A Lie Too Late

It was terrifying.
Looking around the dank kitchen, I couldn’t think.
I was sprawled on the ground, my wrist aching and my head spinning.
“What the fuck?!” I demanded.
From his place on the ground, Oli stood up and started yelling. His father was whispering.
I couldn’t hear what was being said.
I didn’t want to know.
Pulling myself up, I tried to figure out what I could do.
“I would love to see your grave.”
The comment caught my attention, letting me watch as he wrapped his hands around Oli’s throat.
There was anger wallowing in his eyes as he spoke.
The worst part wasn’t that…it was the saddened look of defeat and hopelessness in Oli.
“Please…”
He was asking – literally pleading for death.
Looking around, I found the bottle of beer Oli’s father had been holding. It was an idea.
Holding onto the neck, I threw it.
Of course, it missed him completely – but it was a distraction.
Thankfully, he released his grip on Oli’s throat and looked behind him at the shattered glass.
“Oli!” I yelled.
He pushed past me, running upstairs.
Following him, I threw the door shut and placed the lock.
“What the fuck’s happening?” I demanded, watching as Oli threw open his closet.
“Later!”
His voice was choked, and he was desperately holding back tears as he threw articles of clothing into a bag.
“Yeah, sure.”
He left the pile of clothing, gathering his notebooks and a couple other things. I helped him pack.
“You can stay with me.” I blurted out, not wanting to see him alone and hurting anymore.
“Really?”
“Of course.” I nodded. “Things will get figured out, and in the meantime…you can stay with me.”
“Thanks.”
When a backpack was full of his personal belongings, he threw it over his shoulders and looked around.
There wasn’t anything in the room he could call his.
It was empty, save for the furniture.
It’s like nobody had ever lived in this room, it didn’t feel safe or personal.
“Are you ready?”
“Let’s go.”
We snuck out, heading back to my house.
The walk was silent, full of unspoken realizations and brooding thoughts. It was torture.
“Oli…” I whispered when we reached my house, putting my hand on his cheek in comfort.
“What?”
His voice was cold, unforgiving.
Instead of answering, I threw my arms around him and just hugged him tightly. The tension ceased.
His muscles relaxed and he fell to his knees; sobbing.
Tears were falling steadily, and his breaths were ragged gasps for air.
He couldn’t calm down.
“It’s okay, Love.” I whispered, rubbing his back. “It’s okay, you’re safe. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
“I, I know…”
“Calm down, baby. You’re safe, you’re safe. It’s okay.” I promised, kissing his forehead.
He didn’t respond, crying into my chest.
I don’t know how much time passed, but we sat on the living room floor and just held each other.
“Josh?”
His voice was thick with emotion, but he still managed to choke my name out quietly.
“Yes, Love?”
“I’m sorry…” he seemed deeply regretful.
“What are you sorry for?” I wondered, placing a hand on his bruised cheek. “It’s not your fault.”
“I’m sorry for letting you come with me; letting you get hurt.” Oli mumbled, kissing the bruise on the side of my face.
“Baby, it’s okay.” I repeated, gently placing a finger on the cut on his lip. “If I hadn’t been there, he could have…”
I didn’t want to say it.
There was pictures in my head, flashing back to earlier. Seeing his hands tighten around Oli’s throat and cut off air.
“…I don’t want to lose you, baby boy.” I finished.
He nodded, resting his head against my chest and taking slow breaths. He was safe.
He was okay.
There wouldn’t be a better time to ask. “Oli?” I started. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
He looked down.
“We shared everything; trusted each other…and you never told me. Why?” I asked. “I could have kept you safe.”
“I’m sorry.” Oli croaked, looking ashamed. “I didn’t want you to think differently of me. I didn’t want you to know…I guess, I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Well, it’s too late now.” I sighed.
“Yeah.”
“Come on.” I offered, getting up and taking his hand. “Let’s clean you up and have a little time for ourselves, yeah?”
“I’d like that.”
There was a hint of a smile on his lips, and it was enough to lift my spirits. As long as he was happy…I was happy.
It’s all I needed.
After taking a few moments to clean the blood off his chin, and steal a kiss or two, we just stood in the bathroom.
We were facing each other, holding hands, and just giving each other these ridiculous smiles.
We walked into my room, just cuddling on the bed.
“Thank you.” Oli mumbled, looking down.
“Don’t mention it.” I shrugged it off. “It’s just because I care about you, Love. I’d do anything for you.”
“Why?”
“Why?” I repeated, raising an eyebrow.
“Why do you care so much about me? I’m just fucking pathetic – my own parents didn’t love me! I don’t mean anything to anyone, and I shouldn’t mean anything to yo-”
“Hey.” I reprimanded. “I don’t want you thinking that way.”
“Why not?”
Kissing his nose, I whispered into his ear. “Because, you’re fucking perfect to me and I love you.”
“Josh, how can you love me?” Oli asked, frowning. “How can you love a fucking cunt like me?”
“Stop.” I demanded, nipping his collarbone. “I’m not allowing you to speak that way about yourself.”
