A Lie Too Late

Time Lapse; Five Years Later

“No, you’re lying. You are fucking lying to me.” I insisted, clutching onto the edge of the desk.
“Please, tell me you’re lying.” I begged, my voice cracking.
“Alright, alright.” I nodded. “I’ll be there tonight, thanks for letting me know. Bye.”
Hanging up, I lowered myself onto a chair.
“What was that about?” a concerned voice spoke up, reminding me I wasn’t alone.
“What?” I asked, looking up. “I’m sorry, but I really need to go.”
They kept silent, as I called the administration office. “Hello?” I choked out. “It’s Josh, Franceschi. I’m sorry, but I need a substitute for my 5th and 6th hour Creative Writing class.”
After making the necessary arrangements, I faced the class.
“I’m really sorry about just leaving like this, but there’s been a family emergency.”
“Is everything alright?”
Turning towards the white board, I uncapped a blue marker and hastily scribbled on the board.
“Two page story on whatever you want.” I read off. “It’s due at the beginning of class tomorrow.”
Grabbing my jacket, I left the school building and hurried home.
“Home” was that same little apartment complex I’ve been renting since I came back to London.
The only difference was, I shared it with Alicia now.
“Hello?” I called out, stumbling into the cramped living room and heading towards the bedroom.
“Josh?” Alicia’s voice sang out. “What are you doing home so early? Are you alright?”
“No.”
Pulling a suitcase from the closet, I started throwing random articles of clothing into it.
“What happened?”
“You know what’s wrong with my mother, right?” I started off, biting my lower lip.
“Yes…”
She’s had cancer for the past year.
She was getting better.
She was supposed to get better.
“She’s about to die.” I answered bluntly.
She was supposed to get better; she promised me!
“I’m so fucking sorry, Josh!” Alicia frowned. “Do you want me to go with you? Are you okay to drive?”
“I’m fine.” I brushed the offer away. “I really need a little time to think, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course. Just, please call when you get to Sheffield.” Alicia pleaded. “I want to make sure you’re got there okay.”
“Sure.”
Wrapping my arms around her, I hugged her goodbye.
‘Come on, Josh.” I coached myself. ‘Give her a kiss for the love of God, already.’
But, I couldn’t kiss her.
Every time I felt her lips beneath mine, I couldn’t help but wish they belonged to Oli.
It’s been years.
Fucking years, and I still miss him so much.
If anything, I just want to know he’s safe and alone. I want to know he’s happy.
Please.
“I’ll see you in a few days, baby.” I promised, finally kissing her forehead.
“Alright, I love you.”
“I love you too.” I forced out.
It wasn’t that I didn’t love her; fuck, I was really happy with her. She brought a smile to my face and light to my days.
She was great.
But, I couldn’t keep my mind off of Oli.
I loved him more than I could ever imagine loving Alicia, but he wasn’t here anymore.
I had to learn to be happy with what I had.
The drive to Sheffield was painfully fast. The trip seemed to take less time than it should have.
This was the first time I’d be back since I left.
It’s been five years, and I couldn’t say I missed this place. It was full of bad memories.
Sure, Oli was a great one.
Yet, look what happened to that moment.
Now, I was about to add another take on heartbreak into this quaint little place.
I was going to see my mother die.
I was going to see my mother buried.
Even when she was diagnosed with cancer over a year ago, I hadn’t come back.
Instead, my parents would come down.
As I reached the hospital’s parking lot, my hand automatically clutched at the chain around my neck.
Ever since I had it, I had never taken it off if I could help it.
Sure, Alicia had asked about it, but I never gave her a straight answer. “It means a lot to me.”
It wasn’t a lie, at least.
Sighing, I parked the car and headed inside.
“Franceschi.” I told the receptionist, tiredly. “Anne Franceschi.”
She nodded, typing something into the keyboard before addressing me. “She’s in B123. You might want to hurry…”
She had a sad smile on her face, of course.
It was almost too late.
Taking the elevator, I hurried into her room.
My dad was sitting at her bedside, holding her frail hand in both of his. He was staring off.
Mum was laying down, in a pathetic heap.
Her skin was a pale, papery texture and it hugged the bones in her face. She was just so thin.
Despite her sunken eyes and shaking hands, she still gave me a smile.
“Josh!” she choked out, trying to sit up. “How are you doing baby? How’s Alicia?”
“I’m doing great, Mom.” I lied.
“Good, good.” she drifted. “Come here, and tell me what’s been going on. How are your students?”
Leave it to her, to spend her last moments talking about my day. Well, if it’s what she wanted.
Sitting down beside her, we talked.
We had the same kinds of conversations we used to have in the evenings, when everything was okay.
When no one was missing.
When no one was dying.
“I’m amazed at you Josh.” she smiled weakly, holding back a cough. “It seems like just yesterday you were always holed up with that friend of yours, and now you’re living in London with a beautiful girl.”
“Yeah.”
“How’s that boy doing anyway? Oli, was it?”
“He’s doing fine, Mum.” I lied.
“You were always so close to him, I hope you haven’t lost contact with him, dear. He was - ”
She cut off, coughing.
“Mum, are you okay?” I asked worriedly.
She nodded, putting her hand up.
She didn’t stop coughing though, and her eyes began to roll to the back of her head.
“Mum?!”
My dad stood up, pressing the Alert button.
“Come on Anne, stay with me!” he begged, shaking her lightly.
Tears starting welling in my eyes as the monitor keeping her heart rate in check began to flat line.
“Mum!” I cried out, jumping up. “Mum, don’t leave me!”
She didn’t reply.
She couldn’t reply.
She wouldn’t reply, ever again.
There was a bustle of nurses and doctors rushing into the room, as her dead heart alerted the staff.
They pushed me back, as they started working over her.
Then, a doctor started speaking in a monotone voice to a nurse holding a folder.
“Franceschi, Anne. Time of death: 12:16 PM.”
“No!” I screamed out, not caring who heard. “Where were you thirty seconds ago? Why couldn’t you hurry up and get here sooner?! You could have fucking saved her!”
There were tears streaming, but I didn’t care.
I didn’t care if I was a twenty-two year old man who should be behaving more maturely.
I just didn’t care.
“Fuck it, I’m leaving.” I mumbled.
Leaving behind the hospital, I climbed into my car.
I didn’t know where to go.
I couldn’t go back to my parent’s home; there were too many memories of my mother.
I could go back home; that would be rude.
Without thinking, I started driving and ended up beside a primary school’s playground.
Getting out, I followed the familiar path.
Surprisingly, the pathway wasn’t overgrown with grass and bushes. It was pretty simple to maneuver through.
Even more surprising, the crawl underneath the bushes wasn’t that difficult either.
I didn’t give it much thought, I just needed an escape.
I needed a place to think.