car. I worried about Shay though, but I never did find her. Finally, I saw my house up ahead. I tripped on a rock, face-planting into the ground. Once again, I got back up and struggled to my house. I limped into my living room and collapsed on the couch, unable to move.