“You can’t stop my thoughts…”
Letting out an exasperated sigh, I turned him towards the mirror and ripped his shirt off.
“Just look at yourself.” I mumbled, wrapping my arms around his lanky waist and breathing in his scent.
“I’m fucking disgusting.” Oli mumbled.
Helping him out of his skinny jeans, I completely exposed his skin. The pads of my thumbs played with his hip bones.
“No, just take a look.” I hummed. “You’re fucking perfection.”
Running my lips across his shoulders, I bit his neck.
“No, I’m not.”
Fingers resting on one of the larger bruises on his arm, I retorted. “These bruises, they don’t define you.”
Moving my hand to the scars on the underside of his wrist, I continued. “These scars, they don’t control you. You are so much better than that blade, you are so much better than your bastard of a father.”
“I’m not.”
“Listen to me, Oli.” I pleaded, turning him around. “You are such an amazing person, and I just wish I could show you that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry for how you feel.” I murmured, kissing his temple. “I just wish that wasn’t how you thought.”
“I know.”
Placing kisses on his collarbone, I trailed my lips towards the hollow of his neck and bit down.
His breath became slightly ragged as I toyed with the soft skin between my teeth.
“So, fucking, perfect.” I breathed.
“No.”
“So, fucking, irresistible.” I continued, running my fingers down his torso and towards the waistband of his boxers.
His hands started moving, playing with the hem of my shirt.
There was a cold drift as he lifted it over my head, throwing it elsewhere.
“Come here.” I growled, taking his hand.
Pulling him away from the mirror, I threw him onto the unmade bed and slipped out of the rest of my clothing.
“What are you doing?” Oli asked, sleep lingering in his tone. The poor thing was exhausted.
“I’m going to show you how fucking perfect you are. I’m going to show you how much I fucking love you.”
He didn’t reply, swallowing back a groan as my hand trailed down.
He kicked off his boxers, becoming hard as I left kisses along his neck and chest, my fingers curling around his length.
“Josh…”
His eyes were closed, a look of bliss settling over his face as I lied down on top of him.
“Please…” Oli mumbled, arching his back as he bit his lower lip.
“Of course baby…” I whispered, through labored pants.
Taking a hand, I carefully slipped a finger inside of him while simultaneously kissing him.
“Keep going.” he let out.
It turned into two fingers and eventually three. Creating a scissoring motion, I felt him groan in response.
“Are you ready?” I whispered.
He nodded, unable to talk.
Aligning my hips with him, I hovered above his entrance for a second longer before lowering myself into him.
Gasping in response, Oli tried to keep quiet by biting down on his lower lip.
“It’ll feel better soon.” I promised.
Waiting until I was fully into him, I started moving up and down at a steady motion.
“Faster.” He demanded.
Chucking at his impatience, I started moving faster until I was practically slamming into him.
His nails were digging into my back, leaving raised welts in their path. Screaming profanity in between my name, he started itching towards his throbbing member.
“Nu-uh.” I whispered, grabbing it between two cold hands.
“Keep going!” He screamed.
Rubbing my hand up and down his length, pumping him in sync with my thrusts he came, screaming my name at the top of his lungs.
Coming not soon after him, I pulled out and collapsed my panting body besides him.
“Holy fuck, Josh.”
“God, I fucking love you.” I smirked, kissing him.
“I love you too.”
The words made me smile, as I hugged him tightly and showered him with more heart-felt kisses.
We laid in bed, holding onto each other and just enjoying the blissful silence for a moment.
There was no greater feeling, than just holding him in my arms.
Knowing he was safe.
Knowing he was warm.
Knowing he was loved with all my heart.
“I don’t ever want to lose you.” I yawned, kissing his forehead. “You mean everything to me.”
“You don’t know what you mean to me.” Oli whispered, snuggling into my chest. “You’ve made me happier in the past few months, than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I don’t know what I did, to deserve someone like you. I’m not going to question it. I just wish, I wish things didn’t have to be like this, Josh. I wish I didn’t have to hide. I wish I could kiss you whenever I wanted, and not care about who saw. I wish I didn’t have to be afraid of going home.”
“Stop.”
He was rambling, talking about things that couldn’t be different.
“I’m happy just being with you.” I smiled, pressing a kiss to his lips one last time. “I don’t need anything else.”
He was quiet, his breathing even.
For a moment, I thought he had fallen asleep.
Closing my eyes, I found a comfortable position and started to drift off. The night was silent.
It might have been hours when the bed became cold and I heard shuffling around the room.
“Oli?” I mumbled, sleep coating my tongue.
“I’m right here.” his voice reached my ears, lips touching my cheek.
“Cuddle with me.”
He chuckled slightly, before shuffling around a little bit more. “I love you, Josh.”
“I love you too.”
It felt like a dream, I didn’t want to wake up.
“You mean everything to me, and I know I mean something…that’s why, this is best.”
He didn’t continue, pressing another kiss to my cheek.
“Go to sleep.” I mumbled, turning on my side.
“I’m sorry…”